Madami na ang nagbago sa akin noong nagkaroon ako ng feelings para kay Lissana and it let her saw my other self. I hate it. Ang pinaka ayoko ay ang makita ng iba na ang Gabriel na kilala nila ay may sira sa ulo. Matatakot sila then later on they'll hate me and leave me. Ayoko ng iniiwan ako lalo na sa mga panahong kailangang-kailangan ko sila.
Lucas is my best friend since we were young. Hindi niya ako iniwan maging sa kurso sa college. But still, I can't forget what happen when we we're in Grade 11.
Naulit nanaman ang nangyari noon, nasaktan ko ang kaibigan ko dahil lang sa isang babae, and now, sa harap pa ng babaeng mahalaga sa akin. Wala na akong mukhang maihaharap kay Lissana.
Matagal ng alam ni Lucas ang kundisyon ko kaya maiintindihan niya ako. Alam ko iyon, sa taon ba naman ng pagkakaibigan namin but now, I don't think he will understand. Masyado nang mababaw ang dahilan ko, una dahil hindi niya alam ang nararamdaman ko para kay Lissana, pangalawa nangako ako na hindi ko na uulitin ang ginawa ko noong Grade 11 kami na dahilan pa ng pagkahospital niya ng dahil sa ginawa ko.
After the last class, we went to a café to have some snacks and drinks before going home with Lucas when we saw a girl standing at the side of the entrance, dumbfounded and starting to cry. Nilapitan siya ni Lucas pero nakatulala lang ang babae sa kalsada.
"Miss, are you okay?" he asked.
"Miss?" ulit niya at kinaway-kaway ang kamay sa harap niya.
Matagal bago sumagot ang babae but I saw some blood on his hands and small cut. I think nadukutan siya at nanlaban kaya nasaktan.
"My bag" she said in small tone. Suminghot siya after sumagot at bigla nalang siyang umiyak. Napaupo siya at yumuko.
"My bag. A thief took my bag. My phone is there and I don't know how to go home without my driver. I can't call him" in between her sobs.
"Shh. It's okay. If you know your address, we will take you home but for now calm yourself okay?" patahan ni Lucas sa babae. Tumingala ang babae sakanya.
I was stunned by her beauty by that time. She was so angelic in face with a milky white skin and rosy cheeks. Hindi ako nakapagsalita sa oras na iyon. Tanging si Lucas lang ang kumakausap sa babae kahit paminsan-minsan ay tumitingin siya sa akin. Akala niya siguro ay pipi ako.
Dinala niya ang babae sa loob ng café. "Let's clean your cut first then we'll eat before you go home" sabi niya.
Tumango lang ang babae at hinayaan si Lucas na pumunta sa counter para humiram ng first aid kit.
Habang nililinisan ni Lucas ang sugat ng babae I took my chance to speak, "Bro, I'll get our food and drinks". He nodded as an answer.
I know what he meant, it's the usual order and triple it for us.
Tumingin lang ang babae sa akin nang paalis na ako. She smile at me timidly though so I smiled back.
Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, inilapag ko sa mesa ang mga inorder ko. Iniisa isa kong ilapag sa harap nila at nang sa harap na ng babae ay tumingala siya sa akin ng nakangiti and mouthed thank you. I just nodded to her in response.
"What's your name miss?" Lucas asked her.
"Evie" tipid niyang sagot.
"I'm Lucas and this is my friend Gab".
"Thank you for your help. I'm just stunned and don't know what to do because it happened in a flash. Just when I realized that my phone is there when I wanted to call for help from Manong Jerry, my driver. I left him in school's parking lot and went here to buy drinks but then on my way here, someone grabbed my sling bag but I resisted then he grab his knife inside his pocket and point it to me until I feel pain in my hands. That time I loosen my grip on the bag and let him go" as she told us the story, I can sensed the fear in her words and saw her trembling hands at the table.
I didn't know what to say pero ang katawan ko na mismo ang gumawa ng bagay ng hindi ko dapat ginawa sa araw na iyon. We were in circle type table at nasa gitna siya. Walang pagaalinlangan na hinawakan ko ang kamay niya kasabay ng pagtingin niya sa akin. We stayed a seconds of eye contact until Lucas noticed and faked a cough.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that it's okay and we're here to help you. Wala lang kasing security guard ang café dito dahil nasa harap naman ng school but then we will suggest a guard para hindi na maulit ang nangyari sa iyo sa iba" sagot ko ng nahihiya pa at tumingin nalang sa ibang lamesa.
"My cousin owned this café so I will report to her what happened. Siguro bukas may guard na dito" Lucas said to her.
