When I was in the basement, I used to daydream for hours. It was my favorite thing (and one of the only things) to do. I had multiple different worlds, and each day I got to create new ones. Nothing was off limits in my imagination, but my favorite was a playground.
There wasn't much to this world, in fact it was very static in comparison to the other worlds I had built. This world wasn't supernatural, there weren't fun, crazy adventures, but for some reason I loved it. If nostalgia had a world, the playground was mine. I would watch kids playing together. None of them ever saw me, I was just a shadow looking in, but hearing giggles and childish screams would make me smile.
There were times I wondered if the playground from my daydreams was actually a memory from before the basement, but as the years passed my playground became less and less clear, and the daydream slowly lost its shape.
I stared at the ceiling of Noah's dorm room, breathing in his smell as I laid on his sheets. Did those girls that were trafficked have a world they could go to? Did they have old memories to refer to when they were scared? Where could they hide from their own fears when their body physically couldn't? Did they have family searching for them, missing them?
Noah let out a groan from the floor. After the incident with the door and Kiera's outburst, I ended up staying with Noah for the night. However, he tossed and turned all night. I wondered if he was restless because of how uncomfortable the floor was, or for other reasons. I wondered if Noah had fears that kept him up at night, just like me. I wondered what his past was, and what his secrets were.
My stomach clenched when he let out a low grunt of pain. I hated hearing pain. I knew no one liked hearing others in pain, aside from sadists. But even the smallest whimpers managed to make my gut clench. Noah was no exception. In fact, his whimpers seemed to hurt even more. Someone so strong and fearless, someone so unafraid of death, was whimpering on the floor below me. I had been debating waking him for the past few hours, but every time I finally caved and decided to help, he would fall silent.
After another whimper, I caved once more and crawled off the bed, kneeling beside his distressed form. "Noah," I whispered gently. "Noah, wake up."
He turned and clutched my arm, fingers trembling. I felt tears prick my eyes. Fuck, I was really crying again? It hadn't even been twenty four hours since my last cry session.
"Noah-"
I yelped, wind knocking from my lungs as I hit the ground. I struggled to reinflate my lungs as my vision blurred slightly. Noah loomed over me, still half asleep but with his forearm pressed against my throat painfully. The air I was struggling to use to inflate my lungs got trapped by my blocked throat. I clawed at Noah's forearm, thrashing under him.
And then the weight was gone. I turned on my side, gasping for air and coughing frantically. I was barely able to hold my torso up, and I had to try to focus on not throwing up.
"Fay?"
I flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and he jerked it away. "W-what... the..." I wheezed, the words burning on my throat.
Noah knelt in front of me, eyes wide with concern. "Don't talk," he murmured. "God, Fay, I'm so sorry. Let me see."
I shied away from his touch. He looked absolutely guilt stricken, like I had punched him. Even though I shied away, he didn't try to touch me again. His eyes were glassy. I had never seen Noah cry before, so when a tear fell from his eye, I let out a small gasp.
"Fay, I'm so sorry," he insisted. "Please, just let me help you. You can hate me after all you want, but please."
I wasn't afraid of Noah. Truthfully, even in the beginning I was never really afraid of him. Even now, when breathing hurt like hell, I wasn't afraid. I was afraid, though, not of Noah, but of whatever monster managed to make Noah react like he did. Who made Noah so afraid even in his dreams?
Noah grabbed the first aid kit from under the bed, but didn't reach for me. He waited until I gave a slight, painful nod. He was so gentle as he brushed the hair away from my neck. He cupped my jaw in his hands, delicately rotating my neck. Even though the movement hurt, his hands felt softer than a million butterfly kisses. He gently turned my neck, assessing the range of motion and the marks. He was holding me so delicately, like I was fragile.
I'm not fragile, I wanted to say. I wasn't the girl from the basement. I wasn't fragile anymore. But I could barely breathe, let alone speak, and Noah's touch was so soft on my sensitive skin. He gently rubbed a balm over the marks where his forearm had been, never pressing too hard. I could see tears streaking his cheeks. He was biting his lip to hold back a sob as he worked. His shoulders were shaking.
