"Let me go," I said looking May in her eyes coldly as she held my arms. I wanted to go to Ward and kill him, he killed my mother, he hurt everyone here, he needed to die.
I felt my anger getting the best of me but I didn't care.
"You can't, we need him, we can use him," May said clearly to me holding my arm firmly even when I tried to get free from her grasp.
"And I need him to suffer, we can't trust him," I said wanting to walk away even with May still holding me thinking she's let go of me but she didn't. She pulled me back to her and pushed me against the wall making me pissed.
"You're right, we can't, but this won't make it better," she said but I hit her head against mine making her stumble backwards, she kicked me down and hit me back but I blocked it and held her hand and pushed her against the wall now.
"Celene, let her go," Coulson said holding an icer against the back of my head. "I don't want to hurt you, but you don't understand," I said letting go of May turning around to Coulson.
"You can't go to him," he said clearly and dryly. "He killed my mom, she was an agent of shield, he let my father get to me and kill children, he hurt some of you, you have to let me go," I said but he nodded no.
"I'm sorry," I said and I used my power to keep May to the wall with tree vines and Coulson on the floor the same way as I ran towards the door where the staircase was while I was ignoring their yells.
Anyone who tried to stop me was held against the wall, I didn't want to hurt them, but I was determined to hurt him. I walked down the staircase and froze the door closed so they couldn't get in easily, not in time at least.
I saw him sitting there and my rage boiled up again and I let the wall disappear and he looked up, he saw me and looked surprised. He wanted to speak but I walked up to him making him even more confused the wall was gone but I punched him so hard he crumbled to the floor already.
"What? You're surprised I'm here? because Dave would have me, or would you kill me like you killed my mother?" I said angrily and I punched him again, he didn't feel any type of regret and he started fighting back.
"So you know," he said as he pushed me to the wall smacking my head against it, I kicked him in the balls making him stumble back and punched him in the face 4 times in a row from left to right letting out my anger.
I held his hair with my hand holding it down as I kicked his face with my knee making him groan, I heard the door being tried to open with yells coming from it.
"All of you are so stupid, no one can stop him, we just want the whole world to know it," he said smiling and I punched him again.
"Why'd you kill her?" I asked him clearly holding his hair making him look up at me. He didn't answer and I punched him again making him groan in pain.
"She was on to me, just an obstacle that needed to be removed, she was worthless anyway," he said and I punched him again and threw him on the floor and I kicked his stomach yelling in frustration, I was filled with more rage than I've ever felt just overcome guy.
He was almost passing out as I leaned over him and I dragged him up by his shirt and lifted my hand in the air ready to punch him again, hard enough to kill him in a second, but something stopped me. I was breathing heavily and looked at him, knowing it was the last face my mother ever saw.
"You're not worth it," I said letting him go and I dropped him to the floor, he chuckled and I took a step back wiping away the tears that were coming down.
"I'm not disappointing her now," I said. "You're that weak, that you're letting me live when you have the chance to kill me, please do," he said spotting sitting up against the wall.
"As lovely as it sounds, you need to live feeling your guilt," I said manipulating his emotions so he did feel guilt, his face said he hated it and that made me more relieved.
I did it for a while sitting down on the chair having the wall up again, I looked at his beat up face that was bleeding, he was in pain and he felt immense guilt, and I just watched him in silence feeling numb.
A few minutes later the door blasted open and people started walking down the staircase but I didn't move. They walked next to me and pointed their icers at me, but I just looked at him sitting there in pain, taking it all in.
"Celene?" Coulson said and I looked up at him with my glassy eyes that I knew were red from the tears.
May looked at Ward and back to me, so did Daisy, it seemed like they were almost relieved that I didn't kill him.
"Let's go," Coulson said and I stood up, I lifted Ward's manipulation once I was upstairs so I didn't have to see him getting relief. Coulson walked me to his office where I sat down across from him as he was still processing everything that happened.
"I can't go outside anymore," I said dryly breaking the silence making May and Coulson look at me. "I'm putting the whole mission at risk by just being there, not that I don't want to, it was actually nice to do something again," I explained and they both looked at each other.
"Why didn't you kill him?" May asked and I took a deep breath. "He wasn't worth it," I simply said, they kept asking but I didn't give them anything, I didn't want to say it to them, or to anyone.
After a while they just let me go, no punishment or anything, I felt their worry and concerns about me but I rather had them punish me, for some fucked up reason. I went to my room changing into my pyjama still feeling numb, I ignored everyone and just laid in my bed thinking.
----The next day----
It was 2 pm and I still hadn't gotten out of bed, nor did I eat or drink anything but I didn't care. No one came to check on me or just asked me through the door if I needed anything.
A knock came on the door and I sighed. I didn't say anything but the door still opened and Mack walked in just standing in front of my bed making me look at him.
"Get up," he said but I ignored him and looked back to the wall. "Celene, you need to get up and eat and drink something, if you won't, I will drag you out of there," he said and I sighed.
