❝ Hey there lovelies!! Just letting you know, I'm going to kinda mesh the book and the movie together in this chapter. In the movie, Durmstrang and Beuxbaton's delegates show up on the first day of school, but in the book they show up around Halloween time, further into the year. But there's an interaction in the book that you don't see in the movie, so I'm going to make the delegates show up on the first day but keep that interaction. Putting it simply, I'm gonna kinda AU this, bear with me.
Also?? This chapter was kinda rushed and I didn't proofread it thoroughly, it was kind of like a frantic "AAAAA!!! FINISH IT QUICKLY WHILE YOU HAVE THE MUSE!!!" So if there are any grammar mistakes or misspelled stuff (or honestly, knowing me, just shit that doesn't make sense in general lmao) I'd love it if you could comment on it pls, I'll fix it as time goes on, anyways, for the time being, angsty chapter tonight!!! I hope you enjoy!!! ❞
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Can't Pretend by Tom Odell
(HIGHLY recommend listening to this song, is a BOP)
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YOUR POV
Chilled air bit at my exposed forearms and legs, my dress mostly intended for performance rather than beginning-of-autumn comfort. I, as a Magical Creatures teacher, didn't dress up on a daily basis. Jewelry would always get nabbed by nifflers or tugged on by doxys and pecked by snidgets, therefore impractical. But on days like today, I was glad to have saved a few complimentary accessories. Perhaps I was overthinking it, but Minerva's stress on presentation in front of the other schools had proved contagious. At least to me. Severus didn't seem to care as much.
We stood together at the edge of a flock of students, first years buzzing excitedly in the front. In a small way, I pitied the newcomers. Yes, the Triwizard Tournament was exciting, but it was a very derailing way to start their career at Hogwarts. Next year would feel more alienating to them than it should, I expected.
As the entirety of Hogwarts was gathered in the courtyard facing the lake, it was hard to get a word in, but incredibly easy to pick up nearby conversations. Most kids were livid with curiosity. Albus hadn't gifted them a single drop of information other than the fact that we would be hosting foreign students this year— the Tournament itself was still a closely guarded secret.
Which was funny to me. What the students didn't know had been biting the staff in the ass for weeks now. Hagrid and I had to settle permits to host dragons, which was no easy task, and the living conditions we were forced to comply with were less than amiable. If it had been an option, I'm sure Hagrid would have gladly took them into his own hut and fed them the food off of his table, as would I, but alas the space lacked and there were too many legalities in the way. The ministry insisted on the dragons being caged at least fifteen miles from the school and its facilities, plus another twenty from Hogsmeade.
The merfolk in the black lake were an entirely different story. They seemed equal measures of disturbed and excited for the upcoming festivities, on one hand grudged at the fact Durmstrang's ship would be parked in their waters and deeply enthralled that they were given a free ticket to kidnap three people. Oh, to be a mermaid.
Severus was standing roughly three feet away from me as we waited. It was a professional, cordial distance. But it hurt. I longed to inch closer and brush my hand against his, perhaps daring to take it despite students surrounding us. There was a definite wedge coming between us now, what with a death eater on his way.
Yes, I'd gotten all dressed up today, eager to accept the delegates into Hogwarts. I was mostly excited to meet Madam Maxime, I'd heard interesting things about the woman. It was just... hard to know I'd be opening Hogwarts'— my home's— doors to that despicable man. All I could do not to cry in that moment was pass glances with Severus every other moment and giggle as I watched Cedric Diggory wave about a HufflePuff pennant, eager to show off our house's pride to the foreign students.
My wistful silence was interrupted by an absurdly yellow blob jogging into my peripheral view. I narrowed my eyes, but once the bright color grew closer, I realized who it was. This was a man named Ludo Bagman, wearing his old Wimbourne Wasps uniform. He'd been by the school several times over the past weeks to contribute, along with Bartemius Crouch, with the Tournament's setup. Although I'll admit he didn't do much.
For those that don't know, Ludo Bagman was a former beater for Wimbourne's Quidditch team, but retired some years ago and became Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports in the Ministry. He was very loud and an obnoxious kind of forthcoming. And an avid gambler. The day I met him, he seemed very thrilled to be at Hogwarts, but the grin fell from his face when Dumbledore reminded him he owed a considerable amount of money after their little bet on the last World Cup. He seemed to quiet down for a few days after, but it was clear to see he was back in the game today.
"Miss Y/N, what a fine day it is! To think, the three schools united once again! Competition's really one to die for, eh?"
