“W-what? Of course n-not” I stuttered completely shocked by what she has just suggested. I know that the situation didn’t particularly look great but I wouldn’t think she would be the one to jump to such rash conclusions.
“He just said he was giving you money!” She squealed before remembering it was early in the morning and hushing down again.
I pulled on my underwear underneath the covers and stood up quickly. I didn’t care that Sarah was seeing me half naked, not right now anyway. I had more important things to worry about. I shot her a bewildered look,
“Yeah… but it’s not what you think, I promise” I tried to explain. Looking back on it, I couldn’t exactly blame her for seeing the situation in that way. I was going to accept money from a man I hardly knew right after I had sex with him. It was definitely very suspicious.
“I can’t believe you… what about Gabi? Did you even think about her?” She spat, a flicker of disgust in her tone. I remained silent because honestly I had not been thinking of Gabi. I was too drunk.
All I knew was that Dominic was going to me money so that I could change our lives around. Besides I had been the one to ask him upstairs. He had not pressured me or suggested anything that may make look like he was treating me like a prostitute. It was just a casual one night stand with someone who was actually a pretty decent guy. There was nothing wrong with that.
“Sarah I know what this looks like… but I swear it isn’t…” I pleaded, trying to get her to see it from my point of view. She didn’t look convinced at all; in fact she looked extremely disappointed. But she didn’t say another word. She merely shook her head and opened the door again.
“Okay…” She breathed, not bearing to look at me before she exited the room. Meanwhile I was stood in the middle with only my underwear on. A cold chill rushed past me as the door shut and I hopped back into bed. Sarah was definitely going to kick me out now, I was sure of it.
I pulled the covers over me again and suddenly felt like crying. The alcohol had worn off now and the pounding in my head caused me to feel even more crap. I pinched my eyes shut tightly and attempted to forget. Forget about my dad, forget about Sarah and forget about Dominic. None of them mattered, not really. The only person that mattered to me was Gabi. My innocent and fragile daughter.
***
I didn’t sleep at all that night. I simply laid there staring at the ceiling in the dark and thinking about how absolutely terribly my life was going. Why did everyone I cared about leave me? Was I so screwed up that nobody wanted anything to do with me? It certainly seemed that way. No matter how much I tried and how much of a good person I was, life just kept getting worse.
Nevertheless, unable to take my depressing thoughts any longer, I hauled myself out of bed to go and check on Gabi. My head spun as I began getting dressed and I knew I was hung-over. I pulled on my clothes as quickly as possible and stepped quietly into the hallway. Gabi’s room was right next to mine. She had been sleeping in the new babies’ room. Sarah and Lloyd had put a travel cot in there and allowed Gabi to sleep in it, which I thought was considerably generous of them.
However as I creaked open the door, my heart dropped. She was not in there. The travel cot was empty, only scrunched up blankets occupied it. I glanced around frantically to see if she was playing around and hiding but she wasn’t. The room was totally silent.
Several thoughts whizzed through my mind and I swiftly bounded down the stairs in a panicked rush, however this is when my heart sunk even lower, if that was even possible.
Sat on the sofa with Gabi by her side was none other than Joyce Murphy and she looked beyond angry. Gabi was still dressed in her lilac pyjamas and was swinging her legs playfully, her eyes lighting up when she saw me.
“Mummy!” She chirped, I smiled weakly at her and stepped forward.
“J-Joyce? What’s going on?” I frowned. Sarah and Lloyd were sat on the opposite side of the sofa looking solemn. I began to panic because I seriously didn’t know what was going on. Why was Joyce here? Why had they taken Gabi out of her bed so early? But as I connected the dots, my heart started to beat rapidly.
“Rebecca… I have to admit I am extremely disappointed…” Joyce tutted, standing up from the sofa. I glanced between her and Sarah and knew immediately why she was here. It was so blatantly obvious from the look on Sarah’s face. She had rung Joyce.
I was fuming. I had assured her last night that I wasn’t a prostitute, why did she not believe me?!
“From what Sarah has told me… you have been living in a B&B… and that you have become… a prostitute”
“I’m not! I swear I’m not!” I cried, looking over at Gabi’s now frightened face. My heart was breaking in millions of pieces, that’s how felt anyway. I knew exactly how nasty Joyce was and that she was going to be ruthless towards me.
“But you have been living in a hotel?” She said, raising an eyebrow suggestively. My head was spinning but I still managed to nod reluctantly,
“Y-Yes b-but…”
“And did I not warn you that if anything bad were to happen again… then Gabriella would have to be taken from your care?”
“No! No, you can’t!” I screamed, the tears spilling out of my eyes before I could even comprehend what was happening, “You can’t! Please!” So many emotions were running through my head and the familiar lump in my throat had reappeared.
“You have had plenty of chances Rebecca… but getting kicked out of a job interview, living in a B&B and then becoming a prostitute… it’s too much“
“I’m not a prostitute!” I bawled. My whole body was tense and I was one second away from grabbing Gabi and running as fast as possible. I wouldn’t allow this to happen. They would not take my daughter.
“You are not suitable for Gabriella anymore” Joyce retorted harshly, taking hold of Gabi’s hand and letting her hop off the sofa. Gabi looked extremely confused and scared, which I think was what hurt me more than anything. She was innocent in all this; she didn’t deserve any of this to happen to her and knowing it was my fault killed me.
“Yes, I am! You don’t realise how hard I have been trying to find a job!” I pleaded desperately,
“But you couldn’t find one, so you decided to become a prostitute?” Joyce was vile. I always knew it. She was assuming things, merely because she had always hated me and now she was clinging onto one little reason to lynch me. I hated her. I hated her. I hated her.
