"Did I lose Josie for good?" Hope said as the tears continued to slide down her cheek. She took the white rose and looked at it, spinning it between her thumb and index finger before placing it off to the side.
Then she took the wet book in her hand. It was thinner then before. Hope thought half of the pages got destroyed, and when she opened it, they were all stuck together. Hope shut her eyes tightly thinking about how she was out clearing her heard, Josie was still looking for the book. How long did it take her, Hope wouldn't know. But one thing she did, if Josie wouldn't have found it, she'd still be out searching in the dark.
Gently tossing the book back onto the desk, Hope couldn't react the way she wanted. Her body was heavy and the urge to slam her hands on the desk and knock everything off of it was none existent. She didn't feel panic or shock. There's just a sense of defeat. That is it.
She thought it was weird. The first time when Josie left Hope was panicking and sobbing, hurting. Now even with the many tears falling she wasn't feeling like her world was crumbling, hurt.
"I-I'm gonna go upstair, I just want to be alone" Hope softly spoke and walked past Lizzie, and out of the room.
Hope felt as though her legs weighed a ton, and each step felt slower than the last. Walking up the stairs, and down the hall, it all felt like everything was stretching out of her reach and all she could do was move forward, trapped in an endless hall of darkness. Her thoughts where blank, and when she finally reached the door, again it felt like it was trying to get away from her.
She lifted up her arm and was ready to slam her fist to the door but before her fist made contacts with the wood she stopped. With just a few inches of space between the side of her fist and the door, Hope pressed her palm and her forehead to the door. The cold wood felt fresh on her skin, but it wasn't enough to cool the frustration and sadness.
She let a few sobs escape her lips and panted out a few breaths as quietly as she could. Her hand unconsciously reached down to the door knob and twisted it before gently pushing it open. She didn't mean to open the door, she wasn't ready to see the emptiness she once saw the first time.
But when the door slowly open hopes body moved forward almost on its own. The room was fairly dark, and the only things giving it light was the fireplace burning and snapping of wood could be heard.
And laying down on the floor curled into a ball sleeping. Josie.
Slowly and cautiously, hope made her way to her girlfriend, noticing a few pieces of paper, and another sketchbook by her side. Kneeling down she took one of the papers that were laid separately on the floor, feeling the wet and delicate piece in her finger tips, hope didn't dare do anything that would cause the paper to rip.
The words were still legable, barley. She then picked up the new sketchbook and saw the same words. Josie had rewritten the pages as best she could. When she turned around, examining the area more, she saw more papers. Some where already dry, others where ripped and some where barley holding onto the graphite.
She took the book once more taking it in . Josie had re-written whatever she could and even tried to copy the little doodles hope would draw when she was lost in thought. Hope flipped through the pages and sure enough, everything was written perfectly, even though the pages weren't in order, she didn't care.
She saw the last page with her question written down.
Things I want to know more about Josie
1: What makes Josie Happy?
-Hope Mikaelson makes me the happiest. The intimacy we share. People think that intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is 'you're safe with me'.
"You did all this" Hope whispered. A tear drop fell from her chin and fell onto Josies face, underneath her eye before it rolled down. Hope let out a soft laugh of sadness and anger, shutting her eyes tightly as the young girl stayed asleep. "I can live a thousand life times, and I will never deserve you" Hope softly spoke, taking her hands and gently caressed Josies cheek with her thumb.
Hope raised a brow feeling how hot Josie was. She assumed it was from the fire place, but when Hope went to pick her up she noticed her clothes were still wet.
"Baby" Hope said, gently shaking Josie to wake her up. Nothing. Josie stayed asleep. She placed her hand on Josies neck feeling the extremely warm skin, and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, only for it come out shaky. "Baby wake up"
She didn't say anything, but felt a little relief when she felt Josies arms wrap around her.
"Baby we need to get you out of those wet clothes." Hope lifted her up into her arms and laid her down on the bed. "Im going to run you a bath, I'll be right back" Hope said placing a kiss on her forehead.
"I know" Josie mumbled barley above a whisper. She didn't open her eyes, or adjusted herself on the bed. "You always do" Josie said weakly.
For the first time since their... well hopes outburst, she smiled. It was.. weak and faint, but a smile nonetheless.
Hope turned on the tub faucet and place her hand feeling the cold water, then a few seconds later she felt it getting hotter. It took a few attempts but hope was finally able to adjust it to Josies favorite temperature. She let the water run while going to get Josie.
"Come on, let get you out of those wet clothes" Hope smirked. She helped Josie sit up on the bed. Josie looked so weak, and tired, but Hope knew Josie was starting to get sick and needed to take a bath, and then give her medicine.
