"Let me tell you a story Teddy, once when I was in highschool I did some bad but also good things, one of which was creating you. I've never told you about your dad. He is now a successful business owner and he's hot, always has been, always will be. That hair cut, MMMMMM, the height? OH LAWD. Hits all the right places. Thinking about it like this" Bernice blushed at the thought, "what I would do to get that back. ANYWAYS, Ted, Do you know why we get discounts on our air?" she asked.
"I do not, but mom, please stop. I don't want to know about this" Ted was as bright as the autumn feature on their oka-matic tree
"Ah, Teddy its sex ed, you learn about this year anyways. Now you're smarter than the rest of your class. Back to mr. Mcdreamy, He's small, like a bowling ball who pushed down my walls and went straight to my heart. That wasn't the only thing he wrecked that night. Ted, always use protection."
"I never used any and you turned out great" Granny Norma chimed in
"Take your meds and go to bed mom" Bernice replied before continuing on, "Back to what I was saying, I still got a thing for him, ya know? If you saw him you'd understand. You have seen him actually. All around town, Aloysius O'Hare but I called him Da-" she was cut off by Teddy
"EW, he is so ugly and short, his HAIR CUT? You like THAT? I might simply pass away" and he did. Ted Wiggins passed away that night because he simply couldn't handle the thought of mr O'Hare being his father.