“It would mean so much to me if you would come back Duaa - even if it's for just two days - Please. I am getting married and I am going crazy. I need you. I need my best friend with me so bad because I don't know how else am I gonna marry without having a heart attack myself. Everything is a chaos. And my mind is a bigger mess. I desperately need my best friend. Duaa, please come home. For me. For Angad. Please”
I sat transfixed, reading the email over and over and over again until my eyes were burning from staring at the screen too long and a tight pressure inside my chest was making it difficult to breathe yet again much to my displeasure - I almost thought I was over this helpless feeling holding me down.
But - they were getting married.
Prerna and Angad were getting married.
I gasped and stood up, shutting the laptop and turning my back to it, counting back from hundred, trying to focus on my breathing and calm my erratically beating heart.
God dammit Duaa - I cursed myself, It's been five damn years.
I always knew this day was coming, didn't I? Two people in love get married - that's how our society works. I knew all of it, I have had nightmares about this day for good two years but now that it was actually here, it still hurt more than I thought it would.
Struggling to find a grip, I walked to the kitchen of my studio apartment and got myself a glass of water before walking over to the balcony. It was dusk - the sun was bidding goodbye for the day.
About time, my feelings did too.
New York had beautiful sunsets - one of my favorite thing about this city but sunsets always reminded me of endings. Every day would finally end - good or bad. Everything eventually ends. That thought made me sigh and I closed my eyes taking in another deep breath because it was time to accept this end too.
This was the closure I needed, I told myself in my head - that tiny ray of hope I didn't realize I was still holding on to was gone now and I needed to let go of my feelings for my best friend - Ex Best friend because well, you can't call someone you cut out of your life for five years your best friend anymore and that was on me, completely.
Did I ever think I would find myself in the middle of a love triangle with two of my favorite people on earth?
Of course not.
But then, when had my life ever worked in my favor? I was confident my stars were aligned in a way that loved making me struggle and suffer for everything - especially love - almost as if someone up there is reading a book titled 100 ways to Fuck up Duaa's life - Ha!
Prerna's email made its way back to my conscience again and I exhaled, opening my eyes and leaning on the balcony, as the words rang in my ears. In all of the last five years, Prerna had never given up on me. She had texted me, sent me birthday gifts overseas and wished me for every festival and occasion, irrespective of if or not I returned the favor. I did reply to her emails - rarely but I did, yet it didn't stop her from making an effort throughout. And she had never held me accountable for any expectation before today - before this mail. Her wedding invite.
And if I didn't know well enough, the email would have sounded like a cry of anxiety to me, I swear for two seconds I felt like Prerna wasn't getting married to Angad - the love of her life, but someone else. But then she mentioned his name and that doubt vanished - I unconsciously smiled because keeping my feelings aside, my logical brain knew they were perfect for each other and neck deep in love. I had seen it myself, so many times.
Years ago, that was how I had convinced myself to leave, because irrespective of how much fiction had romanticize love triangles, it's not a triangle in the first place when two people love each other. The third person is the mess in that dynamic and that mess needs to step back, and for us, it was me. I had to step back, even though I never had actually taken that step ahead.
The three of us had been best friends for years. Ever since I moved to Delhi to live with my maternal grandparents - my Nana and Nani - after my parents lost their life in a road accident - I was eleven and Angad was made to sit between me and Prerna on first day of school that year - we had been inseparable since then.
I probably couldn't pin point when I developed this crush on Angad - maybe that one time he came over with a cake he baked because I won the inter school debate competition. Nana and Nani had to take up odd jobs again after they took me in, so mostly I had to spend my evenings alone until they came back. He knew there won't be anyone to celebrate my win with so he came over. I still don't know how he had managed to bake a cake - but that stayed one of the most memorable days of my life till date.
I blinked when my phone beeped and realized I was drowning in the memories again. Shaking the sinking feeling off, I went back to my laptop. As soon as the screen lit up, the email waved back at me. But by then, I had made my decision.
I was going back to India, and I was going to attend the damn wedding, meet my best friends and suck up my messed feelings and get over them for once and all. I deserved this. And mostly Prerna deserved this olive branch from me.
It was her wedding - if she wanted me there even after how I hadn't been there for her in the past five years, I wasn't going to disappoint her again.
Instead, I was going to surprise her.
---------
Udaipur was a beautiful city, I declared to myself as soon as I walked out of the airport. Maybe that's why it was the most sought after place for dreamy weddings and given how Angad's parents were multi millionaires, this was obviously going to be nothing short of a big, fat and high profile Indian wedding.
