Roses. They're remarkable when you think about it. All across the world, people present them to the ones they most adore. Not as a mere gift, but as a tangible symbol of sincerest love.
A cynic might call such a universal gift 'uninspired'. After all, it's common knowledge that the gesture is replicated millions of times across the world, every year.
Yet the vast majority of people who receive these humble offerings will feel truly special in doing so. To hold one between your fingers is to feel the very affection it represents. Their innate ability to express what is so often inexpressible transcends the borders of spoken language, politics, wealth and even time.
Valentines' day
Humid steam rose from the lush foliage as the morning sun beat down from a cloudless sky. It had rained over night: a sudden downpour, most unexpected in its savage ferocity. The deluge had been so heavy that the rain had flattened some of the precious blooms growing in Baguio
It has been a week since my Mother and my step father left for their honeymoon as newlyweds. It all seemed an age ago now. Like sepia tinted photographs of another lifetime.
If I tried very hard, I could dredge up the faces and the places, but most of the time they stayed just out of reach; ghosts haunting the periphery of my mind with their blurred features and muffled laughter.
Occasionally a song playing on the radio or a name mentioned at random would trigger a flood of images and feelings, It was one dramatic morning on Valentines day.
I settled on a pair of wide-legged, dove grey wool trousers and a lavender cashmere cowl neck sweater. I did make one small concession and swapped my big, heavy boots for a sexier pair with pointed-toes and two-inch heels.
I left my apartment with that smile permanently burned into my mind once again. This day should bring out the best in me. The other day, I have talked to Iñigo, My bestfriend’s boyfriend, so I could shake his head and finally make him move to do something.
From what I’ve heard from Nina, They have this little lover’s quarrel and Nina crying over night bugs me to sleep so I decided to get his number from Patrick and eventually talk to him about it
That took the wind out of his sails and he used the arrival of the tea to get his thoughts in order.
"What the hell does that mean?" he finally asked without head. "I'm dense, so use small words."
I smiled and shook my head. "You're not dense. You're a man. While the two are similar, there are different."
Iñigo seemed to finally relax as he gave me a small smile. "Here we go."
"Look, people fight. So you and Nina had an argument. Whoop-ti-do. That happens to millions of couples every hour of every day. The big deal is that you're not talking about it anymore. You're dodging the most important person in your life, and that has to stop. It's hurting her."
"I'm not trying to hurt her," he defended himself. "I'm giving us both space to cool off."
“Back in College, in our psychology, My prof told me that men and women think in different ways," I said. "You may think you're just giving her time to cool off, but what you're telling her by doing that is that her position in the argument is the one that has destroyed your relationship and there's no possible reconciliation. She's devastated."
"What?!?" he asked, truly astonished. "That's crazy!"
"No, it's not crazy," I said patiently. "That's the way women think. As long as we can talk about something, it's still in play, still negotiable." I pointed out "Women are born negotiators, in case you missed it. We're willing to talk about lots of things, even unreasonable things. It's when one of the players walks away from the table that we see the line drawn in the sand. By not talking to her any more, she thinks that the two of you have reached a non-negotiable impasse. Just think about it until the food gets here."
I sipped my tea and watched him thinking. It occurred to me that I was going through that same negotiating process with Patrick, though I hadn't put it into those exact words before.
I was negotiating both with him and myself, with Patrick to see what I was willing to do, with myself to see what I was willing to compromise about.
On the flip side of the gender issue, I needed to keep in mind that men were more direct. Men thought and then acted, where women thought and then emoted. Action vs. emotion.
"You know Meg, Patrick was right about you." Iñigo said which held me there in place. My heart beating twice a mile as seconds tick. "You might seem a little reserved on the surface, but you're really a sweetheart underneath."
I gasped before I could stop myself. "Pat said that? He talks about me?"
Iñigo froze and I sensed he was choosing his next words carefully.
