Summary: Ever since Natasha had that nightmare and spent the night in Yelena's bed with her, she has been acting terrible odd. As Yelena grows increasingly desperate to find out what's wrong, the truth ends up exposing itself. A follow-up to "Deserving."
"Okay, what is it?" Yelena demanded finally one night when they were sitting on the couch, her eyes shifting over to stare at Natasha as she turned her head to watch her reaction. Natasha looked at her strangely, seeming terribly uncertain of the situation and almost wary as she eyed her.
The past few days since the nightmare and since she had spent the night in Yelena's bed with her, Natasha had been acting increasingly off, and Yelena was honestly terribly puzzled as to what was wrong with her and had been diligently trying to figure out what precisely was going on.
Unfortunately, it was growing increasingly unclear and even more worrisome for her over time. Mostly because Natasha never answered and always found something else to go do or some manner of distraction that would stop the conversation and allow her to escape.
"What's what?" Natasha questioned uncertainly in reply.
"Why are you moping around so much? You look so miserable," Yelena told her, and Natasha shook her head, still bearing that strangely sad countenance that she had worn for the past several days.
"I'm fine," she replied, and Yelena let out a deep, irritated breath as she looked to the redhead. After just a moment, she finally decided that she was going to suck it up and go for it to get to the bottom of this. She shut off the television abruptly and turned her body more fully to face her.
"No, don't tell me that. You've been weird with me lately, and you've been pulling away. Have I upset you?" Yelena asked, feeling her stomach turning a little as she looked at the redhead. She had been quite honestly terrified that she had done something to her, and the last thing that she wanted to do was lose her sister over something that she had done.
Natasha shook her head quickly in negation, and Yelena immediately felt a bit of concern and aggravation rising within her. She did not understand why Natasha was being so stubborn about this.
"It's... No, you haven't done anything," Natasha assured her, seeming perplexed at best, and Yelena narrowed her eyes as she stared at her, trying to figure her out. Natasha was just persistently remaining as stoic as ever.
"Then what's the problem?" Yelena asked, and Natasha shook her head, starting to get up from the couch. Yelena immediately felt irritation rising within her. Natasha was trying to run away. Again.
But Yelena was not going to let her do it this time. She was not about to get away without the truth coming out tonight.
"It's nothing. Look, I've got to go and—"
"No, you don't. You're always having to do things when I ask you what's wrong, and that's not working this time," Yelena informed her firmly, standing up quickly as she pursued her. Natasha stood still, but she looked like she wanted nothing more than to escape the situation.
Yelena stepped nearer to her.
"So I'll ask one more time. What's going on with you?" Yelena demanded, her voice leaving no room for argument.
However, whenever there seemed to be no room for argument, Natasha in her never-failing stubbornness always managed to make some.
"There's nothing wrong! We're fine, and I'm fine," Natasha disputed, and Yelena growled under her breath as she felt the frustration rising up even more. Most of her concern was now being replaced with overwhelming irritation at Natasha's obstinacy.
"We may be fine, but you're not fine!" Yelena asserted, and Natasha shook her head, standing firm despite her obvious desire to leave the conversation.
"Yes, I am—"
"No, you're not!!! Stop lying to me!" Yelena snapped in reply, interrupting her as she stared her down.
"We may not have been reunited for long, but I know you plenty well enough to know when something's wrong. I know who you are, Natasha, and you may think you have the world fooled, but all that tough spy BS doesn't work on me," Yelena informed her, getting in her face more and more as the argument persisted.
Natasha remained perfectly still, just staring back at Yelena as she eyed her calmly with that same sadness and slight desperation present in her eyes that had been there since she had started acting so oddly. And despite Yelena's words, Natasha just stayed silent, looking at Yelena quietly.
It frustrated Yelena in some ways that Natasha was so willing to take Yelena's yelling without giving any sort of response. At this point, Yelena wanted any reply that she could get regardless of what it might be. Anything to clue her in on what was up with her big sister.
"Ugh, why do you have to be this way about it?! I'm trying to be here for you!" Yelena raised her voice, and Natasha looked down at the floor, averting her attentions from Yelena. Yelena felt the tension building within her until she could not take it anymore and she finally took action.
"Look, I wish you would just talk to me!" Yelena yelled as she swiftly grabbed Natasha's shoulders tightly out of pure frustration and the need to understand what was wrong with her sister.
As she held onto her and Natasha's gaze bored holes into her own, she gradually calmed down just enough to fully take in their position a little more and Natasha's reaction. To her absolute shock, Natasha was actually leaning into the touch. Natasha actually seemed to be melting under the contact, and Yelena furrowed her brow, realizing that it was almost like how when Yelena herself was in need of affection.
But before Yelena could actually say anything or further test this theory, Natasha suddenly brought her into a painfully tight hug. Yelena froze in place for a moment, completely shocked at the fact that Natasha had just so unexpectedly hugged her like this.