Shaking my head, I fished my phone to check the venue's name again. When we were younger, I was the one who constantly teased Prerna for being the planner - that girl had a knack to plan everything to the very detail but right now, I was feeling super glad about it. The e-invite she had attached to the email had such clear information about the dates, the venue, the airport, the timing - everything. She had pre planned my trip for me and saved me all the hard work, and all I had to actually do was decide on how many days was I willing to spend here and book the tickets.
I dragged my luggage and walked out of the airport, easily sighting a cab. The afternoon sun was pretty much unbearable and I literally exhaled in relief once I was inside the cab.
Today evening was supposed to be the Sangeet and cocktail night, tomorrow was a gap day and the day after tomorrow was the D-day with haldi in the morning and the wedding in the evening. As the cab made its way towards the venue - I was tracking on the Google maps - an excitement began to bubble up inside my chest.
I was going to see her after five years.
And him.
But anyway.
My best friend was about to be the bride - I proposefully concentrated only on her as I began to imagine a hundred reactions she could possibly give me. I hadn't replied to her email. She had sent me a few more after that, all of them asking the same thing and it had taken all of my self control to not call her and scream that I was indeed coming.
A grin framed my face when I paid the driver after he had pulled my luggage out. I couldn't wait to see Prerna. All I needed right now was to find out exactly where was the bridal suite in this grand palace kinda hotel.
I walked in from the revolving glass doors and stopped - it was exactly how I was imagining it to be - the big fat Indian wedding scene. Men and women moved a hundred miles per hour, all of them dolled up and children ran through the lobby, playing and having fun. All bright colors everywhere. I smiled as I made my way to the crowded reception.
“Excuse me, Can you guide me to where would the bridal suite for the Mishra-Arora wedding be?”, I leaned and asked, simultaneously opening the invite on my phone in case they needed proof when a familiar voice - the one I had tried so hard to forget - called my name and I stilled, raising my eyes to stare back at the brown eyed guy.
“Duaa?”, he called again, his tone half surprised, half emotional. It was insane how I could still read him just by his voice. The nostalgia made me smile, despite the goosebumps all over me.
“Hii there”, I grinned at him, and I could tell he was still reeling from the shock. Clad in a white button down shirt and khaki coloured trousers, he looked every bit of the guy I knew and also didn't. He wasn't the twenty two year old shy nerd anymore, he looked confident in his skin. So confident that he was roaming around with a to do list in his hand - I observed - and in casuals. You would otherwise expect the groom to at the least wear Indian.
“I still can't process it, you are actually here? Prerna is going to faint but I am so proud of her. She finally managed to bring you back”, Angad shook his head, taking me in and the surprise, breaking my chain of thoughts.
My heart - the traitor heart - fluttered at his sight and his voice and the pleased expressions he was giving me, he was genuinely happy to see me, I could tell. But the truth was, so was I.
“Of course she will faint, if I don't get that reaction my surprise will be epic flop”, I teased back, and he laughed - he freaking laughed, unaware of how it made me want to record it and tuck it with me forever.
Shut up Duaa - I reprimanded myself before I could walk down that lane any further.
Without dwelling any further, I took a step ahead and wrapped my arms around him, aware of how he froze for a tiny second before hugging me back.
One of the things I missed the most about Angad was his hugs, he always gave the best bear hugs and these ones too - when he would wrap his arms around me and tuck me to his chest - it felt like I was floating in a bubble of happiness. And right now, I was accepting the fact that the feeling hadn't changed.
It still felt the same way. He still made me smile, and feel relaxed just by his presence.
With that, there also came another startling conclusion - I wasn't feeling the acute pain I thought I would. Right now, I just felt happy. Maybe, it was a sign.
I broke the hug and decided to break the ice by using my handbag to hit Mr. Would be Groom on his arm, “And You - you don't talk to me. I know I acted stupid and I was away, but you couldn't invite me properly yourself? I am as much a friend to you as I am to your would be bride. But look how she acted and how you did? Didn't want me to attend your wedding?”, I ranted, while continuing to hit him completely missing the way his smile disappeared and the tension in his shoulders increased every second of my rant.
Only when I stopped hitting him, I saw the way he had frozen. But it was just a few seconds. He smiled - forced a smile actually, he didn't know I could tell the difference - before shaking his head softly.
“I will duly invite you if I get married Ms. Awasthi. For now, attend the wedding you came all the way for”, he laughed and turned me side ways to where the welcome board was kept and I was shocked out of my wits as the words registered in my mind.
“Welcoming you all with grace and pleasure to attend the wedding of the year - Prerna Weds Ansh”.
What in the world?