"We don't make a habit of it," he said after a few moments of silence. "And we certainly don't discuss you in the way you might think. We were talking about my getting a pardon and I asked him if he thought you'd be a good person to enlist for help."
"And what did Pat say?" The need to know exactly what the Reverend thought of me overshadowed everything else.
Iñigo smiled. "Well I was worried that you might not approve of my relationship with Nina, so I wasn't sure that you'd want to help me. Patrick said that despite the fact you might appear to be a little reticent on the surface, he knew you really had a soft heart underneath. Also, that despite your own bad experience with love, he was sure you would want to see your friends happy."
I just sat there and let Iñigo's words sink in. Patrick was right of course, although why Iñigo would think I didn't approve of his relationship with Nina was beyond me.
Iñigo had been great for my best friend—in the months since they'd met she'd blossomed and become the confident woman I'd always wanted her to be.
Was I so cold that Iñigo would find a reason to doubt my feelings about him and Nina?
"Of course I want to see you all happy," I said with a smile. "I'm sorry if I've given you the impression that I didn't."
And that’s how the other day went and the next evening, I just saw how they’re lovey-dovey couple thing while watching TV on my living room. Lovers really.. made me roll my eyes
But sometimes, the advices I’ve been giving to people are the words I wanted someone to say to me. I don’t know, pero bakit ganon? Madaling mag advice sa problema ng iba pero pagating sa sarili mong problema, ayun .. wala ka ring nagagawa.
Tho I just had a skype session with Patrick himself and he’s been apologizing for not being around for awhile, I feel like there’s something with Patrick that I ought to know.
It’s not that I don’t believe him entirely. It was their midterms and I saw how the dark lines underneath his eyes got the better of him; school works have been taking most of his time for sleep and I feel guilty, He really wanted to come over but he has a lot of errands to attend to.
I ended our talk with me stripping naked right in front of the webcam. He didn’t entirely expect it from me. He even called it distraction but I insisted it’s was a motivation
The last thing I remember before I closed my laptop is the fact that his smile, despite being worn out, was just genuine and truly painful to know that I could only see him through web
I knew I wouldn't be able to get him out of my head, but also knew I had to, at least for a little while, so I could think about work and what I wanted to do. I needed to remain level-headed about my future.
I wanted to go off completely on my own but there was always that fear. I hoped this day would help me decide what to do on Valentines.
I drove down the highway, happy to be free of the worries of my job. The fresh air would really do my mind some good. My hands gripped the steering wheel and I thought of the Patrick. I really hoped I would see more of him most especially after exam’s over.
“Hey Meg, what did that Villanueva guy do for you today?” asked a cheerful Riza, making me raise my head.
All the other four girls sitting before me gathered before my cubicle and were looking at me intently, waiting for an answer. If only I had an answer ...
“I am going to be late, guys,” I said as I glanced at my watch.
Although there was plenty of time, I didn't want to spend the day answering questions, questions which made me even more miserable. As soon as I had stepped away from the table, the four women who were my officemate started talking.
“Ooh! Miss Secret,” snickered Riza, not caring about the fact that I was only a few feet away.
“I bet that guy must have done something really special for her, That youngest Villanueva sure is filthy rich” said another voice, making everyone burst into laughter.
If only Patrick had done something for me ... I thought as I closed the door of the café behind, drowning the sound of giggles. Hell! If it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t probably call me for the next couple of weeks more
It was our first Valentine's Day and Patrick hadn't called me even today. Well, I’m not counting the skype session last night because I initiate that after I called him through his mobile phone.
I feel like I had been trying to reach him so hard the last two almost three weeks but his phone was either switched off or out of coverage area. I clutched my bag tighter and kept walking, wondering what Patrick must’ve up to at the moment.
Miss Secret, my foot I muttered under my breath as I walked towards the lobby.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see the 6'1" tall guy standing before me. I felt like I had collided into a brick wall.
