nine

43.1K 978 390
By thinkingofthoughts

Reese Joseph

I fucking hated the fact that I had to actually do school work.

And I hated, even more, the fact that I couldn't understand what the fuck I was learning.

I had to work ten times harder than everyone else for every single thing that I wanted. I never was looking for an excuse because I've never been the type of man to walk away from a challenge. However, it's frustrating when you see everyone else around you having things come so easily to them.

I was jealous of them.

I was known as a party animal. I was known as the happy one. I was known as the nice guy.

But mainly I partied because I could fit in with the crowd, not stand out. And maybe that's why I became even more jealous of Matti and Blake. Because they didn't have to follow the crowd—I did.

And now I was finally the leader.

And I would do anything to stay in that spot—even if it meant swallowing my pride and having a tutor.

"Reese," I rolled my eyes at coach as he gave me a small smile.

"Yes?" I asked.

Pleased with my response he sat up. "The frown makes your face look ten times uglier than usual. Quit that. It's a tutor, it's not the end of the world." He crossed his arms over his chest as I scoffed.

"First of all if I would've known that you were checking me out I would've blown you a kiss." He raised an eyebrow at me as I pointed my finger at him.

"Second of all, what might not be a big deal to you is a huge deal to me, okay? This whole tutoring thing? Yeah, it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing because I know if I wasn't dyslexic I wouldn't need the damn tutor. But since I've been cursed with this damn hindrance, I am now stuck in a hard place." I explained.

Reaching for his coffee mug, or at least I thought it was coffee, he took a long sip before sighing.

Placing the mug down on his desk, he clapped his hands. "I've got it!" He shouted in excitement as I flinched at his loud voice.

"Calm down old fart, you might lose your dentures," I muttered as he slapped the tables giving me a pissed-off look. I just shrugged in response.

"Listen! I scouted you because you are a good player. Never once did I ever doubt your abilities to read a damn book or solve a math problem. However, if you keep having this piss poor attitude that makes everyone around you miserable—I will shove my foot so far up your ass your gynecologist mom will feel it the next time she delivers a baby." My mouth dropped open in disgust as he gave me a fake smile while leaning over his desk.

"Are we clear?" He asks as I nod.

"Crystal," I say with spite in my voice.

Pleased, he continued. "Good, now, Unite allows students to meet online. I say just do online tutoring." He sat back down in his chair, placing his glasses on the top of his balding head.

"I don't want them to know who I am." I didn't. I didn't want news of my dyslexia to get out because word travels fast around this campus and the last thing I needed was for one of the members of the NFL to find out that I can't properly read a rule book.

"I don't know how to help you there son," He shrugged as I released a deep breath.

"But coach-" I was cut off.

"Reese, it's either you pass the class or you can't play. This is your last year to play within eligibility. Don't let your fears get in the way of your dreams." It was easy for him to say. He had how many championships rings? Yeah, I had a few but not nearly as many as him.

He had already done his job, I was just gettings started. I hated when people who were fifty and above tried to tell me, a youngster, what to do with my life right now. Half of these old fucks didn't know how to keep up with the times as it is.

"Reese, I would do anything for you. But your grades are the most important thing to me," I nodded as he turned in his chair to face his computer.

"So are we signing you up for tutoring?" He asks as I gave him a nod. I was too pissed off with myself to even begin to speak.

If only they had a pill I could take that would make this dyslexia go away.

"Does dad know it's almost the second week and you're already failing?" I hoped not. I would be an embarrassment to him. I wanted to make him proud considering everything he had done for me.

I couldn't wait to pay him back whenever I cash in my big check from the NFL.

"Okay, I just sent an email to Mrs. Bolton regarding a football player-" I cut him off.

"No—"no football player" spiel. Act as if you just picked me off of the streets. And who the fuck is Mrs. Bolton?" I ask pissed off that he almost blew my cover. Hitting the backspace key, he typed a few letters.

