June 9 2016
Avenger Compound
Sarah's POV
"Sarah Rogers, report to the Workshop." is announced
At this, I move my feet from the top of my father's desk top and role myself off his office chair. I leave through the doorway, terrified as to why i'm being called to the principal's office at eight tonight. On my way there, I see a mix of people working to themselves, but all the people I know best are nowhere to be seen.
After the tediously long stroll to Tony's workshop, I walk in to see something with a large black sheet over it while my father, uncle, Nat, Sam, Rhodey and Walter surrounding it.
"Why is Cappie here?"
"He wanted to see it to." my uncle expresses as he lets the spikey back
"See what?"
"Well my murderous Godsister, I sat in my workshop thinking about my past decades growing up with my dad and all he had to say about you and your wonderful, sarcastic, and annoying father here that I decided to make something. Now, this isn't a gift exactly, but I also built because I want and need you to help me deliver something to someone and it would take a while if we flew the jet there." Walter expresses
"You made what?"
"What i'm best at making-other than mistakes that annually end up on CNN."
He grabs the dark sheet and pulls the fabric from the object, revealing a light blue and dark red suit on a pedestal that's like his but the build more feminine than his are.
"T-Tony, what is this?" I get out
"A suit..for you."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
I furrow my eyebrows at him, but he ignore the look and waves me over to get a closer look at it. As I move closer to it, my family backs away and stands in the same crescent shape, but loosely surrounding Tony, the suit and myself.
"Tony, why are you doing this for me?" I ask again
"Dad wanted you safe, nothing will keep you safer than this. Other than your..bodyguards over there."
You must have really loved your father." I express as I drag my finger along the arm
"Yeah, I should have told him that the last time I saw him."
"Me too."
I peek over at him from behind the arm to see an unreadable expression on his face, one I haven't seen in a very long time, but only a Stark can perfect it. Though, Uncle Howard said I was a pretty good contender and that I might as well be a Stark, so maybe I can do it too.
"I would name it the Iron Patriot, but that was already taken by the bad guys before I met ya, so I compromised." Tony explains vaguely
"What are you talking about?" I worry
"Meet the newest Avenger, 'The Winter Patriot'." he announces proudly
I gasp at the title, so many emotions flow from that sound that each person standing in the room feels a particular one. However, the one person I expected it to hurt, seems to feel the best about it.
"We can call you 'Winnie' for short." Tătic mentions
I turn to him as fast as I can
"Wh-wh. You-you, why would you..?" I struggle to form my words as I walk to him
"I may not know my mother, but you remind me of your grandmother everyday, so since you're already named after yours..I can nickname you after my mother." my uncle rambles
I give him a softened expression before I jog over to him, pull his shoulders into a hug while I set my head on his left shoulder. He moves Cappie into his right hand so he can wrap his left arm around me. He turns his head to the left and kisses the side of mine, but keeps his cheek there as he watches Tony.
After a few seconds, I pull away and run over to the suit to look at it again.
"I was hoping you would wanna take a test flight." my Godbrother addresses
"You want me to fly it? Up in the sky? With all the..birds and stuff?" I flinch
"Wow Knighty, real smooth." I hear
Someone shushes Sam while I genuinely feel nothing but the heartbreak that comes with wanting to tell Tony Stark the truth about his parents' death.
"Yeah..that's why I made it. I didn't think you would have a problem with that." Tony nods slowly
"I thought it was just for show." I chuckle numbly
"No. I talked to your dads about it earlier and a few weeks ago, I talked to Peggy a few days ago. Your sister isn't too fond of this idea, but it was three over one and the three were your parents."
"Wh-when did you wanna take me flying?" I gulp
"I was hoping tonight, but you look terrified."
"I've only ever been in a jet." I shrug to make myself relax
"Are you up for the test? We wouldn't go very high, I was planning for us to just hover above the building. You can say no, but I had the work to train you in it while Rhodey helps me." he gestures around
"I would be honored Tony, but I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that you made a suit for me."
"You made one for my buddy, who I was hoping you would help me bring it to."
"You want me to fly his suit.., with a stealth suit in hand.., to Tennessee?"
"Yeah." he nods as if it's obvious
"Do you really want my help on this?"
