Reading is something I've always enjoyed, always treasured.
When shit goes wrong in this house, I like to read and imagine myself in the world of these books. I think mentally putting myself in the made-up fantasy land helps me envision what could be, had I been dealt a different card in life.
Alas, that wasn't the case.
Currently, I was listening to mom and Roy's hushed argument while I was prepping myself a sandwich. Roy, thankfully, hasn't made a move since that day, a week ago, now. My mom and Roy argue quite a bit, so it isn't new to me. But what did make it different was her questioning who he was with.
My stomach clenches. The urge to come out and say something has never been this strong before. I mean, if she's this upset just assuming he was with someone (which, he probably was), then she'd have to believe me, right?
I jump slightly when a door is slammed, drawing me back to reality. Brooks, cautiously, enters the kitchen.
"What the hell was that?"
I shrug a shoulder. "It's not the first fight they have. Won't be the last."
"True," he sighs, then grins at me. "Since we've been training all week, and we have a game on Monday, the team is throwing a party. Something chill, so we can all just relax. Wanna come with?"
"You don't mind little Andrews cramping your style?" I tease.
"My legacy in that school is you, nerd," he smiles. "I encourage you coming with me—responsibly, of course."
"Responsibility is my middle name, big brother."
"And you're a liar, baby sister."
I smile, shaking my head at him. "Yeah, sure, I could use a night out. When are we leaving?"
"Bout an hour."
I look down at the counter. "Want this, then? Kinda lost my appetite."
"Is that even a question?"
I chuckle as he rounds the counter and grabs the sandwich. I walk up the stairs, going to my room. I lock the door before walking into my closet, looking at my options.
I decide almost instantly on a dark green dress that had long sleeves and a v-cut that exposed a decent amount of my cleavage and side slits. I match it with black wedges and walk to my vanity. I brush my hair, apply some light makeup—mascara, liner, and gloss—and sprayed some perfume.
Once finished, I grabbed one of my clutches and slip my phone inside before exiting my room, locking it, and heading down the hall.
Only, I paused when I heard quiet sobbing from my moms closed door. I had two options: keep going like I didn't hear anything, or knock.
Of course, I went with the latter.
"Mom?" I say softly. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Please, just...don't worry about it."
I huff a breath. "I'm here if you need anything."
Silence. A little hurt, I make my way down the stairs. I land in the living room, Roy's eyes going down my body. I roll my eyes and walk to the kitchen.
"You take ten years to get ready," he says, not looking up from his phone.
"I take less time than you."
He grins, still texting. I open the fridge and grab the small jar of cherries, twisting the top off. I tug one off the stem, almost moaning in delight of the sweet flavor.
Cherries is the one thing I can eat for the rest of my life. I'm obsessed.
"Alright," he locks his phone. "Let's go."
I frown, quickly eating another cherry before I put it back in the fridge and following Brooks. Roy doesn't look away from the tv as we scurry by and head out the door.
Once we're in the car, Brooks drives about twenty minutes, almost leaving town before he pulls into a community and finds the line of cars, signaling where the party is.
Brooks parked towards the back—as he always says, because he doesn't want some drunken idiot messing with his stuff—and shuts off the car. I follow behind him, crossing my arms over my chest. It's nearing March now, and even though the days are comfortably warm, the nights still get chilly.
When we get to the big, wooden door, Brooks knocks. Moments pass before Jed, one of Brooks' teammates, opens the door.
"Hey, man," he nods. Brooks and Jed do one of those weird hand shake-clap things before Jed gestures for us to come in. "Lina, always a pleasure."
When Jed grins, Brooks whacks his head. Jed only laughs before shutting the door, then we follow him to the main room.
The party was pretty chill, for what the football boys were used to. It was the guys, the girls they're with, and a couple of their friends. The music was loud, but not deafening. And there was bottles of alcohol lingering around everywhere.
I separate from Brooks, making my way to the fireplace. This house was pretty, with grey-ish tiled floors, light colored walls, but the fireplace was different colored stones, stacking all the way up to the roof. It was huge and warm, which I would gladly accept.
I'd texted Avrey an invite, but she said she was held up with something. Which in Avrey's words mean someone. I was happy for her, of course, but I always feel lonely at parties without her.
Yeah, I know of a lot of people because of Brooks. But no one is really my friend besides Avrey.
...the realization is actually really sad.
I sigh, leaning on the wall. Brooks is gathered around the couch, motioning with his hands about something and laughing with the guys. I smiled because he looks happy. This is his element; he's such a people person, it's ridiculous.
