Word Count: 3513
Lizzie's POV
We were laying in my bed the next day watching a random Disney movie. Since Alexis hasn't been able to keep barely anything down and her fever still hasn't broken, it had been a long morning for us both. Last night was also a rough time for us both, she woke up in the middle of the night and accidentally threw up on her bed, unable to make it to the bathroom in time. I should've moved the trash can closer but I forgot, I was just so focused on trying to get her back to sleep. She barely got more than a few hours last night, she spent a lot of it tossing and turning trying her get comfortable with her stuffy nose, aching stomach, and overall icky feeling.
The good news is that she did finally let me wash her Pooh bear. I swear she's more attached to that thing now than when she was little. There was a bit of throw-up on the small bear since he is normally close to her face when she sleeps, but thankfully she didn't get any on me. I mean I love her wholeheartedly but getting thrown upon is still something I'm not looking to relive.
We spent most of the morning laying in my bed, just resting. I made her some breakfast and stuff like that but most of it was spent just like this side by side. One would think that sleep would come easily to her, especially in this state but nope. She looks so tired but with every yawn she readjusts, pushing herself to stay awake.
"Close your eyes, babe," I suggested when she shifted her body lay on her side.
She shook her head no in response as she snuggled into my side. "I promise it'll help, maybe even break your fever," I tried.
"No," she replied shortly.
"Okay but this is our last movie cause it's your nap time," I decided after glancing at the clock.
"Already?" She sat up in disbelief. In all fairness, she has spent the majority of the day and last night either in the bathroom or in bed.
"Yeah, it'll be about one when this movie finishes," I informed her.
"Oh," she is all she replied with.
"Yup, my little heater, it's been a long day for us. I think I'll even join you for a nap," I added with a dramatic yawn, hoping it will help her feel more at ease to nap.
"Oh, I'm not tired though," she informed me, laying back down, but her droopy eyes told a completely different story.
"Well we're both gonna try, neither of us got much sleep last night and sleep is good for your recovery," I explained glancing down at her to try and catch her reaction.
"I don't want to," she whined weakly.
"I know but it'll be really, really good for you," I said moving the hair out of her face before I caressed her head a few times.
"No, I don't wanna sleep," she complained stubbornly.
"Sweetheart, you've got to, not right now but soon," I told her gently.
"Not now, not ever," she huffed quietly. I chose to ignore it, seeing as she was getting more and more upset about such a little thing.
When the movie ended, I flipped off the tv and pull the light covers over us. The room was already pretty dark with the blinds shut and lights off. "Goodnight miss Alexis," I turned on my side to face her.
"I'm not tired right now, so while you take a nap, can I do something else?"
"Let's just try for a little and if you don't fall asleep in thirty minutes, we can both do something else," I compromised.
"Fine," she conceded.
"Thank you," I flashed her a gracious smile, "I love you," I added on in a playful tone.
"I know. I think I do too," she replied nervously. I smiled internally, practically bouncing off the walls on the inside. Progress, that's progress, right?
We laid there for about ten minutes as she tried to get comfortable, tossing and turning. I tried rubbing her back and snuggling with her, but it was no use if she wants to be awake I know she'll do everything in her power to stay that way.
"Hey, is there something going on? Is that why you don't want to sleep?" I asked looking over at her since she had moved to the other side of the bed after deciding that she didn't want to snuggle with me anymore.
She stayed silent not trying to give any indication of an answer. But to me, her silence was a telling sign in of itself. "What's going on, Lex?"
"Nothing," she paused.
"You know you can tell me anything."
"Yeah. It's nothing, though," she brushed it off.
"How have you been sleeping?"
"Uh, good."
"Ah, please don't lie to me, sweetheart."
"I'm not," she tried to defend herself.
"You're a really bad liar."
"No, I'm not."
"Are you admitting that you're lying?"
"No." She dragged out the word in denial.
"What's on your mind? Hmm, is there something that's got you worked up so you can't sleep?"
"Um, no, not really."
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She shook her head no.
"Okay, we don't have to right now. But is there anything I can try to help you?" She didn't do anything but give me a blank face. "How about a word to describe how you're feeling about it?"