I was off balance and hadn't the strong arms caught me, I would have been down on the ground.
“You just had your break ah pero nangangayayat ka pa rin? Kulang ang pagkain?”
“Alex?!” I uttered in disbelief, pushed his chest away and stood up on my own “What are you doing here?”
“Surprised? Well, nothing much .. thought I should drop by. Tita Marilesa told me about your work”
A midst of the talking, I saw how everyone else in the lobby stopped and stared at Alex.
One particular woman almost slid down from the stairs.
“My break just ended but if you want I could—”
“No need, Meg. Let’s have lunch later alright?” He was already retreating when he said “I wouldn’t accept no for an answer tho. See you later” Waving from the glass door, he went his way to where he parked his car and slid inside it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"…and guess what? Dad and Tita Marilesa’s going to tour Venice, Rome, Florence, Amalfi after their honeymoon in Greece. She said,we should brace our selves baka may mabuo pa raw” Alex who was now chuckling, seems bubblier than usual, euphoric after he got closer to my mom and finally rekindle his ties with his Dad. "Meg? It was a joke. Are you not excited na magkakapatid tayo?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Guess.. I'm happy for our parents.." Alex, insisting I try their beef with Onion and buttered oysters ,Right now I’m having lunch with him at a small and simple Japanese restaurant known as Suzukin, right across Caltex
"Meg," this usually wasn't like me. I usually listened whenever we talk unless I was busy with my paperworks and him playing video games but this time I wasn't. Neither the both of us
"What's going on? All last week you seemed giddy and happy and this week you look like you just got fired. Is something wrong?"
"No, well, yes. But I don't think you'll be able to help. It's just something I have to figure out on my own."
Alex was a little surprised by my reticent behavior; I usually could talk to him about anything. If I didn't want to talk to him about it then it was probably pretty serious
“Alex” I said garnering him my full attention. He was confuse with the sudden u-turn of mood but still had the ears for it “Have you ever been in love?”
He raised his brow at me with a smirk plastered on his face “Woah, What gives?”
I rolled my eyes at the thought, Right I forgot he was and is still a player “I am not talking about the feeling that you get when you want to fuck someone’s brains out and then a few weeks later, you are over it and forget the person entirely. I am talking about true and honest love. The kind of love that does not die.”
Instead of answering my question directly, He laughed it off. Chuckling as he tapped the table like a nut case “Is that a valentine mood I’m seeing with you?” He laughed some more before I finally had enough and threw some French fries right through his face
After the table has turned and the space between us thickened, Alex became a little serious. He faintly coughed trying his words to form as light as possible “I have been in love .. in love like that once.”
“Once?”
“Hell, I still love her and it has been nearly a decade.” He played with his straw for awhile, carefully choosing the right words as not to sound so pathetic and vulnerable. I have never seen his side this way.
I always thought he was just a player, who collects, chooses and then dumps the girl the next day, but this side of him that I’m not used to, it made me realized that maybe all things has their reasons afterall
“I am starting to believe that a love like that never fades and that once you find your it, then that is it.” He glanced up, looking at me in the eye while trying to laugh at what he just said
“Sound cheesy isn’t it?”
I didn’t say anything else but nodded in response. I’m afraid the thing I would say might be too harsh for him to handle which might crushed him more. Seeing him right now, made me realize that he is after all humane
“But there can be no other. There maybe some people who you love lot or even more than anything in the world, but not like the love that you shared with the one who had your heart first”.
The last words he just said somehow brought back memories in the past and that familiar constriction of my heart lingered there for long as Kier’s face flashed right in front me
“Who is she? Sobrang ganda niya siguro”
“That’s an understatement. She had everything a man could want in a woman and so much more, with a slim waistline and simply perfect breasts and the most provocative legs I've ever seen before.” I saw how his lips curved into a smile.
