Revised: 08-17-22
Aiko Richaine
"Hey clingy."
I hugged him as soon as I drop home. He licks my hand and my face which made me chuckle. He missed me. I carry him in the kitchen and then I prepared a food for him. He's eating peacefully like a normal maltipoo would do. I stroke his hair while he was doing his own business. When he's done, he looked at me and then tilt his head a little bit.
"What? You want more? It's late, I fed you because I know you missed me." I told him and then I kissed his head.
"Hey, I just want to tell you that Mom is not in a really good mood today. Like, a lot of things happened and I don't even know what part do I hated doing." I opened up to him. But when I looked at him, he's just licking his skin, but I continue anyway.
"Is it because I let her hold me? Is it because she let go of me? Or maybe it's because I told her to let go of me." I looked at him asking.
He just looked at me and then he came to me. I was surprised when his paw started reaching for my hand so I reached for it but then he took it back. Tiningnan ko siya ng masama dahil sa ginawa niya.
"What the fu- Oh sorry, no bad words. What I meant is what the freak? Did you just answer my question? You're getting weird huh." I told him. I stretched my arm welcoming him, he immediately came into my arms.
Clingy is like my best friend. He's my friend in times like this, when I feel alone and dry. He's my son whenever we fall asleep together on my bed. And he's mostly just my dog when he poop at my carpet. He's annoying, but I care for him.
I heard him yelp with his cute eyes. I automatically smiled, it means his sleepy and he wants to sleep with me. The first time he yelped in front of me, I got so worried. But it turns out he just wants cuddle.
"Okay baby boy, we're gonna sleep already. On my bed?" the moment he heard the 'my bed' word, his tail wags agressively because of excitement. I chuckled and then I carried him on my arms.
I WAS about to turn off the lamp of my room when a call came. I checked it immediately because of curiosity. Dahil wala nanaman nang masyadong tumatawag sa akin ng ganitong oras.
Dad
"Hey dad." matamlay kong bati.
"The wedding is near. Your Mom and I will be back next month, pumili narin ang Mom mo ng dress for your wedding don't worry." I deeply sighed on what he just said. Parang gusto ko nalang maglaho sa mundo for a moment.
"Nice but she don't need to. I can choose a nice dress for my wedding. And for your information, I only have one Mom. I told you from the very start, she will never be my Mom. Just stop pushing me to her." I said and then I ended the call.
Napaupo ako sa aking higaan habang naka sandal sa headboard. I closed my eyes biting my lips, it's coming again. With shaking hands, I wiped my tears while wetting my lips with my tongue.
"oh God please help me, I made a huge mistake."
I whispered in prayer while I'm still wiping my tears off.
I was surprised when I felt someone stepped on my lap. It's clingy, I woke him up again. I stroke his hair while he lays on me.
"I'm sorry I wake you up again." my heart softens when he get his face in between my arms and waist. I kissed him hard as a response for his sweetness.
"Let's get to sleep again baby boy."
AS SOON as I stepped on the classroom, the students welcomed me with their greetings. I made them seat immediately afterwards. I can't help it, my eyes went to her. She's doing something and looking around, maybe checking the attendance again.
"Miss Alcazar, do that before we finish our class." I commanded. She nodded but she didn't looked at me. Hindi ko na lang yun pinansin at nagpatuloy ako sa klase.
After class, I got so distracted because of how she's behaving. I saw her leave the room and walked pass me. She didn't leave a word, she didn't looked at me and she didn't help me with my things like how she used to do.
Lumabas ako ng classroom na maraming papeles at laptop na dala. Napatigil ako when I saw her with her teammate, her hand is on Zen's waist while they are laughing with each other. Napadiin ang hawak ko sa aking laptop nang makita ko na dala niya ang bag ng teammate niya.
"So I guess she does those things just because she liked me. And now..."
I rolled my eyes and then I turn my back. Mas malapit kung doon ako dadaan sa kung nasaan sila. But I chose to avoid them, because of this fucking weird feeling of mine.
I WAS about to exit in the university when I saw a familiar car waiting outside. I paused for a second because of curiosity. No, I wasn't expecting she's waiting for me. I wasn't, I promise.
My hand tighten in the steering wheel of my car when I saw her teammate once again. She looks excited as she enter her car. I wasn't expecting, but why do I feel like there's a sharp thing inside me that just scratched my heart.
this is nothing.
I started moving forward again, I was about to cross the road, pero hindi ko napansin na gumalaw na rin ang car niya kaya bigla akong napatigil nang magkasalubong kami.
So now I am covering her way, but I can't start the engine immediately to get out because I panicked.
"shit shit shit!"
bakit ayaw mag start?!
I bite my lips when I heard a knock on my window. stupid move Ai! stupid move! Binaba ko ang bintana and then I looked at her.