"I-uh, I feel scared," she mumbled.
"Oh," I deflated hearing her say that. Scared of what? A million ideas swarmed my mind as it came up with possible conclusions of what she could be scared of. I mean it could be anything, nerves about our upcoming visit with Josh, my mother, my ex-fiance, school, literally anything. Well, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know about the school or therapy things so there's not a valid reason for her to freak out about those, yet. But the good thing is she didn't say anxious because for her, as far as I know, that's the worse of the worst.
"I'm not going to sleep," she complained in a whiney voice, that was heightened by her stuffy nose.
"Is it a nightmare? Have you been having bad nightmares about this?" I asked cautiously. She glanced down at her hands that were tightly clasped before looking up at me with tears piercing the corners of her eyes.
"Sweetheart, why didn't you come to get me?"
"I-i d-didn't wa-want y-you to w-worry, o-or be mo-more sad," Alexis stumbled as her voice cracked and a few tears slipped out at the memory of whatever is happening in these horrible nightmares.
"It's my job to worry about you, even if I'm sad," I replied as a guilty feeling filled my stomach. I should've known or at least noticed, but my recent breakup has kept my mind pretty occupied during the nighttime. I mean in all honesty that's usually when I let it all go, either cry it out or just get lost in my own mind. I didn't know Alexis knew about any of this, I always thought she was asleep because I wouldn't ever want to worry her.
"I-I," she sniffled wiping her nose on her hand.
"Alexis, can you please tell me what is going on?"
"N-no, i-it's o-okay," she coughed, "I'll be okay, it'll pass," before another fit of tears escaped her eyes but no sobs or crying noises escaped her mouth as she tightly clasped her hand over her mouth to cover then.
I sat up and pushed the covers off myself, moving over to comfort her. I leaned back against the headboard, sitting closer to her. But when I reached out to pull her onto my lap, she flinched, even with her eyes closed, she flinched away from me. That hasn't happened in a long time.
I watched helplessly as she tried to control her sobs by herself. All I wanted to do was hold her and comfort her but she was scared and I shouldn't try to spook her more. "Alexis? Can I touch you?" I asked desperately, wanting to help this heartbroken scene.
She didn't respond, too caught up in her own world of whatever has her so terrified. "Alexis?" I tried again. I couldn't watch this anymore, it's one thing to hear that she does this but it's entirely different to watch. Not only is she terrified of whatever is floating through her mind but she's trying her hardest to make sure all her emotions are locked down. This is how she's been able to keep these nightmares from me. Her breathing was shaky as she continued to cover her mouth and occasionally wipe her snot-filled nose. Her face was tear-stained but silent. I just felt so helpless, so guilty.
"Alexis? I'm gonna pick you up," I informed her as her breathing reached a whole new level of shakiness. It concerned me and with a stuffed-up nose, her main source of air was her mouth.
This time she didn't flinch but she did try to squirm away, never have I felt like we had returned to square one as I did at this moment now. I lifted her overly warm body out of the sheets and onto my lap, holding her close. Silent tears continued to streak her face as I pried her hand off her mouth, she was having a hard time getting air in and that was way more important than her trying to cover her cries. I never wanted her to have to hide her emotions from me, I always wanted to be her safe place, the one person she could tell anything. The good, the bad, and everything in between.
"Hey, hey, you're okay, it's okay, I'm here, I've got you," I rocked her side to side as held her tightly and her pained cries filled the dimly lit room. "Shh, shh, Alexis, it's okay. You're safe."
She started to give in as she turned into me, leaning her ear against my chest as I held her sweaty and slightly snotty hands within my own to keep her from reclasping them over her mouth. "It's going to be okay, can you take a deep breath for me?"
"Just like this," I demonstrated taking an overly-heightened deep breath. "Ready let's try together," I instructed, trying to get her to follow along.
"Okay, try again," I continued to lead her through her short choppy breaths, trying to even them out.
"Good-good, that's it, in," I had her follow along with me as we continued practicing.