Yelena was by no means upset by it, and actually even had been desperately craving this sort of affection since Natasha had been so diligently pulling away recently, but she did not know that Natasha needed it as badly as she did.
Yelena started to reach up and reciprocate the embrace when Natasha suddenly wrenched herself away, looking utterly ashamed of herself as she looked down at the ground and pointedly evaded Yelena's gaze. She looked smaller and more afraid than Yelena had ever seen her, and it unsettled and hurt Yelena deeply to see that Natasha was hurting like this over something that could have been so easily fixed if Natasha would have only spoken to her and expressed her feelings.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that... It was... I'm sorry," Natasha apologized, swallowing hard and backing away as she tried to complete her earlier attempt at getting out of the situation.
However, before she could fully escape, Yelena caught her arm and yanked her back over closer to her. Natasha stumbled a bit with the sudden force and Yelena swiftly moved her head toward Natasha's to touch their foreheads together. Their heads bonked together awkwardly, and Natasha looked at her with wide eyes.
Yelena stared into her eyes for a long moment before bringing her hands up to cradle the sides of Natasha's face. Natasha's eyes were filled with shock and adoration, and she let out a shaky breath, confirming what Yelena had wondered since she had grabbed her shoulders in the midst of her aggravation Yelena smiled just a little at the older woman, all of the frustration dissipating within her in favor of love and sympathy for her big sister.
"Why didn't you just say you needed this?" Yelena questioned, her voice gentle and full of love as she spoke to her. Natasha flicked her gaze downward for a moment before looking back up at her to meet her eyes again.
Natasha was always so tough and always tried to be so infallible in every way. She was one of the strongest people that Yelena knew, and she had told Yelena on several occasions that she would always give her any affection she wanted or needed from her.
However, it was clear that Natasha obviously needed that same affection, and she had not had the courage to tell Yelena about it. And that truly stabbed Yelena in the heart. She loved her big sister, and she more than wanted the opportunity to return all of the touches and gentleness that Natasha had so openly offered to her so regularly.
Yelena smoothed her hands gently along the sides of Natasha's neck, and Natasha pushed her head a little harder against Yelena's as she shivered ever so slightly with the contact that Yelena was offering her. Yelena rubbed her knuckles softly along Natasha's neck up and down, and Yelena pressed her nose against Natasha's. Natasha leaned into her heavily, bringing her hands up to grasp Yelena's arms as Yelena gave her the attention she had been craving.
"Moya starshaya sestra, you are so dumb sometimes," Yelena whispered to her, and Natasha huffed a bit but did not move away from her. Yelena reached her hand around the back of Natasha's head and tugged a little. Natasha followed her movements, and she pressed her forehead into the side of Yelena's neck, her nose and lips pressing into Yelena's throat and collarbone.
"'M sorry," Natasha mumbled against Yelena, and Yelena shook her head, stroking the back of Natasha's neck as she drew Natasha closer into her, rubbing her back with her other hand. Natasha moved her hands away from Yelena's arms so that she could wrap her own arms around Yelena's torso as she leaned into her.
Yelena let out a breath as she moved her lips closer to Natasha's ear so that she could whisper to her.
"Don't be sorry. Just tell me when you need touch," Yelena expressed, and Natasha let out a sigh as she nuzzled into her further, and Yelena could not help but note that her big sister was practically melting into every touch, needing the affection so badly that she could hardly hold herself upright.
"'M the big sister... Not supposed to need," Natasha slurred just a little, guilt present rather strongly despite the intense contentment from the affection. Yelena moved away from Natasha's ear, resting her chin on her shoulder as she scoffed.
"Just because you're the big sister doesn't mean that you don't need things. Or that you don't need love... It's not all about me. It's about you, too. And if you need this, I want to give it to you," Yelena explained, and Natasha took in a deep breath.
Yelena felt her heart swell a little, knowing that Natasha was likely breathing her in. The way she had taken a breath was far too similar to when Yelena was trying to very surreptitiously and subtly take in a breath of Natasha.
"I don't want to burden you," Natasha confessed, and Yelena narrowed her eyes a little as she tightened her grip a little on Natasha.
"Do I burden you when I need things?" Yelena asked, and she immediately felt Natasha suck in a sharp breath.
"No, of course not," Natasha replied instantly, her voice far more coherent than it had been the entire time that she had been in Yelena's embrace.
"Good. Then you know how I feel," Yelena declared with finality. Natasha sighed, nuzzling further into Yelena's throat. Yelena felt her heart swelling hugely, so utterly happy that Natasha wanted her affections as much Yelena craved hers.
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me, you poser... Come to me when you need me. And talk to me. Please," Yelena told her firmly, and Natasha nodded. Yelena nodded in response, and she could not help but smile a little as the redhead took in a breath to reply to her.
"I will."