The day quickly ended. I went straight to my room and let my body feel the soft mattress. I looked at the ceiling, making myself take a deep breath.
"Why did I choose this field again?". I asked myself while still looking at the ceiling.
"Did you pick this field because you want to prove something? To prove that you're fine without them? To prove that you can do anything without their help?". I started to question myself.
"Are you really that desperate to prove yourself to them? Do you really want their attention? To those people who don't care about you?". I close my eyes and let out carbon dioxide and inhale oxygen.
I maintain myself doing that routine to calm myself from breaking down. I got up and went to shower to relax my mind. After that I pulled out my books and started reading lessons for tomorrow, advance reading.
I flinched when someone knocked on my door. I got irritated and opened the door, seeing my brother.
"What?". I opened the door bigger and got back to my desk.
"Your professor reported you for humiliating him in front of the class". I rolled my eyes, how many times did I rolled my eyes today?
"I didn't". I simply replied.
"Yes, you did!-"
"I said I didn't! What is wrong with you?! You're on their side! Always! You always look at me as if I'm the one who causes everything bad!". I can't stop myself, I throw all the books on my desk to the floor.
"I didn't humiliate him, I just simply asked him if he can cut off calling me as your younger sister! I have a name and I don't want to be involved in your life same with my life. Is that a hard thing to do?!". I left my room and went downstairs, seeing my step sister, Izzy.
"Unnie, where are you going?-". I passed her by and just walked away from the house. I don't know what she's doing here.
All I want is to get away from that house. Away from all the people that caused me a lot of traumas and made me suffer from all the things I didn't do.
I didn't notice that my feet dragged me to this place. Cemetery, the place where my favorite person is located.
"Mom...". I cleared my throat to stop from crying. I walked towards her place.
"Why did you leave me? You should take me with you-". I sat down on the grass and looked down to her gravestone, touching her name engraved on it.
"Why?...". There's so many questions in my head that I think will never be answered.
"Why did you let me live with those people? I'm tired...". I leaned to the gravestone and began to weep.
Just then the hard rain started pouring, touching my body until I got soaked from it. I guess the weather and I have the same emotion today. I felt the rain stop pouring, I looked around to see if the rain already stop but then I looked up and saw an umbrella.
"Let's go!". He forced me to get up and dragged me to the shelter.
He let me sit down and hand me a handkerchief. I looked at him not knowing what to do.
"What are you doing here?". He asked, he sat down beside me and wiped the water dripping on my face.
"You already saw it so you know what I'm doing here". I respond, avoiding his eyes while looking down.
"How about you, what are you doing here?". I asked him back.
"I'm visiting my grandparents. I saw you running towards that grave and...". He didn't continue what he was saying.
"I will go now". I get up but he holds my wrist.
"I will drop you to your house". I shook my head, disagreeing with him.
"You don't need it, I can go home alone-"
"I mean it, let's go". He guided me towards his car, he opened it and let me in.
Before he entered, he went to the trunk and go to the driver seat. Once he was already seated, he handed me some clothes.
"What is this?". Looking at the clothes on my lap.
"Clothes-"
"I mean, I will change here? With you?". He got flustered and avoided my eyes.
"J-just p-put it under! This girl". He stuttered and started to drive.
I looked at his arched eyebrows. I just put on the shirt he gave me. I looked outside while he's driving, I let out a deep breath.
"You can just drop me off here". I said once I saw the park near our house.
He stopped the car to the side. It's still raining but it's become calmer than earlier. I unbuckled my seatbelt, I looked at him.
"Thank you, Heeseung". I didn't let him respond and quickly opened the door.
I ran fast until I reached our house. The maid saw me and quickly found a towel, once they already had it, they wrapped it around mine.
"Where did you go?! I really can't understand this generation". Our oldest maid said, Auntie Hyerin.
"I want to sleep...". I said in a weak tone, I excused myself and went to my room.
The shuttered books are now cleaned on top of my desk. I went straight to the bathroom, and I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked down at the shirt that I'm wearing.
Once I'm done showering, I sit down on my bed brushing my hair. I blow dry my hair and go to sleep.
The next day, I woke up unmotivated. I sigh before I prepare for school. Once I'm all done, I went downstairs to eat breakfast. I saw my brother sitting already, I lost my appetite. I grabbed a sandwich and went out where the driver was waiting.
When I reached the campus, I went straight to the gazebo, Yuri and I's meet up place. I opened my book while waiting.
"L ~!". I looked up from the book to that person who's shouting my name gaining attention from other students.
"You're late, the class will start in 3 minutes". I picked up my things and pulled her.
"Your hand is cold, did you touch the ice this morning?". She looked to her arms where my hand was.
"Nope, why would I? You're so weird". I said and chuckled.
We split our way once we reached our floor. I went inside the classroom, and when I reached my seat I saw Heeseung. I just realized that we are seatmates.
I go to my seat without looking at him. Acting like nothing happened. I noticed his glance, I looked down to my book.
"Hey-"
"Good morning, Class!". Save by the professor.
We started the class until we reached breaktime. I'm ready to get up when he reached my wrist.
"Are you okay?". I furrowed my brows.
"I'm fine- wait, don't look at me like that". I said when I noticed his expression change.
"Oh please, don't pity me. I don't need your sympathy". I snatched my wrist back and went out of the classroom, seeing Yuri waiting outside.
"I saw that, what is that?". I rolled my eyes.
"That's nothing, he was asking something". I lied and started walking.