I got up and he looked surprised I just looked at him and started walking to the kitchen getting some glances from people I didn't even know. I was still wearing the same thing but I didn't care.
I went into the kitchen with Mack still following me and I grabbed some cereal and water eating and drinking it against my will almost making me gag but I ignored Mack weird looks. When I was done I looked at him while he was sitting on the table looking at me.
"You were early," I said and he looked surprised. "So you talk again?" he said sarcastically but I sighed ignoring it. "Most people come after 48 hours, and then they'd leave me alone again," I said and he looked at me curiously.
"I don't think it's good for you to be alone," he said and I sighed. "I still want to be alone," I said. "Sometimes what you want isn't what you need," he said and I just looked at him.
"Can I go back to bed now?" I asked and he gave a soft smile. "Good, you're up, we need you for some things to work on," Fitz said walking in and I sighed looking back at Mack who was smirking.
So a few minutes later I was in the lab getting checked by Jemma, having new prototype bracelets and they started searching for the chip that was in my brain, they would look and inspect it how to control it.
Also, they took more samples to look for the chemicals they injected me with and started working on anti-serums. I just let them do everything while I sat there still numbly staring at the walls.
After about three hours of being there, Andrew walked in and towards me making me sigh as Jemma patched me up from some of the holes she made to get samples.
"You want to come with me?" he asked, I stood up and held up my shoulders looking at him. He signalled for me to walk in front of him so I just did, I walked over to his office kind of place and sat down on the couch as he closed the door and sat across from me.
He started asking me what happened and why I was so upset, I just gave him the facts and my thoughts, it wasn't that special.
"I'm overreacting," I said to him after he was caught up with everything. "Why?" he asked me.
"It's not that big a deal, I just want to get over it, I don't want to feel regret that I didn't kill him every time I think of my mother," I said and he just looked at me.
"Why do you think that's overreacting? you were hit pretty hard, seeing your father again, hearing the truth about your mother it's not-" he started.
"I harmed myself again," I said shutting him up and looking at me, it made me feel more guilty than I was supposed to feel but I couldn't help it.
"When?" he asked instead of getting angry. "Last night," I said looking down at my hands.
"Why did you do it?" he asked more concerned. "I just... I needed to feel something," I said softly. He just looked at me giving me the space to think about it."
"I get so numb from seeing him, or just being hurt in that type of way, it's like I protect my own head from feeling too much, but it gets so frustrating and confusing, I needed some relief," I explained and he nodded.
"Do you regret it afterwards?" he asked. "No," I answered making him look surprised. "Not this time," said softly looking at him with my dead eyes.
"Because you needed to be punished for what happened? because you think you failed?" he asked and I gasped softly relaxing my face more in shock of him saying that. I just nodded as a response and he took a deep breath.
He started talking to me about other ways to deal with it, and I knew he was right, I eventually could talk more openly about what I was feeling and thinking while everything was happening and his responses made me more relaxed to share them with him.
"I'm glad you told me, it must be hard for you," he said and I just nodded feeling a bit awkward. "Take care," he said softly smiling. "You too," I said and I left his office.
I went to find May and found her in the gym working out, when she saw me she stopped and looked me in the eyes.
"I'm sorry for what I did," I said leaning against the wall a few feet away from her, she sighed and relaxed more. "It's okay, really," she responded and I nodded feeling it was true.
"Thank you for saving my ass," I said softly and she looked more surprised. "I wasn't leaving you behind," she said and I chuckled.
"No, Mack was going to kill me," I said dryly and she looked at me confused as hell, I regretted saying that a second after. "What?" she asked almost angry at him.
"No, not like that, I asked him to do it when he would get me," I explained quickly but she didn't look more understanding.
"Why the hell would you ask him that?" she asked in disbelieve. "I'm going to ask the same of you," I said and she nodded no.
"Listen, when he gets me, he can get full control over me and I would forget everything, he wants to use me to kill everyone and everything that could be in his way, I can't let him use me to kill all of you," I said trying to convince her.
"It won't get to that," she said and I sighed.
"He almost got me today, he will make me kill you, I'm not letting you promise anything, but when he gets me you need to think to yourself if you're willing to let a lot of people die for me," I said and she took a deep breath.
"Fitz-Simmons are going to give you another option, another one than the one where you die," she said.
"If he gets to me then I'm already dead, he will wipe me and make me a zombie, I want to die remembering the people I love and care about," I said and May stood quiet but she nodded after a moment understanding my point better now.
"For now, focus on you," she said looking at me and I nodded. I walked away from her to my room and chilled for a while.
--------------
Ayyyyyy, she's a troublemaker, I've wanted Ward gone the entire time he was in the show.
Also in agents of shield when they are in the future they talk about using the blood of Eternals to bring people back to life, but Eternals wasn't out then yet, so I have theories now. Season 5, Episode 9, 11:10 something.
K bye luvs <3