"Jayden!" Olivia bolted toward him.
"That didn't happen! Daddy would never! He loved me! He loved us, he wouldn't choose to leave us!" He slapped his hands on Spencer's legs. Spencer crouched down, pressing his hands to his shoulder, holding him still.
"Of course, he loved you" Spencer glanced at Olivia, his eyes full of regret.
"You can't yell at my mommy!" Jayden chastised while thrashing in his arms.
"You're not my dad!"
"I know, little man. I'm not, but I care about you"
"No, you don't! You'll never be my dad! I hate you!" The stitches that had held her heart together slowly ripped apart at the seams in this moment. Her son was hurting, once again and she was so inept. She didn't know how to do this. Olivia snatched Jayden pulling him into her arms.
"Stop! Jayden! Stop it!" Jayden fought her off, lunging at Spencer.
"Jayden" Spencer's voice was desolate.
"Jayden, I'm not...I....I would never try to replace your dad" His eyes filled with tears with each word.
"I'd never hurt your mother" Oliva cradled him.
"Spence and I..." Olivia started then stopped.
"I'm sorry, Jay"
"Why'd you lie about Daddy? Why did you say he killed himself? He didn't" Jayden burst into tears.
"His heart stopped!" Olivia swallowed the lump forming in her throat.
"His heart did stop" Olivia mumbles trying to soften the blow. Her son's eyes glower at her with so much pain in them.
"You told me he was in heaven. You never said he killed himself! You didn't tell me that he didn't want to be with us anymore" Olivia took Jayden's cheeks in her hands.
"No, he loved you and wanted to be with you!"
"You're lying!" He cried, pushing her away.
"You made us move here. We didn't want to be here. We wanted to stay in our home" His tears streamed and Olivia's heart continued to break.
"I want my daddy back!"
"I know you do, I wish he never left us either"
"You can't say that!" He wailed.
"You love Spencer!"
"Jayden," Spencer says, touching his arm gently.
"Your ma loved your daddy so much. She told me how much she misses him. She told me all about what an great man he was. How he took care of you, took you to basketball games"
"My daddy was the best!" He utters with defiance as Spencer nods in silent agreement.
"He had to be if he had you and Zayden" Jayden tore his eyes away with the tears falling.
"Jayden" Olivia chimed in with tenderness.
"He was yelling at you! Daddy never yelled at you!"
"What's going on in here?" Nina asked out of breath, her frame appearing with Zayden's hand in hers. Her eyes darted between everyone, taking a mental note of the dried tears apparent on their faces.
"Jayden?"
"Tell her, Aunt Nina!" The young boy begged.
"Tell mommy that daddy didn't kill himself!" Zayden's body locked and Nina held him close to her side. His eyes searched to Olivia's and Nina's.
"Jay" Nina hiccupped. "It's more complicated than this" Dillon, Jordan, Billy, and Laura arrived shortly behind her.
"Ma?" Zayden called to Olivia.
"You're all wrong!" Jayden screamed.
"He...he...he..." Jayden turned his head into Olivia's chest.
"He wouldn't kill himself!"
"Zayden," She summoned softly with her arms open. He charged forward wrapping his arms around her.
"Why?" He inquires.
"Is it true?" Nina looked at Olivia as her lip quivered. Olivia pleaded with her eyes for her sister-in-law to speak up. Olivia couldn't breathe and felt like she was losing everything all over again.
"Your father was my brother" She attempts as she walks forward slowly.
"And that I miss him every day, but sometimes things happen that we can't explain. It sucks, and it hurts, but one thing I need you to know is how much he loved you both"
"He loved mom!" Jayden hollered. Olivia clung onto her twins as she grapples with the wounds she's caused. She was protecting them, or so she thought. It would've been very hard and painful had she told them in the beginning, or maybe it would've been fine by now, she wasn't sure. She's been dying on the inside from carrying this weight on her own. Nina's glance found its way back to Olivia, her breath getting caught up as her own tears came crashing down her face.
