Post-canon/ Reincarnation: Zhou Zishu hates Wen Kexing for leaving him behind, because hating Wen Kexing is easier than loving him. (this short story can be found in a separate book on my profile + the extra & epilogue)
1. Dark Waters
It's been long. It was time. It was enough. He had cheated death for so long, and now it was time to end it all. Zhou Zishu had finally loathed Wen Kexing enough to get rid of his own life; the life that Wen Kexing gave him.
He had vowed before, to continue to love him, to honor his sacrifice and live for him, to bite the wound and rejoice after the grief. This was Wen Kexing's token of love, his soulmate's sacrifice, the energy flowing through his body was his... and if it weren't for him, Zhou Zishu would long be gone.
But was this really the result he desired? The eternity he was promised? The 'in life and death' they pledged for?
Zhou Zishu slashed his palm every day with Wen Kexing's fan, reminiscing how physical wounds hurt to relieve the one in his heart. He grieved, mourned, cried and screamed and tried to kill himself in various ways so many times, before remembering that this was Wen Kexing's life he was taking- again. But the longer he dragged this lonely pitiful life of his, the darker the love was stained with inky hatred, until all what he's got left was a black heart.
Wen Kexing lied, he tricked him and snatched away his choice and now Zhou Zishu was alone in this hell of a world. Nothing mattered anymore; neither Wen Kexing nor his sacrifice- lies. And as deep as Zhou Zishu loved him, he now loathed. He kept his hands cold to remember how Wen Kexing's felt in his own the day he died. He kept the image of Wen Kexing's lifeless body in his mind so he could remind himself of his betrayal. He loathed him with every drop of blood running through his veins, with a passion burning like thousand suns, with a desire to pierce a sword right through Wen Kexing's heart and watch the blood spill against his blade. He wanted him to die again, but on his hands. He wanted to bury him again, to laugh in his dying face and take joy in his pain.
This was what Wen Kexing deserved for breaking his promises and leaving Zhou Zishu behind, for abandoning him without a goodbye and forcing him to mend his own incurable wounds.
The grudge Zhou Zishu held was like deep, cold and dark water, he sank into it the more he lived, until he was no other than a lonely, frozen, forgotten shipwreck.
And now, centuries later, Zhou Zishu was still grieving but not for love. He couldn't remember how it felt to love Wen Kexing, he despised him... Because hating Wen Kexing was less painful than loving him. It was... an easy way out.
Zhou Zishu huffed wickedly at the thought of Wen Kexing as he sipped his iced tea slowly, imagining how good it would feel if he could pay him back with the same pain he had caused him. "We'll meet in hell." He mouthed, laughing, and put the cup down, taking out his newly bought cell-phone to try to figure it out. He'd been living in the common world for few months yet it wasn't until now that he decided to buy one of those.
It wasn't his first time among people, he had always followed the modernity and innovation through the centuries, going back and forth to discover what's new and what's not. However, this time he didn't come here for a short vacation, he came to stay and die here. The life that Wen Kexing had given him didn't matter anymore, nor did Wen Kexing.
He fumbled with the phone, searching for some buttons when his screen caught the reflection of someone behind him.
Someone.
Someone with white hair and familiar eyes.
Someone who looks like-
Zhou Zishu immediately turned around to see someone who looks exactly like Wen Kexing, someone with long white hair, flowing loosely from his half bun, over his shoulders and down his back. Beautiful, painful, spiteful.
He shifted in his chair and stood up quickly, his heart throbbing painfully, eyes wide with surprise, hands clenching in fists, fighting the sudden urge to snap a neck. No... This was an illusion, this can't be real... not, not when he came to die...
"Woah!" The young man grinned, "You look like you just saw a ghost." He moved aside and sat down across from Zhou Zishu.
Zhou Zishu couldn't look into the man's eyes, they were too real, too familiar. It had been so long and he doubted his memory of Wen Kexing... But everything about this person was familiar... his face, posture, voice, hands... hair. His eyes fixed on the man's hair. Long, white hair... Zhou Zishu suddenly felt a sting, like the bandage of some unhealed wound had been suddenly ripped off of his heart...
