"Right here." Pluto pointed to a dirt pathway off the side of the road. I pulled my car in, noisily bouncing along the line. It didn't seem like it was really meant to be driven on.
After we had finished eating, I paid for the food, found some of those mini cupcakes Gabby was talking about, and then we went out to the car. I was gonna head home, but Pluto mentioned this field nearby that we could drive out to and look at the stars. Well I still hadn't given her the box, and she hadn't told me where that scar was from, so I figured we could work that stuff out there.
And sure enough, this dirt way was leading us into a huge open field. The grass was super tall, above our hips, and there wasn't a building or person in sight. All the grass was a dry yellow, but it made a calming soft noise in the wind. And the only light was from my car's headlights and the moon. The road lead to a circle of dirt, small rocks lining around to keep the grass away. This place felt like the start of a horror movie. Y'know, the ones where the teenagers go to some place make out and then the murderer kills them in their car. Not that, we're gonna do anything or some guy is gonna come stab us.
Pluto hopped out of my car, and I left it on, just in case we did have to run from something. She stood in front of the hood, gazing up. The light bounced off her face and her dress in the prettiest way. I had to force myself to stop staring. Before I got fully out of the car, Pluto turned away.
"Turn off the headlights." She said. I couldn't read her face. I looked up, the sky was black and you could see the little white dots everywhere. Nothing spectacular to be honest.
"But you can-"
"Turn em off." She looked over her shoulder, then smiled. "You'll see."
So I obeyed, switching off the car and taking the keys, shoving them in my pocket as I walked to her. She scooted up on the car hood, leaning back on her hands with her head tilted up. I hopped up next to her, but I couldn't help looking down, feeling the box in my pocket. God, I was nervous, my heart was pounding. I was afraid to even look at her.
"Cakepop, look."
I glanced at her, then looked up.
And. Wow.
White specks scattered across the infinite sky, dark blues and purples and other colors I never noticed. The moon casted a glow all around us, and faintly you could see a galaxy of stars streaking across the darkness. Some stars glowed even brighter, some different colors, and everything glittered like Pluto's eyes. I think I finally understood her obsession with the night sky.
"Wow." I breathed. She giggled.
"See? This is what happens when you don't shine any light. Gosh, isn't it amazin'?" She smiled wide and bright. "Y'know, no one else gets views like this. Everywhere else is light polluted. That's why I never wanna leave here."
"You never wanna leave?" I asked, eyes still up above.
"Well, I mean, not really. Like it ain't like I have a whole plan or anythin', and I'll move out if I have to, but I'd like to stay. I like it here."
I hesitated, looking down, then looked at her. "Even with your uncle?"
She looked down, eyes weary and in pain, then looked away. She breathed slowly, and I knew I'd hit another nerve.
"Jax..." my name again, that tingle went through me. "I know Sherman ain't the best guy, and it's obvious I don't like him, but you gotta understand somethin. He was, is..." she started breathing a bit harder, her breath shaky, and she couldn't make eye contact. This was hard for her to say.
"He's better than my parents were."
I paused. "What-what do you mean?"
"I mean my parents sucked okay?" She snapped, turning to me. There were tears welling in her eyes. "They, they were-" she sniffed, then pointed at her nose. "They did this to me, Jax. They hurt me. They wanted the perfect kid and I wasn't it. And I don't know why..." she gulped and tears began falling, she dropped her head and hid behind her hair. "And I was so, so sad when they were gone. But now I realize they weren't ok! They abused me, they attacked me and yelled at me for screwing up their life and, and Aden tried to fix things and protect me and-" by now she was gasping for breath, waterfalls coming from her eyes. I pulled her in and hugged her, swaying back and forth. I couldn't bear seeing her like that.
I had no idea Pluto had gone through so much. I thought Sherman was bad, but her parents were too? And I wondered if they had abused Roger too. I kinda forgot Roger's real name was Aden. But I felt my mind wandering so I went back to Pluto.
"Leah, I had no idea you were carrying this much." I breathed into her hair, she sniffed below me. No response. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I-I c-couldn't J-Jax, I-I just-st-" I pulled her in closer and she cried into my shirt. I felt her wrap her arms around me, and her hands grasped my back and she shook. I wanted to do something to fix this, I wish there was something to do to make everything in her life ok. She deserved the world.
Then, I remembered the box.
Oh wait. Ohhhhhhhh crap.
"Um, P-Pluto?" I pulled away a bit, arms on her shoulders, and looked down at her. She still clenched to my back but looked up. She looked so hurt, but her eyes sparkled and I could see the stars reflect back.
"I had something to give you, but um..." I scratched the back of my neck. "It's not such a great gift now." She pulled away a bit and I reached into my pocket and grabbed the box. I pulled it out, it was sleek brown with a soft leathery interior, sort of like the kind of box you propose with. "I can get it fixed n' change it, I didn't know about, this whole thing..." I opened it up, and inside was a silver necklace. Smooth silver chain leading to a dark blue crystal heart, overlapping with a silver heart embedded with white jewels. Pluto slowly and carefully reached for the box, and cradled it in her hands. She breathed out, a hint of happiness in her voice.
