Present
Andrew had just left the hospital after his shift ended, now already an attending for two weeks, as he noticed Meredith appearing next to him, on her way to the parking lot as well.
"Hey." He tried to put on a small smile for her. It had been a difficult day or a difficult week, but seeing her always made it just a little better.
"Hey, you okay?" She looked up at him, as she joined him on their way to their cars.
"Yeah." He sighed "Just an exhausting day. You?" He asked her genuinely.
"Me too." She gave him a small smile before she carefully took his arm, making them stop, turning towards him "How are you really doing?" She asked softly, this time the slight worry audible in her voice.
"It's- It's a hard week..." Andrew started before he took a deep breath "My mom's birthday would have been this week... And with everything that happened... it caused a lot of thinking... about my childhood and my time with her."
Meredith gave him a small understanding smile before she took a step closer towards him, looking up at him as if to ask him whether it was okay if she came closer. When he nodded she brought her hands around him and gently embraced him, letting her hands rest on his back while she felt how he slowly leaned into the embrace she was offering, hugging her back towards him.
"Let me come with you tonight? I'm tested negative." She whispered as she slightly pulled away to be able to look at him, wiping away a small tear that was rolling down his face.
Most days I wake up with a pit in my chest
There are thoughts that I can't put to rest
There's a worry that I can't place
Most nights, I am restless and quiet won't come
So I lay there and wait for the sun
There's a trouble that won't show its face
You came out of nowhere
And you cut through all the noise
I make sense to the madness
When I listen to your voice
~~~
Past
"Hey. Andrew? Andrew, it's over. Maggie said she'll call us if there are any changes." - Meredith
"I don't- I can't- I don't know what's going on." - Andrew
"Okay, okay. Can we just go home? Let's go home, Okay? Come on." - Meredith
He felt her hand on his arm, caressing it slightly, bringing him out of his trance of thoughts just as much to notice her talking to him. What was happening to him?
He couldn't think clearly. He didn't understand.
Meredith tried to help him up and he did his best to focus on that task as much as he could until he was standing, and Meredith brought her arm around him, holding him close to her.
Darling, only you can ease my mind
Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind
When they pull me under,
And I can feel my sanity start to unwind
Darling, only you can ease my mind
Once they arrived at Meredith's house, she helped him out of her car and inside her house. She brought him to her couch, helping him to sit down there before he heard her say something to him, and then she disappeared into the kitchen.
A few moments later he noticed that she had come back, as he felt her hand on his arm, slightly caressing it to get his attention.
"Hey, Andrew... Here is some water. Try to drink at least a few sips." He heard her soft voice, trying to encourage him, while she was looking at him worried but with a small smile on her face.
He took some small sips before Meredith took the glass again and put it away on the small table in front of the couch, and then helped him lay down, putting a blanket over him.
A few moments later he felt her sitting down next to him, close to his head, slightly caressing his back. And only then when he felt her giving him the comfort to feel vulnerable, he let himself cry. He let the tears that had been forming in his eyes fall out.
I'll admit, for a moment I felt so afraid
Just to show you the mess that I made
There are pieces I usually hide
But when you collect me with your steady hand
With a language that I understand
I feel put back together inside
"I wish I could help you, Andrew. I-"
After a moment he heard her start talking to him, slowly putting her words together while she kept caressing his back.
"You brought me back to life and gently kept me down to earth at the same time..."
He tried to just focus on her voice, wanting to get away from the demons torturing his thoughts.
"I don't know where I would be today without you. But probably in a lot more trouble. You were by my side every step of the way... during my license hearing... when it got complicated... I want to be here now... When... you... ..."
She made his thoughts fade farther and farther away into the back of his mind, while he was slowly drifting off to sleep.
.
Andrew's eyes had been closed for some time, but now Meredith felt how his tears slowly got less the longer she stayed beside him, talking to him while slightly caressing his back. She noticed how his breathing was getting more and more even until his exhaustion took over and he fell asleep. She wasn't sure if he really heard any words she had said, he had seemed so far away with his own thoughts. But seeing how it seemed to help him that she was just next to him, she kept sitting there for some more moments not wanting to leave him.
"When you made me eat ice cream in bed and asked about my kids to get away from all the stress for some time... I hadn't felt so... home in a long time. You give me everything I need..." She found a sad smile forming on her lips at the memories "I will find a way to be there for you now." She continued caressing his back, talking to him, this time a little lower so she wouldn't wake him up again before she leaned down to put a kiss on his head.