"It's unusual, I know. I was born like this." The man brushed a finger through his white hair, shaking his head dismissively, "anyway, the hairpin in your hair looks vintage, it caught my eye. I have a strange hobby of collecting vintage items." He placed his elbows on the table and leaned closer, "but I didn't expect you'd be such a beauty... such beauty is unmatchable, I'm charmed."
Zhou Zishu stared at him warily. He didn't speak nor move, he just glared at him, a million spiteful thoughts going through his mind. This man was so much like Wen Kexing... Could it be him? He believed in reincarnation, so if this was Wen Kexing, he wouldn't be surprised. He was rather surprised at his own feelings. Despite years of hating Wen Kexing, the heartache had suddenly relapsed, and all the memories of loss and grief came pouring down on his head, deepening the hatred even more. He wanted to grab this man by the neck and watch him struggle to breathe, watch the life be sucked out of him, he wanted to torture him with his once gentle touch and inflict on him the strongest of pains, he wanted-
"Are you okay?!" The man's voice rang in Zhou Zishu's ears as a familiar touch tingled his hand, "Does it hurt?"
Zhou Zishu exhaled short disconnected breaths, feeling the ice and tea and some other warm liquid in his palm. He had broken the glass... No, it didn't hurt as much as those wounds on his heart. "Get lost!" He yanked his hand away and pinned Wen Kexing down with a wicked glare, "Bastard." He whispered.
"Ah...?" The man looked at him with confusion written all over his face, his eyes narrowing in slight hurt. "You can tell me I'm not your type, but you don't have to call me that. You don't even know my name." He blinked twice, looking down regretfully, "my parents are no longer."
"What is your name then?" Zhou Zishu asked, expecting the worst.
"Wen. Wen Kexing." The man grinned happily.
"Then I wish you died along with them."
***
2. Familiar Guilt
Weeks have passed and Zhou Zishu had avoided that café since then. That café, that area, he even considered changing cities, but what was the possibility of meeting Wen Kexing for a second time in this big crowd?
He remembered that cursed day and blamed himself for not killing him right then and there. He wanted to, at least. His words weren't harsh enough, he thought, maybe he should find him again and break every bone in his body, how wonderful it would be to hear his painful screams while whispering hurtful words into his ears, reminding him of his broken promises and betrayal, paying him back for the lonely eternity he forced upon him. Oh, how good that would feel, to make him hurt, hurt, hurt.
Zhou Zishu dragged a hand over his cheek to realize it was wet with tears, again. He still cried whenever he thought of him... He hated him for that, he hated him!
The subway was packed with people and Zhou Zishu had waited for an empty seat the whole ride yet found none. He sighed in relief when he finally reached his stop, squeezing in between people and stumbling out the door, falling into someone's arms. "Oh, excuse me-"
"Oh, if it isn't the mean beauty from the other day. We meet again, we must be fated."
Zhou Zishu looked up to see Wen Kexing's smirking face. What a malicious twist of fate! Here he was again, holding him in a familiar embrace. Zhou Zishu's expression didn't change, face felt numb just like his heart, "Eternity was better without having to see you again." He spoke the words casually, like he was stating a fact he'd recited a thousand different times.
"Eternity? What do you mean?"
Zhou Zishu laughed, catching Wen Kexing off guard and shoving him away roughly, knocking him to the ground. "Stay away from me."
Wen Kexing gazed at Zhou Zishu confoundedly, ignoring the laughing mouths and prying eyes in the crowded subway station. "Aiyo!" He stood up slowly, dusting the dirt off his clothes. "You're so violent." He spoke with a playful tone, concealing the hurt and embarrassment behind the 'joke'.
"Then stay away from me." Zhou Zishu started to walk away, cursing at fate, at himself, at Wen Kexing.
"Wait, I didn't get your name!" Wen Kexing chased him, tugging the hem of his jacket. "If you don't tell me, I might die out of curiosity!"
Zhou Zishu contemplated for a while and turned back to him, "Then die." He said tonelessly, without any hint of remorse. Zhou Zishu knew very well the reason and depth of his words, but the other didn't.
