His touch was all she longed for. And at last she was getting it. His hand brushed her cheek lighter than when eyelashes detach float down from your eyelid.
"Lie to me again," she said, the words rolling off her tongue like water.
"I love you," he whispered under his breath, although, he was unsure whether it was a lie anymore.
A tear rolled down her cheek stroking onto his finger. She had been broken before and it was obvious. The fake love he had shown her stabbed into her heart like tiny shatters of glass.
"Kiss me," she let go of the heartbreak as the tears continued to flow. She loved him and it wasn't reflected but maybe - before she dies - she'll find some sort of passion in another guys heart.
He pulled her in passionately -
"Hey!" I screeched trying to pull the book back that Peter Parker so ignorantly snatched from my hands. "I was getting to a good bit,"
"What even is this?" Peter sarcastically questioned turning the book upside down trying to find why I was so interested.
I rolled my eyes and lunged myself off the couch to find a snack from the open-planned kitchen. "It's 'Love or Poison,' it's a really good book, a lot of toxic love and -,"
"Smut?" Peter continued my statement with a raised eyebrow. He threw the book onto the couch, which turns into a sofa bed, and grabbed a donut out of my hand.
I huffed at his behaviour before replying. "I am not talking about this with a fifth teen year old kid,"
"I'm sixteen,"
"Mhm," I hummed taking a bite from my donut and shutting the fridge behind me. "You're right though... lotta smut,"
I sat back down on the couch and brushed off my hands before picking up my book again to carry on from the sensual part where I left off.
He pulled her in passionately -
"Oh for God's sake," I cried out hearing the elevator ping to say someone was approaching my floor. I learnt my neck over the sofa seeing my dad walk through the elevator on the phone. "Does everyone need to keep interrupting my reading?"
The billionaire put his phone into his pocket and stood in front of me with his arms crossed and one eyebrow raised. I rolled my eyes and turned them back to my yet to be continued book.
"Brina is reading smut!" Peter panicked seeing 'Mr Stark' stood in our living room. I rolled my eyes and shot him a middle finger before quickly remembering my father was stood directly in front of me.
"Sabrina Maria Stark," he exclaimed sternly making me jump and - finally - close my book. "Why is Peter not at school?"
"I don't know... Peter, why aren't you at school?" I passed on the message and a snarky smile to my father.
He looked at me admiring the fact my inner Stark shone through. Peter came rushing back into the room with wide eyes and his hands intertwined with each other. I snorted at the look on Peter's face. He's been living here for almost a year thanks to Tony yet he still shits himself whenever he hears the name.
"Uh... you're my driver." He stuttered and then gulped. I watched him take deep breaths out the corner of my eye whilst still looking at my father who was struggling to keep his head on.
"Since when?" I asked getting up off of the sofa.
"Since I told you I have a meeting with director fury and cannot take him." Tony looked at his watch tapping his finger against his arm.
"Well, one, you don't look like you're in a meeting and two, there's a thing called a bus. Peter you've heard of a bus before, right?" I reassured.
"Take him to school Sabrina." My dad replied walking back into the elevator.
I waited for the doors to ping again before approaching Peter and putting my arms on his shoulders. I squinted my eyes looking into Peters before whispering. "Do you even want to go?"
He rolled his eyes and lifted my arms off of his shoulders and then picking up his backpack, heading towards the elevator.
"Fine, but yes, I'm going in my iron man pjs."
Shortly after, I grabbed a random pair of car keys from my dad's floor of the building and headed to the garage where Peter was already standing and waiting.
"Which one?" He asked pointing to the cars.
I shrugged my shoulders and clicked the keys just to see which one would unlock. My father, Tony Stark, has many, many cars. Yet I have none. None of my own of course. Not that I use them anyway I just sit at home reading.
"Looks like we're taking Tessa the Tesla," Peter said.
"That's a dogs name," I replied.
He just rolled his eyes and got in the car. He loves me really I'm sure.
There happened to be traffic in NYC whilst I was taking Pete to school, so he decided to make conversation.
"So... smut,"
"No," I remarked rapidly before he could continue talking. "I'm not talking about this with you,"
"Come on! I'm 16 and we're best friends," he said waving his hands up like a child.
"Mentally you're 12, kid," I replied ruffling his hair in the standstill traffic. Then, taking my hands of his hair I waved my hand out the window, yes, I have road rage - I'm a stark what do you expect.
"So are you!" He snarked back. I rolled my eyes ignoring him and then banging my head on the steering wheel. "So why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you read erotic romance novels... or just romance in general?" He seemed genuinely curious. The traffic started moving so I carried on driving and decided maybe his question was worth answering.
