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ek din aap yun humko mil jayenge
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As a teenager, Sharanya had always thought that love was an essential part of marriage. That you had to absolutely love the person you were going to spend more than half of your life with.
She timidly sat at the edge of the bed, thinking how wrong she was. She wasn't even comfortable around Nikhil. She nervously looked around the room. It was just as nice and spacious as the last time she had been in the room. She shouldn't have fallen for the marriage trap. She had lost count of the small things that worried her.
The good part was by six in the evening everything was done. Although it seemed like forever. She was up a little before six, early in the morning. Everyone around had been supportive and she absolutely cherished being pampered by everyone in the family.
She and Harhsit, finally had a short emotional conversation the previous night. He hadn't told her what was up in his life, but he had promised to take care of everything at home. Sharanya hoped her absence matured him. Akshaya had cried in her arms at night.
When her mother had passed away, Sharanya had promised to herself during her mother's last rites that she would always pamper her sister and be there for her, just like her Amma was always there for her. Sharanya was a sensible teenager then but Akshaya was so young and naive. The little girl was inconsolable, she had cried for weeks. All of them were broken so badly when their mother had left them. Their mother was everyone's favourite person. Mature, and sensible woman who made their small apartment a fairy tale castle. Her death had, no doubt, changed everyone including Sharanya.
It was way harder than Sharanya had ever thought it would be to leave home. Her father didn't say but she saw it on his face. He was sad. He was cheerful and smiled throughout the wedding celebrations but she knew inside he was crying. She had also courageously smiled throughout and made remarks on how they'd all benefit once she was gone.
"Hey," Nikhil greeted entering the room.
Sharanya smiled a little, "All okay?" She asked.
"Yeah, I just told Maa, we'll have an early dinner and sleep. I can barely keep my eyes open," He said, looking around his own room nervously as he shut the door.
Sharanya gulped, curling her toes. She had felt much better after changing into a comfortable cotton dress. The heavy gold jewellery and silk saree made her feel like summer was here. Her headache had reduced after having the fresh juice. She was glad Gargi and Arun had accompanied them to assist with the rituals. After quickly completing the rituals, Mrs. Kumar had sent her back home to rest. Sharanya didn't know if she was just being unreasonable but for a weird reason she felt Nikhil's mother like Gargi more than she liked her. She spoke so sweetly to Gargi! Perhaps it was the fact that Gargi was naturally lovable, the woman was a natural charmer.
Sharanya had grown to like Nikhil's Ajji. She truly made her feel like she was going to have a family. The kind old lady had made it very clear that she wouldn't tolerate any aunty, uncle from her. Nikhil's mother was her mother, Nikhil's grandparents her grandparents. Sharanya still had to get the hang of calling his mother Amma. The word just brought back memories of her own mother. With memories came nostalgia and the dull ache in her heart.
What had shocked Sharanya was Nikhil's siblings, who had arrived at the main wedding ceremony. He spoke kindly to his sister, Shreya, but didn't as much as exchange a smile with his own brother, Saahil. The latter hardly showed any interest, on the contrary, it was like someone had coerced him to attend the wedding. She had sensed some tension between Nikhil and his mother when Saahil had arrived but she didn't get more than a whiff about the matter.
Shreya was a splitting image of her mother. Literally a younger version of Mrs Kumar. Shreya had greeted her, presented her with a jewellery box during the photograph. Nothing more than that. She was model-like pretty. She looked so stunning, that she could be mistaken for the bride. Gargi had commented something about her not having the common sense to dress as a guest. It was an unsaid rule among women, apparently thatβ no woman was supposed to look better than the bride.
Sharanya didn't really mind. She was over the silly stuff. If anything, for a change she was in love with her look. Gargi had got the right people to doll her up. They were young interns. Their ideas were smart and fresh and they didn't charge half of what was the market price for the work.
Presently, Sharanya and Nikhil were looking around the room awkwardly.
Sharanya couldn't help but recollect Gargi's words of advice about being the one to initiate things between them, because Nikhil was the shy person between the two of them.
"You," they both spoke up together.
"Sorry, go ahead," Sharanya spoke up.
"No, I was just saying, you're comfortable, right?"
"Yes," Sharanya answered, hesitantly looking around. She had literally undressed herself in the room to change into a simple dress. It was a major feat she had pulled. The mere fact that it was Nikhil's room, a guy's room, had messed with her mind. She was so sceptical, she had literally scanned the room thrice before going ahead and had repeatedly kept looking at the door of the room to make sure it didn't magically unlock.
"Uh, about your stuff... some of it is here, some is in Maa's room. The place is in a mess." He said, scratching the back of his head looking at the brown boxes and suitcases.
Sharanya followed his gaze. "Do you want me to move them?"
"No, I think it's fine. Maybe over the week, slowly, you can make place for them. Maa said she had made some place for your stuff," his voice trailed as he walked up to the wall cupboard and slid the door. There was his stuff. He quickly shut it and moved to the other end and slid the door.