She must’ve been really beautiful to say the very least “Bata pa ako non, baliw na ako sa kaniya but only had the guts to make a move when I was a freshman in high school, She being three years ahead”
“What we had, I thought was something .. but to her, I was nothing .. nothing but a younger brother in her eyes.” He shook his head and the sighed “Tapos narealize ko na lang na minsan may mga bagay na mas mabuti kung hanggang ganun na lang..” He paused deciphering what to say next just to make me understand more “kasi andon yung takot na kapag dinala pa sa ibang level, hindi na masaya. Magulo na.”
He chuckled trying to make the mood a little lighter “Madrama ba?”
“Sira! Di naman kasi magdadrama kung di totoo ang nararamdaman.” I munched some more french fries and looked up once again “At alam mo, may narealize ako”
“Ano naman?”
“That behind every player is a girl who made him that way. Behind every player is someone who played and broke their heart big time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The football soared high into the air only to be followed by a group of screaming ‘college kids’ sprinting across the school playing field to be the first to reach it. Walking along the field of University of the Philippines made me miss my college years
I looked around. So much had changed. Things were overgrown, definitely not the carefully manicured grounds I remembered. Over the gate, a rusting arch still proclaimed the name. I walked around the pavements and led the way.
At first, I didn't recognize things. It had been so long and everything looked so different now. The curved sheets of tin were no longer silver. Now they were more the color of rust, the window panes grimy with decades of filth.
The bell was just ringing at the time I’ve reached the Malcolm Hall which houses UP’s college of law. Patrick was probably at his "The origins of Philippine law" - a subject guaranteed to send the most enthusiastic student to sleep according to him. The room was fairly full when I decided to take a peek.
So I tried reading a book I had brought along, but I was too nervous to concentrate on the story. I had to relax.
“Eh gusto mo pa lang makita, why not do something about it? Bakit hindi na lang ikaw mismo pumunta?” I remember how Alex emphasize those words to me before we went on our separate way home
“The hardest part for me was Critical Reasoning.” Far from it, I knew even when my back is turned that it was Patrick “For the last ten minutes, I was still fifteen items away from finishing that part.”
“I hate that part, Pat. Man, I felt like my neurons were crying for help.” Uttered by another lad. I turned around only to see Patrick walking around with two guys next to him
The other one squeeze in next to him and said “So how do you properly read a case, especially the long ones? What did you do?”
“ So what I did, read the case outline and see what subtopic the case is assigned under. Read only the portion which is pertinent to that topic. Ignore the other portions, or read them only when they will help you understand the portion that you need. Most of the time, it's pretty obvious what part you need just by looking at the case syllabus. I just scan----” His voice slowly died out the moment I caught his eyes.
He was dumbfounded alright, He was probably confused as to why I would show up right in front of him “Meg?!” He said in disbelief.
“Hi” I said flashing my best-est smile, remembering how first impression usually lasts
I stood and admired him in his creamy white shirt, most enticingly my eyes went halfway down his chest His pants were form-fitting and equally well-made and he wore dark-brown crocs.
His hair was a bit tousled and this added to the aesthetic pleasure - the counterpoint to the carefully selected and well-cut apparel. And Patrick's hair is one of his best points - lovely jet black hair, thick and silky.
All this, and the look of uninhibited arousal on his face combined to make him the absolute pinnacle of beauty in my eyes. He was Desire incarnate.
His other comrades coughed faintly only to break the silence. Patrick introduced me gradually to his law friends. They were equally friendly particularly that man holding a thick hard-bound law book
When we were finally alone, Patrick began “What are you doing here?”
“That’s the least question I wanted to answer right at this moment. Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Of course I do but sana nagtext ka man lang. Did you wait too long? Bigla bigla ka yatang pumunta?”
“Wow! Way to show it Patrick. I went all the way from Makati to QC and this is what I get. Great!” I threw my hands in the air and turned around almost walking out of Patrick’s sight
But he was quick to grab me by the arm and said “Woah, Hold it tiger. Calm down okay? Let’s talk somewhere private”
I didn't say anything, I let him lead me without saying another word as we hopped into his car. I could tell that he was waiting for my guard to come down, I think that's why I went with him without any hesitation.