We stayed there for a while just enough time to finished the dessert and we headed to her home. Her family welcomed us wholeheartedly for saving their only daughter. Only to find out that their house is blocks away from mine.
A weeks passed and we became friends at school. We're in the same grade but she's differ in section. Pero nilalaan namin ang lunch break to hang out with her. She is very closed to Lucas but very shy with me. I don't know why until months later she confessed her feelings to me. I don't know how to react kaya hindi ko pa tinaggap agad ang feelings niya. Hindi ko rin ikinuwento kay Lucas ang nangyari kaya tumagal ng tumagal ay nagiging malapit ang dalawa dahilan ng pagkaselos ko.
"Ano ba Gab? Anong problema mo?" sigaw sa akin ni Lucas isang hapon sa soccer field.
During our soccer training ay isinadya kong sipain ng malakas ang bola papunta sakanya at natamaan ang tiyan niya dahilan ng pagkatilapon niya.
Everyone shocked and our coach announced to stop the game. Sinabi pa niyang dalhin sa clinic si Lucas pero ayaw niya. Maski ako hindi ko din alam bakit ko ginawa iyon. Nadala ako sa emosyon ko dahil sa nakita ko noong isang araw sa parking lot.
"Bakit mo siya binigyan ng bulaklak?" pasigaw kong sagot.
"Ano bang paki mo?" tanong niya. Kahit wala ng tao sa field ay magkalayo parin kaming nag-uusap.
"Just answer me! And why'd you kiss her?!" galit na galit na ako sakanya at mas lalo na sa sarili ko.
Bakit nga ba kasi hinayaan ko siyang lumayo sa akin, patagalin ang sagot sa confession niya at ngayon na may iba na siya 'tsaka ako magagalit.
Ang tanga tanga ko talaga.
"Bakit Gab? Nagseselos ka? Hindi ba't ikaw ang gusto niya pero hindi ka sumagot? Pinaasa mo siya ng ilang buwan. Sa mga araw na depressed siya at iyak ng iyak ako ang kasama niya. Dahil sa'yo 'yun pare. You dumb her without any words. Hindi mo nga nilinaw sakanya kung gusto mo ba talaga siya o hindi eh" galit din na sagot ni Lucas sa akin.
I can't think well kaya sinugod ko siya, dinambahan at pinagsusuntok suntok.
That's the first time I went berserk in my friend. My eyes turns black and feels like I don't know who I punched and who I am.
"I love her dude. I do love her but I don't know if the next day she still loves me. Baka iiwan niya din ako kagaya ng ginawa ng kambal ko. Isang pagkakamali lang, pero panghabang buhay na lungkot ang dulot. Kaya simula palang ako na ang mang-iiwan dahil mahirap sa parte ko ang iwanan ako. Baka bumalik ako sa rehab at panghabang buhay na ako doon" bugbog sarado na si Lucas when she screamed his name.
"Lucas!" she called. She called him not me.
Tumigil ako at lumayo sa kanya. Lumapit siya kay Lucas, "Are you okay? What happened?" concerned niyang tanong.
"Tss" tanging reaksyon ko at tumayo na lamang.
"And you?! Anong problema mo ha?" she was angry at me. Nakatalikod ako sakanya nang sinabi niya ang mga salitang nakapagpagalit muli sakin.
"I do love you but when you came to a point that you've hurt someone special to me, kakalimutan kong minahal kita Bry" she pointed out the word 'kakalimutan'.
"Then go and forget me. I don't care. Magsama kayong dalawa" sagot ko at umalis sa lugar kung saan masasaktan lang din ako.
I didn't turn my sight back to them baka magdilim lang ulit ang paningin ko sugurin ko sila.
When the incident went known by the Principal, I was suspended by two months. Nabalitaan ko din na nahospital si Lucas because of over punched and severe body aches and bruises. Luckily hindi ko siya nabalian ng buto.
Ilang buwan din ang lumipas matapos ang incident at suspension ko ay hindi nila ako kinausap o nilapitan maging ang mga kaklase kong nakaalam ng nangyari. I can see the fear in their eyes when I saw them glance at me. Akala nila sasaktan ko din sila.
Ang buong taon ko sa Grade 11 ay isang tahimik ngunit kinatatakutan ng lahat. Dahilan ng paglipat ko ng school pagtungtong ko ng Grade 12. My father got angry but then he understands me and helped me recover and undergo some therapy to control my emotions and actions when I'm angry.
Wala na akong balita sa dalawa pagkapasok ko ng Grade 12.
I just focused on my studies and therapies after school. But in the middle of school year, they transferred to my school and to my section as well.