It took Wen Kexing few seconds to recover from the harsh words before the subway door beeped, snapping him out of his trance. This man was unusually cold, unreasonably mean, and all sorts of violent towards him. Wen Kexing had done nothing wrong to hurt or annoy him, he didn't even know his name, yet he still felt familiar guilt and inexplicable familiar affection whenever he was around him. It was like Wen Kexing had known him for a long time, like he had lost a memory or a portion of time. He was sure, something was missing, and it was related to this mysterious man.
He didn't know what was about that man that made his heart flutter. They only talked twice, but Wen Kexing had seen him so many times. And every time he saw him, strange feelings of extreme guilt and immense sadness would wash over him. He'd suddenly feel like hugging this stranger, telling him how sorry he was and how much he regretted it. But what 'it' was, Wen Kexing didn't know. It seemed mythical, magical, and despite all the unpleasant feelings; he was still drawn to him.
"A-Xiang." He called as he closed the door behind him, "Do you believe in soulmates?" He asked randomly.
"No."
"Reincarnation?" He tossed the keys onto the hallway table.
"No."
"What do you believe in then, stupid?"
"Food." She took a bite of the chicken wing, "want some?"
"Never mind." He sighed, laying back against the sofa. "I need to ask him about that hairpin."
"Ask who? What hairpin?"
"I met a man few weeks ago. He was wearing a hairpin just like the one in the drawing I found in my father's things."
"People still wear these?"
"Apparently..." He said, "But it seemed really vintage, I don't know how to explain it. It looked very authentic."
"It's just a hairpin, ge." She swallowed her food, "It's probably plastic."
Wen Kexing sighed and stood up, smacking A-Xiang's head lightly with his fan. "All you do is eat." He chuckled and shook his head, strolling back to his room. He opened his computer and tried to read about reincarnation and soulmates, but found nothing helpful.
He laughed at his pathetic attempt and sighed helplessly, taking out a piece of paper, tying to write a name. A name... an A-Xu. A name that had been ringing in his head non-stop. He was oblivious which 'Xu' it was, to whom it belonged to or the face behind it, yet he could just hear himself calling it in different tones- warm, happy, sad, scared... Like it was a name dear to his heart, like it was the name of a long lost lover...
***
3. Pain of The Unknown
Wen Kexing had become his illusion, his ghost, always there yet never near. All those years Zhou Zishu had spent on the mountain grieving, he would repeat the verses of Wen Kexing's serenades loudly to remind himself of his memory. The sound of his laughter still echoed in his ears every time he did something that would have made him laugh. His adorable, childish whimpers would pass by his mind every time he did something that would have made him whine. His beautiful eyes and smirking lips were always vivid in his imagination, but as cruel as time was, with each passing day, he was losing image after image of those beautiful memories, replacing them with the sole memory of Wen Kexing's despicable closed eyes and cold, cold hands; his lifeless body and white hair... His betrayal.
He lied, he lied. "You lied!" Zhou Zishu took off the hairpin and slammed it onto the hard marble, stepping over it, crushing it into a million pieces. The hairpin that he cherished so dearly, the wedding gift, the key. It didn't matter anymore, not to him at least.
"A-Xu..." Wen Kexing shivered, "what... what have you done..." His lips parted and closed, eyes wide and bloodshot. He slowly crouched down, gathering the small jade crumbs in his palm, "Why..." He looked up at him, tears already falling. "I- I only... I only asked you where you got it from... Why did you do this..."
"Stop calling me that." Zhou Zishu took a deep breath, clenching his fists until his nails dug into his palms. He didn't need to know how Wen Kexing found his house or why he came looking for answers, he just needed him to leave before he- "Leave."
"A-Xu!" Wen Kexing stood up quickly, "I only came to ask you few questions! Why are you treating me like this?!" He grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him. "Look at me! Tell me, why can't I seem to stay away from you?! Why do I know your name?! Why did you have that hairpin?!"
Zhou Zishu lost control of his body in a split second, taking Wen Kexing by the neck, slamming him so hard against the wall that the chandelier swayed. "I can't stand to look at you." He whispered, tightening his grip on Wen Kexing's neck, his hand was steady yet his lips shuddered, "Wen Kexing, I wish I never I met you."
