LOUIS' POV
COMMENT AND VOTE!
TRIGGER WARNING : ALCOHOL ABUSE !
loving the comments yall.
ohhh, the rest of the story has barely any filler chapters ;)
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"what are you doing?" i walk down the hallway to harry who is sat on the ground. his shirtless torso is hunched over and his muscles tensing with every movement he makes.
my shirt wraps around his head perfectly, the dark drown curls contrasting from the white so beautifully. every strand of hair curling around the material or flowing out in the right places.
the smell of chemicals swims through the air and into my lungs. i have a hint on what he is doing.
he turns his head up, concentration written all over his face. "my nails." he replies before diving back down to his project.
i hum, moving to take a seat behind him with my legs on either side of him.
i grab his shoulders in between my hands and start to massage his broad shoulders. a pleased sound crawls up his throat as he sits the red nail polish on the coffee table to relax against my hands.
he rolls his head side to side as i move my hands down in between his shoulder blades, my thumb digging into his skin. pleased groans are being thrown from his lips every few seconds.
"i'm taking that you are enjoying this?" i kiss the base of his neck, before proceeding to apply pressure towards the middle of his back.
he lets out a soft and quiet chuckle, eyes closed and basking in the feelings of my hands tending to his body. "correct." he answers shortly, drifting off into another round of groans.
"mhm." i hum, a slow grin making its way to my face. i take my hands back leaving his shoulders and back cold and unaccompanied, but then i lean forward to hug his upper body to my chest.
his eyes slowly open, along with his body slumping against my own. i turn my head to the side to leave a chaste kiss to his cheek.
"i haven't seen you do red before, hmm." i note, leaning back on the couch with my legs still on either side of his build.
he nods his head, taking the nail polish brush in his hands again. "not in a while." he replies.
the red coats his nail in a swift stroke, no clump or dryness. it's glides on the surface perfectly.
we had the first day of the last semester of uni today, it being monday. everytime i hear or think of monday, harry pops up. him painting his nails, the different colors. how he always sits on the floor when he does it, never at a table. it had only been a few times i've seen it though. he likes routine so i'm guess he always sits on the ground.
besides that, today has been any regular day.
except for the loud banging on the door that changes the rest of the evening.
i jerk my head up at the loud noise, swinging my legs over harry. i make a fast break for the door.
as soon as i open it i'm met with the reeking smell of alcohol and sweat. the horrible smell like spilt gas, flooding through the door.
sweat and strong liquor make up a very tired and extremely drunk liam.
fuck.
"i did it." he laughs out a watery cry. stepping forward in a stumble, collapsing into my arms.
my heart plummets at the sight, tear stains across his cheeks accompanied by the smell.
he's drunk.
looking on the bright side, he came for help. after the fact though. he still came, i'll give him that.
everyone has a relapse. no one is perfect. given he wasn't a full fledged alcoholic... yet. it's still hard fighting the temptation. by the looks of him right now, he knows what he did.
"it's okay, it will all be fine." i whisper into his ear as he grips my back, squeezing me tighter. like if he lets go i would drift away.
he shakes his head another wave of tears flooding his senses. "no, no... no, no." he mumbles mindlessly into my jumper.
i feel harry's hand rest on the nape of my neck, rubbing soothing circles just as he does to liams shoulder.
"hey... hey liam." i try and get his attention. craning my head back to try and get a glimpse of his face.
he sniffles, wiping the steady wet tracks across his face. "yeah." he answers.
i try and collect every logical brain cell i have left to help him. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know that best ways for him to progress.
but i'm trying.
i smile at him, trying to lighten the mood and show him i'm not mad and he's alright. everyone relapses. everyone. unless you're some fucking god and have the self control of a nun.
i grab liams face in my hands and look him dead in the eye. "it's okay." i tell him sternly.
he shakes his head fast, body off balance. "no, you're mad. i drank, and i drank a lot." he slurs, another tear falls from his dark eyes.
i shake my head with liam, "no one is perfect, li. this was bound to happen." i tell him, guiding him towards the couch. "i'm far from mad, how could i be?" he drops down on the couch, elbows hitting his knees before he falls back, spreading his legs wide.
his lips quivers, eyes glossing over in pools of tears. "please, don't be mad." he starts to chant drunkenly. the words like a broken record on this tongue, mindlessly says them over and over again.
i sit down next to him as harry takes the seat on the other side. i grab his knee, shaking it to draw his attention. his head falls to the side in his intoxicated state, his neck not stable enough to hold him up. "i am not mad at you. you do need some extra help, but for now you need sleep."
