Ever...I need to see you, please?
I stare at the text over and over that's come through from Chris. I know he's here as Lucy told me he and Megan had arrived earlier this evening. I can see the London Eye from the window of my room, all lit up in the darkness. It's 1am and he knows I'm awake. He knows everything about me, right now to my bones.
I'm asleep I reply back after my thumb has been hovering over the send button for the last ten minutes.
His reply is swift. No you're not - what room are you in?
It's 1 o'clock in the morning! We have to be up at 6, I need sleep.
EVER! Don't fuck about I need to see you. Otherwise I'm just going to knock on every fucking door of this hotel until I find you.
I sigh, knowing he won't stop and message him back. 275
Five minutes later there's a quiet knock on my door and I cross the room, opening it and seeing him there. I usher him in quickly before anyone who could be still walking about the halls sees and close the door behind me.
He looks down at me through the darkness, gently pushing me back until I connect with the wall. "Ever...talk to me..." He murmurs.
All it takes is so much as a look and I am under his spell.
"I am aren't I?" I look at him. "Chris...we can't do this again. We both know you won't leave her" I say and push myself from the wall and walk back into the room, running a hand through my hair.
"I will..."
I swallow. "No you won't. We've been apart for a year and now suddenly you want me again?"
"Because I've never fucking got over you! I haven't stopped thinking about you!".
I turn and look at him, "Megan and Lucy know everything. They know what we did".
He takes this information in. "How long have they known?"
"Since it fucking began! Lucy knows what happened at the premiere".
"Why the hell did you tell her!" The irritation flickers across his face as well as his tone with me.
"Because I can't exactly lie to her can I? She all but prised it out of me". I snap back. "Do you realise how painful it's been for me to see you with Jenny this last year? Having to avoid you at all costs! You decided not to leave her, so I decided to call it quits - I couldn't be that other woman Chris! And I can't now".
He looks crushed. "Ever, I will leave her. You know I will. I couldn't last year - there were things that prevented me from doing so...and it killed me knowing that I couldn't have you".
"So why didn't you try harder?"
He runs a hand through his hair. "Because I thought I could forget about you easily, that and I also knew you hated my guts. Then I saw you over the media with new guys and just thought you'd moved on".
"You asked me not to go at the premiere...but I have to. It's better for both of us this way. You won't leave Jenny even though you say you will, and I can't risk getting hurt again. Lucy's right, I need to focus on my career - anything about us gets out and we're both screwed. I'm doing this to be kind. No one's rep gets ruined, no one has to get hurt if it goes tits up".
"And what if we just went for it again? Even if I do break up with Jenny, no one has to know what we do Ever, they don't have to know any of business, what goes on behind closed doors. It's between us!"
"aaaaaand don't forget our Managers and publicists - they're not stupid".
"Yet they kept it to themselves this past year - they'll just do it again".
"You'd really ask that of them? Even they know it's not right. You're either in or your out Chris"
He stares and me. "And what are you Ev? In or out?"
I'm silent as I look at him, feeling pathetic at myself and then I finally speak, my voice shaking and cracking as I do so. "I think you know the answer..."
He walks over to me, grabs my face and kisses me hard and with desperation. Wanting to hold onto me when he knows he can't for much longer.
And like the fool that I am, I melt into him. The familiarity of his lips, his kiss, it's all just come back and hit me like a train.
"Ever...I Lo..."
"Don't say it..." I plead quietly. "Please don't say it, because then it will only make this so much harder than it already is".
"Fine...but you know I do". I nod silently and he deepens the kiss once more. "One more night Ever..." He begs, "just one more night..."
But one will turn to another
and then another
and another
It's like some magnetic force is keeping me pulled to him, even if I try my hardest to pull myself away from it. We'll fall back into old habits, and now as we tug at one another's clothes I'm taken back to the first time we kissed and started this whole train of events off.
The beginning of the end...