"Hahh..." Wen Kexing struggled, trying to break free from Zhou Zishu's painful grip, "Y-you're hurting... me..." He squirmed, "I c-can't bre-"
Zhou Zishu smirked, smiling sadistically, "you're only a burden to me, your pain means nothing to me, your worries are no longer my concern." He pulled Wen Kexing's head forward and slammed it back, harder, "You might as well follow your parents, has no one ever told you that you were the reason for their deaths?" He leaned closer, so close that he realized he'd missed this shortness of distance, "Because everything you touch dies."
"A- A-Xu..." Wen Kexing couldn't speak.
Wen Kexing's warm breath against Zhou Zishu's lips still felt familiar and he suddenly remembered their intimate moments, the way they used to kiss until dawn, their hands entangled in each other's hair, Wen Kexing's body against his own. "Call me A-Xu one more time..." It was a solid, dangerous, threat and Zhou Zishu had never been so impulsive and unhinged in his life.
"......." Wen Kexing gripped Zhou Zishu's arms, trying and failing to take them off of his throat.
Zhou Zishu squinted at Wen Kexing and his heart ached again. The same ache he'd been trying to avoid for centuries. The same ache that made him despise Wen Kexing to the bone. He immediately retracted his hand from Wen Kexing's neck and the other dropped onto the floor, coughing dryly and gasping for air.
Zhou Zishu swept the jade crumbs with his shoes, blowing them in Wen Kexing's face, looking down at him with cold eyes. "Take your hairpin and scram faraway from here."
Wen Kexing ignored the sting of the jade shards across his face and crawled after A-Xu. "Wait!" He coughed, "wait, I beg you." He knelt in front of him. "Just tell me what I did wrong, why do I always feel sad or guilty when I'm around you? Why do you hate me so much? Just tell me and I'll try to fix whatever mistake I've done..."
Zhou Zishu raised a sarcastic eyebrow and burst into loud, evil laughter. "Mistake?" He laughed harder, "you're the mistake, your whole existence is a mistake. Everything you do is a mistake."
"You don't understand!" Wen Kexing sobbed. He didn't know why he was pulled once again towards this stranger who seemed so familiar, why he knew his name or why the other despised him so much, or why his heart stung so much when the hairpin was crushed. It was like gravity shoved him into this man's space for no reason. He was just like a moth flying into the flame, burning its wings a little every time yet refusing to fly away.
"I do understand. I'm the only one who understands." Zhou Zishu grabbed Wen Kexing's chin and yanked his face up, "Wen Kexing, I despise the ground you walk on. Never let me see you again."
"A-Xu!" Wen Kexing winced, crying in Zhou Zishu's grip, "I can't seem to stay away from you, I need you..." His tears dropped against the other's hand, "I don't know what's happening to me, I only know that I need you." He choked on his sobs.
"Cry, cry. Let me hear you cry. I never knew you could cry so beautifully." Zhou Zishu brushed his thumb over Wen Kexing's cheek, "I hope the pain of the unknown tears you apart..." He bent down, pressing his forehead against Wen Kexing's, "... from the inside out."
Wen Kexing flinched and wept harder at the excruciating words, "Why are you doing this... What did I do wrong..." His voice broke, "Who are you..."
"I regret the tears I've shed for you, the tears I still shed because of you." Zhou Zishu squeezed Wen Kexing's chin until his own hand shivered, "even if you cry for an eternity, you won't be able to return half of mine."
"A-Xuuu..." Wen Kexing screamed through the sobs, clutching Zhou Zishu's clothes, pleading with his eyes, "Hurt me all you want, but just tell me who you are, why am I so drawn to you..."
Zhou Zishu grinned and released him roughly, "If not knowing hurts you more, I will never let you know."
A/N
Hello! Thank you for reading! I have missed you all !! If you liked this chapter, a vote would be nice!
Do you think A-Xu will ever forgive Wen Kexing? Will he ever let go of the hatred? Will Wen Kexing find out the truth? Let me know what you think in the comments!!
Stay safe and take care!