When he finished, I took his wrist in my hand, staring into his eyes intently. It's not your fault.
"I never wanted it to be you," he lamented. "Out of all the people I hurt, I never wanted you to be one of them."
I wiped his cheek with my thumbs gently, just like he always did with me. He exhaled a small whimper at the contact, his head falling forward. He wept apologies over and over as I pulled his head against my chest, resting my back against the headboard.
Strangely enough, I finally felt like I was seeing Noah for the first time.
---
The following morning, Kiera arrived at the dorm. No one mentioned the fight from yesterday. No one mentioned the bruises on my neck. No one mentioned that I had slept here the night before. I didn't mention anything, since I could barely talk, but then again I didn't think I would have even if I could speak.
"We need a plan," Kiera said from the edge of the bed. "I don't know who you're working with, but this mission isn't going fast enough."
"We don't have the manpower for a sting," Noah said, typing away at his laptop. "I was considering cooperating with the police for this mission, but the local department is just as corrupt as the mercenaries."
"Then what's your plan?" she demanded.
"Since we most likely won't be able to pin them at the state level, the federal level should be our priority," he said. "While we still have no idea how intense this operation is, there is a possibility it's on an international level."
"And if it is?"
"Then hopefully someone has a line to contact the United Nations," he said. "I have some friends at the federal level willing to do a sting if we can get the right information. Right now, it's about locating the main points of operation, and their hierarchy."
"So why haven't you just followed the lacrosse team?" Kiera retorted.
I fiddled with my fingers, frustrated I wasn't able to respond. Noah, thankfully, left no room for silence. "We had someone tail him not too long ago, but he was caught. As of now there is only one other person in the field aside from me, and no I cannot reveal who that person is."
"How can you have an operation with so little people?" she demanded. "your colleagues should be grateful Fay and I are willing to help, not threaten to kill us."
"We had more people, but they either went missing or they were killed."
I gasped, which only prompted a fit of coughs. Kiera patted my shoulder gently until my coughing stopped, but it was replaced by a tense silence.
Noah sighed. "it's not that we don't need the help. It's just too dangerous, and I don't want to be responsible for you two."
She scoffed. "yet I'm assuming you're not responsible for the bruises on Fay's neck, right?"
I froze. "It-" I wheezed, immediately regretting talking.
Noah, however, looked stricken with grief. "I take full responsibility for that."
"I don't know what freak nasty kinks ya'll are into, but for the love of fuck, at least make sure she can talk after," Kiera snapped. "You don't want to be responsible for us? Maybe you should've thought of that before you wanted to get your dick sucked."
Both Noah and my face burned red hot. Oh god. I was going to die of embarrassment right here. I buried my face in my hands, begging the ground to swallow me right then and there. I couldn't even deny what happened because I could barely speak. Then again, maybe Kiera said what she said knowing that I couldn't respond.
Noah coughed awkwardly. "That wasn't..." He stopped himself, looking at me with desperation. But what exactly was I supposed to say? He strangled me in his sleep?
"Relax I don't kink shame here," Kiera said way too cheerfully. "but if you're willing to take responsibility for Fay in the bedroom, surely you should be able to let us in on your mission as well?"
I locked eyes with Noah again. Though the misunderstanding was extremely awkward, Kiera was right. I was tired of being in the dark all the time, I just never had the gall to say something about it. I was grateful I had convinced Noah to let Kiera in. She had enough confidence for the both of us.
Noah scoffed, looking back and forth between the two of us. "Fine," he conceded. "I'll make some calls. But you cannot reveal your identity at all, you hear me? If you fuck this up, I won't be able to protect you."
I swallowed and nodded, turning to look at Kiera. She was also quiet, a first considering how aggressive she had been a moment before. "Let's run those bastards in the ground," she said.