"He did" Her voice low and broken.
"He loved us all so much. But he was very sad, baby" A sob erupted from Olivia's chest.
"He loved you and Zayden so much!" She pulled them in tight.
"Never ever forget that"
Regardless of what Jadyn chose, Olivia would never allow them to feel unloved. She wonders if he loved them so much that he couldn't bear to witness them having to suffer. She thinks about the man he was, and how much they were the center of his world. Someone who loves as hard as he did doesn't choose to walk away like that. Much as his choice destroyed things, it brought them here. It gave her, her family, friends, and Spencer. Jadyn may have broken a part of her, but he also healed a piece that had been damaged before. She truly wished it didn't have to come to this. Zayden cried harder.
"I don't understand. If he loved us, how could he leave?" His voice trembled.
"Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes we have to love that person and find comfort that hes not suffering anymore" Olivia wiped the tears that had fallen.
"He'll always be in our hearts and our memories, that'll never go away" Billy entered the shed carefully sinking next to her.
"You guys remember what I told you about a daddy's love?" The twins looked to their grandfather with nods.
"Remember I told you that the why doesn't matter, it's about the forever?" He stretched his hand out touching her face before looking back at his grandsons.
"Whatever your daddy's reasons were doesn't matter. What you need to remember is that he loves you forever. He'll live inside of you. He's watchin over you, givin you love when you need to feel it. Like right now" The rest of the family unit surrounded them.
"We all love you" Laura intercepts.
"More than life itself"
"But" Jayden disputes.
"No, son" Billy cut him off.
"There are no buts in this. He knew you two needed the love of family. He made sure your mother was taken care of. You may not understand that, but even from heaven, he's lookin out for you. You're hurting but look around you right now. You have all these people lovin on you and in your corner" Jordan stepped forward, dropping to his knees.
"No matter what happened, you're never alone" He countered, looking up at his sister then his nephews.
"You don't have to keep what you're feeling bottled up on the inside. We're here for you guys and your mom" An shattered cry fell from Olivia's lips as she loses it. She's held this in, let it fester and tear her insides. She's let her own fears force her into suffering alone and far more then she had to. There was no judgment in their eyes, just unconditional love. Olivia's eyes wandered over to Spencer. The man who's been her everything the last six months. The man who's given her more love and compassion than anyone, yet she's kept things from him. She's possibly severed her relationship for a seventeen-year-old secret.
"I love you" Olivia professes to her children.
"I love you so much" Her eyes diverted into Spencer's. He ignored her, shaking his head. Dillon nudged him with a tilt to his head. They both stood up walking toward the door where the others couldn't hear them. His hand rested on Spencer's shoulder as Spencer's body slumped down. She wanted to call out to him, comfort him, but she didn't even know where they stood right now. So much had been said. Hearts needed healing. He took one more look at her, quietly nodding and walking out of view.
----------
"Here" Nina spoke handing Olivia a fresh cup of coffee.
"Thanks" Olivia scooted over on the swing giving her room to sit.
"I really messed up"
"Yeah" She sighed. "Then again, maybe not" Olivia peered over waiting for her to explain herself, because she didn't see how this could be good in any way. Nina sipped her drink, oblivious to her waiting.
"How?" Olivia killed the suspicion.
"You're learning to ask for what you need. You're not running, you're fighting for your life, Liv. There are no more secrets now. You're free" She threw her arms around her, tugging Olivia close.
"I know it's scary, but Spencer needed to know. The twins needed to know the truth. And if he doesn't come around, that's okay too. You're not living in the shadows, that's what matters"
As bad was the day had been, there was still so much healing and love that had transpired. True, the boys were still hurting, but they understood more now. Her parents and brother had been instrumental in helping them. They all sat together, talked, offered up their strength making them both calmer in the end.
"What if I can't get him back?"
"Then he doesn't deserve you"
"I was wrong" Olivia admitted. Nina will always be on her side, but Olivia's also aware of how she felt about all of this.