We walked down the car park, him going before me, I followed him and slid right in the front seat the moment he opened the door for me.
And as I tilted my head back to stare into his eyes, I realized it was too much space. Way too much.
"Woa, Meg" Patrick began as I took a step forward, our bodies nearly touching. "I thought you wanted to talk."
My fingers reached out and played with the hem of his light cotton shirt. I could feel his taut stomach beneath the material and my hands flattened against his abdominals.
"Hm," I grinned, pressing further against him and tilting my head back. Despite the hesitance encompassing his features his eyes were darkened with lust. "Talking's overrated."
And then Patrick bent down and kissed me. Hard. His lips were firm as he met mine, his tongue demanding access nearly the moment our mouths met. I granted it immediately, parting my lips and letting his tongue sweep across my own.
His kisses were long and almost desperate; I'd never been kissed with so much need. It made my heart pound, and as my hand trailed beneath the fabric of his shirt, up towards his chest, I could feel that it was having the same effect on him.
His fingers moved from my cheek to my temple before knitting into my hair, but only momentarily. There was something frantic about the way his hands swept over my shoulders and down my arms
And then, suddenly, he pulled away. His breath was heavy and his dark eyes still clouded, but as they met mine I could read the hesitance that lay there.
"This isn't how I want this, Meg" Patrick said. One of his hands moved to steady my hip and I reached backwards, resting my palms against the cool leather chair. "I want this to be real."
"What can be more real than this?" I asked, my voice low and husky. Pulling him closer, our body flush against one another, I placed a kiss on the exposed skin just above his collar.
His breath hitched, and I watched his internal struggle. Was it really so hard? I fought off the frown and brushed my hair back.
Staring down at me, Patrick leaned forward and pressed his open mouth against the curve of my neck. My head lolled to one side of its own accord, as though offering myself to him.
"This is hard," he groaned.
Flashing him a sly grin, I trailed my hands downward to the erection straining in his pants. It was flat against my navel and I could feel the hardness of it through his pants. "Yes," I said, fingers encircling the stiffness that lay there. "I can tell."
Patrick groaned. "That's not what I was referring to." But he didn't say anything further as I continued my ministrations, slowly unzipping his pants and sliding my hand inside.
"What are you doing!?" His words thundered in the tight space.
Another flare got tossed into the fire when his hushed moan touched my ears. Nervous excitement covered my skin immediately.
My hand moved over the ridge of his zipper. I purred with brazen confidence when I spoke. "You mean you don't know? I thought you graduated the top of your class."
"Meg.."
He quipped as my palm curved over the growing bulge. "Stop your half-assed protesting, Attorney." my fingers flexed and he squirmed. "My counter argument keeps getting stronger, doesn't it?"
My seatbelt clicked and flew back to the doorframe as another car drove past ours. I leaned over and pressed the release button on his restraint . The button on his jeans had already slipped through the hole when I was determine to continue
His little junior leapt as I tugged at the zipper.
"Meg, We should really direct to the serious note now"
My sultry brown eyes stayed on his.
"Why?" My eyes went to his mouth.I licked the corner of his lower lip with the tip of my tongue. "You'd be doing me a favor in letting me act it out, there's even an outside chance you might enjoy it too," I whispered to his mouth. "Will you let me?"
Then his lips were back on mine, frantic as before, and it seemed the reluctance had evaporated entirely. But with his hand beneath my shirt, brushing across the material of my bra, he took a immediately ended the kiss as he move back and shook his head.
I blinked.
"I'm going to regret this later," he managed through panted breath, "but I like you and to be honest, you're the only one I've ever spent this much time and effort on."
