Maya is curled up on the sofa with a notebook on her lap. While I stand in the doorway I watch her for a breif moment before speaking up. She's staring at the TV in a trance state, not really watching it - she looks like she is in deep thought. She eventually snaps out of her trance and begins to doodle in her notebook.
"Hey, P.Y.T, what are you up to?" I asked with a smirk as I leaned against the door frame with crossed my arms.
She lifts her head up and her eyes lock on to me from across the room.
"P.Y.T?" She said curiously with a grin.
"Pretty young thing." I flash a cheeky smile and attempt- poorly attempt a wink, making Maya giggle.
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"That weird blink you just did."
"It was a wink."
"A wink?" She lowers her eyebrows and laughs a bit harder.
"Yeah, I know... I'm not the best winker." I laugh softly, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Aw, Michael." She frowns, trying to suppress another giggle. "You can't wink? I've known you for so long - how didn't I know that?"
"It's not something I do often." I chuckle. "Although, I probably would do it more often if I could actually do it."
"That's really cute." She grins and bites her lip. "At least I don't have to worry about you winking at other girls. They would probably think you had a problem or something."
"Funny." I smirk and roll my eyes. "You don't have to worry about that anyway. I would never wink at someone else. You're the only lucky one who gets my special wink."
"Blink." She giggles. "And it's special alright. I feel honoured."
"Thanks." I laugh and shake my head.
"I mean it in a good way. It's really cute, and just when I thought you couldn't be any cuter. Feel free to throw me your special blink any time."
"If it means I get to see that pretty smile then I will."
Her cheeks begin to turn pink and she bites down on her bottom lip. She becomes embarrassed and breaks eye contact, fixing her gaze on to the TV. I lick my lips and smile at her shy reaction.
"Do you want to watch a movie?"
"Yeah, ok." She nods and flicks her eyes back to me.
"You can pick what we watch. I'll get us some snacks."
"Ok."
I come back with popcorn, chocolate, a couple cans of soda, and a couple of other snacks to keep us going. I sit on the sofa and Maya examines everything I've just put on the coffee table.
"No hot sauce?" She raises an eyebrow.
I smirk and pull a bottle from my jean pocket. She looks surprised and starts to laugh.
"I couldn't juggle everything in here."
She moves up from the end of the sofa and snuggles up next to me. I drape my arm around her and kiss her head before looking at the TV.
"Did you find anything to-" I stop what I'm saying and my eyes widen as I take a double look at what's on the TV. "What's this?!" I exclaim.
"I don't know!?" Maya exclaims back at me and laughs at my reaction.
"They're having a threesome!"
"How come you're acting like you never seen a threesome before?" She smirks.
"I- I-..." I'm speechless and I don't know what to do or where to look right now. I laugh through my embarrassment and try to divert my eyes to something else in the room. "I just didn't expect to see porn on the TV! I thought maybe some Disney or something more family friendly, you know? Not some guy banging a couple of girls."
"Disney?" She laughed harder. "Michael, calm down. It's not a porno. Look, the threesome scene is over now. It literally lasted a few seconds. I don't know what movie this is, I just flicked through the channels and stopped at this one because I got bored. I didn't know there was gonna be a sex scene."
"Well, maybe I'll be in charge of finding something for us to watch now." I laugh softly and reach for the remote.
"Why are you freaking out so much?" She asks and lowers her eyebrows. "Don't act like you've never seen that kind of stuff before. We've all watched it."
"Yeah... I know... but, you're sitting right next to me."
She gives me a confused look and let's out a little laugh.
"Yeah? And?"
"I don't know..." I shrug and laugh awkwardly. "Well, you're my girlfriend, and I feel like watching that kind of stuff in front of you is disrespectful. They're all naked, and I'm not interested in any other woman."
She frowns and smiles slowly.
"Aw, Michael. I don't mind you watching porn, with or without me... not that we've watched it together."
"Yeah, we haven't, and I wasn't sure how to feel about it because I don't want to upset you or make you feel insecure."
"That's really sweet of you, but it doesn't make me feel like that - it actually kind of turns me on." She smirks and bites her lip.
"Really?" I smile and raise my eyebrows.
"Hell yeah! Maybe that can be added to my bucket list."
"What?"
"Uh, us watching porn together?" She makes a face.
"Oh, ok, for a second I wasn't sure if you meant porn or a threesome."
She raises her eyebrows and laughs.
"That's a great idea actually!"
"Oh, no." I make a face, feeling my cheeks burn even more. "I was kidding, Maya!"
"Come on, you're telling me you wouldn't want to try it before you die?"
I sigh and roll my eyes.
"It's every guys fantasy!"