I smiled as he approached, glad to have some excuse at conversation with another human being during such a tense moment. In a way, Bagman reminded me of Sir Lucas from Pride and Prejudice. "Definitely."
"Any students of yours you reckon might enter?"
After Ludo asked, my eyes flickered from student to student in the crowd, but ultimately fell on Cedric. "My student Diggory qualifies, I think he might go for it."
Bagman followed my gaze until he caught sight of the boy and grinned. "Ohhh, Diggory. Quidditch player, he is. I think he'll fare nicely. If he's picked, of course."
I raised a skeptical brow. "Thinking of making a bet already, Ludo?"
The man smiled a charming smile and shrugged one shoulder in a very suave fashion. "Just scoping out possible wagers, that's all."
Gasps echoed through the crowd, which were followed by Albus' booming voice. "Aha! The delegation from Beauxbatons!"
Sure enough, Ludo and I scanned the skyline and were met with the very indistinct sight of a carriage led by abraxans. The closer they approached, the wider my smile became. "What beautiful creatures..." I murmured. A quick glance Hagrid's direction told me my co-worker felt the same.
That thrill, however, lost its excitement and gained a lot of fear very quickly. The carriage and the abraxans were approaching rapidly and aiming to practically crash land right over our heads. The students were the first to duck, and I found myself swerving after their lead as the carriage flew over us. It surprisingly managed a graceful stop in the courtyard behind us. I covered my racing heart with a hand, not expecting so much cardio from a simple welcoming.
Beside me, however, Ludo was practically cackling with delight. He seemed very pleased by the dramatic entrance. "Now that is how you arrive at Hogwarts."
Once the carriage had come to a full stop, a girl dressed in blue, flow-y clothing scrambled out of the main door and used her wand to unfold a set of stairs, then slide a carpet along the ground where, presumedly, Madam Maxime would walk.
My nose wrinkled a bit. This lady sure felt highly of herself, treating her students like butlers and not bothering to walk on bare ground. But alas, I was intimidated, and couldn't tell if I liked her more or less with this new information.
Finally, the lady herself graced the crowd with her presence. Her... unexpectedly large presence. Madam Maxime was as beautiful and regal as the was tall, and she was taller than Hagrid himself.
Ludo beside me started cackling into his hand, trying to stop the snorts and wheezes. "No no," he chuckled in my ear, "forget what I said about the carriage. This is certainly the grandest entrance I've seen!"
I couldn't help but laugh a little as well, snickering with my newfound friend. "She's certainly made a big impact on us," I teased back, making Ludo's face screw up as he desperately tried to keep his laughing down so Madam Maxime wouldn't notice.
Minerva shot us a glare, as if we were students chatting during class when we shouldn't have been. I playfully shoved Ludo in the shoulder, trying to get him to stop laughing, because his chuckles were contagious. We managed to roll to a stop, but the jokes were still in the back of my mind.
"A'! Dumbledore!" Madame Maxime greeted, very short of subtlety. "'Ow good it is to see you."
"And you as well, Madam Maxime!" Albus returned in a friendly manner, stepping forward to shake hands with his fellow school-leader. Madam Maxime accepted the gesture and started to converse with him in a chat-like manner. As they talked, students practically cantered out of the carriage in a single file line. Once all presented, they seemed to shiver, looking down their noses at everyone else.
I myself even felt a little underdressed now, despite wearing the best things I had. These girls were clearly very judgy, it didn't bode well for this whole 'conversing with foreign schools is a totally fun experience' thing we were going for.
After the freezing Beuxbatons girls finally migrated inside, the crowd of Hogwarts students bubbled into an uproar of excitement once again.
"Aha! Durmstrang, I presume?" Ludo narrated with an eager grin, watching the water as everyone else was. Sure enough, the mast of a giant, ghostly looking ship was emerging from the disturbed waves.
I felt a little more lightheaded.
Severus seemed miles away from me, despite still standing on Ludo's other side. My gaze locked onto him as I attempted to calm myself. For a moment, he looked back, concern consuming his eyes— I wished I could have put him to rest, assured him that I was fine, but all I wanted to do was bury myself in his cloak and mold into his very skin. Only then would I be safe.
Severus, as it seemed, was not the only person who felt my anxiety. Unbeknownst to me, Ludo Bagman was giving me the side eye, picking up on the strong emotions dripping from me like a bleeding wound.
"Y/N," he said, shocking me out of my trance. My eyes met his and he smiled that suave smile. "Hagrid's taking those horses you were ogling at to stables behind the west wing. Want to go, uh..?"
