It's important to give praise. Grey's words echoed in his head.
"Hey, um," he said quickly before she could vanish around the corner. He struggled to find words and so he awkwardly nodded and gestured his way through the unfamiliar praise-giving thing.
"You and Nolan. You did good work. Today." Lucy tilted her head ever so slightly, questions painting her face. He sighed, exasperated. "I've been told that it's good for a supervisor to give praise." She straightened, that expression plastering her face. The one where she is a mix of proud, surprised, and smug all at once. For him, it was a combination of annoying and adorable. Annoyance always fought to win out. It never did. "Oh.., thank you." She stopped. He thought that was odd. Normally she would pry for something- "What else do you appreciate about me?" -else. And... there it was. He held her gaze and without missing a beat, said, "That you know when not to push your luck."
She began her retreat, the little bit of awkwardness returning as she remembered she was still in the men's locker room. "Yes, okay, goodnight." He kept up the mask of irritation as she disappeared around the lockers. He couldn't help it when it dropped as she went out of view and a smile took its place. Smiling. It was a little foreign to him still. Not that he never had. There had been plenty of happy times with Isabel. But, now it was different. Lucy was the first person, he was sure, who had got him to really smile, and learn to enjoy things again.
Maybe it was not just those things that he enjoyed. Maybe it was because Lucy made them enjoyable. Maybe it was because, with Lucy, he couldn't help feeling that maybe there was good in the world. She was sunshine and perseverance personified. She was the reason for most of the good in his life. She had proved him wrong, time and time again. He was sure, the moment he found out Caleb had taken her, that even if they got her back, a part of her would always be buried underground. But no, she had come back, 100%. She came back with more than she had been buried with. Caleb had tried to bury her sunshine. She came back, brighter than ever, more capable, more aware.
It was beyond him how someone could choose to always see the good in people, to not believe their every move was a cause to suspect their motives. He had never been capable of that. Maybe, if he had been given the chance, he could have. If, if, maybe, maybe. He didn't suppose people thought of him as the second-guesser type. The job demanded instant confidence in every action. But, yes, Tim Bradford questioned things. If his dad had been a good dad... if he had never enlisted... if he had never become a cop... if he had never met Isabel... if he had still become a cop... maybe if he had been different in his marriage... maybe Isabel would have never become an addict... maybe...
He was a realist too. To dwell on a past that had already occurred was pointless when the future of the past was now his present. He could do nothing to change any of it. But he did not want to. He did not want to know himself as anyone else. He did not want to think that he would have never met Lucy. He could not imagine life now, any other way.
Maybe he did feel something for his former rookie. But maybe... no, he definitely could not think like that.
But maybe one day.
For now... maybe she was really really good for him.