"Well, if I try to brig it by myself then I might drop it."
"I highly doubt that." I catch
"I want him to meet the woman who made it for him."
I give him a genuine smile as I tilt my head
"Well..if you really wanna bring the kid his gift, I'll learn how to fly with you." I nod as I break
"Tonight?" he asks with hope present in his voice
"Yeah." I confirm quietly
Everybody who came to the reveal applauds as my father makes his way to me, picks me up in a sideways bear hug and twists from side to side.
"I'm so proud of you, now you can stop going by your old title." he grins
He sets me down after kissing the top of my right shoulder.
"Why would I officially stop going by my old title? I did nothing to deserve this new one." I ask
"You helped us in Sokovia and Bucky told me that you protected your friends even when you were under alias."
"I barely did anything compared to what all of you did." I point out
"Doll, you've helped the world in ways you nor I will ever know, don't doubt yourself." my Tătic expresses as he walks over and cups my cheek in his left hand
I give him a soft smile, leaning into his right side as his right arm with Cappie in hand goes around me. Pa looks down at me as my uncle sort of holds me, nothing new, but there's a good couple of people watching us.
"What time did you want to start her training?" Pa asks my Godbrother
"I was hoping within the next few minutes, the city is truly beautiful to watch from behind the mask." Tony expresses
"I have never seen nor felt anything beautiful behind my mask." I state
"Well then let me be the first to introduce you to New York in a form of transportation that isn't a motorcycle or your parents' shoulders."
"Or the front of a hummer." Sam adds
"Are you ready to fly?" Uncle James asks gently as his hand remains on my skin
"I don't want to fall." I emit as I look up from his hand and to my cousin
"Dad wouldn't let you fall, so neither will I."
"Why do you keep mentioning him?" I ask as I take tătic's hand from my face and keep it in mine
"You'll see, now do you want to try the suit on in your current wardrobe of loungers, or do you want to try it on in your team suit?"
"If i'm able to fly, i'll wear the suit in this suit to the kid's house."
"Alright, then come on over here." he gestures
I find myself walking to him as if i'm lost, my eyes open as curious as they used to be child-like, my ears focused in on any and very sound as I keep my attention in on what falls before me.
Tony summons one of his suits to stand next to the one he built for me, it soon opening the front until it's mounded to sit him. He waves me over with his left hand as he holds it out for me to stand at his left side nervous for the new experience.
I give him my right hand, his grip grabbing to me and enclosing my hand before he begins lifting his right foot to step into his suit.
"You comin?" he asks as he peers over at me
"Is it too pitiful if I admit that i'm afraid?"
"Only if it's pitiful to say that I broke my garage the first time I flew in my first suit."
"It's pathetic." I joke
"Then so shall we." he goes along with the banter
I know so many words, but it would only take seven to break his heart.
But they're not my words to say.
Nor my story to tell.
Tony shakes our hands before he begins to step into his red and gold suit.
"Alright, so just step in-" He instructs
"I'm gonna fall." I chuckle
"No you won't."
"How do you know?" I ask him
"You've been in one of these before-now you just wanna-"
"Why don't I remember?"
"Because you were unconscious, now just place your foot in and step up into the other one."
I flinch at his words before I begin listening to his instructions, watching as his climbs into the suit. I try following his movements, but the model is different so it clings differently. The metal plates grapple and clasp around his feet, keeping it in the hold so his whole body can go up.
When he's in, he opens his helmet mask and looks at me, awaiting me to do the same as he just did. Instead, he walks to my uncle and takes the hedgehog from his hand. He walks the pet over to me, holding him to where i'm at eye-line with the small creature.
He allows my tiny boy to lick at my nose as I squish it up due to the scent of his breath. He continues to do this until I see my uncle coming to grab the animal. When Uncle James takes Cappie, he gives me a small smile before walking back to myself father.
Tony walks to me and turns me around, his hands reaching for my waist as I assume his iron gauntlets feel the same as Uncle James' left hand does. I tense at the thought of foreign hands on my body, but Tony carefully watches my expressions as he reaches for me.
