February 14, 1996
Dear Cedric,
Merlin, what a wild couple of months it's been. I had to read my last letter to you again just so I'd remember what I last told you and update you accordingly.
About Quidditch, my first match as Beater is on Saturday! Truthfully, I'm more excited than I am nervous. I know, that's crazy, but I can't help but feel like I'm finally finding my footing again after being so unstable for so long. I'm finally figuring out who I am and where I'm supposed to be. I loved Chaser, but Beater just feels RIGHT. As fun as it was scoring the points, there's something that feels right about being one of the people protecting the rest of the team. We had practice only a couple days before the full moon, and I actually felt stronger instead of weaker. Playing Beater feels right, and having Ginny as the other Beater just makes it that much better.
GINNY. MERLIN. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THIS GIRL. SHE'S AN ANIMAGUS NOW. A HORSE, A WHITE HORSE WITH BLACK SPOTS IN THE PATTERN OF HER FRECKLES. She's mad, I'm telling you. I love her, mad though she is. She's mad in the best way possible. Don't tell her I said that. I just tell her she's mad and that I love her, in that order.
I got a few more answers about my magic. Apparently it's not terribly uncommon for werewolves to have something like this happen, though it's unusual that it happened to me so young. It happened to Remus (Professor Lupin) when he was 21. I've found that I'm able to control my magic best when I let myself release it; I've started dueling Harry and Ginny and Neville a couple times a week, and sometimes I even let it go during Quidditch practice. It makes Dennis laugh when I whack a Bludger with so much force orange sparks explode from my bat. He's our new Seeker, by the way! Dennis Creevey, Colin's younger brother. We've become good friends, actually, since he loves Charms as much as I do. I've started teaching a couple of the fun ones from the book you got me when I turned 12.
Mr. Weasley made a full recovery, thankfully! As far as Harry's concerned, we don't have too many answers yet about what happened and why, but he's started Occlumency lessons with Snape. I still feel like Harry would learn better if Professor Dumbledore was the one giving the lessons, and I still hate Snape, but I suppose I just have to hope Harry starts to get the hang of it soon. He hasn't complained of any strange dreams in quite a while. I can tell his scar bothers him, though, even when he tries not to show it. I know him too well.
Speaking of us, I don't know exactly where we stand, but I think I know where we will end up one day. Technically speaking, he's Cho's boyfriend, but I don't think that will last much longer. Cho was perfect for you, and you were perfect for her. I love Harry dearly, but he's not you. I supported Harry and Cho wholeheartedly, I promise I'm not saying this from a place of jealousy. I supported their relationship until it became clear they were both miserable in it. Now I just hope one or both of them has the sense to end it before they hurt each other further. Cho just wants to feel close to you, which I completely understand, but it's not good for Harry to keep going back to that night. It's not good for any of us.
We had to go back to that night today, though. I hope it will be worth it. Harry and I both talked to Rita Skeeter (yes, THAT Rita Skeeter... truly awful) because she's going to publish something in The Quibbler about what happened — the FULL truth about what happened. I think people are ready to listen. There was a breakout from Azkaban, and I doubt people are satisfied with the answers (or lack thereof) in the Prophet. I think people might be more willing to give Harry a shot now. I think people might want to listen to me, too. The name Diggory carries weight, even though it's not truly mine. Well... no. It IS mine. I may not have been their daughter, but I always have been and always will be your sister.
I miss you, Cedric. So much. I've been trying to figure myself out lately. I want to understand how and why people love me. Maybe one day even start to love myself. But the more I do that, the more I realize just how profoundly the loss of you has affected me. Everything I do has you in it somehow. Revising for O.W.L.s, I think of all of the study tips you shared with me over the years. Walking to the greenhouses, I see the tree where you and Henry spent so much time together. When I'm in the sky is when I feel you most. Sometimes I feel like if I fly high enough, I'll find you again. At the very least, I'll find an osprey. I never realized just how fitting your Patronus was, but it fits so perfectly, Ced. You were meant to fly. I wonder what it felt like to die. I hope it felt like flying and not falling. Falling is terrifying, but flying is exhilarating.