"There we go, that's it, you've got it," I cooed hoping to put her more at ease considering she was still shaking and crying a little but her breathing was normal, well as normal as could be.
"I-I mom," she stuttered in between her hiccupy breaths as she continued to calm down. Did she just call me mom?
"It's okay, I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere," I continued to rock her from side to side as if she was a baby.
"N-no, your mom," she said forcefully. Nope, that first mom wasn't directed at me.
"What about my mother?" I answered immediately concerned. If it involved my mother it's never good, especially with Alexis.
"I-I," she choked out before another round of sobs wracked her body but this time she turned into me, pressing her messy face against my shoulder now.
"My mom isn't here and she's not going to take you away. She's not coming okay, never ever will she be here to take you away," I told her in a firm voice.
"B-but, b-but," Alexis tried to get out another sentence as she lifted her head to talk to me. I was met with quite a sight: her red eyes, her snotty nose, red cheeks, and even the faint outline of her hand across her mouth.
"Nope, no buts. She's not going to take you away. You're my daughter, Alexis and you're not going anywhere."
"I-I."
"You've got to calm down before you throw up again," I told her as I instinctively placed a warm kiss on her head.
"Shh, Shh Shh, I've got you. And you're safe here with me," I continued to coo as I rocked us gently from side to side. I'm hoping to either lull her to sleep or calm her down enough that we can talk.
When her cries and whimpers subsided, I looked down to see her fast asleep, leaning her ear against my chest with her hands wrapped in my own. Hopefully, she can get some good sleep, but I'll be here regardless. I considered moving her back under the sheets but I was too worried that I'd accidentally wake her. So I pulled the extra throw blanket over us as I continued it to rock her gently.
I didn't know if I felt guilty or sick that my mother is the source of all this pain. Even after so many years later, one appearance from her can cause all these tears and all this fear. "You're okay. We're gonna get through this." I whispered, mainly towards myself. I don't like that she thought she needed to hide this from me, I thought we had come to an agreement, to be honest with each other.
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Alexis woke in a startled fright about an hour and a half later. She was still wrapped in my arms, so I noticed right away. "You're okay, it's going to be okay," I soothed her quickly as she surveyed the room cautiously before sinking back into my embrace. She must have figured out that it's safe now.
"I've got you, I've got you," I repeated a few times watching her carefully. She was scared but not crying, nervous but not shaky, and thinking hard but not panicky. It was a strange offset.
"Alexis?"
"Huh?
"Do you think you could tell me about what happened in your dream, now?"
She shook her head no almost immediately.
"Please I think that it could help us, both. This way I could help you and maybe it'll go away?"
"I-it's very scary," she mumbled.
"I know it's scary, Lex, but could you please tell me?"
"I-I uh," she inhaled a deep breath trying to keep her voice steady. "It s-started when we came home. I uh I thought it would be just a little while and my normal dreams would return, but they didn't." She frowned at the thought.
"What happens in these nightmares, Lex?"
"I-I get taken away," she replied hopelessly, staring off in another corner of the room.
"By my mom?" I asked trying to get more details. She nodded a reluctant yes. "What else happens in these nightmares, babe?"
"Um, sometimes, only sometimes y-you push me towards her or you aren't there, when she uh comes for me," Alexis mumbled through her sentence, clearly scared to tell me this information.
"I'm sorry," I whispered pulling her close once more.
"You said she didn't know about me?" Alexis pulled away from the hug first, with a confused but slightly angry tone.
"I didn't know. I really didn't know that they knew," I explained quickly, already knowing who probably told them - the world's greatest ex-fiance.
"They?"
"Yeah, they both know," I told her calmly, there's no sense in keeping it from her.
"No-no, no, I don't want them to," Alexis vigorously shook her head.
"It's okay, you're not going anywhere. I'm sorry she said such mean things, but it doesn't change the fact that you're my daughter and you're not getting taken anywhere," I assured her quickly while rubbing her side that was not leaning against me.
"No. You said they didn't know," she added defensively. "Now they know and they're getting ready."
"Alexis."