When Hope was finally done undressing Josie she tied her hair up into a messy bun. Hope had seen Josie naked hundreds of times. But every time she did she was so amazed and at awed by her girlfriend. Josie always left hope speechless and mesmerized.
Hope reached out her hand and placed her fingertips onto Josies neck, then sliding down to her collarbone. Right above the right collarbone was one of Hope Love marks. She traced it, then moved her fingers gently to the other love mark in between Josie breast. That was Hopes favorite spot to kiss. She leans in and pressed her lips softly to the warm skin and held her kiss. When she pulled back the whimper she was holding for so long finally managed to escape.
"please, don't say you're sorry" Josie whispered.
"Josie I--"
"You're right?" Josie said. she lifted hopes chin so she could see her favorite pair of blue eyes. The sadness and guilt was all she saw in those beautiful eyes that she loved. "You're doing everything to change, and be better and even though I try my best to be the perfect girlfriend... I have flaws too." Josie brushed a few strands of hair from Hopes face. Hope only shook her head.
"Josie the only flaw you have is trying to get me to eat less meat." Hope let out a small chuckle.
"Im sorry" Josie apologized once more.
"Babe" Hope shook her head once more. "You have nothing to--"
"I'm sorry, Hope" Josie softly spoke.
"Lets get you into the bath and get you to bed, you're burning up and starting to get sick" Hope said standing up. She placed her arm underneaths Josies knees and other on her back lifting her up, and when she felt Josies hide her face in the nook of her neck she knew they were okay.
When she placed Josie in the warm water Hope took the small soft towel and began to gently clean her up. Massaging Josies muscles, and making sure Josie was taken care of. Josie tried to stay awake, but with the fever and Hope massaging her body, she felt so relaxed she couldn't help but keep her eyes close.
"I know you told me not to apologize, But I really am sorry, Jos" Hope said sitting down on the ledge of the bathtub.
"I read it" Josie let out. "I'm sorry. You were crying out for help, and i did nothing to help."
"No babe, you don't apologize. You had ever right to read it, though I wish I would have finish with it before you got that chance. When I got here the first day... I knew this would be my last chance, and I really didn't want to mess up. Writing down everything, my thoughts and feelings, things to work on, things I've learned, things... random things. I wanted to show you that, I actually learned how to love you. To love the correct way. That we can make progress and..." Hope stopped. She stopped when she felt the knot in her throat. She stopped when she felt the tears beading in her eyes threatening to come out,. She stopped when she felt Josies soft, warm hand touch her cheek.
"I liked that every page in that book had a gem on it. It's probably what I love most about your writing--that words can be used in a way thats like a child playing, rearranging things, swapping them around. They're the best moments in a day of reading what you write--when an image appears that you didn't know would be there when you started to read. All those memories you had rewritten down, all those good times and bad times. You remembered ever single detail like you studied it before writing it down." Josie smiled, laughing just a bit.
Hope melted into Josies touch, kissing the palm of Josies hand.
"Jos, I have a lot of issues, and I know now as much as I try to stop and change... fix it. I can't. Not by myself, and I know you're trying to help me but, I can't keep hurting you in the process. I want to see someone, professionally. A therapist, psychologist, hypnotist, witch whomever. I don't want to disappoint you anymore." Hope said.
Hope saw the smile on Josie lips. Pride and Happiness in her eyes that were barley struggling to stay open.
"I'm proud of you, Hope." Josie said.
"Hey, baby" Hope replied, her voice now barley above a whisper. Josie pulled Hopes face closer to hers and pressed a kiss to her mouth. Josie smiled and melted Hopes heart. A loud gust of wind blew past the window, whistling against the glass. Both Hope and Josie laughed, shaking off the sudden scare. "Lets get you out, and Ill get you some medicine, how does that sound"
"Can I have some soup" Josie asked. Hope raised a brow. She knew she was a horrible cook, and whenever she attempted to make something for Josie it would either end up burnt, ooie gooie, or she would open the fiery pits of hell.
Even if hope were to ask lizzie for help, two dumbasses in the kitchen, might as well get the fire department on stand by. Not to mention she could cross off going out to pick something up since it was already late and many things had closed.
"Please" Josie pouted and Hope knew she lost the game.
"Okay, okay fine..." Hope placed one more kiss on Josies forehead and picked her up. The water sliding off her skin, and back into the tub, then Hope grabbed the towel that was by the sink. When Hope placed Josie back down onto the bed, she wrapped the soft towel around her, and walked to the closet. She placed the clothes beside Josie.
"You need help or you think you got it" Hope asked, a bit worryingly, still concerned about Josies fever.