I give him a small nod and murmur of permission before he grabs my middle to hold me up to my metal suit. I let myself feet dangle as the suit opens, allowing them to clasp at my feet until i'm in a grip I can't escape.
"You wanna take this slow?" Tony checks
I nod vigorously
"Alright, well at least lean back into the rest of it and look around. It won't close until you tell it to, it also comes at your command." he mentions
"Okay." I nod
I raise my hands to his arms and push from them, allowing my back into the grip of the metal plates. As I lean into them, I feel the spinal posture support they provide, helping me further understand how my Godbrother maintains his pristine posture.
"How's it feel?" Pa asks
"Strange."
"In a good way?" Tony asks
"Not necessarily a bad one."
"You wanna put one of your arms in?"
I nod nervously, slowly moving my left arm into the opened gauntlet until the plates fold over it and my arm is covered by the material.
"How about now?" Pa checks
"Rogers, she's fine." Tony groans
"She's incredulously talented at containing her true feelings about something, I just want to make sure she's feeling alright in such a new situation."
"I'm sure Barnes would notify God or you if something is wrong with how Sarah's feeling."
"No, sometimes even I can't read her." my uncle admits
"Huh, and I thought you two knew everything about each other." Rhodey catches
"We kind of do, but knowing exactly how a person is feeling in an unfamiliar situation is different than knowing how a particular scar on their body makes their nightmares tremble at night." my old caretaker shrugs
"Which ones do?" Nat worries
"All of them." I tell her as I smirk to cover my fears
"See? This-this is why i'm scared of her. You try telling me i'm delusional because of my fears, but then you put her in front of us and expect us not to be even slightly intimidated?" Rhodey expresses
"I'm not." Pa, Uncle James and Nat shrug
"There's nothing to fear once you face all of them and win." I shrug after them
"She's not that bad." Sam shrugs after I do
Rhodey furrows his eyebrows as his arms remain crossed, leaning forward to see Sam standing on the other side of parent and parent figure row.
"What? I've fought her before, and she doesn't like to hurt people." Sam adds
"Doesn't mean that she doesn't." Rhodey shakes his head
He knows I won't hurt him
"Do you want me to give you something to be scared about?" I ask quietly as I raise my right arm to put in the metal one
I place it in the opening, allowing it to close around me as it makes me feel crowded and small.
"You're not making me feel any better." the fearful man states
"I know, but that's not my job." I shrug the best I can
My uncle nods to himself with a proud look on his face while my father gives me a proud, sentimental smile.
"Alright, how're ya feelin in there?" Tony sighs
"It's..I can't think of the word." I realize
"Try."
"Cramped? Is that the word? Closed off? Tight? Compact? Crammed? No, I can't think of the word." I shake my head
"Alright, how would you feel about putting the helmet on?"
"I tell you I feel whatever the word is and you suggest I put the helmet on?" I worry
It's the least you can do, you let his parents die.
"Sure." I correct
He nods, commanding my helmet to come on. It folds from the shoulders and covers my hair, protecting it from whatever environment i'm in. When it's completely covering my face, he checks if I want the face open or closed.
"Is it still too close in there?" Pa asks
I shrug
"Alright Dad, close Winter Patriot." Tony commands
The suit closes around my legs, hips, stomach and chest until my entire body is covered by the metal material.
Why does Tony continue mentioning his dad?
He hates his dad.
Yeah, and it's all your fault.
If you hadn't had trusted Barbara, Howard would have raised his son properly.
I was a child.
You were always older than a child.
"Alright, Friday can you open her visual sensors?" Tony asks
My eyes are immediately introduced to a mess of technological visuals, crowding my vision until it's too much to handle.
"Tony, the lights and-it's too much." I admit as I look down
"Friday, pass her tech visuals to me-keep her sight open."
The amount of tabs and images flow from my feed into his, allowing me to focus on what's in front of me when I bring my sight up to look at some of my family.
"You doin alright in there?" Pa asks in concern
"It's weird, it's reading your levels of your fight of flight system. Are you doing okay?"
"Just nervous for you."
"I'm okay so far, Tony said his dad won't let me fall-whatever that means." I shrug
"Hey Doll, how's it feel to have a metal arm?"
This puts a small smile on my face, relieving me from my worries for even just a few seconds.