Have you ever thought about how odd it is that people "fall" in love? I don't want to fall in love, I want to fly in love. Gravity has always felt reversed to me. I know gravity technically holds me to the ground, but I feel like there's another gravity, a stronger gravity, that calls me to the sky. The sky feels more like home than the ground ever has or ever will. I don't want to fall in love. I want to fly into love, with Harry. We're going to be together, I just know it. I guess I'm just waiting for him to know it too.
I should go to bed now. It's been a long day (there was a bit of an incident at Quidditch practice) and I need to rest up before the Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match on Saturday. Don't worry, I'll be sure not to injure Henry. I make no promises about Anthony Rickett, though — Harry might have stopped me from hexing him, but if I get the chance to send a Bludger his way, I'll take it.
Anyway, Cedric, I love you and I miss you. I don't know if the osprey really is you or not, but it's nice to see regardless. Like you're still around, checking up on us. I still feel you here. You're a part of me, and I know you'll never be fully gone as long as those of us who loved you remember you. And we do. I promise we do.
Love always, Lucy
~
February 14, 1996
Dear Cedric,
I need help.
I wish I knew what to do to make Cho happy. She's sought me out for months now, but I wish I knew what she wanted from me. I know she wants to talk about you, but I can't bring myself to do that. That being said, I don't know what ELSE to do. We can talk about Quidditch a bit, but that's a sore subject since Umbridge booted me off the team and since you loved Quidditch so much. We can complain about Umbridge too, but even that topic of conversation dries up after a bit. I wish she would just talk to Lucy, because I know Lucy wants to be friends and wants to try to help her, but Cho refuses. I wish I knew what you did to make Cho happy so I could do the same. Or, better yet, I wish I knew what you did to make Cho happy so I could do the opposite so it doesn't remind her of you. I don't want to try to replace you, because you're irreplaceable. I just wish I could try to fill the hole you left behind, since it's my fault you're gone in the first place.
Today was a real mess, but I think something good will come out of it. I told Rita Skeeter the whole story of that night, and she'll publish it in The Quibbler. I hope people finally hear me and actually LISTEN to me. I feel like I've been shouting into a void ever since that night, but only a dozen people care enough to lend me an ear. Merlin, I'm so glad Lucy of all people believes me. She's the best, Cedric, I mean that. I don't know how I would have gotten through all of this without her. I suppose that's another part of why I'm thinking about breaking up with Cho, she doesn't like Lucy — at the very least, she doesn't like being around Lucy — but Lucy's my best friend and I'd always choose her first. I've never told anyone this before, but last year, during the second task, I almost rescued her instead of Ron before I realized that Ron wouldn't have been your "treasure." If the other Hogwarts champion had been anyone other than you, Lucy would have been the person for me to rescue. She's rescued me time and time again — from myself, from others, from everything that's tried to hurt me — and I hope I've done alright returning the favor this past year, which I would argue has been the hardest and darkest year of her life.
Well, I have quite a bit to ponder. I think breaking up with Cho would be the best decision for both of us, but I don't know how exactly to go about it. I hope she understands. Maybe she'll even be glad for it, I don't know. Thanks for hearing me out, if in fact you've heard me at all. We all really miss you down here, Lucy most of all. She's alright, though. She's getting better and better and better and better by the day. She rebounds faster and faster from setbacks, and she smiles and laughs more and more. She's not the same Lucy she was a year ago, I don't know if she ever will be, but I think that's okay. She's still Lucy through and through, and I think she's starting to realize we all love her no matter what. Whenever Lucy figures that out for once and for all, I think everyone will throw a party. As long as it's not close to a full moon, anyway, in which case we'd throw it once she was feeling better. I'll let you know as soon as that happens — I hope it's someday soon.
Sincerely, Harry Potter