2 days in counting until Loel will possibly wake up. I haven't spoken to James since. I finally decided to talk to Braydon when he texted me that one night I went home early. I told him I needed time and didn't want to have a serious talk about it yet.
"So? What's up?" I ask, sitting across from him on a two-seat table with my drink. He fake laughs. "'What's up?' You and I both know you're not ok about this situation, you have every right, and I know it's bothering you for countless understanding reasons. I just don't like it when you keep everything bottled up." He riffles his hair and sighs.
"Well-"
"You bottled up the fact that you have a crush on Loel, do you not remember what happened when you did that? and now you're holding back your feelings again. Please, stop doing that."
"Well, what's the point of telling you when you can read me? You knew I liked her before I even told you."
"Because I want you to be able to talk to me, Al. At this point you have no one to tell your secrets to anymore." We both start to get emotional, remembering that Loel is gonna forget about us. We are the closest to her in this group, we're like a trio. We find ourselves hanging out alone outside of the group. "Look, what I'm saying is, all we have is ourselves in this situation. We were closest to her, so it affects us more, don't keep it to yourself as if you're going through this by yourself because you're not. Her family is here and I'm here. I've been counting down days too... I wanna go visit her today."
"We can go together." I said, finally after trying to prevent myself from crying. He smiled, "And who knows. Maybe when we interact with her and make brand new connections... maybe she'll see you as more than just a friend this time." I nod, looking at the table and hoping to myself that he's right.
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I sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair for hours with Braydon, talking and looking at Loel, crying and trying to get my shit together. The doctors came in at one point and told us it was a high possibility that she would wake up tomorrow. I wasn't ready for that. I haven't figured out how I want her to see me yet... Haven't processed what school will be like when she goes again, all the people asking questions, whispering, talking about this situation that I'll have no choice but to mention before she finds out herself and becomes more confused. I know I'll have a huge urge to protect her from everyone, which leads me to overprotectiveness, and I don't want to have an effect on her like that.
I sigh, feeling Braydon's hand rubbing my back. I forgot I can't hide things from him. "I'll call her parents." He says, getting up and leaving the room while his phone rang on their number. I took a few deep breaths and decided to go home.
"Mom, Loel is supposed to be waking up tomorrow." I say bluntly once I walk through the kitchen. "Oh, honey that's great!" She smiles, but it slowly faded away when she saw that I wasn't happy. "What's wrong, Hun?" She sat our dinner plates down filled with my favorite dinner and sat beside me.
"I don't know If I want to be there when she wakes up. I screwed up when we were friends and if I try to get in her life like that again, she's gonna find out about the rumors and be so confused. I mean what if she doesn't want anything to do with me at all based off of what people tell her at school? I mean it's not like she'll have a reason to like me because that would be her first impression of me. I don't want her to think I'm some selfish weirdo who led her to her car crash in the first-place mom, I can't lose her, I don't want her to view me that way I just-" My mother pulled me into a hug, running her hands through my hair and whipping my tears.
"Let it out, it's ok." She says in a calm voice, my fast-paced breathing becomes slower as I hug her tighter. "I don't know what to do." My voice was shaky from the crying and the heavy breathing.
"There's nothing you can do, baby, but whatever happens, do it for her. I know you want what's best for her, I know you want to protect her and become close to her again, but you have to be patient with yourself and Loel. These things don't come easy darling and that's ok. When it gets hard, you can cry, but it doesn't rain forever and soon after there will be a rainbow. So, you're going to sleep on it and try to be happy in the morning. I mean come on, she's ok! She's still alive and you're seeing her again tomorrow!" She speaks.
I finally break the hug, whipping a few fresh tears and tried my best to smile. "Thanks mom, will you drive me in the morning and pick Braydon up on the way?" I ask, remembering that he said his parents needed both cars for some work thing. "Of course. Now go get some rest, I love you."
"I love you too."
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I take a big deep breath as my mom pulls up to the hospital. I'm so nervous, my body is practically shaking. Is it getting hot?
"Hey, take your time." Braydon says, helping me out of the car and waving my mom good-bye. "Shit... I can't do this, oh god." My breath starts to quicken. "Hey, hey, hey, yes you can, let's go get some water, ok? We don't have to go up there right now."
I nod, walking inside with him to get some water. We had to sit and wait anyway because there were a lot of people who needed to be treated before, we got here, so I guess in a way, that calmed me to know that I wasn't the one holding us back.
That was until we were called to the front desk and the lady gave us a pass to get into the hospital room, and before I knew it, we were headed to her room. Ok, it's ok, she doesn't know you... you have nothing to panic about, school doesn't even start until Monday, its Saturday... Just say hi. How do I tell her who I am? Wait it's her first day back, I can't confuse her. Plus, her parents are definitely going to be one of the first people to-
My heart completely sinks to my stomach. "Why in the fuck is he here?" Braydon says once he sees that James is in her room.