“How many times do I have to say this?! I am not a prostitute! Okay, I’m not the best mother, b-but who is? I’m completely on my own and I am t-trying!” I explained quickly, words spilling out of my overly emotional brain. The tears were falling down my face like an actual waterfall now and my vision was blurry. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Nothing could have prepared me for it.
“Gabriella needs a stable home with stable care and you cannot provide her that… it is our only option…” Joyce affirmed, trying to look slightly sympathetic. However I knew she was loving this, she was relishing in my failure like crazy.
She gripped Gabi’s hand and began walking her towards the front door. My entire body was tingling and I wanted to explode.
Impulsively, I knelt down on the floor and grabbed Gabi around the waist.
“You c-can’t take h-her! I w-won’t let you!” I sobbed, not caring how pathetic I looked. Gabi was started to cry now too and wrapped her chubby arms around my neck. I never wanted to let go. If I let go, I didn’t know whether I would ever get her back.
“Rebecca, let her go right now! The car is waiting outside”
“P-Please Joyce! Don’t d-do this!” I shouted, looking directly into her eyes to see if she had any genuine sympathy for me. I clung onto Gabi desperately for a few more moments before Joyce lifted her up roughly and began rushing to the car which was parked on the curb.
She was practically running away from me as though I was dangerous. That’s what hurt. She must realise that I would never hurt Gabi. I rushed outside behind them both, however two large arms held me back. It was Lloyd.
“Get off me!” I screamed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp as I helplessly watched Joyce strap Gabi into the back of the car. Lloyd was very strong though and kept a firm grip on me. This was the worst moment of my entire life. Nothing compared to it. The emotional and physical pain I was experiencing by having my daughter taken away was unbearable.
I sobbed as Joyce got into the front seat and revved the engine of the car.
“Gabi…”I whimpered pathetically, choking through my tears. I gave up completely when the car began driving off down the road and into the distance. My whole body sagged in defeat. It was all too late. She was gone. The only person I had left in the whole world was gone.
Once Lloyd had finally let go of me, I fell to the ground in a horrible mess of tears and pain. My chest hurt from the screaming and my throat hurt from the crying. Everything hurt really. I had never felt so helpless.
My daughter had been taken away from me and it was all Sarah’s fault. I still couldn’t believe she had called Joyce. I thought she was one of my closest friends. I thought I could trust her. Rage bubbled inside me. This was a time when I simply couldn’t control my anger.
A burst of energy caused me to stand up and bolt inside the house quickly. My knuckles were tensed by my side and I suddenly felt like my fifteen year old self. Violent and aggressive, but nothing was going to stop me now.
Sarah was stood in the kitchen and I seized my opportunity. I didn’t care about the consequences of my actions anymore because I had literally nothing left to lose.
“Why the fuck would you do that?!” I shrieked, before pulling my hand back and slapping her hard across the face. The velocity of my hit was so strong that her head was visibly snapped backwards. A loud clapping noise rung out. It sounded extremely painful but at this moment I simply did not care. I wanted her to feel an inch of the pain that I was feeling. I wanted her to cry with agony.
But it was all over quickly as Lloyd grabbed me again and dragged me away from Sarah who was now clutching her face in distress.
“What the hell are you doing?!” He bellowed in a deep tone. He pushed me away roughly and went to tend his girlfriend. A horrifying realisation then struck me.
She was pregnant.
I had just attacked a pregnant woman. My heart pumped rapidly and I suddenly felt light headed.
“I-I’m…” My hand rose to my mouth in horror at my own actions. I knew I had messed up. I was a monster.
“Get your stuff and go” Lloyd growled angrily, getting ice from the fridge to place on Sarah’s crimson face. I saw a handprint etched out on her cheek and guilt consumed me. What had I done? I thought I had learnt to could control my anger years ago but now, I wasn’t so sure. I had done that, so what else was I capable of?
I raced upstairs quickly and began stuffing all of my belongings into my suitcase. Everything I could grab was simply thrown in.
I then sprinted to Gabi’s room and something caused me to freeze. Mr Snuffles was still laid in the bed. Gabi’s prized possession that she had had since the day she was born and they hadn’t even let her keep him.
Slowly, I picked the bear up and ran my fingers over him. He was frayed and slightly chewed at the ear but I always thought this added to his character. I held him to my face and could distinctly smell milk and biscuits. Just like Gabi. More tears leaked from my eyes and cuddled it tightly, my heart throbbing.
I then chucked all of Gabi’s remaining toys and clothes into a suitcase and stepped down the stairs carefully.
I didn’t want to face Lloyd and Sarah again but I knew they would be there. I held my breath as I reached the bottom of the stairs and saw the most sorrowful sight. Sarah was whimpering quietly while Lloyd protectively rubbed her back. I wished I had someone like Lloyd. I wish I had someone to protect me.
The guilt chiselled away inside me and my heart bled.
“I-I’m s-so s-sorry…” I mumbled, hanging my head in shame before briskly making my way out the front door. I knew neither of them would reply, probably because they had nothing left to say to me. They had invited me into their home and I had abused it. I would be bitter as well. They were good people deep down. They just thought they were doing the right thing because they cared about Gabi. I guess I couldn’t hate them for that.
The problem was now that I seriously had nowhere to go. The only friend I had to turn to was Perry, who I couldn’t contact because my phone was dead and Dominic.
My heart skipped a beat as I remembered what Dominic had said. He was going to give me some money that might just help to change my life around and if I did that, I might have a chance at getting Gabi back. I had to go back to that bar. Right now, it was the only sliver of hope.