"Wow leave it too, Mikaelson. Can get one out of their clothes but not back in them" Josie laughed winning a chuckle from her girlfriend. "Go babe, I'll be okay"
"I won't take long. here" Hope grabbed Josies phone from the nightstand and gave it to her. "Call me if you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen, okay. Wait for me"
"Always" Josie whispered and placed a kiss on Hopes lips.
Walking down stairs and into the kitchen, Hope saw Lizzie sitting by the table and drinking some coffee. Her thoughts lost in the outside world, while she stared at her cup. Hope didn't see the steam coming out of it so she knew lizzie had been lost in thought for a while.
Hope continued to look at her best friend, wondering what her mind was thinking. How she could be so focused on her mind, she was her own statue, not once moving nor blinking.
"Lizze?" Hope called out to her friend. She saw the blond twin snap back into reality, trying to get a sense of time she didn't know she had lost.
"Are you and Josie okay?" Lizzie asked.
"You knew she was in the bedroom didn't you" Hope spoke softly, walking up towards the girl and taking a seat right next to her. Hope took the cup from Lizzies hands, and brought the rim to her lips tasting the now lukewarm coffee. She crinkled her nose when she tasted the unsweeten liquid.
"I did. I tried to tell you, but you looked so out of it?" Lizzie admitted. Both girls looked down onto the table, not knowing what to say. It was rare for them to have a silence moment, but with them it was almost always about Josie.
"I want to see someone who is qualified to help me and my issues." Hope finally let out.
Everything about this trip was unraveling her. A few weeks ago, Hope never would have believed she would even consider seeing a therapist. Hell she didn't even go see Emma, their councilor when they were in high school. Not when her mother died, not when Landon cheated, not when she got into the drugs and party life. Never ever. Until now, the only thing she knew was being next to Josie always made her happy and feel better. She thought she was getting better, finally working and talking things out, but after that outburst, it triggered something inside her.
"Really?" Lizzie asked sincerely.
"Josie apologized to me. She said she was sorry for not helping me when I was crying out for help." Hope ran her fingers through her hair.
"But you were trying--"
"Its not just about what's been happening these past few weeks. In high school and even know... Im crying out for help and I never realized..."
"Hope"
"I'm not better, you know. The weight hasn't left my head. I feel how easily I could fall back into it, shout, and put blame, waste my time running away, and curse wasting my time, and then apologize. Realize I hurt Josie and freak out and go and chill at Jed's, see Josie talk or look at someone else and be jealous again. All of that is still there" Hope said pointing to her temple. "The only thing is, its not an option now." Hope bit her lip. "Thats all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better"
"It will... like MG said, we are still cheering you on. If you need help ask, thats what Josie does." Lizzie said standing up from her seat, she patted the older girl onto of her head and kissed it before walking away. Hope simply smiled.
One hour and a half. It took Hope one hour and a half and many cuts on her fingers to make Josie her favorite, chicken noodle soup. She sat at the edge of the bed, seeing Josie snuggle under the covers. Placing the bowl down on the nightstand she brushed the hairs off of Josies forehead, and placed hers on top... Josies was burning up more.
"Baby, I'm back" Hope whispered trying to shake the brunette awake. Josie struggled to open her eyes for a moment, but when she did she looked up at the skylight before her eyes found hopes.
"I missed you" Josie said weakly.
"I missed you too. I made you soup. Though I don't know how good it will be." Hope said, a bit of fear in her voice. Last thing she wanted to do was poison her girlfriend.
Josie nodded her head and Hope helped her sit up. She took the bowl and the spoon, scooped up some soup, blew on it a little, then carefully brought it up to Josies mouths.
Josie didn't hesitate to open wide and take in every last drop from the spoon. Hope closed her eyes, opening one scared to see Josies reaction. Hope saw a tear slide down from josies cheek and she quickly wiped it away.
"Im so sorry. I tried... and I know it--"
"Its really good" She softly said smiling as another tear rolled down. Taking the spoon from Hopes hand and taking another spoonful. "Its the best soup I ever had" Josie sniffled.
Hope took back the spoon and tasted it. Even she noticed it was to salty.
"Babe, you don't have to spare my--"
"Its the best soup because you made it for me. You tried for me, which already makes this my favorite" Josie said taking the bowl into her hands.
One by one, another spoonful until there was almost nothing left. Hope was surprised josie finished it. Josie never once ate more the a few bites from the food that she made, so for Josie to finish the soup without making a face or anything.
Hope wanted to believe it was the fever messing with her taste buds or forcing herself to eat it. But when Hope saw the smile and the look in her eyes. The brown eyes that held nothing but the truth. Her eyes spoke louder then any words.
It really was the best soup ever.