"Okay…"
The next moments were a flurry of my hands pulling and tugging at his jeans to free him from the confines of his boxers. Patrick watched as my fingers closed around his hardening shaft. My gentle touch sent prickles of energy right there.
Head in his lap, I looked up at him. "Maybe you should adjust your seat." Patrick remained frozen with disbelief that I was really doing this, so I made my own way as my hands fumbled to find the lever before Patrick felt the backrest recline.
"Much better." I made sure my voice was low, my breath a hot wisp of air along his overheated skin.
I ran my tongue over the smooth column from base to tip and back, making repeated passes until his cock was moist enough for my hands to fondle him easily.
I watched the textures and contours of his erect skin become beautiful proof of his desire for me even if he's in denial of it.
Every lick of my tongue, every stroke of my hands became an expression of lust and affection. His whispered moans were more than a gentle pat on the back, giving him pleasure was as much for him as it was for me.
I looked up at him. I made his face contort, made his nostrils flare, made him arch his head into the headrest. This power awed and humbled me at once.
His fingers threaded my hair. "Yes," He hissed as I nuzzled the pouch between his legs. My other hand's index and thumb circled the base of his cock, keeping it in place while my tongue repeatedly flicked the seam of his reddish pink glans.
The sounds he made sent a rush of heat and arousal under my skin maybe because it's been awhile. I miss this feeling. I licked the tiny drops from the smooth oval head and wrapped my tongue around the sensitive ridge.
Patrick pushed back the waves of hair veiling my face, capturing it in a loose ponytail. Shadows and light drifted over my face, shoulders and back.
My mouth ambitiously taking more of his length as his eyes were glued to the outline of his cock bulging below my cheek.
"Ah, yes!" he spat in a muffled sound while writhing under mouth and guiding my head with his hand, "just like that. Yes. Yes!"
The tingle of peppermint and the change in texture around his dick—from the suede of my tongue, to the slick, silk inside my cheek—dragged almost inaudible grunts and sighs from him.
I released him from my mouth with a wet pop. He sucked his breath while my lips descended to the base then lower; my questing fingers found the secret spot below. His broken sounds filled the air.
"Oh—God!"
A bright light danced over the dashboard, reminding us that we were still in a parking lot. The threat of discovery turned up the erotic temperature inside the cocoon of his Telsa S.
My skin felt tight and feverish. I felt him lurch when the gentle serration of my teeth along the sensitive underside.
I touched and licked and sucked him until the energy between us merged, gathering strength like a hurricane over warm water.
Everything moved faster, together—my hands, my mouth, the jut of his hips—hurtling him towards climax as I felt it.
I sensed his pleasure pulsing, surging up from the deepest part of him and rocketing to the surface. I needed to know how close he was—I must have missed the signals.
His warning came on an urgent whisper "I'm going to to come." He tugged gently on my hair. "Margareth," he choked, "I'm close...close...I'm gonna—"
My eyes met his, my moan of approval let him know I understood. I wasn't stopping--I dont even know if I really wanted to.
I felt how he was about to come—in my mouth. His hips jerked under my ministrations. My moans hummed around the swelling head, calling him to his release. And then he was there. He fisted the ends of my hair in one hand; the other flung against the door handle with a thud. He felt no pain, only the agony of imminent pleasure.
"Ah, fu-uck!" he groaned as he shuddered and burst in my hot mouth. A wave of ecstasy rode in on the heels of the quick, liquid spurts Idrank from him. He felt like broken straw, panting and barely able to smooth my back with his trembling hand.
I raised my head, high on lust, power and feminine sensuality. I licked my lips, testing the mysterious, metallic taste of the cloudy dollops Patrick had poured on my tongue. My voice sounded strange to my own ears when I spoke. "I think I want to do this again."
Patrick nodded, still looking dazed as I helped him adjust his clothes. I put that satisfied look on his face. I kissed his damp cheek as I found the lever on his seat
"Will you let me do that again soon?"