"Jax..." she smiled, then opened up the heart. And inside was a tiny picture of her parents. Yes, horrible timing I realize. Her expression dropped a bit.
"Again, I can replace the-"
"I love it." She breathed. I stared at her.
"Y-You do?"
"Yes." she laughed, still a little shaky. Then she flew towards me and hugged me, arms pulling me in tight, hands grasping the back of my shirt again. It took me a second, surprised, but I hugged her back. "Y'know, I don't just wanna forget about em." She said into my shirt. "Thank you."
I smiled, then closed my eyes and buried my face into her hair. And I got so lost in the moment, I kissed her head.
...crap.
But, she didn't move. She stayed in my arms, and adjusted so she was even closer, pressed against my chest. My cheeks burned, and I had to look away to stop. I looked up, and the stars looked so pretty.
"Jax why are you so nice to me?" She asked, head still in my shirt. It took a second to process the question.
"Because I care about ya Leah." I said softly. "You deserve so much, and I'm tryna give that to you." I smiled into her hair again. Then she shuffled and looked up at me. Our eyes met, faces dangerously close, and her expression was hard to read. She memorized my face slowly. I felt my face burn again, but I couldn't look away. I wanted so much, so so much, to grab her right there and kiss her. I don't know why, I never fully felt that way, I mean sort of but never in the moment. But she was so close, and right here in my arms, and I could so easily just, do it. But I couldn't. My heart burned, my arms and chest and everything ached for her. But I couldn't do it.
And suddenly she pulled my back in closer, and stared deep into my eyes, and our noses were touching. I felt her breath on my face, hot tingling wisps fleeting off my lips. She felt so close, and everything in me burned. Burned to kiss her, to bring her in and hold her, to never let go, burned for her.
"Jax..."
And I pulled forward and kissed her. She tensed, her hands clasped the back of my shirt and she pulled me closer. I melted into her, everything in me leaned in, and I pulled her to me. God, this is what I always wanted, what I never knew I needed. My hands slid up to her cheeks, and I cupped her face and pushed more. I felt one of her hands rise into my hair, the other draped around my neck. I wanted her, only her. Her lips were soft and warm, and pressing deeper into mine. Her fingers spread and tangled in my hair, and her warmth flooded into me. My thoughts went cloudy, and everything drifted away until it was just her and me. And I leaned into her just a little more, all I wanted was it to be just her and me. Just her and me.
I felt her lips pull into a smile, and finally she dropped away. My eyes fluttered open, suddenly becoming aware I existed again. She dropped her head and was... laughing?
I couldn't help chuckling. "Why are you laughin?" I smiled.
"I just, I'm so happy." She said, pushing her head back to my chest. She laughed again, then hugged me tight. "You don't know how long I dreamed of doing that."
My cheeks went warm again, and I buried back into her hair.
"Diddo."
She laughed again. Her body went a little loose, she let her arms drape down and her shoulders relaxed. I kissed her forehead again. I felt so... so amazing! My heart was doing backflips. My blood was racing around, my mind having a seizure. Did that actually happen? Did that really just happen. You kissed Pluto. And she kissed you back!
"Yomf fo wurmf..." she mumbled into my shirt.
"What?"
She pulled away. "You're so warm." She pulled in close again, this time having her cheek to my chest so she could speak. "It's cold."
I sighed. "We should head back, it's getting late..." I looked up and pulled away a little bit.
"Oh." Her arms dropped away, and she looked away from me. I watched her, then grabbed her hand.
"I don't want ya to freeze out here." I reassured. She smiled, then leaned in and gave me another kiss on the cheek. She pulled away and dropped off the car before I could kiss her back.
"C'mon then." She said, opening the door to my car. I took a minute to get off the car, flattening out my shirt and digging for my keys. I walked back and opened my door, sliding in. Put the keys into the ignition and felt the car rumble to life. I had to take a breath to settle myself. I glanced over at Pluto, and she was watching me. And my eyes trailed down and-
She had the necklace on.
"What time is it?" She asked, turning back to the front window. "We barely even looked at the stars. I was gonna point out all-"
"Pluto." I interrupted, leaning over to her. She turned.
"What?"
And I kissed her again. Pressing into her as much as I could from the other side of the car. Feeling her lips mold into mine, her nose gently graze my cheeks and send tingles through my whole body, her arms start to reach for my shoulders as I slide one hand through her hair. Kissing her was all I wanted to do. It's all I'd think about that night and I knew it. This time I pulled away slowly, and watched her lashes slowly pull open to meet my eyes. She beamed.
This was another one of those moments. Where I was supposed to say something so perfect and smooth and she would melt back into me and we'd kiss over and over again. And people would remember it forever, and use it themselves.
But I didn't. I just smiled, then turned to the wheel and started backing up. Because sometimes you can't say things in words. You say them in actions.
And kissing Pluto was all I needed to do.
. . . . .
