*
𝓡𝓮𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷 𝓽𝓸 𝓢𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻
*
Much like the Saturday before, this Sunday was a dreary and lifeless day. It was cloudy and so humid it was actually kind of disgusting to go outside right about now. Not that she was going to go outside anyway. Nobara spent the last day of the weekend lying in dread for Monday and the rest of the week to come. Her weekends were always uneventful and boring as it was, but she still didn't like waiting for Monday to come either.
What she looks forward to is the end of the week more than the actual weekend itself. She does nothing in the two days she has off considering she has no friends nor money to do anything or go anywhere. Not that there's much to do around here anyway. But friends she doesn't have would certainly make things a little better.
Nobara's life had begun to feel like a very large hamster wheel. Constantly in motion but never going anywhere, and depleting her energy the longer she remained on it. She would follow the same routine every week. She would wake up, go to school, carry on until Friday, then the weekend arrived. But just as quickly as the weekend had come, it ended. Then the week begins again. There were no large changes in between this senseless cycle and there was only her suffering throughout the week to note that she was even alive.
She can't wait until the day she can leave this small town, and be somewhere else. Anywhere else. She doesn't know what she'll do, or what her life would even be like but she knows she can't stay here the rest of her life that's for sure. She's seen the old people around here and she knows she'd rather die.
She started saving money three years ago, at first she didn't know exactly what for. Now she knows she's going to use whatever money she saves for herself to leave. Her mother always made a big deal of giving her any money. She always wanted to know exactly what it was going to be used for, so to avoid the hassle, she would rarely ask for money.
When she does get money, whether it's to go to the store or for something else she asked for, she tries to save as much as she can. Placing any extra bills into her stash hoping her mother doesn't ask for change later. If her mother found it, she'd definitely make Nobara "lend" her money with no intention of paying her back. Because after all she was a kid and nothing was hers in the end.
She wasn't fond of the idea of getting a job, because she was slightly wary of her classmates recognizing her and treating her like shit even outside of school. There weren't many options and someone was bound to recognize her eventually. The only places hiring were the local coffee shop, the grocery store, and the hardware store. She'd have to walk or bike to these places which would take quite a while, so the minimum wage wasn't worth it if she had to deal with harassment too. For now, she would have to do what she could and maybe she could think about a job in the future. Like during senior year when everyone was slacking off anyway. But for now, she'll take it day by day.
For example, on Monday she has to give Maki her hoodie back.
She's been thinking about her soulmate all weekend, which was the exact opposite of what she planned to do. She wanted to make sure Maki Zenin stayed out of her head. But it seems she can't escape. Every time she saw herself in the mirror she was reminded of the fact her name is permanently etched on her skin. Whether it's in view or not. She's reminded of the fact that Maki Zenin's entire existence is the reason why she covers herself up, only wears certain clothing because it's what keeps others hidden from the truth.
Nobara could never resent Maki or hate her. She never did, she hates herself more than she hates Maki, and even when she first found out, and finally had to come to terms with her sexuality, she never once blamed Maki. She can't, even now. Maki's...perfect.
Sure, Nobara doesn't truly know her yet, and their only interactions have been mostly silence, she can't help but feel like this girl is perfect.
Lending Nobara that sweater of hers was a very odd thing for Maki to do. Nobara still can't comprehend why this girl is so interested in her. She's decided it's just pity for now, and although that reason annoys her, it didn't stop her from taking that sweater. But it didn't mean they were friends. In fact, she was going to give the sweater back as soon as possible and forget the whole event even happened.
Though a small detail lingered in the back of her mind from Friday. A thought she almost overlooked. Maki's hand, and her obvious tenseness in the bathroom. Nobara couldn't help but assume...but her assumption couldn't be true. It would be more than odd for Maki to do something like that on her behalf...it was more likely caused by something else entirely unrelated. Maki didn't seem like the type to hurt people either. She shoved the thought away, whatever happened that day she might as well forget about it anyway.
Though she wants to forget, for some reason she's become attached to this clothing now. Maki's hoodie was warm and soft, and comforting. It was incredibly good material and Nobara put it on just to wear when she was home. Like the memory imprinted on the object, she doesn't want to hand it over anymore. Maki gave this to her. To have not to take but Nobara wanted to keep it.
That Friday sucked a lot. She went home less angry than she was before but definitely annoyed. The wind was furious, she was lucky there was no rain, but it was so cold between how her lower half was wet, and her socks were soaked. Above the waist she was fine, she was pretty much dry, and Maki's sweater worked really well against the wind. Though she couldn't keep the hoodie of the sweater up for long so her ears were freezing and her hair was slightly wet too.