"I will tell you all that again, when you're feeling better again."
She sat next to him a few more minutes before she carefully got up, whispering "I will be back in a minute."
Meredith got up to check on her kid, she gave them all a small kiss to their forehead even though they were already asleep for a long time. She looked at them a little longer with a small smile on her face - she loved them - before she carefully closed the door behind her.
Afterwards she went to her room to get ready for the night and then she took her blanket and a pillow with her and went back to Andrew, laying down on the other part of the couch, with her head towards him.
As she laid down with him, she heard him mumbling something in his sleep. First too mumbled and quiet that she couldn't make out what seemed to bother him in his sleep until it got more and louder. And it broke her heart to see how much this hurt him.
"I- I don't. I don't want to be like him. I don't..."
She brought her hand to his head, letting it carefully rest there while she tried to talk to him "Andrew, it's okay. You will be okay."
"You will be okay." Meredith added after another moment, noticing how his mumbling got quieter again, how he got calmer in his sleep again.
She stayed up a little longer, just observing him, hoping she could help him somehow before she fell asleep as well.
You came out of nowhere
And you cut through all the noise
I make sense of the madness
When I listen to your voice
Oh Darling, only you can ease my mind
Oh help me leave these lonely thoughts behind
When they pull me under
And I can feel my sanity start to unwind
Darling, only you can ease my mind
Darling, only you can ease my mind
~~~
Present
"Uhm... This place is kind of a mess right now." Andrew started hesitantly while he took out his keys to open the door, the uncertainty audible in his voice.
"It's okay." Meredith tried to assure him.
"I will just..." Andrew started to pick up some books and clothes that were lying around as soon as they entered his apartment, clearly visible that he didn't feel comfortable with Meredith seeing how he lived the past few weeks and months.
"Hey, Andrew." She went after him, carefully taking his arm, making him turn around. "You don't need to tidy this up for me. I'm okay with it. You don't want to know how my hotel room looks right now." She ended with a small smile, looking up at him.
"Okay." He answered and she could see how the tension slowly started to fade from him as her words sank in. "But... Just a little." He added with a small smile himself.
"Okay." Meredith returned his smile before he picked up a few more things, but this time seeming a bit more relaxed. She picked up some leftovers and empty boxes that were still standing on his table bringing them to the kitchen to put what's still eatable in the refrigerator and then she handed Andrew the empty boxes to throw them away.
"Thank you." He said gently after he put the boxes away and turned towards her again. "Thank you, Mer."
She gave him her smile, tilting her head slightly, looking at him as he got lost in her eyes.
"Come on." Meredith started ever so quietly after some moments of just looking at him, nodding towards the couch.
They both made themselves comfortable on the couch, Andrew bringing something to drink for them, putting it on the small table in front of them.
"So, do you want to talk about your mother or just want some company?" She turned a little more towards him again, so she could look at him better.
"Both?" He laughed slightly, looking at her before he turned more thoughtful "I- The past few months I spent a lot of time trying to find myself again. And... I thought a lot about my family and my life. And especially my mom." A small smile appeared on his lips "She did everything to give me the best life I could have. She was always my biggest supporter, encouraging me to chase my dreams." He turned his head to look at her before he added "And... I just miss her a lot."
"When we go through something difficult we want to have the people we love around us even more." She gave him an understanding smile.
"Yeah." He smiled back before he closed his eyes for some time. When he opened them again he tried to find her eyes again "You know that I'm only here because of you and Carina, right? ...If you hadn't been there for me... I have never had many people in my life that I really loved... Only my mom, Carina and-" Andrew stopped himself mid-sentence.
Meredith took his hand, knowing that he didn't necessarily intended to go there, she didn't intend the conversation to go there, but somehow his thoughts had ended up there, and she wanted him to know what she still felt for him. Even though they both might not be completely ready for it just yet.
They kept sitting there for some time, smiling at each other while Meredith looked down at their hands and then at Andrew again, squeezing his hand slightly.
"Your mom must be really proud of you today."
"I think so, too."
Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind
When they pull me under
And I can feel my sanity start to unwind
Darling, only you can ease my mind
- Ben Platt
~~~~~
End of chapter 2
~~~~~
Late night chapter... At least for me 😅
I will try my best to post the next chapter on Thursday next week, but since next week is my exam week with one exam each day, I might post it on Friday... But the 3rd chapter will definitely come next week!!
And again listen to the lyrics 🎶💕, they fit merluca so well!!
<3