Hindi nila ako kinausap agad ngunit pagkatapos ng ilang araw ay kinompronta ako ng Lucas.
"Bro pwede ba tayong mag-usap" he asked. Tumango lang ako at sinundan siya sa lugar kung saan niya gustong mag-usap.
We stopped at the open grounds and sat at one bench. Walang umimik ni isa at naghihintayan. Siya ang gustong mag usap kami kaya siya ang maunang magsalita. I let him say what he wanted to say.
"Bro. I'm sorry sa nangyari. I know I'm at fault dahil kahit alam kong ikaw ang gusto ni Evie, I pursued her. I told her that instead of you, ako nalang dahil mahal ko siya. Pinapahalagahan ko siya hindi tulad ng ginawa mo sakanya noon. Hinayaan niya akong gawin ang gusto ko at hinayaan niya din ang sarili niya kung matututuhan niya akong mahalin, pero hindi eh. Ikaw parin hanggang ngayon. Kaya heto kami ngayon sinundan ka para humingi ng tawad at tutulungan ang loveteam niyo. Because bro, she heard everything you said that day. Everything. Kaya bahala ka nang kumausap sakanya" hinihingal pa siyang nagpapaliwanag.
inilahad niya ang kamay niya sa harap ko, "Best friends again?" he said with a big smile on his face.
I shook his hand and said, "Best friends" at hinila niya ako 'tsaka yumakap. Tawa ang namutawi sa paligid dahil sa yakapan.
"Bading ka ba?" tanong ko. At dahil sa tanong ko ay aamba pa siyang hahalik sakin. Ang lokong ito hindi na natuto sa bugbog ko. Kaya no'ng aambahan ko ng suntok ay tumigil siya.
"Oopps. Not that. I'll stop. Sorry bro" umalis na siya ng may halakhak.
Before turning around I heard her voice.
"Bry" her soft voice made my body stiffen. I didn't move for a while when she suddenly back hugged me. She deepen her face at my back.
"I'm sorry Bry. And I still love you. Please, love me back" she pleaded.
"You don't need to tell me to love you back because I already did back then. I'm just scared of what will happen next" I answered and slowly turning in front of her.
I cupped her cheeks when she started to cry.
"I'm sorry for being coward and useless because I left you and your feelings towards me" I confessed.
Slowly, I pushed my face to hers and kissed her. The kiss went short but our feelings combined as one. The feelings feels like new to me and I like it. This is what I wanted, to find someone who will love me back and cherish me wholeheartedly.
"I love you Evie" I whispered to her.
"I love you too Bry" she responded and hugged me tight again.
Ang layo na ng narating ng pag-iisip ko dahil sa ginawa ni Lucas. I didn't expect him to like Lissana but it's my fault to not tell him that I like her too. I should apologize to him quickly para hindi nanaman masira ang friendship namin dahil sa isang babae.
Pinuntahan ko si Lucas sa parking lot. Hinanap ko ang raptor niya ngunit pansin kong wala pa siya doon. Ilang minuto ang lumipas ay dumating siyang may benda ang pisngi at band aid sa ilong.
"I'm sorry again bro" pagsisisi kong sabi sakanya. He looked at me intently and then hugged me.
"I know bro. It's just friendly gift besides hindi ko binili iyon, binigay lang ng mga babae kong kaklase. Akalain mo pati bulaklak ibibigay sakin. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko sa mga iyon and then I saw Lissana, I gave it to her and told her the story behind it because at first she is hesitant to receive it. Tumawa nalang siya noong tinanggap iyon at sinabi na isheshare niya sa kaibigan niya sa café. That's all. Ayoko man sabihin ito bro but, alamin mo muna kasi ang istorya before you react. Mabuti nalang ito lang natamo ko 'di gaya noon" he said at tumawa pa.
"And I know bro, I know you like her kaya hindi ko aagawin sa iyo si Lissana. Just keep an eye on her. Madami diyan balak kunin ang atensyon niya kanina but when they saw us and the flowers and chocolates, they backed out. Mga duwag" pagpapatuloy niya at humalakhak pa.
"I'm sorry again bro" I said.
"Hmm, in one condition" he laughed again. Alam ko na hihingin nito.
"Sorry. I don't have any girls to recommend to you bro so passed" as I tapped his shoulders I left him laughing hard.
"Next time then" he shouted. I just waved my hand and signed him thumbs up.
Well, everything is done aside from that girl where I don't know where they'd go with my twin brother.
I look around for Lissana on the grounds and along the walkways of the stalls but I got no sight of her. I'll try to call her now.
Few times of ringing but no answer. "Where is this woman now" I ask myself and feel frustrated.
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