The temperature outside was about ten degrees higher than it felt like since the wind made it feel colder out than it actually was. By the time she got home, her hair was dry, but her feet and ears were frozen. She turned on the shower as soon as she got home. She's always glad that when she comes home neither of her parents are here.
She lets the bathroom water run to the hottest temperature, making the small room a sauna, condensation clouding the mirror. Then she lowers the temperature before she actually gets in because scalding hot water was not ideal for showering. It's a bit of a waste of water to let it run like that, but her mother's not here to scold her so she'll do what she likes with her time.
Showers were the most relaxing part of her day that involved staying awake. By the time she finally did get home to shower, she no longer felt angry and frustrated. She wasn't even mildly annoyed anymore. She felt at equilibrium again, and it became a memory.
Though if she dwelled too much on it, she might try to remember the guys face, so she can throw an ice cold bucket of water on them so they know how it feels. But she knows she won't actually do that since she's more likely to get caught, and if they report her she's also more likely to face consequences than if she reported them. So there was really no point in taking revenge no matter how satisfying it would be.
She goes to her room to change, and she sees Maki's name on her skin again visible at her angle in the full length mirror. It's never going away, she. knows that, but on some level there's always a bit of shock when she sees it. She's a marked person, and her soulmate is a girl. Two things that were supposedly unlikely to happen did. She doesn't like to look at it generally, but now that she's got a face to the name it's hard not to associate the two and Maki comes back into her mind again.
Her hoodie is folded on her bed, and she wants to put it on again. Nobara sits on her bed, unfolding it slowly, and brings it to her chest. It's a bit of a slow movement how she brings it up to her body closely. As if it'll break under pressure, or disappear if she appreciates it too much. She doesn't think as she inhales the smell attached to it and wonders if it smells like Maki.
Then the moment fades away and she wonders what the fuck is she doing? But it smells nice, not like flowers or anything but a natural sort of scent that leaves her feeling...she can't even quite place it. But somehow she knew if safety and comfort had a specific smell it would be this. She wants to do it again but instead, she just puts the hoodie on. For the weekend, it's hers. No one had to know, least of all Maki.
By Sunday, it felt like hers now. She knew that was stupid, Maki had just lent it to her out of kindness and now she wanted to keep it. She knew the fact that it was Maki's made her want it. She's sure if some other stranger offered her a sweater she likely wouldn't have taken it. No matter how cold she was. Maki was the only exception because...well it's not like anyone else's name was on her body.
She can't deny this subtle (can she even call it subtle?) effect Maki has on her. It's eating away at her defenses. It was annoying but some part of her doesn't want to keep it up anymore. It's too easy to give in to her desire to be around her.
Being alone, especially on the weekend gives her too much time in her head to think. Sometimes she just wants to shut her mind off so she can stop analyzing her own actions. She knows why she does the things she does, but knowing why doesn't help. She still does them. Knowing why doesn't get rid of the disgust she feels because of them either.
She hates this constant merry-go-round in her brain of doing something, then hating herself for it. She should have never accepted Maki's help. She's sewing the thread of her own demise. Getting too close was dangerous.
She washes the sweater on Sunday. Now it smells like laundry detergent which is pleasant but she's just as likely to wear it if it smelled like Maki once again. She didn't want to give back the sweater when it probably smelled more like her now since she wore it all weekend. She had wanted to get Maki out of her head but the sweater was pretty much a physical reminder of Maki's existence, and her kindness in the face of everyone else's animosity toward Nobara. But she places it in her bag, and now it's out of sight, out of mind. She wishes that effect would work with Maki in the first place.
Monday arrives, and Nobara and Maki have first-period class together. History, which is always a bore to Nobara, so she ends up doodling on the edges of her notebook pages again. This time losing focus on her task entirely, and her hands move on their own. She likes when she gets to this point. When all her thoughts fade, and she's just doing. Not thinking or worrying, just making something. It doesn't have to be good, she's no Picasso, and certainly doesn't see herself as an artist anyway. She's only pulled out of it when the horrible sound of the bell shakes her concentration. Or rather, dissociation.
She hurries to put her stuff away, dropping her pencil along the way. She's usually not this clumsy, but she wants to catch Maki in the hallway to return her sweater.
She places all her things in her bag, and she leaves the classroom. Maki's usually nearby when they leave class, Nobara used to be slightly annoyed by her intentional movements to be near her but now it seemed she couldn't locate the other girl quite as easily as usual.