I often wonder what I'd be like if I was so adventurous and outgoing as he is. Everyone is just drawn to him.
I guess it's because he's like a light, full of life and joy. And me? I'm like the dark, full of void.
I cast my eyes downward at my feet, moving them towards the table where there was an abundance of closed drinks. I grab a bottle of Smirnoff and walk towards the glass doors. I push them open, met with the back deck.
I huff, bringing the cool glass to my lips and looking up to the sky. I let the fruity liquid slide down my throat, hoping to take the edge off a little bit.
It's times like these that I wonder why people try so hard with me. Or, well, why Avrey and Brooks try so hard with me. Maybe...maybe they're better off without me. Maybe the whole world would.
What else did I have to live for?
When I heard someone clearing their throat, I turned my head to the side. Surprising enough, Hayden was stepping outside, keeping a few feet between us.
"I didn't know you'd be here."
He grins. "Ouch, Lina. I noticed you the moment you walked in." My cheeks flush. He blinks, pushing his hands in his pockets. "I mean, uh," he chuckles. "What're you doing out here?"
I shrug. "I was alone, whether I was in there or out here." I look to the crowd. "Felt way too crowded in there."
"I get that," he steps closer, leaning against the railing. "I feel like that sometimes, too."
I smile slightly. Hayden has been...different since I told him about me. Kinder, more gentle. While I admired that about him, I couldn't help but wonder why he stopped...wanting me. Before, it was annoying. But he hasn't even tried since then.
Probably because he sees me for the broken mess that I am.
"What's going on in that head?"
I blink, being brought back to reality. I take a swig, then sigh.
"Have you ever wondered if there's more for you? Like, in the long run?"
"We all have, haven't we?"
"Mm," I rest my arms on the railing. "Sure, I suppose. But like, is it hard?" I look at him. "Sometimes, I feel like...this is all that I am, or all I'm gonna be."
"This?"
I lick my lips, looking away. "Just this, you know? Me, stuck here, forever."
"Would it be a bad thing to stay here?"
I shrug. "Not necessarily. Not for others. But I, I just feel like I'm gonna be stuck here. Like I'm never going to get to experience anything else."
"Why not?"
Why would I?
"I don't know," I say instead. "You asked what was going on in my head," I chuckle. "It's not always a pretty place."
"No one said it had to be," he turns to me. "No one's expecting it to be. You're entitled to your feelings."
My heart. Why is it starting to race?
I turn away from him, downing what's left of my drink. But Hayden decided to cut in then.
"Go to Italy with me."
I spit. I actually spit-slash-choked on my beer. I started coughing uncontrollably, my eyes wide as I stared at him.
"Are you okay?"
I wave him off, clearing my throat. "I'm sorry, I just thought I heard—"
"Me invite you to Italy?" He grins. "I did."
I had no words. My jaw dropped, brows furrowing.
"What?"
"I probably came off wrong with that," he shakes his head. "You said you aren't able to picture yourself anywhere other than here, right? Not being able to experience anything other than this town?" He shrugs. "I know a place in Italy. Spring break is coming up, let me take you."
"You want me to go to Italy?"
"Why the hell not?" He grins.
"Because!" I sputter. "Because it's, like, expensive! And on the complete other side of the world! How..."
"Let me take care of it. Do you trust me?"
I stare at him. And holding his beautiful, green eyes, it seemed like an eternity passed. I felt my breath catch in my throat as his intense gaze held mine.
"Yes."
"Then come with me."
"I," I let out a breath. "I can't. What about Brooks?"
"What do you mean?"
I scoff. "I-I can't just leave him here. Like, he wouldn't even understand how we would even stand each other so long."
Hayden was quiet for a moment before lifting a shoulder. "So I'll invite him, too."
"What?"
"And Avrey, what the hell," Hayden sighs, looking deep in my eyes. "Just let me take you on this one adventure."
"You're serious?"
"Absolutely."
There was no hesitation in his voice. Determination set on his face. He was serious, and that scared the hell out of me.
"I..."
"Lina," Hayden's voice was soft as he stepped closer to me. "Just say yes."
I try to object, but nothing came out. I was truly at a loss for words. Hayden West was offering me Italy. I never in a million years would've guessed this was going to happen.
"Okay," I barely breathe.
"Yeah?" He grins, wide.
I nod. "Yeah."
This may be the stupidest thing I've ever agreed to. But at the moment, after I said yes, I couldn't feel more happy.
And maybe it's just the alcohol, but I couldn't help but feel a little excited that Hayden was the one coming with me.
A/N
Italy is going to be so chefs kiss. I can't wait 😈
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