"Not mine. One girl is enough for me. I can't imagine doing anything with another girl because I love you."
"Michael..." She grins. "Honestly, it's ok to admit that you'd have a threesome."
"No..." I shake my head and laugh. "I've got what I want right here."
"Ok, what if you were single? Would you consider it then?"
"Maya..." I bite my bottom lip and shake my head as my body continues to heat up.
"That's a yes." She giggles. "So, you wouldn't want to watch a girl kiss and touch me?"
That would be kind of hot, but no...
"Oh, look, Sleepy Hollow is on." I smile and aim the remote at the TV, trying to change the subject.
"You wouldn't want to watch me being pleasured by a girl? You'd have two naked girls in front of you, Michael. You could fuck me and watch me eat someone out at the same time."
I'd be lying if I said this wasn't getting me hot under the collar slightly. The image she's just suddenly put in to my head has definitely turned me on, but I know for a fact that I could never do something like that. It wouldn't feel right, and like I said, I don't want anyone else.
I clear my throat and reach for the popcorn.
"I'll put Sleepy Hollow on. It's just about to start."
She giggles and sits up, reaching for her notebook.
"What are you doing?"
"Adding "threesome" to my bucket list. And, remember at the lake? You did say you would do anything for me. All my dreams and desires must be fulfilled."
"Maya, no." I make a face. "I'm not doing that. It would feel like I'm cheating on you."
"Alright, I'm only messing with you." She laughs and puts down the notebook.
I sigh and she snuggles back in to me.
"You're so cute. Don't be so worried." She gazes in to my eyes and strokes her hand through my hair.
"Do you really want a threesome? Because if that's what you want-"
"Oh, so now you've changed your mind? You do want one?" She smirks.
"No." I laugh and roll my eyes. "But, that's what you want? Sex with another girl?"
"No, I said a threesome with you."
"Yeah, but there would be another girl involved."
She pouts and shrugs her shoulders.
"Or a guy?"
"No way in hell!" I scoff and pull a face. "I'm never going near a guys penis, and I definitely wouldn't allow another man to touch you."
She smiles and kisses my lips before gazing back in to my eyes.
"I wasn't being serious, Michael. I was just being silly and trying to get you worked up, and I succeeded." She looks me up and down, and bites her lip, looking proud of herself.
"Mmm..." I hum and squint my eyes. "But, I mean, if you did want to have sex with a girl I wouldn't want to stand in your way... if that's what you really wanted..."
She grins and raises her eyebrows.
"So, what you're saying is, you wouldn't mind watching me with another girl, you just wouldn't participate?"
"If that's what you wanted, and if that's what you want on your bucket list."
She gives me a look and shakes her head.
"It's not what I want, but that's good to know that you would be comfortable with that." She chuckles.
"I didn't say I'd be comfortable with it!"
"Right, whatever." She said, rolling her eyes. "Michael, I honestly don't want to have sex with anyone else before I die. I was just messing with you."
"You're not going to die." I mutter through a sigh.
"We'll just make do with threesome porn instead."
"Do you like watching that kind of stuff?"
"Yeah, it's kinky. Girls can like it too, you know? It's not just a guys fantasy."
"I guess not... so, you don't mind watching lesbians?"
"No, I don't mind." She laughs. "You know, I've kissed a girl before."
"You have?" I widen my eyes.
"Of course!"
"Oh..." I blink a few times and pause for a second. "You didn't know about my special wink, but how didn't I know you've kissed a girl?!"
"That's a bit different." She chuckles.
"But, why didn't you tell me?"
"It was just a kiss!"
"No, that you're in to girls too. It's ok if you are, but-"
"I'm not in to girls, Michael." She laughs. "I'm pretty sure most girls have kissed another girl at some point in their life. She was my friend and we just tried it out, it was nothing serious."
"Wow." I said with raised eyebrows. I'm kind of speechless. "You're full of surprises, girl."
"I guess we're still learning things about each other." She smirks.
"Well, I know you're pretty free spirited and adventurous, so I should've known." I laugh softly.
"Yeah, don't act all surprised."
"Did you like it?"
"Umm... it was a long time ago, but I didn't like it, and I didn't not like it. It didn't really make me feel any type of way to be honest."
"Oh." I nod slowly.
"Not like the way you make me feel when you kiss me." She smiles and bites her lip, moving closer to my face. "You don't even have to kiss me. Just a certain look or touch makes me wet."
I smirk and stroke my hand in to her curls. I hold the back of her head and linger my lips over hers.
"You're somethin else, girl."
I press my lips on to hers, kissing her slowly. She breaks the kiss and gazes in to my eyes.