He obviously wasn't sure what excuse to make, but I didn't care. I adjusted my dress with a curt smile and started off the stone bricks of the courtyard, leading him to where I knew the stables were. Once we were away from the bustle of the crowd, I finally allowed myself to breathe.
"Thanks, Ludo, I really just—"
"I was there, you know." I paused. My body slowly turned, scanning his face with a soft, confused expression. "When Karkaroff flew off the handle and was sent to Azkaban for the first time," Ludo finished solemnly. I'd never seen this man be serious before, it shined a new light on his character. It was comforting, in a way.
"Oh, it's... not... well... I'm just not myself right now, Ludo."
"Sure," he responded with a little eye roll, striding up to my side and prompting me to walk again. "So anyways, tell me about these horses."
"Abraxans," I corrected quickly, glad to change the subject. Bagman shot me a smirk, causing me to roll my shoulders, try to relax again. "Abraxans. Large winged horses. They're another legal form of magical transportation, only you need to have a license to ride them in the air."
"And do you?" Ludo cut in. "Have a license, I mean."
"Oh, yes. Only I'm a little out of practice now. I haven't ridden one in quite some time."
We reached the stables, which definitely looked as old as they were. When Hagrid and I had first fixed them up again, using them to keep Buckbeak, they were definitely just shy of collapse. Magical termites and whatnot. Our hard work showed, and I had to admit I was quite proud of them now.
Hagrid had already given the horses the... jeez Louise, whiskey they required?? Seemed a bit strong, but only the best for Madame Maxime's, I guessed. Ludo leaned closer to the trough as if he might fancy a sip himself, but I pulled him away and brought one of his hands to an abraxan's mighty hide.
"Oh no, I really don't think that's nec—"
"No talking," I said with a smile, dragging his hand slowly closer until his palm met the soft hairs on the leathery skin. The abraxan turned its head toward us, letting out a soft snort, recognizing our presence.
"Woah..." Ludo whispered, eyes wide as he stared back at the creature. I giggled from right behind him, feeling the tension in his arm and hand give way. It was easy to fall in love with animals, just that one touch, one look. Ludo looked over his shoulder at me, but my gaze was locked firmly on the winged horse.
SNAPE'S POV
I made a point to never read Y/N's mind unless I had her consent. Her privacy was important to me, her safety was important to me, and never did I want her to feel violated. I did not feel the same about Ludo Bagman, however.
As he and Y/N ran off, my legilimency was practically raging through his head. In general, I tried not to get angry. I tried not to think irrationally or lose control. But Ludo Bagman was not simply helping Y/N out by taking her away from the threat of Karkaroff, he thought she was pretty and considered it flirting. He wanted to ask her on a date and spend the remainder of his time at Hogwarts getting closer to her.
Which, yes, she was pretty and she did deserve flowers and... but not from him!
My eyes were trained on the ground. I felt completely helpless, standing here like an idiot while the woman I loved was being sucked up to by a man less than worthy. And... I knew. I knew I was less than worthy, too. Nobody truly deserved Y/N. But we promised each other. We promised each other and I was truly, truly trying to be what she needed.
In any case... I trusted Y/N. Sincerely. So I didn't really know why I was worried, it wasn't like Ludo could cause any problems between us. But I supposed it was also a problem that Karkaroff's presence at this school rendered me unable to help Y/N, but Bagman was completely free to console her whenever and wherever he wanted. Nobody would bat an eyelash. And of course it was better for her to accept help than abstain just because of my pride, I would never wish to harm her in such a way (or in any way, really)...
At the end of the day... it scared me. And she probably had no idea.
Bagman, however, was not the only threat at Hogwarts. Marching up from the now docked Durmstrang ship was a hoard of surprisingly muscly students, led (to my disgust) by Igor himself. Karkaroff had a fake, sick smile plastered against his yellowing teeth as he greeted Dumbledore and Madame Maxime both. To me, he gave a quick glance, his grin growing just a bit.
I didn't know what this man did to my Y/N, all I knew what's that I hated him for it. I hated him so much I could've killed him right there and gladly accepted the consequences, only I couldn't afford Azkaban at the moment. Y/N needed me.
Until I remembered with a foreign sting that she had Ludo and might actually fare fine without me.
Dumbledore began walking back to the castle, side by side with the other headmasters, and the entirety of Durmstrang's delegates and Hogwarts students following.
I scanned the edge of the courtyard where Y/N and Bagman had disappeared, anxiety coiling around me like a vicious snake. Seconds bled out, one by one, until at last I turned to follow the students into Hogwarts, where dinner waited.