He proved his point by pulling my head to his. His tongue sought mine and tasting himself there. I was instantly reminded of those feverish moments when I pleasured him with such unabashed generosity and delight.
I followed when he retreated and the kiss went from sweet to erotic. My soft whimper and the feel of his chest against my full breasts made me want to do more than just kiss him.
He pressed his hands to my shoulders when I leaned in for more of his mouth. He swallowed hard when I licked him full, moist lips and looked at him through half lidded eyes
I leaned back and swept my index finger below the gray shadow under his left eye. Patrick needed sleep. It was almost one.
"I miss you, Meg" He began "but you're still not getting any tonight."
I snapped my finger. "Aw, damn. Good thing I'm more patient than someone in this room."
I chuckled when he feigned a confused look and burrowed my head in the crook of his neck. He stroked my back and sides until he felt my entire body slowly relax into him.
He not only looked serious and distracted, I felt it. The energy rolling off of us grew until a weird vibe filled the space between us. He fiddled with the button on the dial so pops of rap, classical and top forty filled the air. Meanwhile I edited script after mental script on how to probe question why he has been hiding or the reason why he did, and if he had his reasons he's perfectly keeping it in bay.
In a span of months I knew him, Despite being busy with Law school and assisting in their law firm, he always find time for us to meet, he always make way to be in touch but these week, he is clearly avoiding me for some uknown reason.
And the picture with Cari on Instagram didn't help at all. Was he secretly seeing her behind my back? Is he planning to rekindle their relationship? Am I just a rebound?
It happened so quickly. One moment I was floating on a dreamy cloud and the next thing I know, The heat of our passion was already gone and here seated an uncomfortable silence Before I finally spoke.
"If you wanted me to leave you alone, I wish you would have just told me. I just can't seem to stop thinking about you," I said as I put my head down and ran my fingers through my hair looking defeated.
"I know it was wrong to ignore you the way I did. But I just had a lot of things to figure out.. I dont know how I would say it to you. It's as twice as hard on me" He almost whispered out, the guilt clearly heard in his voice as he spoke
"I understand." I spoke, my eyes fixed on my hands before Patrick’s settled on mine.
Patrick was obviously shocked for my lack of not wanting to further investigate his answer. And when he looked in my eyes I was upset how much he could see right through me.
I didn't know what was worse; him not giving me an explanation, or knowing if I knew the whole bizarre truth it probably would have hurt me just as bad.
"I know I don't deserve it but would you mind giving me a second chance? I might be jumping the gun here, but my Dad is leaving for Colorado soon and my Mother is having a formal going away party. I was hoping you would want to join me?" The last part left his lips in a rush, I didn't want to give him a chance to interrupt before I could finish.
For the first time since we sat down I smiled. Relief came over Patrick as he sighed and a part of me really was looking forward to possibly going with him to the party.
"I would really like that." I said as my face broke into a grin but the realization hit me again. “But we both know I couldn’t face your parents that way”
He brushed a stray lock of my hair behind my ear interrupting my thoughts at his gesture.
"I'm interested in more than just a friendship with you, but if that's not something you want right now, please tell me."
I appreciated his honesty and thought he deserved an honest answer.
"I don't really know what I want right now. But I do know I like being around you and wouldn't mind seeing where it goes."
Patrick’s smile returned and spread even wider on his handsome face. He reached over and took my hand in his. His hands were a lot softer than Alex I noted. But just as soon as that thought entered my head I scolded myself for comparing Patrick’s touch to Alex's.
"How do you expect me to let you keep ignoring me while you are wearing this dress?" His voice was deep as he spoke right into my ear before looking back into my eyes.
I couldn't help but get goose bumps from him just being this close to me. He hadn't touched me since he vowed to court me first, but my body reacted anyway just from being in his presence.
I felt the warmth radiate off his body and it had my body buzzing. As much as I didn't want to think about it,I was almost distracted enough to forget I was angry and hurt.