"Haa, here," He said looking at the empty space.
Sharanya got off the bed to have a proper look. "Okay," she said, looking at the space.
"We'll adjust stuff, if this much place isn't enough. The bed has storage area too. And there are the guest room cupboards." He mumbled.
"I think this should be fine." She spoke up.
"Okay," He said and looked at her. It was still hard to digest that he was married. It felt ... different. He gazed at her, she had looked so beautiful today in the bridal attire. He literally couldn't recognize her. But now, she looked even more beautiful. Her dress was a simple red kurta with some loose pants and dupatta, her make-up from the morning still there on her face, at least most if it. But she looked more gorgeous. Simplicity suited her.
Sharanya couldn't stand his gaze any longer. She wondered what he was thinking about, looking at her like that. Did he zone out? No, she could tell that he was very much in the present. She decided to clear her throat and she did.
He was brought out of his mind back into the present moment. He hoped she didn't take his gaze, staring more correctly, in the wrong way.
"So, umm," He began, wondering what he should say. He was sure, his neurons were at high alert but there was no outcome. He looked at the bed and finally said, "do you want to sit?"
She nodded, perching upon the edge of the bed. He sat beside her. Their gazes fixed on the wooden wardrobe.
"We should start talking more, no?" He asked stupidly, as the silence between them began bothering him. Majority of couples he had seen, spoke all the time. They had something or the other to talk about. But here, between him and Sharanya, where there were more than thousands of topics to discuss most of them relevant to their present or future; they sat in silence.
Sharanya smiled, she had seriously begun to question herself why she said yes to him specifically. A logical answer was, she didn't really have options.
Pausing her thoughts, she spoke up, "We should, but you're not much of a man of words, right?" She recollected him making a comment about it.
He gave a half-suppressed chuckle, nervously.
Before the silence came back, he asked, "Do we need to visit your house tomorrow? Your grandmother, uh Ajji, was talking about some ritual requiring us to stay at your home." He said, turning to look at her. He noticed the curls that hung loose covering her ears partly and entangling with her earrings. He blinked wondering why he was noticing such odd things, and switched his gaze to the floor.
"Yes, but then our house is small. With Ajji and Ajja there won't be room. So, I told her we'll skip staying over we'll just go for lunch."
"What time?"
"Uh, twelve, one something like that." She answered.
"Okay, I will let Maa know."
"Ajji already told her," Sharanya spoke.
"Okay," He nodded eating up his yawn, turning away.
Sharanya fidgeted with the edge of her dupatta. "Should I go help Aunty in the kitchen?"
"You are not tired?" He asked surprised, turning sideways again.
"No, I mean, I am tired but," she shrugged.
"Stay here, the kitchen is crowded with Maa and her maids." He said. "You can lay down for a while," He suggested.
"I am fine like this," Sharanya spoke up.
He nodded, getting up. He walked to his table and sat on the chair. He then turned around in the chair looking at her, "You won't mind if I just check my mail?"
"No," Sharanya answered a little surprised at his question. "Please go ahead," she said.
He nodded and then turned to his laptop. Sharanya looked around. She wanted to pull up her legs and sit comfortably. But it felt so strange. She glanced at him, his full focus was on the laptop screen. She decided to text Gargi. She got up and walked around the bed to the nightstand. He pulled his chair front to give her some room, even though there was ample space betweenthe bed and the back of his chair. She smiled and grabbed her phone. She walked around to the other side of the bed and stealthily removed her slippers. She wondered if she should ask him of he was okay with her sitting cross legged on the bed. Her feet were almost clean but she couldn't be sure.
She was ready to call out to him and ask, but on second thoughts she dropped the idea. It wasn't a big deal. Everyone sat on the bed with their feet up. She put a pillow behind and sat on the bed with her legs outstretched. She noiselessly grabbed the cushion wrapped in a soft velvety off-white cover and placed it on her lap. She took a deep inhale, it felt so good.
Sharanya:
I feel so awkward around here.
Gargi:
DUH! Just make small talk with him.
Sharanya:
It's quite literally 'small' talk ... you know with him. He's checking his email, anyway.
Gargi:
Told you to bond with him. But you wanted to play the coy fiancΓ©e.
Sharanya:
I feel really odd. It's terrifying, almost.
Gargi:
Relax, they won't eat you up. Talk to his Ajji, I am sure she'll make you comfortable.
Sharanya:
She's resting in her room, I think. I am in the room with him. I don't even have anything to do. I don't know what to do. My head hurts. Why do I fall for your traps! This marriage was your idea.
Gargi:
Wow, now she blames it on me.
You were the one who was enjoying church visits with him and you even told him you got the job before you told me. You said yes to him and to the marriage. Now woman up and ask him stupid questions so that he feels the need to make you comfortable.
Sharanya:
Bad idea. He's going to think I am really stupid.
Gargi:
Get your cherry popped. ;)
Sharanya:
Shut up!
Gargi:
I am sure he won't say 'NO'. It's your wedding night.