"water." i mouth to harry who nods instantly. getting up and making his way to the kitchen. he hasn't said much this whole time, just there for support. i know he knows what is happening, i'm extremely glad he isn't prying for information either. that would be a whole other thing.
i gently grab liams shoulders once i stand up again, pulling him up slowly so he doesn't get dizzy or fall. i start our route to my bedroom. slowly taking each step with a stumbling incoherent liam by my side.
harry joins us with a cold glass of water soon after we enter the room. sitting it down on the side table as i help liam under the covers.
"we will talk after you take a... nap." i tell liam once harry and i are at the threshold of my bedroom door. looking into the drunken mess that is made up of liam payne. he will get through this, i know he will.
walking down the corridor in silence, i can almost feel harry's nagging questions as we walk together. he doesn't speak though. his kind nature not wanting to impose. not wanting to ask questions that are not mine to answer.
so for the next few hours we go on like nothing has changed. like liam is sleeping his intoxication away. like liam wasn't at my door begging for help. just playing pretend like we have been for the past two weeks.
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just as harry and i take our bowls of ice cream to the kitchen sink, liam walks in. the empty glass of water sitting in his hands as he moves tiredly to the bar stool at the island.
quietly he sits down on the stool. the silence and careful moments of the three of us shift the room. an awkward, tense, uncomfortable, and embarrassing blanket lays itself on top of us.
"they know." liam mutters after minutes of silence and a refill of water later.
the words fly through the air, confusion and a mirage of questions drift along with the two syllables.
i furrow my eyebrows along with harry, who has no idea about any of this. i lean on to the counter resting my elbows there.
"do you need time alone with him?" harry asks liam. he just shakes his head a cold smile laying on his lips.
"no, you can know too. doesn't matter anymore does it?" he lets out a dry laugh, his eyes glued to the glass of water. shaking his head, thoughts roaming around in his mind. none that he shares with us.
harry's face shows all of his unanswered questions. what doesn't matter? who knows? what's happening? the line between his eyebrows and the lift of his upper lip play into the facial expression of a very confused man.
"li, what happened?" i ask the question everyone begs to know.
he slowly moves his head up, meeting my face. a lazy sadness lives in his dull eyes. an overwhelming heartbreak drowns his face. he is so hurt.
"they walked in." his face changes into a depressed look. his lip starts to quiver just as his eyes shine over. "they have a key..." he explains further on, still not elaborating to who. by now i think i have a pretty good guess though. i am wishing on everything i'm wrong.
he shakes his head letting out a watery laugh in the process. "my mum and dad saw me giving zayn head. that's fucking embarrassing as it is. but know they know i like boys. i have been fuckin' shoved out of the closet." the tears flow harder as explains himself.
harry takes in a shocked breath from beside me. turning my head i see his jaw slacked and eyes wide. he recovers quickly though, face going neutral. i almost laugh at his expression. i bet he is piecing together all the shit they did right about now.
my face falls, dread crawling up my spine. fuck, that was the last thing liam wanted. he cried about them finding out.
"oh my god." i whisper to myself before walking around the counter to wrap my arms around liam who complies instantly. collapsing and surrendering himself to my comfort. the wet regretful tears spilling out from his eyes and onto my skin.
a loud sob escapes his lips as a silent shake rounds through his body. the silent regrets flowing out of his eyes and mouth.
this was the last thing he wanted. that thought keeps rolling through my mind as i hold him against my body. they know. the homophobic, toxic, power addicted, awful parents know. now what did they say?
it had to be bad. he was pissed drunk. barely putting words together, couldn't walk straight. he hasn't been that bad in months.
"i don't know what to do..." he whispers, the wetness to his voice makes my heart clench along with my throat. fuck.
i pull back from his neck that i've been resting in and look at him. the tears, the blotchy red cheeks, the blood shot eyes.
"it will be okay." i nod my head while i let the words flow of out in a quiet tone.
he shakes his head fast, lip quivering as he tries to cover it up by scrunches his lips together. it doesn't work. "no, they were so disappointed." he lets a sob take over his body.
i move my head side to side just like he does. "if they won't accept you, they never loved you like they should have." i tell him.
"i know that hurts to hear, but they don't deserve you." i start to walk him back to the living room. "i got you, harry, and niall do too. i know damn well zayn loves you." i remind him. the question of why zayn isn't here and where he is hits me upside the head hard.