"You were really young and very hurt. I've known you pretty much my entire adult life. You're not a dishonest person, Liv. You're a trackstar, you never had to face things head on first"
"Wait" She sits up to look at her friend.
"Before you get in your head, I just meant that you had Spencer as a kid. Then me and Jadyn. You had someone the whole time. Safety nets. Then Jadyn took one of those from you, leaving you wounded and lost."
"I feel stupid" Nina placed her hand on Olivia's leg.
"You're not. You're a lot stronger than the woman who left me in Florida. You stood your ground, apologized, and tried your best to make amends. I think, you've come a long way, my friend"
"I had no choice" Olivia released a heavy breath.
"No" Nina stopped.
"You didn't, and I think Spencer is different, you both are. It was unfair of me to think otherwise" Jayden opened the door as the two women looked over.
"Mommy"
"You okay, baby?" Olivia asked, walking over to him.
"I like Spencer" Olivia's lips pressed together into a small sad smile.
"I do too"
"I want to apologize to him" Hearing Jayden say this brought back a twinge of hope in her that she didn't mess up her child completely.
"I'm sure he'll come around again" Jayden peered over toward the corral.
"He makes us laugh, he's really nice, and he makes you smile"
"Spencer and I have adult problems. Whether we work out or not, I know him. He really loves you and Zayden. I don't think you'll be able to get rid of him. No matter what though" She squats down squaring up with his eyes.
"Uncle Jordan, Tete Nina, Dillon, Darnell, and everyone else in this town will be around you, okay?"
"Do you think he's mad at me?"
His little sage eyes fill with moisture.
"No baby, I don't think he's mad at you. Not even a little bit" Jayden nods.
"I hit him hard" Nina giggled to herself by his comment.
"You and I need to work on your boxing skills kiddo, you gotta hit him in the groin next time"
"Nina!" Olivia scolded.
"Gotta teach the kid the basics babe, groin and nose" She winks lifting her shoulders to her ears nonchalantly earning a laugh from her nephew.
"I missed you, tete"
"Oh, bubba" Nina came over, meshing her fingers in his hair.
"I missed you even more"
"Please baby boy, listen to nothing she says, you don't want to hit anyone in the groin"
"It's the balls, ma" He corrected her.
"I'm not going there" Olivia says with laughter. Boys. His gaze fell back to the corral.
"I hope he comes by tomorrow" Nina takes his hand placing it in hers.
"How bout we all go watch a movie? I'm here for another week because someone" She tapped her chin with her eyes creating a pattern around the area.
"Is turning eleven soon. I wonder who that could be?" Jayden rolled his eyes.
"You seriously need to work on your acting skills, tete"
"I'll give you acting skills"
"Don't give them to me!" He gasped.
"You're the one that needs them" They all bust out laughing as Nina started to chase him around.
"Come here you little crumb snatcher!" They both headed inside, leaving her with her own thoughts. Dust had settled for the most part with the twins, but her and Spencer, not even close. She pulled out her phone, typing fast.
Olivia: We should talk.
She stared at the phone, willing it to be responsive. She hadn't heard from him since he left with Dillon.
Spencer: I know.
Olivia: Tomorrow?
Spencer: Yeah, tomorrow. How are the twins?
She looked up to the sky, her mind forming into a silent prayer.
"Please don't let me loose this man again. Please give us a way to work it out"
Olivia: They're okay. Jayden is worried you're angry with him.
Next response was instant.
Spencer: Never. I'm angry at me, I'm angry with us. Tomorrow we'll talk.
She thinks to herself briefly before typing out her response. It sat on her screen, as she debated whether to send it. This wasn't something to be talked about over text, but she needed to say it. She needed him to know that despite everything they both may be feeling right now, one thing wouldn't change.
Olivia: I'll miss you tonight. Please know that no matter what, I love you.
She pressed send forcing her eyes to close. She sat, holding onto her phone, waiting for it to buzz. That buzz never came. She thinks she may have lost the love of her life, again.
Another tough one I know, Let me know your thoughts everyone♥️♥️