Y/N was the one I knew felt the moss distress this year, so I kept feeling like I had to be her ground. Her shield, even. Now suddenly it was like I needed her more than she needed me. Igor Karkaroff promptly sat himself beside me at the long teachers table, where Y/N normally sat... thankfully, the seat next to me remained open, which I guarded as if using the space like a placeholder for my worry until she came to dinner. Her absence grew even louder. Throughout the meal, I kept turning to chat with her like normal, finding Igor giving me the side eye instead.
To my dismay, the death eater opened his mouth to speak to me—...
Interrupted by Albus.
"May I have your attentions, please!" He called out, rising to a stand at the center of the table. Igor shut his mouth in a disgruntled manner, turning to halfway pay attention to the Hogwarts headmaster. "This year will be full of surprises," Dumbledore began, folding his hands together with a twinkle in his eyes. "Some more than others... but I believe, first and foremost, a welcome must be made to the delegates of Beuxbatons Academy of Magic and Durmstrang Institute for Magical Learning. Everyone, applause, if you will!" The man smiled, engulfed by his enormous wizard-beard, and led the clap. Madame Maxime and Igor Karkaroff both dipped their heads in response to the attention, abut their students displayed mixed reactions. Some were clearly indifferent, and others basked in the welcome as if they deserved nothing less and could easily vanquish Hogwarts students in a popularity game any day.
Once the clapping died down, Albus continued. "Now, there is another welcome in store. Many of you must be wondering who will fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts position this year (sure as hell isn't me, despite being way overqualified and begging literally every year, I thought bitterly, taking a long drink of wine), and I'm pleased to introduce our new Professor Alastor Moody!"
Just then, thunder rocketed against the Great Hall's enormous windows and Moody himself appeared at the end of the hall, standing perfectly in the center of the open double doors.
Shivers ran up and down my spine repeatedly.
I respected Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody. He was a ruthless adversary and an even stronger ally in the first war against Voldemort. A man no one could take for granted... at least, back then. As far as I was aware, Moody was lately reduced to your poster veteran with PTSD who very highly contested against getting a therapist. As an undercover Order Member, and a slightly "un-closeted" death eater, it would have been out of the question to visit Alastor lately... so it's not like I had any proof these rumors were true. All I knew was that I had not seen him in many years, but I could distinctly feel something different tonight.
Moody stood hundreds of feet away from me, yet I felt something unsettling drift over me in a layer, like a blanket of ash after an eruption. I was already at unease, seated next to Igor Karkaroff, but now something felt worse. Sicker.
Alastor marched down the center isle between tables until he was at the teachers', where he said nothing but scanned the crowd with his cyborg-like eye until he roughly seated himself in the spot I was trying to keep empty for Y/N.
For lack of a better term, my "spidey-senses" were driving me crazy. Here I sat between a renowned Order of the Phoenix member and a cut-throat, disgusting Death Eater that had done some mystery thing to the woman I loved.
Not to mention, she still wasn't here. Nor was Ludo.
For years had I prided myself on being so controlled in the face of discomfort, unsettlement, and even mental torture... but tonight I felt like I couldn't hold it together any longer. I noticed as I brought my fork to my lips, my hand was shaking and despite my best efforts I felt too weak to stop it.
By the time Albus went on to announce the Tri-Wizard tournament, the moment the staff had all been waiting anxiously for, I wasn't even listening anymore. I was watching the steam of the hot food on my plate waver and sway until it died, the plate growing colder. In fact I don't think my eyes left the plate for the rest of dinner.
YOUR POV
As wonderful as visiting the majestic abraxans was, the night drafted up a bone-chilling cold that left me shivering. Ludo unwrapped his coat from his shoulders and positioned it around mine, passing me a welcoming smile as I accepted the gesture.
"Oh my gosh, well, there's no sense in making you cold now... I suppose we should go back inside..."
Ludo said nothing but pursed his lips, cocking his head to the side as he watched my face. "Don't really want to though, eh?"
I groaned in frustration at myself and my stupid emotions. "You're right..." I muttered, rubbing my temples vigorously. "You were right about... about him bothering me, but I really don't want to talk about it, if that's okay..." Ludo shrugged cooly, starting to walk off along the dirt path. My eyes narrowed a little, confused. "Ludo, Hogwarts is in the other direction—"
"Why yes, I know," he replied with a little chuckle. "But I'm sure we won't be missed at dinner. Fancy a trip to the Three Broomsticks? Haven't had butterbeer in ages."
Despite my lips nearly turned blue, I smiled again. This was the escape I definitely needed. As a general rule and as part of my work ethic, I didn't like to procrastinate. But the less time I had to see Karkaroff's face this year was a win for me.
