Meredith was sore, her whole body felt like she was being stabbed over and over. It was unclear to her how she was going to get through the days like this when she was at home. Sure there would be pain medication but she needed help. She hated asking anyone for the help she had to have, because a grown woman should be able to walk alone to the bathroom or get dressed. And a grown woman wasn't supposed to have so much trouble. Meredith had been semi herself the first day when she woke up, but then everytime she closed her eyes or went to sleep the flashbacks hit her and now she was quiet. She was insanely quiet and all she did was sit and avoid most conversation. There were simple words, small glances and soft conversation, but everything had changed.
"I brought you a coffee." Derek smiled, standing in the doorway of Meredith's hospital room, holding a cardboard tray with two cups on it. "Good to see you awake."
"Thanks." She swallowed, her fingers playing with the blanket. She was a mess. Everything looked like it hurt and he knew things were settling in to her. He knew she was starting to fully comprehend the attack. The initial shock was wearing off and she was left to deal with it.
"Vanilla or hazelnut?"
"Vanilla."
"I didn't know which one you'd want so I got both." He smiled, handing her the cup of coffee before pulling a chair up as close to her bed as possible.
"Hmm."
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I was beat and had my head slammed into a brick wall." She laughed sarcastically.
"Do you want some good news?" Derek breathed, holding her hand.
"Sure."
"You're going home tomorrow."
"That's good." Meredith breathed, thinking about the stairs in her entry way. They were narrow and steep, because it was an older house. How was she going to get up them to shower?
"With me." Derek told her.
"Hmm?" Her eyes looked up quickly.
"You're coming home with me."
"No I'm not." She shook her head quickly. There was no reasonable way to go home with him...not with the kids and her job. No, she couldn't do that.
"Then they won't be releasing you."
"I'm going home." Meredith whispered, tears forming at her eyes.
"You need someone to take care of you."
"I don't need anyone to take care of me." She tried to push her blankets off, the same time that she tried to move her legs off of the bed. It hurt so much.
"Mer..." Derek quickly stood up, stopping her from getting out of bed as she winced in pain.
"Stop I'm getting up." She groaned. "I'm getting up then I'm going home...I want to go home."
"You're not being released today."
"I know!"
"Please lay back down." He breathed.
"No." She murmured.
"You're going to hurt yourself."
"Oh and it can get worse than this?" She snapped. "It can get worse Derek? Is some jackass going to come in here with a baseball bat and finish his work because I wasn't aware it could get worse!"
"Please...just lie down."
"Fine." Meredith fell back against her pillows as he pulled her covers back over her. There wasn't much she could argue when she was in this much pain. There wasn't much she could do to fight back.
"Thank you." Derek sighed. He didn't know what to do for her. She had medication and the treatment that she needed but that wasn't all that she needed and he didn't know what to do.
"I'm going home tomorrow."
"Then I'm going home with you."
"Won't help your campaign for Dad of the Year." She snapped, giving him the best dirty look she could with her swollen black eyes.
"I'm going to ignore that."
"You probably should."
"I want you to come home with me." Derek breathed.
"And that won't sit well with the kids...do you even think about your son?" Meredith groaned. Normally he wouldn't put up with her tone and how she was talking to him. Normally he would have snapped right back at her but looking at her, he knew if he was in that much pain he wouldn't be the kindest either.
"I already asked him."
"Yeah...I wonder how that looks to him and to the school staff...going him with a student's Dad." Meredith rolled her eyes.
"The hospital's not going to discharge you unless you have someone to take care of you, Mer." He sighed.
"I have a sister...you're chief."
"And you're sister can't afford to take time off and I can."
"No you can't." She stared straight ahead. "There was a speech you missed because you couldn't take time off."
"I can...thanks to working for many years and not taking days off."
"How do your kids feel about that?" She winced, looking down at her stomach, seeing red through her hospital gown, showing that she must have done something to irritate the wound on her stomach or torn at the bandage. Still she hadn't seen her stomach and the very thought scared her.
"This is why you need someone to stay with you." Derek noticed the redness. "I'm going to get a nurse."
"No you're not."
"Do you want me to check it?"
"Whatever...I don't care."
"Okay." Derek breathed, pulling back the hospital gown. For the first time, she saw how bad the injuries were on her stomach. "You just need a new bandage..."
"Just oh..." Meredith saw the dark black and blue bruises all along her stomach and bandages in a few areas. She gasped as she saw the cut, bleeding as Derek removed the bandage. She bit back the tears as she saw just how bad it looked and how horrible it looked. It was ugly....everything was just painfully bad.
"You didn't need stitches again but you reopened this by trying to move." He breathed, grabbing a set of gloves and bandages from the tray of supplies that was in her room.
"It doesn't look the same..." She said quickly.
"Hmm?"
"It's disgusting."
"It's getting better."
"It's...okay..." Her voice hitched in her throat as tears formed at her eyes.
"This is going to sting a little bit." He whispered, putting some antibacterial ointment on the cut across her stomach.
"Okay." She put her hand over her mouth.
"Sorry..." Derek breathed as she winced from the medicine and he placed a fresh bandage overtop.
"It's fine." She murmured, a tear slipping down her cheek as she looked out the window.
"I'll get you a clean gown to change into." He said, looking up at her. "Hey..."
"What?" She breathed.
"You're going to be okay." He whispered, gently wiping the tear from her face.
"Now I know why you covered the mirror in the bathroom and I haven't even seen my face."
"That's the worst of it."
"Yeah." She looked away, her shoulders shaking. It was hitting her just how bad this really was because before, she had been in a numb state. She had smiled and been okay but everything had changed. She hadn't seen the kids in quite a few days and she couldn't go to work until this cleared up.