We drove back along the bumpy road and down the highway and to her house, saying almost nothing. Nothing but smiling and catching glimpses of each other. And the events after that kind of flurried in my mind. I remember I parked in front of her house, and she crawled out, heels in hand, and waited. Then walked around the car and pulled me by the collar with her. I think it was so late, our minds got drunk off of no sleep, so we continued giggling and stumbling towards the door. She kept hold of my hand as we slipped inside, her living room was familiar but dark, and had a new excitement to it. She swung me around and grabbed my collar again, staring into my eyes. We laughed and kissed again.
We started talking about a lot of things, a lot of memories, and a lot of giggling and kissing. But then we got on the topic of us. How long we had felt it. I mean, our feelings were obviously in the open now, so why not talk about it? Pluto said back in elementary she would have fleeting crushed on me (probably because I was a year older) but she would move on to another guy quickly. In middle school, she started coming out more, her first girlfriend lasted almost all of eight grade. But when they broke up, and she came to me about it and cried and vented to me, she said that was where it started. When she realized how much I was there.
"What about Mallory?" I mentioned. "That summer before freshman year?"
"He was a good talker, got me distracted." Pluto explained. "But he wasn't very special. I dunno, I just always came back to you." We were laying on the couch, I was sitting up against the arm and she was laying sideways on me, her head just below my chin. "I think it was after Fireball, well y'know, that day in the hospital I realized how much I needed you. How broken I'd be if you died."
"Oh..." I looked away. "Is that why you..."
"Held your hand? Yeah, thanks for taking 7 months to figure that out." She laughed. I kissed her forehead.
"I think, for me, it was the bonfire night." I looked away as I remembered it.
"While we were on the beach?" She looked up at me.
"Yea." I looked down and smiled, then brushed her hair out of her eyes to see those beautiful brown colors better. "It was just, I dunno, I just felt it." I was careful around what I actually thought that day, the "L" word. But I remembered that rush, that blood flying in my heart and a new joy, the same kind of feeling I get when I kiss Pluto. She stretched up and kissed me again, stayed for a minute to feel the warm soft touch, then snuggled back down. I looked around.
"Where's your uncle?" I asked quietly, realizing we had just barged in without checking.
"He's out of town for somethin, he'll be back tomorrow mornin."
I checked my phone time. Then my cheeks warmed. "You mean today-mornin." I showed her the time. "Look."
"We've been- we-ve hung out for... 5 hours?"
"From 9 to 2 so... yeah." I laughed breathlessly. "What did we do to pass the time?"
She smiled and giggled. "I dunno, maybe this...?" Then leaned up and kissed me again. She started pulling away again but I went back in, my hands sliding up to her neck. Her hairs brushed cold along my knuckles, her nose pressed into my cheek, her lips open and closed on mine. I felt her hands explore a bit, icy cold and searching for warmth at the base of my shirt, slinking in. She adjusted closer to me, her head beginning to rise above mine, starting to slide on top of me-
"Pluto...?"
"EEP!"
Roger's voice grumbled from the kitchen, the light flicking on, and she toppled onto the floor. I ducked down, hidden by the back cushions of the couch. Roger rubbed his eyes and leaned against the wall. "What are you..." yawn. "...doing up?"
"Oh um, I'm, um, crap uhhh..." Her cheeks turned bright red, stuck between lying and explaining things. I puffed up my chest and rose above the couch. I realize how bad it probably looked, but I flattened my shirt and rubbed the back of my neck.
"Heyyyyy, Roger."
His eyes widened, his mouth hung open a bit as he switched back and forth between Pluto and I. A horribly painful minute passed of complete silence.
Finally Pluto breathed and took a step towards him. "It's not what it looks like its not anything bad we just, we just got home and we were-"
"Ah buh buh buh buh buh." Roger held up a finger. "I see what's happenin." His stare turned on me, and I froze. My face was badly burning up. I opened my mouth to say something, but he interrupted me.
"CakePop, I think you should go home." He said quietly. Pluto looked at me, worried, but didn't protest. "I just have some things I wanna talk to ma sis about."
"Right of course, for sure." I stepped backwards, bumping into a wood coffee table. Both of them said nothing. "I will, I'll head home, now." I walked backwards all the way to the door. Slowly, creaky opening it. "I'm gonna... yea." They both watched me all the way out, until I shut the door. I winced, and heard nothing from inside. And after waiting a second and hearing nothing, I started walking to my car. After getting in, I saw the living room light flick on through the curtains. Poor Pluto, that's probably so embarrassing. I mean, that was embarrassing for me too. I wondered if Roger was mad. Or happy. Or just, surprised. But while I was thinking, my mind drifted to Pluto. And kissing. And my mind replayed everything that had just happened.
I turned on the car and started driving home, seeing their silhouettes in the window. Both were just standing there.
Poor Pluto I thought. But my mind just drifted right back to us. To seeing her for the first time in that dress. Laughing at the Choppe. Sitting on the car, our first kiss there. The kiss in the car. Her pulling me out and into the house. The talks, the hugs, the kisses.
Oh gosh. I ain't getting much sleep tonight.