"they ran him off, lou." liam cries. "told him he wasn't welcomed and that i didn't love him." he sniffles, taking a seat on the sofa. "told him he was just an experiment." another wave of tears runs through him. "he isn't just an experiment." he shoves his elbows down and places his head on them.
i take a sharp breath in, "call him." i say shortly, pulling my phone out scrolling to zayns contact. "he will understand." i tell him.
harry nods his head from his seat beside liam, "zayn will listen." harry puts his thoughts out. resting his large hand on liam shoulder for comfort.
liam stares off blankly, his hands clasped togther on his forehead. his chest rising and falling with every tear running down his cheek. his foot taps the hard wood floors of the flat as he tries to regulate his breathing.
he starts to nod slowly after a few moments, "yeah... he loves me. he'll forgive me. he says he loves me, he has to. he has to listen, fuckin' has too." liam mutters to himself, lifting his head and snatching my phone from my hands.
he walks off to my bedroom, clutching my phone within his large tattooed hands. head hung low, with the device to his ear waiting for the ringing to stop and zayns smooth voice to invade his ears. i hope he answers.
i take in another large breath once liam closes the door. "what the hell." harry says out loud after seconds of silence.
i shake my head at his outburst, taking a seat. "yeah zayn and liam have been a thing... for hell longer then we have been." i laugh.
harry turns his head to me, "we are... a thing?" he asks, voice shy and insecure.
fuck, i shouldn't have said that. he probably thinks i'm over stepping. shit. shit. shit.
i shake my head before i can let anything else slip out, "you're not my boyfriend or anything..." i mutter, forcing an awkward laugh out. "just a casual... fuck, y'know? just that." i slash my hand through the air at the last two words. the lies seeping through my teeth like venom. a blind man can see the truth from a mile away, and it sure wasn't that.
he goes silent for a moment, nodding his head slowly with a vacant look in his eyes, "okay." he mumbles before directing his eyes to his newly painted nails. such a pretty color.
i clench my jaw, stopping my confessions before i even taste them on my tongue. i move my eyes over the room, gliding around like they're on ice. to the pictures of us five on graduation day to the light brown painted patch of the wall we missed when we were painting the room white.
i try and keep my eyes and attention anywhere but harry and the room grows more tense and awkward by the minute. the untouched subject of our 'relationship' stabs at my brain.
i love him. i hate that i love him. although i don't regret that i love him.
weird to think of it like that. that i love the man i have spent my time with over the last few months. from the way he eats his food, tongue first. to the way he hums along to music in the car, bumping his head along with the beat.
i hate that i love how he wakes up in the morning, groggy and tired. i hate that i love when he tells me random words, i use to hate that. i hate that i love his style, the unbuttoned button ups with skinnies. i hate that i love him.
i don't regret it though, i am happy loving him. i'm happy when i am with him. that's what i hate about it. i'm happy. it relies on harry now.
happiness never lasts. it's a temporary addictive feeling. it may last minutes, days, maybe even months. it never stays though. you may feel content or alright with your life, but you're never happy forever. you either get use to the feeling and that becomes contentment. or something bad happens and you're sad all over again.
happiness is a untouchable addictive drug.
just like love.
i'm so scared i have become to adjusted to harry. to adjusted to happiness and love. so when the rug is pulled out from beneath me that i will never live like that again.
so i hate it.
"i think i'll go home tonight." he says after a while. the silence killing us both, small talk not helping.
i nod my head, "please be safe." i beg silently, before adding. "you can stay... on the couch.." i drift off, "or with me..."
i see him shake his head softly in my peripheral vision. "that's okay, i've overstayed my welcome anyways, mate." he annunciates the last word which clutches at my heart. he hasn't called me that in weeks. always baby, love, or darling.
i've grown a fool for those names. the words catching my heart every time. grabbing and gripping at my insides with every sweet comment.
loving him is like fools gold.
"hey, i'm going to go to zayns..." liam is back, behind the couch with my phone extended behind me.
i nod my head absentmindedly, "i'll talk to you tomorrow about all this. you aren't off the hook yet, young man." i turn my head forcing a smile on my lips. trying to act like my heart isn't being pulled at.
he nods his head, the ghost of grin on his face. "alright, see you lads later." he waves us both off, "thank you both.. for everything." he shakes his head before gripping both of our shoulders quickly before making it off to the door.
"love you!" was that last words from his mouth before the door shuts.
a moments later harry speaks up, "guess i'll be going." he stands up making it down the hall to get his things.
a let a few seconds later before i speak up turning my whole body to catch a glimpse of him. "you don't have to leave." i have the feeling i need to remind him.
i just don't want him to go yet. i still want to play pretend.
he comes back out of the room with his bag in hand before waking to the door pulling his shoes on. "yes i do, we aren't dating remember?" his face contours from hurt to a far away look in his eyes.
i fish mouth for what seems like forever but in reality it is seconds. "yeah... yeah we aren't dating." i say softly, the last words almost makes me flinch.
we could be though. sits on my tongue for a foolishly long time. that could never happen.
he nods his head shortly, "goodbye, louis." he said louis.
"goodbye, harry." i said harry.
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