Another morning sun came up. I was awoken by the birds chirping and the wonderful smell of freshly made bagels. Luke brought me a bacon sandwich bagel, with some fruit platter and hot chocolate. As he promised me before, he always came with a cup or two of hot chocolate, sometimes ice chocolate. He helped me up to the bathroom and I had a good time soaking in the hot water. Too tired to wash my hair, I politely asked Luke if he didn't mind helping me wash my hair. He agreed. So after I put on the bathrobes, I sat down on the stool, leaning on the sink, and he started to wash my hair. Back then, my brother always washed my hair like this, I closed my eyes and felt the comfort of it. A familiar feeling warmed my heart. After that, he wrapped my hair with a towel and left me to change into fresh clothes.
I watch myself in the mirror. I look awful. The bruises become lighter in colour, no more swollen eyes, my torn lips healed. I turned and examined my bareback. A few scars from when he whipped me, still reddish and hurt. But at least the bruises are healed. Then there it is. Number 5 is carved into my skin. I have no idea what he used, the flesh is cut open and it still stings like hell. Then I look down at my feet. Not really a good sight either, actually. Trembling, I wore my fresh hospital gown. I wish I had my own clothes. I wonder if I can remember my apartment, maybe I could ask someone to get my clothes there. After I dried out my hair, I walked back to my bed, tugged my legs under the cover, and Luke set the table for my breakfast. He sat in front of me, having coffee.
"Drink the water first, Ava," he told me, I nodded and poured the water into the glass and gulped it down. He smiled in satisfaction and bit into his BLT sandwich.
I eat while thinking about my night. After a long sleepless night, nightmares, and plenty of tears, I am finally able to sleep for a couple of hours at dawn. I beg the nurse to not give me any sedative again, I need to face my fear. I can't depend on drugs all the time. Sooner or later it has to stop and I stopped it last night. Promised her that I will ask for it if the panic attack or the nightmare is too extreme.
"You must have been exhausted last night. You've been up all night with me" I said to him. He shook his head,
"When I was in Iraq, I used to sleep only a couple of hours during night time, and these few months I kinda have sleeping trouble, so don't worry about me. What's your nightmare about, if you don't mind I asked?"
"The basement. Portsmouth. The monster is under my bed. My family. You know, all of it is in black and white like scenes from old movies. Some of it I can't remember about, I know it's important, but it seems my brain is not allowing me to remember it" I answered him and continued to eat.
"Do you remember anything else?"
"I guess I am. A few more. After you called my name". Then I remembered I hit his left cheek, my hand stung actually, but it's okay now. His cheek was kinda pinkish, probably because of what I did. "Luke, come closer please" I put down my bagel, wipe my hand with a tissue napkin. He stared at me, but then he walked to my right side. I touched his cheek, he was tense a bit, but then he relaxed. "I'm sorry. Did it hurt?" I put my palm on his cheek.
"It was, but it's not anymore, you have a strong right jab, I wonder where you are working actually" he chuckled and put his palm above mine.
Disgusting!! The voice snapped angrily. How could you touch an enemy like this!! You're fraternizing with the enemy!
Shut up! Let her be! My brain is defending me. Then the voice left.
"And I'm sorry to call you a bastard, although I have to admit, I lost my trust in you a little bit. I know it's not your fault, and I'm truly sorry in advance. But I couldn't help it, my brain acting up at me." I stare right into his eyes, he has such wonderful eyes. At that moment, I can feel my heart change.
"I understand, Ava. Don't worry about it." He smiled softly, I pulled my hand from his cheek, he looked disappointed for a slight second, or, do I imagine it? "Come on, finish your breakfast, the meds round will be here in 30 minutes" he stepped back to his original spot on my bed. I chew my bagel and stare at the sky through the window. I've been here too long. I have to run away.