"Look, I'm sorry okay. I didn't know you were gonna go your way already so I did move. It was my fau-"
"Okay ka lang ba?"
fuck her.
She didn't talk to me, she didn't look at me the whole day, now she's concerned. And now she's looking at me as if there's no one else like me in the world.
i hate her.
"Maam, are you okay?" I wet my lips and then rolled my eyes on her. Of course I'm not.
"Fine." I tried to start my engine again but it didn't start. I bite my lips and then I looked at her with my disappointed face.
"Now it's not."
"Sabay ka na sa akin."
"No, just call me a taxi and I need someone that would repair may car." she sighed and then shook her head while looking at me.
"Ako na po ang bahala. Baba ka na diyan, at sumabay ka nalang sa akin." I shook my head as I disagree on her idea once again. She offered me a hand before I exit in my car but I ignored it anyway.
She is on her phone now, calling for some help to repair my car. Umayos ako ng tayo nang naglalakad na siya palapit sa akin.
"Parating na yung gagawa Maam, pinagilid ko muna sa guard yung car mo. Tapos sasabay ka na sa akin." ang kulit talaga.
"Just call me a taxi."
"No, sasabay ka sa akin."
"Ipara mo nalang ako ng taxi."
"Maam."
"Hindi ako sasakay sayo."
She suddenly coughed which made me frowned at her. I bite my lips when I realized what I just said.
"Dirty- minded. Just get me a taxi okay? I don't want to disturb you on your date." she breathe in heavily after she heard what I just said.
"My date. Oh yeah, okay." she turn around and then waited in the road. Why is there a part of me hoping there would be no taxis around? Maybe because I don't want to leave my car here.
"Ayan na Maam." sabi niya pagka para niya sa taxi. Binuksan niya ang pinto para sa akin, when I finally got inside I wondered why is she not closing the door yet so I looked at her.
"Ingat ka. Text me kapag nakauwi ka na." she said and then she closed the door. I wet my lips when I heard my heartbeats beating so fast. why is she doing this to me?
THE WHOLE week, her treatment to me was like all that student who's like I didn't get to know. After that car incident, she didn't talked to me again. Unless it was about an update about my car.
Yeah, I still can't use my car. I don't know what's wrong with it because I don't have much interest on machines so I just let the person in charge do it. She texted me yesterday that I can already get my car on Wednesday, and then period. That's the end of our conversation.
Lucs:
how are you?
I smiled when I saw his text.
Ai:
fine. hbu?
Lucs:
i'm fine, our girl is fine.
Ai:
tell her i miss her. and you, please be safe, don't drink too much alcohol and unhealthy foods. take care of her.
Lucs:
yes maam. i wrote it all on my palm.
I chuckles on his reply. I hope he could make it to our wedding.
When I heard the knock, I put down my phone immediately and then I let her in. She greeted me without looking at me at all, and then she placed the folder on my table.
"That's all our attendance for this month Maam." she shortly said. I'm intently looking at her while her eyes are on the ground.
"Thanks."
"Una na po ako."
"Zen."
I called her name which made her stop from leaving. I stand up from my chair and then I slowly walk towards her. Napaatras siya noong sobrang lapit ko na sa kaniya.
"Why are you avoiding me?" I asked seriously.
"I'm not avoiding you. I'm just doing how should a normal student behave on her professor." she said which made me frowned at her.
"Look at me." I commanded.
She didn't do it.
"I said look at me."
I suddenly come near her which made her flinched and then I raised her head for her to look at me.
"See, you can't even look at me. I don't understand why all of a sudden, you're cold. You're not talking to me, you're not looking at me, you're not ann- annoying me. It's just... you just changed all of a sudden." she swallowed hard and then she put her both hand on her waist.
"I didn't change. I'm just trying new things. Hindi ako umiiwas, sinusubukan ko lang gawin ang part ko bilang isang estudyante mo. Kasi baka kapag ganun yung ginawa ko, mawala na yung- yung nararamdaman ko para sayo." those words froze me.
"Sabi mo it won't work for us. Alam ko naman yun una palang, pero sinubukan ko parin dahil sa katangahan ko. Kaya pwede ba wag mong kwestyunin yung ginagawa ko ngayon, naiintindihan kita, kaya sana intindihin mo din ako." may halong galit sa mga salita niya bago siya lumabas ng office ko.
My legs weaken. It's my fault. I keep telling myself, I don't know the reason of all this things that's happening between us when all this time I just keep on denying that this is all my fault.
It was all because of this stupid mistake that I've done. I wouldn't be in this situation if I didn't do it, if I didn't accepted it.
I touched my temple while my eyes closed. This is crazy. I want to escape all of this because of....
because of her.