"Oh right, Dad-reintroduce yourself to your Goddaughter." Tony mentions as he turns to look at me
"Good evening, Margie." the familiar voice kicks in
My breathing falters as my heart rate speeds up in excitement, fear, guilt, greed, anger, terror and most of all..disgust.
"Uncle Howard." I gasp quietly
"When did you stop calling me Godpa?" he asks
I let out a small again once again, trying to get my breathing back in order as my body language is erratic to how i'm feeling.
"I-I thought that ended the last day I saw you." I gulp
"That day won't change anything, you're still my Goddaughter."
I don't think we're talking about the same day.
"Tony?" I sniffle
"Yeah?"
"How do I get out?"
"Oh, I thought we would teach you how to fly."
I'm falling instead.
"I just need to get out." I plead
"Dad, open her suit." Tony sighs
The front opens and I leap from it, running straight for my room as I leave everyone behind to wonder what just happened. As I run, I feel the air passing by my body, but my body's overheating with the range of emotions in managing to feel.
The second I get to my room, I fall onto my bed and let out the sobs my body's hiding until i'm a shaking substance on a mattress. My cries lead to whimpers, one that no one really hears, but I feel so exposed and hidden at the same time.
I cry out so much and so hard, I fall into a pit of dreamer's land that of course wants to rip my heart like it usually does.
"Tony, I need to talk to you about something." I address as I walk into his office
"What?" he asks mindlessly
"It's about your parents.."
"What about them?"
"Did you ever find out what really killed them?" I lead
"A car accident, why?"
"You didn't get the toxicology reports, did you?"
"I did, dad was drunk off his a** like always." he admits
"No."
"'No?'" he asks as he turns
I look down and take a breath, gulping down what air I can catch before looking back at him.
"They were killed by the Winter Soldier." I state
His open expression drops into a transition of loss, hurt, heart break, fear, and..understanding?
"But why are you the one telling me? Barnes should be the one telling me this. He was the Winter Soldier, not you."
"I was there." I admit guiltily
"What did you do?"
"Nothing."
"'Nothing?' You did nothing? You didn't hurt either of them?" he asks as his eyes get darker than that shade of brown can
"I had to grab a case from the trunk."
"The serum." he realizes
"Yeah."
"Were you brainwashed?"
"I wish." I state
"You did this? Within your own mind?" he asks threateningly as he steps closer
"I couldn't do anything to help, i'm so sorry Tony." I plead
"Did you try?"
I stand speechless at his words, unable to form any of my own while his expressions calm and he sits at his desk.
"Tony-" I start as I walk to him
"No um, get in your suit. I have some things I need to adjust in there." he waves off as he summons the suit to come to me
"Tony, we need to talk about this."
"Later, get in the suit."
I let out a worried sigh as I climb into the body of it, giving it the control of my limbs and head while it dresses me. When it's closed up, Tony has Friday do something I can't hear. He walks over to me and stands a few feet away, watching me with a glint in his eye that I haven't seen since Alexander Pierce was last shoving his beliefs and authority down my throat as I screamed for him to stop.
"Dad, rid of Winter Patriot."
"But son, there's a detected life source."
"Blow Winter Patriot." Tony enforces darkly
The suit implodes as I scream my pleads to get out.
"Godpa, please open the suit." I beg
"You watched me die, Margie." he responds
As the suit fills with an indescribable amount of heat, my vocal cords let out screams that almost match the ones I let out in Russia. This continues until my body jolts forward until i'm leaning over my legs in bed.
I let out heavy pants of air, unaware of the two people sitting and standing in front of me with noting but love and concern.
"Sarah?" my uncle asks
I slowly move my face from looking down in between where my legs are to see him reaching his hand to my face.
"What happened in there?" Pa asks as he stands by the doorway with his arms crossed
He's in pajamas, and my uncle's hair is messy.
They were asleep.
I woke them up.
"What time is it?" I ask as I look around
"It's almost midnight, we figured you could use some sleep before we came to talk."