After breakfast, I asked Luke for paper and a pen. He gave me a small pocketbook and a pencil. He put the table we used before, on my side. Tired of my usual position on the bed, now I sat on the edge of my bed, facing the table, scattered papers on it, my legs dangling freely. This is a nice position I guess, but I can't be too long like this, my back will hurt. I ignored it for a while. Luke is staying outside with Matt. Talking inaudible. I focused back on my notes.
Run. Find Paige. Help Mel. Run. You stayed here too long. Ash is dead. Who's next? Who is number 4? Paige? Or Mel? Think! The voice snapped again. Good Lord, how can I get rid of this voice?
"Who is number 4?" I ask myself quietly. If my memory is correct, the first time after I woke up in that place, there's already someone there. Later I know it's Ashley. Then me, then Melinda, the last one is Paige. If Ash is number 3, then it has to be me as number 4, but I'm not. I'm 5. I wrote down '3 - Ash' on the paper. Beside her name I wrote 'cause of death 'drowning'. Then location 'dumpster, Virginia'. I wrote '4 - ?' Mel or Paige? Where will he dump number 4 next? Here in Virginia again? Or will he change it? I rip off a few pages filled up with my handwriting and set them aside. I turn to another clean page and start to write my own name.
Savannah Davis. Harbor tower apartment, unit 506, 5th fl. Oh, I remember the apartment!
Jace Davis.
Ryan Davis. Brothers. They are twins. Double trouble, double love. My bodyguards. I chuckled remembering them.
Mom, Ginny Davis (neè Malcolm)
Dad, Tom Davis.
Status: Deceased.
Then,
Isla Harper. Isla Harper, my new identity. Do they know who Isla Harper really is?
Again, who is number 4?
I put my pencil down, pinched my nose bridge and stretched my back, then pushed away from the table. My head is throbbing, I need to get away from here. These people just hold me and do nothing. Paige is running out of time. Mel's too. I have to get away from here. Soon.
"Ava?" I looked to the door and saw another person peek her head inside the room, black hair, stern face. Who is she? "May I come in? My name's Emily Prentiss. I'm a friend of Luke and Matt" she smiled.
Look, another traitor!
"Shut it!" I muttered to myself, silencing the voices "come in, Prentiss" I pull my legs up and tug them under the bed cover, while she's walking closer to my bed.
"It's okay if you feel comfortable with that, no need to cover your legs, I don't mind" she smiled and sat in the chair Luke or Matt usually use.
"I mind," I told her, removing the cover and pulling my hospital gown, exposing a nasty wound lengthwise from my thigh up to my middle calves. Deep red wound, I don't know if it's gonna heal or not, but sure it will leave a scar. Emily's eyes widened. I tug back my bed cover, and rest my back on stacked pillows behind me "he burned a knife until the blade almost melted away and cut me there" I pat my leg a bit. "That's my first attempt to run away". I draw my gown hem on my waist to the side and let Emily see other scars. Few healed cut scars are there, also the number. "and this is probably what brings you here now" I covered it again, and secured it with the bed cover. Emily seems to be at a loss for words. She looked at me with pure sympathy. I shook my head, assuring her that I'm okay. "I think I remembered most of my past, but it probably not in the right order" I warned her
"Don't worry about it. We will try to fix it together. If I may ask, what is your name?" She prepared her note and pen.
"My name is Savannah Davis. I was in the WitSec program a month after I was released from the hospital" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Allowing myself to come back to that day. A damned day in the hot morning of summer 10 years ago. When I open my eyes, Luke is standing near the door frame, Matt and Tara are outside. Talking inaudibly about something. Maybe about me.
Maybe talking about how they're gonna despise you again! My head is full of sarcasm and profanity from the voices.
"I said shut it!" I snapped at myself. Emily's shoulder tensed a bit, surprised by my sudden burst. I shake my head and tug my hair a few times like I can withdraw that voice from me and throw it away. "I'm so tired of you! Just let me finish the story!" And tugging harder on my hair.