"I'm surprised you even noticed what I was wearing," I began making him tilt his head. Feeling the venom in my voice I continued on,
"Considering Just weeks ago, Instead of atleast showing up and having the decency to visit or the very least talk to me since I thought you were really courting me for real, you were with your exgirlfriend no, correction! your long time childhood friend slash first girlfriend at Starbucks."I spat out, the memory of Carina with Patrick flooded my mind again and the hurt resurfaced like an open wound.
"What's with you always bringing up Carina? I haven't dated her for over months now." He retorted with no emotion. His look of confusion pissed me off even more.
"Oh yeah sure.” I forced out happy that I controlled my tears.
"I happen to have a twitter and I saw her post. You seem to be all happy giddy thingy around her huh?"
I didn't look away, I held my head high and gave him a stare, that if I had the power, would be shooting flames. My body was just as tense as my stare and even a blind person could see I was angry.
I told myself I would be strong about this, and I was. I didn't care if he knew that his actions hurt me because I was determined not to give him the power to do it again.
He removed his hands from the side of my head. I couldn't read what the look he was giving to me meant so I waited for him to say something.
"I haven't been with anyone else since you. Carina and I broke up, Meg .. but Cari’s still my friend. She was my bestbud long before we went out.”
"I can't do this." My voice finally broke its strength and it came out more as a whisper. I wiped a single tear that escaped my eye and tried my head to face somewhere else.
His hand grabbed my wrist forcing me to look at him.
"You can't do what?." He said back, his voice was full of want, almost desperate for me to tell him what I wanted.
“Don’t give me that question, Patrick. I knew there was something behind why you met her. Why would you not tell me?!”
I struggled out of his grasp knowing I wouldn't be able to contain my tears for much longer. I was so confused and every time he was around I felt like I couldn't think straight.
“I was with Cari because .. because, Meg. She was the only one I could ran to"
“Wow naman, Patrick! Of all people?! Bakit siya pa?”
For the first time I saw a vulnerability that I could only hope from him. He knew something that he wouldn’t tell me. These moments like this, where I got to see the real Patrick, reminded me why I wanted to be with him
“I wanted to stay, Patrick but you’re giving me reasons to doubt you—To doubt us. Just tell me, fucking tell me what the hell is going on? If you---”
“Let’s end this Meg.” I thought his words were the only thing that had struck a chord in my heart, but the way he was looking at me spoke more than words ever could.
I heard him clearly but I was still in denial, I wanted to think I just misheard all those words “What?”
“I love you but…”
“ Ayan! Dyan tayo sablay e! Sa ‘Mahal kita, kaya lang…But what?” I couldn’t bear to look at him in the eyes anymore. For all my insistence that I would not cry, I felt like I just might. I can't take anymore rejection tonight, I just couldn't take it. "Bakit hindi pwede na simpleng “Mahal kita!’ Yun lang naman gusto kong marinig, Patrick"
I bit my lip. I'm not going to cry, I thought, even as I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!
“I’m Engage” I shook my head as tears slid down my cheeks, and unknowingly, The lyrics of the song in the radio seems louder now.. hitting me straight right through my heart as each words dug deep as it bleed
"If you have to break me, baby - let me down easy....Cause the thought of waking up without you.
Feel my heart is killing me."
For I didn’t know those words ,when conjoin in one single sentence, have the power to crush me down into pieces .. most especially it was the least I expected .. this valentines day
"Don't say it, don't say it, don't.
Don't say it, don't say it, don't I already know."
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(A/N: Quoted lyrics from Shawn Desman's Let me down easy. Check the multimedia on the right if u wanted to hear it.
Uh-oh! Patrick, ENGAGED?! To whom?! lay your guess down below && dying to know what will happen next? Just click on the external link because the next chapter has been set to private without my own accord. You have to be a fan first before doing such otherwise it wont serve its purpose and you may not be able to read it. Thank you!
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