She does find Maki after looking around. It wasn't too hard considering the girl was pretty tall, and there's her distinctive style and green hair to aide her. Maki's standing, not walking to her next class actually. For a second, she thinks it would be easy to just catch up to her, give her the sweater and that'll be the end of it.
But Maki's talking to someone. Which is new, Maki doesn't talk to anyone. It's a boy, someone Nobara hasn't seen before but it's not like she's got an encyclopedia on everyone at the school so she supposed that wasn't too unusual. Also taking into account how boring the kid looked she's not surprised she doesn't know him.
Actually, maybe calling him boring was a bit of a quick judgement considering she can't clearly see his face. She decides she's not going to interrupt, and she'll just get to Maki later.
Though she moves on from that really quickly, there's a slight feeling in her stomach. Uncertainty, fear or disappointment were all names floating around but she could not place a particular one.
*
The next class she has is Chemistry. Which doesn't have Maki in it. In this class, she sits alone at her four-person lab table. There is a sink at her table as well. There is a sink with an emergency eyewash in three out of all the tables in the classroom. She never really understood why they took such a precaution when in this class and all her science classes were never dangerous hands-on labs. In fact, they hardly got any hands-on labs at all. Of the labs she received thus far there was a safety lab, and some conversion worksheet which was counted as a lab and two others that were not interesting nor dangerous. Who knows maybe they'll do better things later on. But as of now, Chemistry was not her favorite.
For most of the class she takes notes, she's taken some on ionic bonds, how to convert, and valence electron. This was a content-heavy class which most people hated but she didn't find it too bad. She just wasn't that interested in chemistry. She felt like it wasn't too hard if she paid attention and read her notes. It's not like they're trying to memorize the periodic table here.
"...Kugisaki," Nobara heard her last name mentioned by the teacher, and she realized she wasn't paying attention at all. Though it takes her only a moment to conclude that the teacher wasn't talking to her. They asked a student to sit next to her. She sees the kid pack his things and walk over to the seat directly to her left.
She has no idea how she didn't notice this kid before today. He has pink hair, almost faded out like he dyed it a while ago, but it still doesn't look terrible on him. There are certainly worse dye jobs out there. He's also wearing a red hoodie which is a little too bright for 9am right now. Oh and with his excited look and wave, Nobara can easily tell she's dealing with a morning person while she most definitely was not.
"Hi," He says as he sits down, "I'm Itadori Yuuji but you can just call me Yuu. Or Yuuji. Or even Itadori I don't–"
"Shh," She interrupts, he's talking too loud and too fast. She's trying to copy the notes and this teacher goes way too fast and she's not about to ask to go back and bring attention to herself. So her notes in this class always end up sloppy. She's not going to listen to this kid's ramblings.
"Oh sorry," He says, his smile falters for a second. One glance over and she realizes she definitely hasn't seen him before. This is not a big school, and sure, she doesn't know everyone but pink hair? Her brain won't allow her to remember such useless information like the names of the students at this school, but pink hair should have at least gotten this kid to the level of, 'Oh I've seen this kid before.' But she's not trying to make friends so whatever, she might as well just shrug it off and maybe he'll become a stranger after today yet again. Not even a blimp in her radar.
"Hey, do you know this topic? I'm not that good at..." He's jovial rather quickly after having shown some level of sadness at her immediate rejection. It seems he gets back on his feet rather quickly. She gives him a glare, and he fades out again. Okay, maybe she feels a little bit bad at squandering his joy.
"You have to convert this number," She relents, helping him with the problem the teacher was doing on the board. They sit in the back so if she didn't already know how to do this it would be hard to follow. She definitely doesn't like asking questions so she'll figure things out herself if she doesn't know how to do something. She finds teachers are more likely to make her feel stupid than they are going to help her, so she decided to rely on herself rather than them.
"Thanks," He started taking over the math and completing it by himself. Nobara thinks that maybe he'll finally shut up but he starts speaking again.
"You know, you didn't tell me your name," He points out.
"Nobara," She says simply, not looking up from her work. But then the odd thing just won't leave her mind, "I know your name now, but how have I never seen you before."
"I don't know I've been in this highschool since I was a freshman." Yuuji shrugs.
"Just the highschool?" She asks him, emphasizing a bit. Though he's not sure why.
"Uh yeah?"
"So you didn't go to the middle school?"
"Nope," He answers and she makes a silent 'ah' in realization.
It's easier for her to recognize a face after seeing the same people since she was in middle school. She wasn't about to ask him any more questions though because she honestly doesn't want to get him talking too long. She just was curious to know why she didn't know him. Then again, maybe she did see him around but he dyed his hair that pink just recently. She wasn't about to keep talking so instead he does.