"This is why I want you to come with me." Derek breathed, trying to comfort her the best he could but he just felt completely helpless.
"No." She gasped.
"I just...I need you to talk to me."
"I don't know what you want me to say." She started to cry. She wasn't an overly emotional girl, that wasn't her at all but the pain mixed with the irritation and these dreams she was having, were all too much.
"I want you to tell me what your feeling." He whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "I want you tell me that your in pain...I want you to let me help you."
"You should leave."
"No." Derek shook his head, kissing the small part of her lip that wasn't swollen and cut before sliding into the small hospital bed with her. She needed him even if she didn't say it.
"I can barely open my eyes...I've seen my hands and now my stomach and legs and it's...my lips are swollen up and I have stitches inside my mouth and I look disgusting."
"You don't look disgusting...you look like some jackass decided to take advantage of you....but he didn't know how strong you were." Derek breathed.
"Everything hurts."
"I know..."
"I don't even know what to do about it...even my hair hurts."
"They can increase your medicine but you'd have to stay here longer."
"I don't have anything to wear at your house." She said, making him believe for the first time that maybe she understood that she needed him.
"Hmm...Lexie said she would pack some things up and bring them over."
"When can the stitches on my scalp come out?"
"Next week."
"Okay..." She sucked in a deep breath.
"Everything is healing just like it should."
"Okay." She breathed as he assured her.
"Please let me take you home."
"What about Trevor?"
"I've spoken to Trevor. It's okay."
"He can't tell his friends."
"He won't. He just wants you to get better."
"Because when I return to work..." Meredith started before Derek cut her off right away.
"That's the other thing..." Derek breathed. He didn't want to bring this up now. He didn't think she would want to talk about but it needed to be said.
"Mrs. Healy from the school board came to see me and she mentioned leave but I don't need leave." Meredith groaned, shaking her head. "I don't need to finish off the year sitting on my ass like they want me to."
"I um...I think you do."
"That's ridiculous." She shook her head.
"Mer, you're obviously...you're hurt. You can barely walk."
"That will go away."
"It's not just that."
"It is just that." She rolled her eyes.
"The nurses told me you woke up in the middle of the night..."
"Derek I'll be healed in a week or two."
"They had to give you medicine to calm you down to get you back to sleep." Derek breathed. "By the time I came back....it was done but you're having nightmares."
"And I will be fine."
"Mer..."
"What?"
"You're not okay."
"We don't owe each other anything and that means you don't know if I am okay...only I know that."
"Fine." Derek sighed. "Just...agree to come home with me and let me help you...please."
"Fine." Meredith crossed her arms. She hated this, but deep inside she knew she needed him to take care of her.
"Thank you." He breathed, kissing the side of her head.
"No sex."
"You're hurt...I'm not...No sex."
"And Leighton will double-time between your bed and...wherever I am sleeping."
"I'm sure she'll be in your bed every night." Derek chuckled.
"I've missed laying with her."
"She misses you too."
"It hurts." She bit back the rest of the tears. She wasn't used to having someone there for her but there was something about pain that made it easy to let him in.
"I know." He breathed. "I'm going to help you."
"When I do go to your house...I want pizza."
"Hmm...tomorrow night. It's yours."
"You have to be nice to me...I'm no longer attractive." She breathed weakly as he stroked her hair and she remembered how good it felt to have his fingers running through her long hair. Only now, he was being a little bit more gentle.
"I'm always nice to you." Derek chuckled. "And you are still attractive...very attractive."
"I don't want the nurse to give me a sponge bath and Lexie and Cristina are both in on Dr. Hunts trauma patient." She said quickly, looking out the window.
"Ms. Grey...are you asking me to give you a sponge bath?"
"You've seen me naked and I'd like to keep the number of people doing that to a minimum if I can."
"Okay." He laughed, kissing her head. "I'll get the stuff."
"Will you tell Lexie to bring my clothes but to make sure she takes all of my sweats too?"
"I will."
"And my shampoo...maybe I should just go tomorrow."
"Make a list."
"What?" Meredith frowned as he filled the bowl up with some water, before bringing it over to her.
"I'll get you some paper and we'll make a list of everything you need." Derek smiled.
"Ass."
"What did I do?"
"You just are..."
"You can't call the guy who's about to give you a sponge bath an ass."
"Too late." She laughed weakly as he dipped the sponge into the water.
"Not nice." He laughed, helping her take off the hospital gown.
"It looks....it looks as bad as it feels." She winced.
"I'll be gentle."
"If I had it my way I would never put any clothes over it until it healed...I'd just be naked...and passed out asleep."
"I don't know if I would object that to that." He laughed.
"Your kids might."
"Probably."
"Hmm." She tried to laugh but inside her head...things were messy.
"If you don't want them to...the kids won't see you for a few days until the bruises are...until things are better."
"I don't want to scare them." She said quietly.
"Leighton asked me if she could kiss your boo boos and make them feel better."
"Is she going to understand..."
"All I told them was that there was an accident."
"An accident."
"It's true." Derek breathed.
"You've had your hand in that water for a while." She looked down at his hand, which was in the bowl with the water. She knew why the accident had happened and she knew that was why she was having nightmares.
"Right...sponge bath."
"Hmm."
"I'm going to take care of you." Derek whispered, as she started to clean her off with the damp sponge and she lay still, trying to relax and forget the pain that was surging through her entire body. All Derek wanted to do was take the pain away, to take away what had happened and have things change and he felt out of control, a feeling that he wasn't used to as a surgeon. But coming home with him Derek would be able to take care of her as best he could and help her get over what had happened one step at a time.