"Ava.." Luke sat on my bed, holding on my hands to stop what I was doing, a bunch of hair was on my fingers and bed. Emily stood up and helped me remove the hair from my fingers and shove it off from the bed. Then she's back to her chair. Luke handed me a cup of tea. I received it with gratitude and sipped it before I started to talk about the story Emily wanted to know. A story where it all began.
"It was a beautiful summertime in Hermitage, Tennessee. My family suddenly decided to have a picnic on a school day, my mom allowed us to skip school, and even my dad didn't go to work. Oh, how I wish I refused to do that." I chuckled dryly, "so we went to the park, mom with her basket full of knitting yarns, dad with his new favourite book, By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept." I smiled and remembered the book vividly "he tried to be more poetic for mom, that's what he said. And mom will start to compared dad with Ernest Hemingway, which is of course it's a different level of jokes"
I sip my tea again, steadying my trembling voice, the heat on the mug help my nervousness ease a little, then continue to talk, "while my two brothers, Jace and Ryan, argued about how they want to beat Alec, my classmate, who started to put interest on me in my freshman year. Then the day passed, and we had a really good family time. We arrived at home, and we noticed our alarm was inactive. I started to feel this sensation on my backbone, like a shivering sensation, but my dad told us, he might forget to activate it, and he received a good amount of glare from my mom"
I took another deep breath, put my cup on the side table, straighten my bed cover, combing my hair down with my fingers, I tried to do a lot just to hide my shaking hands from their eyes, but of course, they notice it, they're only pretend did not see anything at all. In which, I thank them for that.
"Later that night, I woke up to the gunshot sound. I snatch my phone and run to my closet. I called 911. But before I can say anything, they found me. He dragged me by my hair and forced me to stand up in front of him, and he stabbed my waist and left the knife there. Out of reflex, I grabbed his masked, I remembered his face. He twitched out the knife and stabbed me again, I fell to the floor. At that time another person joined him, watching me bleed to death, I pleaded, begging for my life. But they're laughing and told me my family will wait for me in hell" I stop, hiding my face with my hands "I was awake in the hospital days afterwards" my voice muffled, behind my hands "I was supposed to die that night, yet I survived and I told the police about that man, which they found him easily. He was too cocky to hide for a while, thinking no survivor of his last robbery. They told me his name was Howard Albert. I know he got the death sentence and I was there when he got executed. He looks at me, deadpanned into my eyes and his last words are 'they will make you pay for my death'... The next thing I know I'm on the witness protection program since then. Then Isla Harper was born.."
Breathe, Ava, breathe! Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. The sweat breaks a little on my temple, my hands shaking hard. I want to scream and cry out loud. It still hurts. After all of those years, the pain still seems fresh.
"Ava, you can stop anytime you want" Emily touched my upper hand and I winced, she tows her hand.
"Will this story help you to find my friends?" I asked them with a shaky voice, I wept a little. My brain is screaming. The voice wailed like an animal hurting. Too many voices inside my head. I took a few deep breaths and looked at her. There's some determination in her eyes. She nodded
"We sure it will"
"How? Paige, Mel, Ash and I were strangers before this," I threw my question bait, I need her to answer too, it will lead me to my next step. My brain suddenly quiet and starts to calculate a few things. Do the drugs wear off entirely? Last time I thought it was worn off but it's not. Cursed drugs!
"We don't know yet but I'm sure we can find the connection somewhere" she was silent for a few moments, "could you tell me more about Isla Harper?"
Then it's my turn to stay silent, I look at her, then Luke. Thinking about what I should say about 'her'. Me.
Don't let them know about Isla! She's the only reason we're survived until now! The voice said harshly. It's right, they don't need to know about Isla. For now.
"Isla Harper, I didn't remember much, it's blurry. But one thing about her, Isla Harper status is M.I.A."
"M.I.A. as in Missing in Action?" Luke asked me, I nodded, "why? How? She's a marine?"
"I don't remember," I said truthfully, trying hard to convince them with my words. They don't need to know. I don't want them to know, it will be too complicated. And the fact that they didn't know about Isla, or probably they only pretend, gave me some assurance that either Isla was wiped clean or locked somewhere in the system.
