Emily and Holly were in Holly's room talking about the day.
"Thanks." Emily said in a small voice. "When I saw her I- I couldn't make any words come out of my mouth." She sighed.
Holly nodded. "I know."
"I thought when I met her I would yell at her, be angry, or give her attitude like I give everyone else, but when I saw her I just froze."
"Your dad did too." Holly stated.
"Yeah, what was that?" Emily shook her head. "And then he started yelling at Aunt Riley?"
"I guess he didn't like being blindsided by your mother."
"A car accident? I thought I would hear some lame excuse about being too young or even about her betraying her best friend and hooking up with her boyfriend, but a car accident?" Emily frowned. "Does that mean she would have kept me if it didn't happen? And why didn't she keep me anyway? She survived it. I survived it. Shouldn't she have changed her mind about giving me up?" Emily whined.
Holly frowned and shook her head. "Maybe it was too hard."
"Living with the McPhee's was too hard! Keeping your kid shouldn't be too hard!" Emily snapped.
Holly gave her a sympathetic look. "I know you hated them after what they did. But I don't think you can compare the two." She stated cautiously. "I think your mom wanted you. I mean she was pregnant for eight months. She was gonna keep you, but after the accident she couldn't bare it."
Emily scoffed. "We were alive. She could have kept me. There's no excuse, she lived, she should have told them to rip up the papers."
"I don't think it works that way and even if she woke up after six months, you were already gone."
"Then she could have found me! I was in some dumb orphanage with a bunch of nuns! It wasn't that hard to find!" She snapped.
"I know that you don't feel like thinking rationally right now, so I'll do it for you." Holly sighed. "Your mom wakes up six months after the accident. She asks her mom where you are and her mom tells her you were given up for adoption. She wants to find you, but she can't walk and that's when she realizes she needs to go through physical therapy."
"She has a cane!" Emily snapped.
"But you don't know how long it took until she could walk with it." Holly snapped back. "Let's say she was in a wheelchair at first."
"You're trying to make me feel bad for her so I won't be mad and it's not going to work." Emily stated stubbornly. "She could have found me so we could be together."
"It probably took a couple months to be able to stand without falling over, without help of course."
"I'm not gonna feel bad."
"We'll say three or four months until she could stand up by herself, maybe even walk a few steps." Holly got up from her bed and walked to the other side of the room. "Try to stand without using your legs." She stated abruptly.
"What?" Emily glared at her.
Holly shrugged. "It's just an experiment. Try to stand."
Emily rolled her eyes and pushed herself up from the bed.
"You used your legs."
"And you're annoying."
"I'm serious. Try to stand up without using your legs."
Emily blew out a breath and sat back down, then she gripped the bed and lifted herself slowly.
"Using your legs."
Emily sighed. "I'm gonna hit you."
"Don't use your legs. Pretend like you can't use them right now."
"This is stupid." Emily rolled her eyes again. "You want me to feel bad for her. After everything I've been through I'm supposed to feel bad for her?" Emily huffed.
Holly frowned. "No, but you could try to empathize with her."
Emily sighed. She gripped the edge of the bed again and lifted her body using only her arms. They shook from trying to hold her weight and then she gave up.
"What's wrong?"
"I can't."
"You can't what?"
Emily glared up at Holly. "I can't stand up without using my legs."
Holly nodded. "Okay, now imagine there is a baby on the other side of the room, and it's crying."
"I'm done playing this game."
"Okay, but that won't comfort that poor baby crying for it's mother."
"I'm not a mother. I'm fourteen."
"Pretend you are a mother. Your baby is on the other side of the room crying for you." Holly said. "But you can't use your legs to get up and go over to it." She stated.
Emily sighed. "Then she could wheel over to it. At least she would be with her daughter."
"You're not in a wheelchair right now. Riley helped you into a more comfortable chair, but now your baby is crying and Riley isn't in the room. You can't get to your baby to help it. How do you feel?"
Emily shook her head. "No."
"How do you feel?"
"I'm not playing this game."
"Emily." Holly snapped.
"I don't like feelings. I've told you this, and yet every time I talk to you you wanna try to make me feel things and cry and it sucks."
"You feel like crying?"
Emily closed her eyes and turned her head away from Holly. "She could've called for help. If she couldn't get to me she could call for help. Riley would've helped."
"Okay, so call for Riley."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Riley."
"She can't hear you. She's in the other room." Holly stated.
Emily sucked air in through her nose. "You're irritating me."
"I can't hear you. I'm in the other room." Holly smirked at her.
"Holly, I'm serious."
"So am I. The baby is crying and everyone is in the other room."
"You're ticking me off."
"What are you gonna do? You can't use your legs. What if the baby is sick? It needs it's mother."
"Riley!" Emily yelled.
"Nope. Not loud enough. She's in the other room upstairs."
Emily huffed. "I get it. My mom would have had to scream for help, but at least she had people who would've helped her."
"But does your mom seem like the type to ask for help?" Holly asked.
"No." Emily sighed.
"Okay, now pretend I'm Riley." Holly quickly walked over to the other side of the room and picked up one of her stuffed animals. "It's okay. Aunt Riley is here." She said in a soothing voice as Emily just sat on the bed watching her.
Emily frowned. "Fine. I get it."
"How do you feel?"
"I feel like shit." Emily swallowed. "I feel worthless and useless, like I can't take care of my own kid."
Holly sighed. "I'm sorry I had to make you feel that way, but maybe now you can empathize with your mom and forgive her." She said sitting down on the bed next to Emily. "I know there are people who can take care of their kids even in wheelchairs with the help of others, but we both know you're mom isn't one of them. If she felt like she couldn't take care of you, then she wouldn't try to get you back." Holly put her arm around Emily when the other girl sniffed. "And if she thought you had a good home she wouldn't have screwed that up for you by taking you back with her."
"But- But I would rather push my mom around in a wheelchair for my whole life than be bounced from one home to the next never knowing if she cared about me."
"Try to take comfort in the fact that if she didn't care she wouldn't have given you up." Holly rubbed her back when she started crying. "I know you hated most of your homes, but as far as she knew you were in one home and you were happy. She just wanted what was best for you, because she does care. That's why she said you were better off without her and told your Dad and Aunt Riley to take care of you. She does care."
Emily wiped at her eyes. "Do you think, if she knew, about my other homes.. Would she regret not coming to get me out of them?"
"Maybe. It's up to you to tell about what happened, when you want to, I can be with you when you do, if you need me to be." She smiled.