Sharanya:
You're not helping, GARGI PATEL!
Gargi:
Go to bed then.
Sharanya:
I wish I could. But if I as much as close my eyes, I am going to fall asleep and it's going to be awkward again. He said we'll have early dinner.
Gargi:
Go help aunty.
Sharanya:
I asked him if I should. He said no.
Gargi:
Why would you ask him?
Sharanya:
??
Gargi:
You're his wife, not his employee that you need his approval or permission. Woman up and get out, or talk to him about work for starters. It's not really that hard.
Sharanya:
:|
Gargi:
You need to be the one driving this relationship. Nikhil is way too shy yaar.
Sharanya:
Send me the pictures you clicked today. I might as well may get something to do.
Gargi:
On it.
Sharanya sighed and glanced at him. He was typing away busily. Maybe she had to be the driver in their relationship. She sighed, switching her gaze back to the screen where a few happy photographs from the day popped up in her chat window.
* * *
The dinner was a different experience. His extended family, his uncle, aunt and his first cousins, Manish and Chinmay, had joined them for dinner. Everyone spoke about the wedding what went well, what could have been better. His extended family were currently staying at the hotel. They all took turns in telling Sharanya about themselves. Nikhil was drowsy, and hardly got involved in all the chatter. Sharanya had caught him trying to keep his eyes open at moments. She was tired too but she maintained a smile and kept the conversation going.
His Ajji then suggested to let the newly weds go to their room. Sharanya was glad. His aunty, uncle and his cousins were all very sweet humble people. Her thoughts went back to his own siblings. It was definitely strange. She sensed a bitter past.
Once she was in the confined space of his room, she became a little nervous again. Sharing a room and a bed with a guy was a big deal. Okay, the guy was her husband, that should have made things easy. But right now, it was barely a few hours old husband.
"Do you have a preference on the side of the bed?" Nikhil asked.
Sharanya looked at him, then at the bed and then back at him. "Any will be fine."
"Okay, I will take this side, he said pointing to the side next to wall that had his table."
Sharanya nodded, watching him settle on the bed.
"I will change," Sharanya said and grabbed her nightclothesβ a pair of pink pajamas and t-shirt, and walked into the bathroom. The bathroom would give hotel bathrooms a run for their money. It was huge and tastefully done just like the rest of his house.
It had a glass shower cabinet on the side, a black marble counter-top for the sink and the toilet seat on the other side. The cabinets were mad either black wood below the counter and a huge mirror hung, making the bathroom appear bigger than it really was.
Taking a good ten minutes to wash away all the make up, Sharanya stared at herself in the mirror. She usually got rid of her bra at night. She bit her lower lip nervously. It was fairly easy to make out of a woman wasn't wearing a bra especially if she wore a light colored tshirt. She decided to wear her bra for the night and just unhook it once she got into bed.
She stepped out to find him on the bed, his legs outstretched, phone in his hand. He looked up at her. She felt her cheeks warm up. She walked to the side of the wardrobe that was empty. She pulled don't a hanger and put her slightly wet towel on it. She then put the hangar on the hook at the corner of the room near the small but cozy dressing table. She realized that the dressing table wasn't in the room the last time she had come. She smiled realizing it was probably put there for her. Although it was really unnecessary, the big mirror and wall cabinets in the bathroom more than served the purpose.
She sat on her side of the bed, picking up her phone on the night stand.
"What time do you usually wake up?"
"Five, five thirty," He answered looking at her. He noticed that she had tied up her hair.
"Do you put an alarm?" She asked, distracting herself from feeling the nerve-wracking emotion.
"Yes," he said pointing to alarm clock.
"Uh, okay." She said canceling all the alarms on her phone.
"You need anything?" He asked, hesitantly.
Sharanya blinked a couple of times. "No, I am fine."
"Let me know, if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay," she mumbled.
"What time do you wake up?"
"Six." She answered. "But I can get into the habit of waking up earlier."
"You don't have to. Just be yourself."
She nodded wondering if his mother would be okay.
"What time does Aunty, uh, Amma," she corrected herself, "what time does she wake up?"
"Around six. Sometime earlier than that. Sometimes later."
Sharanya nodded.
"Let's sleep?" He asked.
"Yes," Sharanya agreed, keeping her phone on the night stand.
"I got the extra, uh, blanket for you."
"Thanks," Sharanya said, looking around. The room was a little warm. The room's door was shut which made the room stuffy.
"Do you mind if I open the window a bit?"
"Uh sure," He spoke up. "I will open that one up," He said pointing to the window near the door of the room. He got off the bed and opened it half way. "Is this enough?"
"Yes, that's good." She said gratefully as a soft cold breeze flew in. He drew the curtains over the window and returned to bed.
They exchanged an odd look.
"Good night,"
"Good night," she wished.
He switched off the lights and they both lay back. Sharanya lay still. When he turned to the other side after few minutes, she slowly took her hands to the back and undid the hook of her bra, finally feeling a little free. She wondered what more challenges would come her way.
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