"Well then, that's another case for another day, I guess." Emily didn't seem to believe what I said, but then she stood up, said thank you and was ready to leave.
"Prentiss" I called her right before she left the room, she turned her face to me, "would you mind telling your friend, I'm sorry for trying to kill him the other day? I didn't mean to," I apologized to her.
"Don't worry Ava, we all understand your action and believe me, it needs more than a bed to kill David Rossi" she laughed and waved her hand. I watch her close the door. My hand is still trembling and sweating. Outside, she stops and talks with Tara and Matt. I didn't pay any attention to them anymore since my head started throbbing again. I slumped back to my bed. I am on the verge of crying out loud. I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes tight.
"I lost my family in one night. I lost my identity in a few months. I lost my friends in one damned basement" I thrust my eyes hard with my hand until I could see the white dot everywhere. Angry, sad, fear, all mixed inside me. Devastating. I need to save myself and my friends. And this drugged brain is not helping me much. These people too.
"Stop it, don't do that," Luke pulled my hands and held them tight. "We will find him, I can promise you that"
"Yeah? How?" I snapped at him, "it's been how many days since you found me? And what lead do you have besides holding me here?" I stare at him upset.
"I know. And we're sorry for that-"
"Please leave me alone" I turned my face away from him. I feel miserable because of this man and I can't be involved too much in this situation. I have to cut everyone out. I can't trust anyone. Not even him. I'm not gonna allow myself to have any feelings for him. It will ruin my future plan of staying alive.
"Ava.." He sighed, defeated by my words. He holds my hand, but I pull it away.
"Get out" once again I can hear him sighed before walking out of the room and closing the door quietly. Damnit! I don't need any of your help! I cursed him. I cursed my heart.
Ava, this is for the best. For you. For him. We can't involve him much further than this. It might cost him his life. Or possibly ours. My brain told me. I stayed quiet and stared at the ceiling. Tears rolled down from the corner of my eyes. Why has this all happened to me? I don't want to die.
"Ava" Matt sat down next to me, "I started to think that you and he are like a married couple, one time you both can be so sweet to each other, the next time fighting endlessly" he chuckled.
"What are you doing here anyway?" I didn't mind looking at him.
"Come on, tell me, what happens with you? You look fine after Emily left" he crossed his arms on his chest, waiting for my explanation.
"He promised me you guys will catch him, and I ask what lead you got? Literally nothing. But you guys just bothers to hold me here. You should let me go from here. I have friends out there that only God knows whether they are still alive or not!" I sat upright and released all of my anger to him. Matt listened carefully. "You have no idea how it feels to be me! I got a warm bed every night and out there my friends raced against their death! You have no idea, every night in that basement, we're holding hands together after he tortured us one by one, until there's nothing left in our throats! And now, one of us is dead, while I'm here, the others are out there. Shivering in fear and cold. Probably on the edge of their last breath. You have no idea.." I sob in between my words.
"Trust me when I say I know how you feel, Ava" he sat close to me, patted my head, "and we're sorry we can't get anything done soon. But we're trying our best here. We know we don't have any good leads since we're still tracking anything connected to Howard Albert. And to let you go from here, we can't. We have a responsibility to keep you alive. You've been through too much, Ava. We can't let him get you. Do you understand me?" He tilted my face up and wiped my teary face.
"I understand. I get it. I'm sorry"
"Don't worry about it. Do you need a hug?" He asked and open wide his hand
"Yeah, I guess so" I nodded and he engulfed me in his bear hug. "You remind me of my brothers.."
"Your family is deceased, yeah?" He asked me and I nodded, "do you remember where they were buried?"
I pulled myself from his hug and thought for a few seconds. "Small cemetery in Norfolk, but I think you can find them, right? I can't remember the name"
"You grow up in Tennessee, your family home is there too. Why bury them in Norfolk?" He asked me again.