"They're planning and plotting and they've had a lot of time. When did they find out? Who told them? Who betrayed me? Why doesn't anyone care about what I want? Why is it all about Lizzie's well-being? What about me? Why doesn't anyone think about me or what I went through? They've had at least a week and that's not a perfect plan but they could. You never know. It's just you don't know, and I don't know, and what if their plan works out or they use Lizzie to get to me. I don't wanna lose her. Maybe I could run away, what if I ran away? Well, now I could get lost. Then taken again or worse murdered. Well actually-" She rambled on and on while I kept trying to get her attention.
"ALEXIS!" I finally shouted giving in to the need.
"What!" she exclaimed loudly, finally looking me in the eye before bursting into tears once again. As my therapist recently told me, she seems like a very sensitive child, she couldn't have been more right. We're both sensitive people and I didn't mean to upset her by yelling but she was going on and on in this long thought chain that didn't seem like it'd end anytime soon.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout and scare you. I just didn't want you to get too worked up," I apologized, kissing her head as she wiped away her tears and her stuffy nose on her shirt.
"Lizzie, I'm scared of them, I think even more than Josh. I know you can protect me from Josh, but with them, I just don't know," Alexis admitted after a long moment of silence. I want to argue with her saying I can protect her regardless but with our experience, I couldn't. She's right I wasn't able to protect her from my parents.
"You know I regret that, I will always regret having to let you go that day. I didn't want to," I started slowly and she nodded along in return, studying me closely.
"I can't promise you that they won't ever show up in our lives again or that I can control the mean things they or anyone else might say, but I can promise you this: I didn't adopt you out of guilt or pity. I did it because I love you and I want what's best for you. I will always want what's best for you which includes being stuck with me. You are my daughter, regardless of what my parents do or say. You're my child, my one and only Alexis Chase and you're not going anywhere regardless of what your nightmares say or my parents try to do. I love you Lex, and I don't plan on letting go of you anytime soon."
"Pinky promise?"
"Pinky promise," I interlocked my pinky with her outstretched one. She cracked a small smile as we locked pinkies before letting go.
"I love you so so much," I pulled her into another tight hug, it just felt right, and even if she's still pretty sick and there's a high chance of her throwing up her lunch pretty soon, this feels right.
"I love you too, Mama."
"I love you more," I replied playfully.
"No," she argued bluntly.
"Yes because I love you to the moon and pluto," I smirked at her competitive mood.
"To the moon and pluto," she repeated making my heart happy.
We basked in each other's comforting presence for a few silent moments before Alexis asked, "can we watch another movie now?"
"Another one?" I replied dramatically, making her giggle. That sound is like music to my ears.
"Yeah, can we watch that zoo movie?"
"Zoo movie?" I quirked. What type of movies was she watching with the twins and Scarlett?
"Yeah, there's a lion and Aunt Scarlett?"
"Oh, that movie."
"Yeah, it's a happy movie. Or can we watch the Avengers one with the blue rock thingy?"
"How do you know about that movie?"
"I can read, Mama," she rolled her eyes at me.
"Sounds like you've already seen it before?"
"No, no, I just did my research."
"Sure," I chuckled at her silliness. "We can watch either, which one do you want to watch?"
"Avengers?"
"Sure," I complied flipping on the tv again.
"Yay, you'll like this," she turned around on my lap so she was facing the tv but didn't move to sit next to me or anything. She was happy just where she was with me. But seriously when did she watch this movie and with who? It's rated PG-13 and she's eleven.
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A/N
Hello! How was everyone's week? Mine was very not great but as I told my friend it's only one out of many. I needed a feel-good chapter hence this one not being as painfully traumatic as they usually are haha.
We will probably start moving a bit faster, timewise because I have a lot planned for when they start filming for civil war (I legit wrote the cutest chapter with Alexis, Mackie, and Sebastian, but it's a surprise). Also as for Lizzie's endgame, I'm still deciding but it's down to two people. Although Lizzie won't be dating just yet, right now it'll be mainly just Alexis and Lizzie. Anyways let me know what you think of this chapter and any other plot things that might be cool to add in.
See you in the next chapter, Friends!!