I paused for a second watching the cars lights in front of me turning red, thinking. But really I didn't need to think about it, I knew my answer.
"I don't think I'll ever find love. My father didn't love my mother and vice versa, I never even met my mother. I wasn't the product of love, I was the product of a hook up. I've always loved too easily and too hard, my family, my friends. Out of all of them - no one sticks around. I want to be happy with someone and I want them and only them. I'm only 19 but I know enough about love to see I'm not worth it. I guess sometimes... Cupid runs out of arrows, it just happened to be me that he didn't hit." I sighed, "that's why I read love novels, I escape the reality of not being able to be loved, no matter how hard I do."
Peter was looking down at his hands and fiddling with his fingers. "I didn't know it was so..."
"Deep?" I questioned.
Peter nodded, "it seems I might be a little late to school," he said changing the subject.
I laughed and checked the time which said 10:45 - only 2 hours late. But the traffic started to clear up a little.
"And Brina," he put his hand on mine, "why are you reading a story about toxic relationships if you're in love with the idea of real love,"
I laughed under my breath and looked at Peter. "Because what's love if not kept on edge?" I pulled up onto the sidewalk and punched Peter on the shoulder. "Now get out of my car, I'll be here at three."
"I don't finish 'til half thre-,"
"Hey is that MJ?" I shouted, "Hi MJ!"
Peter clenched his fists at me and I just put my middle finger up as I drove off of the sidewalk. Yes, I put my middle finger up at him a lot.
[line break]
I arrived back at the compound and locked the car. Stepping into the elevator I immediately spoke to FRIDAY.
"Hey FRIDAY? Where's my dad?" I asked as the elevator door closes.
"He's in his workshop, Sabrina." The monotoned voice replied, "would you like me to take you to that floor?"
I replied with "yes, thank you FRIDAY." And waited for the lift doors to open on the floor of Tony's work shop.
I stepped out and walked straight in where I saw my father advancing his new nanotech suit. As I walked in he shot a repulser from his right hand aiming directly for his head. I quickly ducked and then flattened down my hair making sure it hadn't been sizzled off.
"Hi Sabrina, how was the drive to school? Would you like to talk like a normal father and daughter?" I spoke sarcastically, commenting on how my dad almost killed me. "I could sue you for attempted murder."
"You spend all my money anyway!" He gasped back whilst suiting down. "Hi Sabrina, how was the drive to school? Would you like to talk like a normal father and daughter?"
I looked at him with a bland face, not being impressed by him mimicking me. I noticed his can of soda on the side and decided to drink it, in attempt to annoy my dad. It tasted gross, it must've been here for at least a week.
"That's been there for at least two weeks,"
I spat the drink out into the bin trying to clean my tongue of the disgusting substance I had just consumed. I threw the keys into my dad's face. Somehow he didn't catch them as the key chain and the key hit him straight in the centre of the face. "Clearly I didn't get my reflexes from you," I commented rolling my eyes.
"What are you doing here, shouldn't you be on your floor stuffing your face with the compound's resources," Tony questioned pulling a stale Cheerio out of my bed nest hair and throwing it into the bin which was full of soda.
I slapped his hand away from my head and grabbed it twisting it around in self defence. I quickly snapped and realised who it was I was doing it too and then let go. "Shit I'm sorry," I gasped, "shit I didn't mean to swear. Shit!"
"Are you okay?" Tony asked stepping back, giving me my personal space. "Are you still having your nightmares. If you need me to call Dr Wilkinson, I can,"
"I'm fine, dad." I replied looking down at the ground where I was clenching my toes into my vans.
"Are you su-,"
"Leave it alone." I replied bluntly, waiting for my real emotions to switch back on. "Anyway, what did fury want to talk to you about?" I asked, avoiding the subject of therapy.
"He mentioned bringing you back into the avengers," my face lit up, I wasn't allowed to fight in the avengers because of what happened to me after Tony found out about his parents. "But I don't think that's a good idea."
I furrowed my eyebrows at my overprotective dad and waited for him to elaborate on his reasoning. I knew deep down I wasn't fit to do missions, but I longed for the adventure again.
"It's hardly been a year since the accident. You're clearly still not well." He continued looking into my eyes.
"I'm fine dad, please. You know I'd give anything to work with you guys again." My eyes started to water thinking about what happened that day but I tried not to let it get the best of my own emotions.