"It's a quick decision. I have no one left besides my grandpa from my mother's side, and he lived in Norfolk. So he took me in. Also, he asked for my family to be buried there. That's why. Then, when my old pop died, I moved to Portsmouth, Virginia."
"I see" he stood up, "I need to check on that, will you be okay if I leave you with him?"
"Hm," I grunted,
"Just don't try to kill him, okay?" He giggled and left the room. I walked to the window and sat on my usual spot on the couch. If I asked them to let me visit the cemetery, and they let me go, I can use that for escaping, right? I zoom out for a few minutes.
The knocking on the door brings me back to reality. Luke standing at the door with a tray of food. He smiled and set the table in front of me. Without saying anything, he walked out again.
"Agent" I called him, he was stunned by how I called him, but he stayed and turned his head to me. I stood up and walked towards him and stopped a few inches in front of him. He was towering over me, my head not even passing his shoulder. "I'm sorry" I slither my arms around his waist and hug him, buried my face in his chest, "please stay". I can tell he was shocked, but then he loosened up, he put his arms on my back. I'm savouring this moment. It's been a while since I've had a proper hug. This is nice. Matt hugs were nice too. I'm addicted to hugs, to be honest.
" I will never leave" he hugs me tight, resting his chin on top of my head, "don't worry about anything, Ava"
"Be patient with me. I have a crazy head up here"
"I know," he said simply. The hug lasted for a few minutes, the chimed sound from his phone distracted us and he read it. "Matt found where your family was buried, Magnolia cemetery," he informed me. I nodded. The gear inside my head turning wildly.
This is it. We have to go.
"Luke, is it possible to visit my family?" I asked him then. "I missed them badly, and probably after that, I can get something from my apartment too. I'm so desperate to have my own clothes"
"Yeah sure, we will arrange for your trip right away. When do you want to see your family?" He said without any suspicion. That's good.
"Tomorrow will be okay," I said and sat down on the couch again.
"Are you sure? It's not too soon? Are you strong enough?" He eyed me, something going on in his mind.
"I guess I'm okay. As long as I don't have any nightmares or panic attacks tonight. Besides, I think it will help me to pick up whatever blank memories I have right now. We could end this psycho very soon" I said and tried not to push him too much to let me go. I need to erase the suspicion he has right now.
Luke nodded, thinking for a second and then he went outside to talk with Tara. Once he was outside I sighed and was relieved he didn't catch my nervousness, or it would jeopardize my plan. Another escape plan is already formed in my head. I try to remember the cemetery block, the path in the back of the small chapel. The roadways around the area. Which way should I go? And how will I run from Luke or anyone they assign to me?
I mapped out my escape route. To remove any suspicion that might arise between those people, I shove my plan away for a while and continue my daily routine. After lunch and meds around, I read a book Matt brought me some time ago. I fell asleep in between the pages I read.
When I woke up a girl sitting next to me, introducing herself as Penelope Garcia.
Oh, so she was the girl that always Luke or Matt called whenever they got a new lead.
She brought me a package. When I opened it, inside there was a brand new pair of maroon sneakers, a white shirt and navy blue hoodie, and comfortable jeans. I look at her with teary eyes, I never realised a package of new outfits can bring so much joy to me. She knows I'm going to visit the cemetery tomorrow and she knows I'm gonna need fresh clothes, so she did some shopping together with Tara. I hugged her as thank you, and she told me the small package contained something more private that I'm gonna need. I laughed and hugged her one more time. She's a wonderful person, cheerful, full of life. I was once like her too, when my family was still alive, now part of me died with them that night.
After talking for another half hour, she said goodbye and left. She didn't forget to hug Matt and Luke too. Deep inside, I felt sorry for her because I'm gonna crush her newly formed friendship with me by running away tomorrow.
Then in the afternoon, Luke helped me out with washing my hair again. After dinner, I decided to go to sleep. I need sleep. I need a good sleep. That night, the universe helped me out. I sleep soundly, without any nightmares.