The walk to Hogsmeade went by faster than usual, probably because of the company. Ludo Bagman wasn't exactly the person I'd pick out in a room of people and declare my friendship to, in fact, upon meeting him I didn't really think much of him at all. His first impression didn't exactly pronounce itself well. On the first day of my knowing him, I knew two things. One, he was a gambler. And two, he was obnoxiously loud.
But I'd been learning something lately. Most people tend to improve on closer inspection. Underneath the old Wimbourne Wasps uniform and the slightly crooked smile and the slowly balding hair, Ludo showed me, a complete stranger, a lot of uncommon kindness. I was starting to see a rather lovely friendship budding there. He wasn't so bad, once you got to know him.
It reminded me a lot of Severus. Although so much had changed there... I thought I'd truly met him for the first time four years ago. And no, I really didn't think highly of him either. I was slightly repulsed that we'd kissed as kids and weirded out by his quiet disposition and even offended by his abrupt coldness, but underneath it all was someone I'd loved so dearly in those years we couldn't remember. Like falling in love was bound to happen because it was already there.
Ludo treated me to a butterbeer and we chatted until Rosmerta closed up the pub, bidding us a sweet goodbye. Turned out the life of a former Quidditch player was rather exciting— Ludo's stories reminded me of James, too. It hurt my soul to wonder if it might have been James here instead, had the world played out differently. Maybe he would be sitting with me, helping me with my fear of Karkaroff and telling me stories about Quidditch and calling me Hart and treating me like a little sister...
"Y/N, you alright love?"
"Hmm? Oh, sorry.." I blinked abruptly, the tears balancing on my eyelids rolling down my face, much to my surprise. My hands rose to wipe them away, but I was beat by... by Ludo's...
He tenderly swiped them away, watching me with a fond smile. "Don't apologize. Are you? Alright?"
Something didn't... quite feel right. That kind of touch felt like something Severus would do. And it's not like Ludo was kissing me or anything, good heavens... but in a quiet way this gesture felt too real.
I couldn't find the voice to protest, however, and Ludo had already moved his hands away and resumed walking back to Hogwarts. Whatever... it was fine, I'll just tell him not to if it happens again...
"I'm... yeah, sorry, just thinking of an old friend I had that loved Quidditch too."
"You wouldn't happen to be mentioning James Potter, now would you?" Ludo asked with a little grin. "I've heard about him, of course... one of Gryffindor's best, right after his son. I understand you were close with the Potters."
I nodded a little, smiling so I wouldn't cry again. "Yeah. Sorry. Don't know what's gotten into me-"
"There's a lot going on," Ludo reasoned with another shrug. "No need to apologize, it's just how it is." We reached the inside of the castle, and I suddenly became aware of Ludo's coat still around me. I shyly gave it back, getting that weird feeling again. Like I was doing something wrong. "If you show me where it is, I'll gladly walk you to your quarters," Ludo offered, extending an arm as if to loop with mine.
I shook my head perhaps a little too fiercely, stepping a bit further away from him. "Oh! Thank you, but, no actually. I've um... got to make a quick stop before I go to my room. I'll see you tomorrow though, Bagman." I left him a little albeit disheartened smile and ran off towards the dungeons where I was hoping Severus waited for me.
I clambered to his door and raised my fist to knock, but groaned and bit my lip in frustration instead. Why would you knock, Y/N? I thought to myself, upset although I couldn't figure out why. You live here too. Stop... stop acting weird.
Maybe I just needed to catch my breath. I stood there a the door for a minute longer before finally opening in and sliding inside.
Severus was seated at our table, reading what appeared to be old letters. He dropped the one he had been engulfed in when I came in and stood up. "Y/N," he greeted quietly, making his way to the door to wrap me in a hug.
Sev's large hands found my freezing arms and he let out a soft 'Mmph..', deciding to drag me in to our couch and wrap me in a blanket. I giggled as I was thrust onto the furniture, and he turned to light the fire with his wand.
"I was worried," he murmured as he came back to scoop me up in his arms for a cuddle, "at first, I mean, but I think it's good you managed to avoid dinner. Put your mind at rest at all?"
He positioned himself almost beneath me so I could rest on his chest, and I gladly turned in such a way that my nose would be buried in the crook of his neck. For such a normally cold man, he sure was toasty tonight... I sighed happily into his warmth.
"A little," I admitted quietly.
Somehow, though, it felt like I'd given myself even more to worry about tonight.
~ 4,720 words