"Why did you run away?" Uncle James asks quietly and carefully as if his words could break like rice paper
"It was him." I whisper
"Who, Baby?" Pa asks as he walks to me
"Uncle Howard. It was his voice in the suit. I don't know how Tony managed to do it, but it brought back-" I let out part of it but cut myself off before I tell too much in the building
"What did it do, Doll?" Tătic worries
He knows, he just wants me to verbalize it.
"It brought back memories from that day, that last day I had a chance to see him..to see any of our family who I really knew before my own war started." I let out as my voice loses its strength
When i'm done speaking, my voice strained from all the crying I did earlier, my uncle moved his hand from its loose grip on my chin to reach out. He pulls me into a hug, allowing my head to rest on his left upper arm by the shoulder he hates so much. My back is facing his warm torso, allowing him to bring his right arm around my middle in a loose grasp as well.
I wrap my right arm under his left arm and curl it up, grasping onto his shoulder so my hand won't cause me to slip. He reaches his right arm from my stomach and waist to brush my hair from my face while I let out a few more of my quiet tears as his left hand cradles my head.
"I had no idea he was gonna do that, i'm sorry Honey." Pa apologizes as he makes his way to me and Uncle James' left sides
"I did." Tătic mentions
"You did?" I whisper as I pull away
I sniffle in my clogged sinuses, leaning away from the comfort of my uncle's arms to look at him with the amount of betrayal that i'm feeling.
"He insisted on giving you the chance to hear Howard's voice again. I told him you probably wouldn't find it as comforting as he thought, but he wouldn't change it. Nothing I could have said would talk him out of it-not even trying to tell him the truth of his parents passing." he explains
"Did you try?" I ask heartily
"As much as I could, but he wouldn't relent."
I lean back into his arm, allowing him to bring them back around me while I put my right arm around him where it was. Pa squats down by my bedside, watching my reactions as I try to pull myself together.
"He wouldn't have changed it if you told him the truth?" he asks my uncle
"He probably would have kept it in there to hurt her, I would most likely do the same if someone told me my parents' death-well, if they knew they knew something about it that I didn't." he explains vaguely at the reminder of the rooms having microphone monitors
"At least you tried, Pal." Pa mentions
"Not hard enough apparently."
"Did I wake the two of you?" I ask nervously
"No Sweetie, we were tossing and turning in our own beds until we heard your cries."
"I cried in my sleep?" I ask as I peek up to my uncle
"Nothing new, but this sounded like it did when you were sitting by the motorcycle when The Soldier was..finishing the job."
"Did you ever process that grief?" Pa worries
"I didn't have the time to, Hydra's not a place to process something, not even the every day thoughts of a mentally stable person." I shake my head a little as I speak
"Wait, you never let yourself through that? I thought you did, you cried when you held me after that happened." Tătic realizes
"I was crying for you."
"Do you wanna lay down, or do you wanna get something to eat?" Pa suggests
"If I lay down, I'll sleep, I don't wanna have anymore nightmares. I'm not hungry either."
I fib for the second part
"Would you like some tea?" i'm asked
"Not right now, I just want to stay right here."
"Alright, is there anything I can do to help you feel any better?" he keeps his tone as soft as his concern is loud
"Would you come up here too?"
He nods with a small smile, getting up from half kneeling on the floor and shifting around until he's at my uncle's left side. Tătic pulls me up with his right arm and sits me on his lap, allowing my thighs, knees, shins and calves to be on my father's lap once he's shoulder to shoulder with my old caretaker.
"Who ever thought you'd be soothing me after nightmares as a full grown adult?" I joke with a fake chuckle
"We're willing to parent you and Kathy at any age, young children aren't the only ones who are afraid of what they see when they fall asleep." my Pa explains as he rubs his right thumb on my kneecaps
I move my arm from around Uncle James' arm, instead wrapping it around my dads' forearms to keep all three of us stuck here together.
"Can either of you talk about something that might ease me?" I request
Instead, they chose a more..musical approach.
"Все будет хорошо, дорогая, не волнуйся." Uncle James starts singing
("Everything will be fine, darling, don't worry.")
"Baby mine, don't you cry." Pa follows behind
"Протрите эти слезы, закройте глаза и обняйте меня здесь." tătic continues
("Wipe these tears, close your eyes and hug me here.")