"I'm not surprised you don't know me. People tend to block me out 'cause they say I'm annoying."
"That's understandable," She mutters. She doesn't care if he caught that or not, but it doesn't seem like he did.
"Junpei though, he's my friend." Yuuji points to the boy he used to sit next to, the kid sees probably because he turned after hearing his name. Then he quickly looks away. Something about that makes Nobara think that maybe this Yuuji kid doesn't have any friends.
"Sure," She wasn't about to get all into that either. She doesn't have a need for friends, and definitely not a kid as annoying as this one. He's only sitting here for today, and he'll move back and they won't have to talk again.
The rest of Chemistry goes by smoothly. Yuuji doesn't ask any more questions. Mostly. She actually did try to help him but by the end of it, the interaction made her realize she likes sitting alone in this class way better than having someone sit next to her.
The next class she has is Geometry, and she hates the teacher for this class. He's kind of an asshole, he's got slicked-back blond hair and weird glasses. Nobara thought he looked like a tacky supervillain in a movie but at least he managed to teach just fine. Though it was quite obvious this teacher hated his life. She would too if she were a teacher at this shitty-ass high school.
After that encounter with Yuuji Itadori, she looked around her class wondering if there were other unfamiliar faces. There were. Not that she cared very much, but one person was definitely someone she hadn't seen before. He was kind of tall and had rather wild black hair. He looked like a dumbass and a smartass at the same time. She didn't know that was even possible.
The teacher just gave them a packet and made them do that work for the entire class. Everyone groaned since if you didn't complete it by the time class came to an end, it would be homework. Which, yes, it was annoying but if they spent half the time on it as they did complaining about it, it probably would have been done already. When you were done with the sheet, you had to put it up front. The teacher literally sat down and did nothing. Worksheet classes were a frequent occurrence in Nanami's Geometry class.
Nobara was usually one of the first, if not the first to finish her sheet. Usually because she would do it as fast as possible and then just do her other work. But today that kid she noticed was the first to complete the sheet. Weirdly, it felt like she lost something.
She guesses it turns out that kid wasn't as much of a dumbass as she pegged him for. But he still looked stupid with that haircut.
Wait...upon closer inspection. This kid is the same kid Maki was talking to in the hallway. Like it or not, her interest is piqued. Who is he? What would he be talking to Maki for?
"Time's up. Whatever you didn't do will be homework due tomorrow," The telltale groan of unhappiness from the students was loud. Nobara finished her work but it wasn't as fast as she could have done it. She made a silent promise to herself to finish it before he did for next time even though it wasn't actually a competition. It was solely for her own self-satisfaction truly. With absolutely no real reason behind it.
Finally, she's able to catch Maki in the hallway. She sees her off to the side in the doorway. Though the other girl is turned around, she puts her hand on her shoulder to grab her attention. What she didn't realize was that Maki was speaking to someone again, though not just anyone. She's speaking to the dean of the school. Maki knows Nobara is there and looks at her for a second, and Nobara steps away after their eyes meet. She can't tell what was going on, and doesn't linger enough to find out.
She mutters a quick apology and walks away, but to her surprise, Maki catches up with her quickly after. She walked in front of her and the movement made Nobara stop in her tracks abruptly.
"Yeah?" She asks, as if that didn't happen. As though Nobara had just called her name.
"What was going on back there?" She doesn't even know why she would ask that. Should she even be asking something like that when they're not even friends. It probably wasn't anything to worry about.
"Nothing, just settling in and the dean wanted to talk to me. I'm still new and all," She shrugs it off very casually and Nobara might have even missed it if not for the fact she was a pretty adept liar herself. She even lied to herself all the time.
But she thinks for a moment. Maybe it wasn't that Maki was lying exactly, but Nobara could tell there was something else. But she fought the urge to pry, not only was it none of her business, she only came here to do one thing. She shouldn't start asking questions. She needs to remind herself that they're not friends.
"Here, I have your sweater," Nobara takes the sweater from her bag, and hands it to her. Hesitating a bit as she lets go as if she wants to say something else. "Thanks again."
"No problem," She takes it with one hand, and Nobara involuntarily takes a moment to admire her. She's wearing mainly dark colors, a plain black graphic tee and dark wash jeans. There's too much about her that she doesn't know but at this moment right now, she's eager to find out. She can't even deny it. She stands for a moment, almost opening her mouth to say something. Anything. But no words come out, and her heart beats a mile a minute until it stops.
She quickly walked away without another word, leaving a stunned and somewhat confused Maki behind her. Nobara knows she won't be able to focus for a single second in her next class thinking ever so embarrassingly what an absolute emotional wreck she is