Tony pulled me into a hug expecting tears to fall onto his shirt, but they didn't. He just rubbed the back of my head and kissed my forehead. "I know, and I don't want to stop you."
I shook my head into his chest and then we just stood still for a moment, calm. His hand reassuringly stroking my still messy hair and his chin perched on my head.
"We'll work it out," he whispered, "we'll work it out."
[line break]
That same night I sat in my bed staring at the ceiling. No thoughts, just the emptiness of the ceiling. My starry night night-light sparkling all around. Peter went to his Aunt May's apartment after school since he needed to see her but also because Tony may had mentioned I needed to spend the night alone.
I sat there for a while longer watching the stars change colour above my head. Nothing beats the real stars though, I thought, I wondered for a second about how it would seem to just lay and stargaze. Then, I remembered we had a perfectly open roof top which I could lay on.
I pulled an oversized hoodie over my head and slipped my bunny slippers onto my feet before leaving my room and taking the stairs to the roof. Peter and I's floor was only a few floors below the roof so it wasn't too many stairs to walk up. I barged the fire escape door open and was already flushed with darkness, the soothing kind.
On the other end of the flat roof I noticed a flash of light twinkling, like a star had been bought to the ground. I tiptoed over, slightly shivering inside of my oversized jumper.
"I'm sorry... I'll leave," I said realising someone else was sat there, his legs dangling off of the building.
He shook his head and moved his left, and metal, arm to motion I could sit down. Slowly, I lowered myself down next to the solider and we sat in silence for a few minutes watching the traffic of New York drive down the roads, they looked like ants from up here. It was amazing, it must've been around one am and there were still cars speeding down back roads and stopping in the middle of the street.
"You don't talk much," I spoke up looking at the long haired man next to me. He didn't look up to me and I couldn't even see his eyes because his hair hung in front of his eyes. "Bucky?"
"Sorry, I was lost in thought." He replied, his head still facing down at the city lights.
"You're not going to do it are you?" I questioned with a worried laugh. Although I understood his position, I didn't want him to do it. Plus there was a chance I'd be forced into more therapy.
He shook his head, "even if I wanted to I doubt I'd die," he replied, "I didn't last time,"
He looked up at me finally, his eyes met mine. Those steel blue eyes hidden behind his wide black pupils. "The last time? You've tried before?" I didn't see Bucky as the suicidal kind, but I guess you never see it. I'd hardly spoke to Bucky, especially not since the day everything happened. My father forgave Bucky for what he did to my grandparents, he knew that it wasn't Bucky but it was the winter solider. Yet it was what happened to me that made Tony so protective over me when it came to James Buchanan Barnes. Maybe if I spoke to him more I would have been able to save him from his thoughts.
"No," he quickly replied realising what he had said, "back in the 40s, I fell off a cliff I guess,"
I nodded my head remembering the story of Bucky's first 'death'. My head turned back to the lights of the city in the distance but I could feel the super soldier still glancing at me every now and then. The sound of some cars revving their engines as they sped down the motorways echoed in my mind. There's no home lie busy New York.
"How comes you're up here so late?" Bucky asked.
"Couldn't sleep, you?"
"The same,"
I moved my body forward a little bit so I could see further over the building but my body jolted forward quickly causing Bucky to put his cold, metal hand over mine. He must've thought I was going to fall, and honestly, right now I wasn't scared of that.
I whispered, "I'm not afraid to fall, you know."
He kept his hand placed on mine as he replied, "I know, I'm just afraid I won't catch you,"
To me... what this sounded like was the start of an epic love story. One written by an author that was young but old enough to experience their first heartbreak. A story that ended with death or betrayal, because, the truth is the girl does fall and the man can't catch her. He would have been able to catch her if he wasn't the one to have pushed her first. But then I remembered the fate I'd accepted, I don't deserve love. I'm not a product of it. It may be real but not for me. So this isn't the start of an epic love story.
I moved my hand from beneath Bucky's and held it against my chest, standing up carefully and facing away from Bucky. He stood up after me and came to face me again, yet I couldn't bring my eyes to meet his.
"I'm sorry... was it something I sa-,"
"No, no, it's not you. I just... don't deal well with touch," I replied. It wasn't a lie, I don't. When I feel someone's hand come near to me my mind flicks a switch and my instinct is to defend myself. But really the reason was I could feel something in that moment, something I new wasn't meant to happen. "Goodnight, Buck."
I sort-of ran back to the door and down the stairs and as soon as I reached my room I told FRIDAY to put my room on lock for the night so no one, Bucky, could come see if I was okay.