"Baby mine, dry your eyes." Pa sings quietly
"Когда тебе страшно, спой эту песню, знай, что я всегда буду подпевать." my old caretaker finishes
("When you're scared, sing this song, know that I'll always sing along.")
"Rest your head close to my heart." Pa keeps going
"Never to part, baby of mine." I join in
"Little one, when you play." Pa continues to sing to me
"Don't you mind what they say."
"Let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a year." Uncle James sings with us
"Baby of mine." Pa hums
"You two aren't the best at that, I appreciate the gesture and effort nonetheless." I admit
"As long as it makes you feel better in some way, we just want you to feel more like you."
"I'm always me, no matter what mood i'm in."
"I've never thought about it that way." Pa admits
"What way?"
"A person is always themselves, if a mood or emotion changes that..it's only an alteration, it's still them no matter what."
"No, I think she's just taking about herself. I've had to come to know that because Sarah's really only ever known what we went through, she knows better but she doesn't let herself remember it. What she learned in training, and the pain she gained from that and the actual executions we caused, made her to be who she is." my uncle elaborates
"If my personality is based in off of our past, why would you let yourself love me in the future?"
"Because without a past..a future wouldn't exist."
"You look emotionless to a lot of people, but you're my feelings encyclopedia." I murmur next to the plates of his arm
"Only yours, not my own."
I hum in response as I adjust how i'm sitting to make sure we're all comfortable.
"Sarah?"
"Yeah, Pa?"
"What's something I don't know? I've been feeling overly smart lately, and I don't want to." he asks to change the subject
"I'm the reason all of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had the symbol on the shoulders of their clothes and uniforms." I state
"Wait, really?"
"The S.H.I.E.L.D. symbol on clothes was the first public representation of my captivity other than Barbara's blood on the asphalt. It's supposed to exemplify the scar on my right shoulder, that's why that dark suit of yours has that on there." I explain
"Seriously? I guess I should have realized the similarity after you showed me your..mark."
"Well, the one on your suit is about the size of a nickel and the ones on the other clothes are about the size of a dollar coin. However, the symbol on Nat and Maria's old suits are fairly comparable in size to the scar on me." I nod
Tătic turns his head down to where mine is, quietly shushing me as he cradles my head in his left hand. He presses fatherly kisses to the left side of my head, smoothing down my curls as he pulls away. My father leans over to me and kisses me on the head where he can reach, the angle making it a little more difficult as he tries to help sooth me.
"I still have to train the flight with Tony." I mumble
"Well why not think about something else for the moment?" Pa suggests
"Like what?"
"Well, we're going to see your sister and Ma in a little over a week." he raises the positivity in his tone
"I forgot about that." I admit
"Well now you have a reminder, beep beep-you're going to see more of our family next week." Pa jokes as he pokes my right shoulder
I only flinch a little, but even in the moonlit room he's able to see it.
"I'm sorry, we were just taking about it and I changed the subject in my own mind so well. I accidentally managed to stop considering how you're feeling about what the original topic was." he apologizes
"Thank you for apologizing." I emit as I look up at him
"I'm sorry for doing something that required me to."
"It wasn't required, but the gesture was nice."
"It was required because I hurt your feelings."
"Thank you." I cut in to stop him from continuing
He gives me a small smile of satisfaction, soon looking up from me to focus on my uncle whose head is weighing a lot more than it usually does.
"He's asleep." Pa chuckles
I lean back from my uncle's grip, his head soon falling onto my father's shoulder. I grab his right hand from around me and maneuver it to his right leg. I scoot from his lap and grab both of his shoulders as gently as I can so I don't wake him. Pa moves from the bed as my legs shift off of his, allowing me the room to place my old caretaker on my other pillow and sit on my side.
"You want me in here tonight?" Pa asks
"Yes please, you make the nightmares go away."
He nods with kind certainty as he sits in the chair I keep in my bedroom corner, soon becoming a silent guard over me and the man next to me. I lie down, slightly anxious (but not as much as before) as the inevitable arm of Uncle James' "subconscious Sarah protection" pulls me to his frame.
I adjust my temporary sleeping position until i'm completely comfortable, in the midst of a fight against sleep until it takes me over as sedatives once did.