"I could never share you with another woman anyway. I couldn't bare watching you with someone else."
"Well, you don't have to worry about that. All my loving is for you, baby." I smile as I stroke through her hair.
She plants kisses over my cheeks before pecking my lips and snuggling back in to me. After all that talk about threesomes and lesbians it's kind of hard to focus on the movie... how can I watch Johnny Depp after that?! As the movie goes on those dirty thoughts fade away and I'm able to focus properly. I guess seeing a headless horseman would do that... now I'm just freaked out.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, so I take it out to check what it was. Wesley has sent me another text. Him and Amy have come back from their honeymoon and he wants to see me. They still don't know about Maya's cancer, and I'm not sure if we're ready to say anything at the moment... I'm not sure how Maya feels about other people knowing. I know they're not just other people, they're our friends, but it's going to be really difficult to speak about it and go through it all again.
I close the message and slide my phone back in to my pocket, focusing my gaze back on to the TV.
"Was that Wes again?" Maya asks and turns her head to look at me.
"Yeah." I nod.
"You can't ignore him, Michael."
"I'm not. We're watching this, I'll reply to him after."
"They've just come back from their honeymoon. I bet he's excited to see you and tell you all about it."
"They're excited to see you and tell you all about it too."
She nods and looks down at her hands.
"You should go see them... I'm not sure I'll be able to face them, though."
"Maya." I frown. "You don't have to tell them anything-"
"Of course I do." She makes a face. "What will I tell them when I'm sick and losing my hair? I can't hide this."
"No, but I meant you don't have to tell them anything at the moment. If you're not ready then that's ok."
"I don't think I'll ever be ready..." She says quietly. "And the moment they find out that's when they'll start to treat me differently."
"No, they won't. I mean, they'll be upset and worried about you, but that's only natural - they're our friends." I frown and reach for her hands.
She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. She pauses for a few seconds as she tries to hold back her tears.
"I just don't like people knowing my personal shit, you know? It's the same with my mental health. I don't want people knowing I'm crazy or what I've been through because I don't want to be judged or treated differently."
"You're not crazy. And Wes and Amy don't judge you, or treat you differently, they never have."
"That's because they don't know the full story - they only know parts of it."
"They don't need to know everything, though. They know enough, and they have never judged you, have they?"
"I don't know... they probably would if I told them every fucked up thing that's happened to me and all the dumb shit I've done."
"No, they wouldn't. They're not like that and they care about you, Maya."
She sighs and bites her lip as she stares down at our hands.
"I just don't know if I can face them yet. Their life is so happy and perfect right now, and they've got a lot to look forward to... they'll be talking about all the happy memories from their honeymoon, and all I'll do is put a downer on everything, like i always do. "Hey, guys, I'm glad you had a nice honeymoon, oh, and by the way, I have cervical cancer and there's a probability that I might die."" She shakes her head and her bottom lip begins to tremble.
"Maya, don't talk like that." I frown with my eyes stinging from my tears.
She locks her jaw and rubs away the tears that have fallen from her eyes.
"Seeing Amy's baby bump and her pregnancy glow..." Her voice breaks and she let's out a little sob. "It will just be hard for me because I can't have that."
I immediately wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly.
"It's alright." I said soothingly, trying my best not to cry. "I know how hard all of this is for you."
"I don't want to stop you from seeing them, though." She sniffs as she lifts her head up from my chest to look at me. "I know you haven't been to see Wes because of me."
"No, baby." I frown. "I haven't seen them yet because telling them what's happened will be hard for me too, and because it's not my place to say anything. You're the one going through this nightmare, it's your business, so only you decide when, or if you tell people."
She nods slowly and I kiss her cheek before gently wiping away some of her tears with my thumb.
"I'm not ready to see them yet... I'm just not feeling up to it, but I want you to see them... and when you do, I want you to tell them about my cancer."
"Are you sure?" I frown.
"Yes. There's no point in hiding it. I hid it long enough from you... They would find out sooner or later. I don't want to keep it a secret again, I just can't bring myself to tell them."
"Ok." I nod slowly. "If that's what you want, and only if you're sure."
"Yeah, I am."
"Then I'll them."
"Thank you." She says softly and shows a tiny smile. "I'm sorry for making you see them alone and telling them by yourself... I know it won't be easy for you..."
"Don't say sorry." I shake my head and wrap my arms back around her. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
Telling Wes and Amy about Maya's cancer will be painful for me, but nothing near as painful as what Maya is experiencing. They'll be so shocked and heartbroken when they find out, but I know they'll do everything they can to help Maya and be there for us because that's what friends do. And to be honest, it would be nice to get some support. It's times like this when you really need your friends.