"Aryia, can we talk?" I asked, shutting the door behind me as I walked into the house.
He popped his head around the corner of the kitchen, "Sure, what's up?"
"Can you, uh, sit down for a second please?" I pointed to one of the many random chairs we had in our house.
Aryia stopped in his tracks, setting down his hydroflask on the floor even though there was a table beside him, "What's going on?
"I'm going to tell you if you sit down." I sighed impatiently, crossing my arms.
"Alright, jeez," Aryia huffed as he scooted a chair towards himself to sit down on, "Okay what is it?"
"I fell in love," I began, unsure of exactly how I should word what I needed to say.
"Yeah, I love you too. What's this about?" He smiled though I could tell he was nervous.
"No," I wiped my moist hands on my pants ,"I mean I fell in love with someone else,"
"Is this a prank?" Aryia looked around, as if he was trying to look for the camera I didn't hide, because I wasn't messing around.
"Aryia, I wish it was," I sighed, bringing myself to sit beside him. I didn't reach out to him, to ask for forgiveness. I did something bad and I was going to be honest. Taylor and Colby are a clear example of what happens when you aren't.
He stared down at his hands, twisting the rings as he processed what I had to say. His hair, which I've been telling him for weeks needed to be cut, fell down onto his forehead. "With who?" Aryia asked hesitantly.
I swallowed, feeling the nerves rise up in my stomach as I responded, "Taylor,"
"Like Colby's girlfriend, Taylor?" He glanced at me, almost hopeful but confusing to me and I didn't understand why.
"Uh," I stared at the floor before correcting him, "Ex girlfriend,"
The room became so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I didn't want to look at him again, but once I did, Aryia began to speak.
"Are you serious?" What was sad was that he didn't look angry, but disappointed even though his words were harsh, "I let you in, I let you in and I never let people in. you knew this. And now you're gone even though you're standing right here. I needed you but you've broken me. She's texting you, calling you," He motioned down to my phone as it coincidentally began to ring.
"What?" I glanced at him after silencing my phone.
Aryia went back to thinking, his eyes darker than normal and a frown ever prominent on his lips.
"Is she the first girl you've been with? Is this the first one you turned to when I couldn't give you what you wanted?" He asked, sounding more curious. I swear this man's tone changes mile per minute, and it scared the hell out of me.
"I want you," I nodded quietly, and both of us sensed the hesitation in my tone.
"It's easier with her, isn't it?" He asked, and in the heat of the situation I found myself laughing.
"God this is stupid," I shook my head with a sarcastic grin, "I should have just broke up with you over text or something,"
Aryia ignored my joke, and raised his voice to show me he wasn't messing around with me anymore, "She doesn't make you feel sick when you look at her. You don't feel ashamed? Because she didn't fall apart! She didn't ever break down, she could cope with what she saw!"
"Yes she did!" In a heartbeat I defended Taylor. I always have and I always will, "Why do you think she's in a coma right now, huh? Why do you think she's fighting for her life right now?"
"What we went through, I'm that screw up. I'm the one who's sitting here, trying to figure out why I couldn't see it coming! Why i couldn't stop it!" He stood up, but I didn't bother. Let him get it out of his system, I figured.
"I didn't know this was going to happen, Aryia. I swear," I said shakily, holding my hands out in front of myself in defense.
"I like being alone," Aryia began with a smile, "I can convince myself that I'm better off that way. And then I met someone. She changed me. And then she left. And she was you,"
"We can't be friends?" I risked the question to try and lighten the problem. Honestly I thought this would play out a lot smoother.
"No!" He waved his arms around like a mad man, "Angelina, are you insane? I can't be friends with someone I'm in love with! I'd have to walk on eggshells around you cause I'd be afraid of hurting you,"
"I'll just get my things then," I stood up, making my way to the side of the house where all the bedrooms were. Even though this was my home, Aryia lived here too.
"Everything's already packed," He stated though it came out uncertain.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I insisted, keeping my voice low.
"You've been packing for weeks and putting the boxes in the garage. You aren't smooth, Angelina," He crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen counter, watching me as I pressed the button to open the garage automatically.
"Well I'm just going to put them in the car then," I said with satisfaction.
"No need," Aryia offered, "I'll just go back to the Krachouse. I moved all my stuff already. All I have to do is walk out the door,"
"Fine," I shrugged a challenging smirk on my face, "Do it then. Leave,"
"I will," His expression mirrored my own, "It was good knowing you,"
I began laughing but quickly straightened up, pressing my lips together to try and make the situation serious, "This isn't funny, Aryia. Get out of my face,"
He walked to the door, not speaking until he was halfway onto my porch, "I disagree. See you around."
* * *
Run. run from your thoughts and hide from the constant questions. Keep your problems at a personal stage. Don't let anyone in, they'll only use you
"Step into the poor girl's shoes, Alex," I said hopelessly, "And see what she goes through, hear what she hears in her head. Nothing fights her more than herself,"
"She's just a broken girl, Angelina. Get over yourself," Alex crossed her arms and stared at me with a mean-mug expression.
"Even broken she's got nowhere to hide. Her friends," I pointed to her, "say they care and as much as she wants to, she just can't believe them. A simple look in the mirror and she waits for it to break. With scars that litter her body you never ask about," I continued on with a wave of my hand, but she stopped me.
"She needs some serious fucking therapy, if you ask me," She snorted, unfazed by what I was telling her.
"She needs help," I agree, "But she's afraid to find it. There's too much past for her to explain, more than you or Colby think you know and she doesn't want it thrown back in her face,"
"Just give me the chance to ask her about it, will you?" She looked over at me. I shook my head. This monster of a human would no longer be allowed to be around my Taylor as long as I can help it.
"The only answers you are going to get from her are "nothing" or "I'm fine." Did you ever wonder about her? Did you ever think maybe she feels lonely? Maybe she wanted to fall down that cliff and not survive because that may be her only escape,"
Alex actually took this into consideration, resting her chin in her palm as she thought, "I-" She stuttered, but I stopped her by holding up my hand.
"No, you didn't. You ignored her silent please, her constant sorry's. You never thought to hug her and let her cry. The word "happy" makes her cry, you get frustrated with her. You never break it down, you scream the harmful words until you threaten you'll leave her standing alone. She quickly makes it back to her feet, apologizes for her problems, giving you stress. You tell her she's not depressed," I accused, pointing my finger respectfully in her direction.
"I don't do that," Alex objected, but her guilty-looking eyes suggested otherwise.
"Yes you do, and like I predicted, one day she'd disappear, and regret could eat you alive. You cut the laces to her shoes, you run barefooted back to yours. Do you see now? She's not lonely, she's afraid of such a word. Why? She's just distant," I explained to her, and it was clear she wasn't understanding what I was trying to say.
"Not distant, just clingy as hell," She snorted and I felt like a bobblehead as I shook my head once more.
"So that's why she's in this mess? Because you sent threats to her boyfriend about her safety? Huh," I asked in an obvious tone, shrugging away my sarcastic manner.
Alex seemed to admit her faults to the beest of her ability with a simple, "Yeah,"
"You have no room to talk. Get out of my face," I held my hand out so it blocked her face and turned mine away in disgust.
"I live here," She protested quietly.
"That's nice, go to your fuckbuddies house. I'm sure he'd love to see you," The same hand was now pointing at the door.
"We don't - he left me," She admitted, and under any other circumstance I would have sat her down and talked to her about it. But I don't care anymore, not about her or Colby.
"As he should," I responded, "Now go do something,"
"Angeli-" Alex went to talk to me again but I shushed her with a "zip"
"Shut up and go."