"She's one of the head librarians that work there. She's in charge of the Unite program this year. I erased the football part but from now on Reese— do not let anything stand in the way of your dreams. Especially not your dyslexia. You have your dreams in the palm of your hands, you are the one in charge of making them happen. You have the pen, you have the paper, now go use them." He lectured me with a smile.

Grabbing a post-it note he quickly wrote down a note before handing it to me. "This is Mrs. Boltons email, connect with her and she will give you the best tutor on the damn campus."

Well fuck, I hope it was someone who found me attractive enough to do my work for me. I had way too much faith in the fact that my brain had changed throughout the summer but unfortunately, I think the blow I took last season had ducked with my head even more.

"I am proud of you son. You are so hard on yourself," He looked towards his office door.

"If you tell anyone about this—I'll bench you. You are the sunlight of this team. I can't have my sunlight be blocked by a cloud—can I?" He smiled as one slowly grew on my face.

"Thanks, coach," I stood up from the chair I was sitting in. Reaching for his hand, he gave me a firm shake as I walked out of the office.

Tutoring was something that was never on my plans. Sure, I had bugged the girls before to tutor me but it was only friendly. They loved me and I loved them but now I would have to try to explain to someone new that I wasn't like everyone else.

No matter how hard I tried.

No matter how many times I cried and begged.

No matter how many times I tried to push it away.

I was nothing compared to the big cloud of dyslexia that rained on my sunshine every day.

Ellie Webber

I took a bite out of the juicy granny-smith as Finn stared at me.

"You even eat like you hate the world," I narrowed my eyes at the redhead as she chuckled at my reaction.

"Come on Ellie, what's got you so upset? You used to be a ball of sunshine!" She teased me as I tried to wipe the frown off of my face. I guess my depression was permanent now.

"Nothing just got a bad grade on my exam." I lied.

I had been nothing but a liar for the past year.

I was going to hell.

I was over at Sloane and Finn's apartment. I needed a break, I needed to breathe and relax. This place held happy memories for me and I needed to relive that for just a moment. I needed to feel okay again.

"An exam? This early into school? I call horse shit." Sloane walked down the hallway with bags on her shoulders, an immense amount of bags. I raised my eyebrows in confusion as Finn snorted.

"Last season's clothes?" Finn teased as Sloane nodded.

"Yes, I have to make room because somebody won't quit sending me clothes from fashion week." Finn's eyes float from Sloane's to mine. She sticks her tongue out to mimic a gag as I crack a smile.

Oh to be Sloane Beck and Blake Day.

"Your roommates being any nicer to you?" I chew my apple faster to answer Sloane's question. I end up nodding as an answer while Finn gapes at me.

"What? What happened?" Finn asks as Sloane pulls out the chair that's next to me.

"Finn are you blind? It's the second week of college and she is miserable! Her under eyes are purple, she's pale, and her lips are so dehydrated they are thirstier than the Delta Gamma sisters." Sloane says sipping at the water bottle she left on the table from earlier that day.

"Harsh, Beck." I squeaked as I swallowed the apple.

Finn raised her eyebrows, "Stevie is being mean?" She asked as I bit my lip looking down. I knew Stevie made Finn happy and vice versa. I was stuck in a bad spot at the moment.

Sighing, "She's not being mean. They just aren't being considerate of my feelings. I'm always so considerate but it's just not the same with them, yanno?" I explained as Finn nodded a frown still apparent on her face.

"I think you, Blaire, and Stevie need to have a good heart to heart. Stevie said everything is going well between you guys," I wanted to scream.

Logically it was smart.

But I didn't want to think logically.

I was so over trying to communicate with people who think it's okay to walk all over me. I would just have to tolerate this semester and then Matti would fix everything. Matti would be the big brother I deserved.

"Nope, nope, get that look off your face. Someone else I know has a look on their face exactly like yours when they think irrationally," I scoffed as I pushed my chair back.

"Who? Naomi?" I mocked Sloane as she shook her head.

"Ellie, you just need to open up your heart to people. If their assholes be the bigger asshole," Not everyone can be you, Sloane.

Tossing the core of my apple in the bin, I waved them goodbye before leaving their apartment and entering mine.

I decided to go over to my old apartment because I had some time to kill before I met up with the student I had to tutor in English. I had received little to no information on this kid to my displeasure.

Hearing giggling from the kitchen, I tried to put on a smiling face as I knew both of my roommates were home.

I could be rational.

I could.

Fuck.

"Ellie! We made spaghetti and meatballs! Do you want some? Blaire tried to make bread in the oven but it's pretty crisp!" Stevie yelled as I walked into the kitchen. Wearing a small smile on my face.

Fake it until I made it.

Or until I killed myself.

"I just had an apple, granola, and yogurt next door. Maybe later though!" I spoke as they smiled at me, eating their food.

Okay—maybe Finn was right.

"How was your day?" Blaire asked as I gave her a thumbs up. "It was good, super long. Lots of readings about historical figures. My women's history class is kind of hard too," I answered.

"Oh with Dr. Saunders?" Stevie cut in as I nodded.

"Yeah, I had Saunders for world war history. He has a boner for all of the horrible people in history, I don't know why he's even teaching women's history." I nodded, agreeing.

"Do you want to watch the Bachelor later? The season premiere starts in an hour? We bought Pink Moscato?" Blaire asked as I bit my lip.

This fucking tutoring.

Fuck you, grandma and grandpa.

Sighing regretfully, "I have to do this tutoring thing for an hour and then I'll join!" I gave them a small smile as they gave me an encouraging smile.

It felt suffocating in here. The chemistry just didn't feel right, maybe I made the wrong choice but even if I did now I have to live with the consequences. I slowly stepped out of the kitchen and made my way down the hallway to my room.

Maybe there was never a problem or maybe it was just me creating the problem? When you have anxiety you always think that someone must hate you—you always think way too much into things. But can you blame me? I've never felt like I've had something good because it's always been ruined.

Walking over to my desk, I opened my computer to find a fresh email from Mrs. Bolton.

"Ellie,

Something came up with your tutoring person tonight. Take the night off and relax. They will see you tomorrow at 11:30.

Mrs. Bolton."

What the fuck.

Well, that's awesome but what the fuck.

Why couldn't this student just message me? Why are they going through the damn librarian! And who said I was free tomorrow at that time? What the fuck! And canceling last minute?

I needed this money.

Chewing on my lower lip, I closed the laptop screen before looking towards my bedroom door. This was the opportunity that Matti was talking about, and I needed to have fun. I needed to step outside of the box.

Standing up, I walked out of my bedroom and towards the kitchen stopping in the doorway. "Hey, my tutoring got canceled. Can I watch the bachelor with you an hour earlier than expected?" I asked with a smile on my face.

Blaire and Stevie grinned from ear to ear before pointing out the glass of wine they already had out for me.

Hopefully, this semester was just off to a bad start. Maybe I would find a reason to want to stay but then again, that's wishful thinking.

And I read enough fiction to know that wishes only came true in papers that had ink printed all over them and were held together by a thick spine.








Hey besties!

How are we?

My last final is on WEDNESDAY! So after Wednesday I'm planning on updating every single day as much as I can until the next semester :)

I know it feels like the updates are coming out slower and I apologize— my grades are my key focus. And I work two jobs so I'm just so exhausted trying to balance everything. I promise I still love you guys!

Thanks for everything! Also I'm working on some links for information on dyslexia! I'm trying to put an awareness page in the book before people read! If any of you have any good links let me know! Thank you!!!

Connect with me!

Instagram: thinkingofthoughtswrites
Tiktok: thinkingofthoughtswrites
Twitter: naomijadeblack

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