Maejor:
where u at
Justin's POV
I stared at my phone in confusion, surprised that he had reached out after our argument.
Justin:
NY
why
Maejor:
u knew charlotte has been meeting with scooter?
Justin:
had no idea
haven't talked to her since the accident
what are they meeting about?
Maejor:
scoot still trynna sign her
apparently she's thinking about it
some articles are running around
i don't think you're wife will be happy about it
Charlotte wouldn't sign with Scooter.
Knowing her, and especially after I ran to her and made her feel uncomfortable, she wouldn't want to risk being seeing with me.
Maybe I should ask her about it.
Yes, it's an excuse to talk to her, and fuck it, I will.
Justin:
hey!
heard some rumors flying around about you signing with scooter
I hit send and stared at my screen while i bounced my leg up and down.
My heart began to pump faster as I waited to see if she'd reply, feeling like a stupid teenager when texting their crush.
I never even felt like this when we first started talking, I used to be confident because I knew she was my fan, it wasn't until later that i grew nerves for her.
My phone vibrated and I quickly looked at the screen, expecting her name. Instead, Scooter texted me.
"What is this." I mumbled to myself as I opened his message, it was a very long pdf file and it was still loading.
Then he sent me another message.
Scooter:
did you know she was doing this?
I just got it from Hailey's attorney.
"What?" I whispered.
The document finally loaded and it opened to show what seemed to be divorce papers.
I stood up from my seat and began reading over them. We didn't agree on a prenup before getting married, but she wasn't asking for anything of mine anyways, not from the few pages I looked through.
"What the fuck." I said to myself as I began to take it in. She really filed for divorce?
I was a little shocked, and... well, sad.
I had no idea who to call right now, Maejor was angry at me, even if he reached out today, and he'd only say something about how I shouldn't had married her in the first place.
"You ready to go out?" Nick said as he sneaked his head inside my dressing room. "Why you hiding in here?" He laughed.
I let out a deep breath and decided to confide in him. He's trustworthy, he's been in my team since I was sixteen, and it's been a long journey.
Before I spoke, my phone went off.
Charlotte:
hi!
they're just rumors, don't worry about it!
Am I reading too much into it, or she thinks I'd be mad if she signed with him, doesn't she? I know she must think that, especially after I yelled at her over the phone for coming to LA and deciding to make music.
"Dude!" Nick called, "Are you set to go out?" he asked again.
I took another deep breath and tried to shake off my mind my problems.
"Yeah." I said as i walked out the dressing room. There was a lot on my mind, but I still had to go out there. The people were already here, I can't let them down.
I went on and was able to perform as if nothing, until I got to Deserve You.
"I feel like I don't deserve you tonight..."
That was when my thoughts began to eat me alive. Even though Hailey just filed to divorce me, the first thing that popped into my head was when I showed Charlotte this song, and how excited she was when she heard it.
She was so involved in the process of creating this album, wether that was simply being the muse behind my lyrics, or being at the studio with me, supporting me and pitching in ideas.
"...when we kiss I'm alive and I feel brand new
There's nothing that I want more than us..."
I'm a shitty person.
I stopped singing and let the fans do it as my thoughts began winning.
No matter how I feel towards Charlotte, Hailey is my wife, and she just sent over divorce papers, and somehow... I'm more interested in Charlotte.
I am somewhat upset over it, but... I don't feel half as bad as I did when Charlotte left me.
I finished my set list and said goodbye to my dancers, the band, and part of my team before going back to my dressing room.
I grabbed my phone and stared at Charlotte's message.
Justin:
You know, I was just asking
I'm not angry or upset about it
I replied, trying to elongate the conversation and keep talking to her, but she was taking long to reply. Maybe she also had a show tonight.
I sighed and got out of the chat.
To Hailey:
Really? Divorce?
Are you being serious hails?
and you couldn't even talk to me first?
You just sent it to Scooter?
As I sent out those texts, Charlotte replied.
Charlotte:
just in case!
don't wanna cause any trouble
If only she knew...
Justin:
it's not any trouble
you're free to do whatever you think it's best
You doing alright?
I stared at my screen, once again anxiously waiting for her to reply.
After a few minutes, those three dots showed up, showing that she was typing.
Charlotte:
thanks
& yes, i'm alright
thanks for asking
Justin:
you're welcome
how's your arm?
Charlotte:
my arm feels weird haha
but it's getting better
how are you by the way?
Justin:
I'm doing okay
sorry to hear about your discomfort
you doing therapy or something?
Charlotte:
I was doing therapy
then i got tired of going haha
and just okay? that's it?
Justin:
I don't think you should stop going cuz you're tired
aren't you like
half a doctor? hahahaha
I could be doing better
but i don't think I should bore you with that
Charlotte:
🙄🙄
what's going on biebs
and i'm wayyy less than half a doctor
didn't even take the MCAT so
Justin:
you care? 🥺🥹
idk what's that
Charlotte:
it's a test to get into medschool
i really have nothing better to do
so tell me
what's keeping you from being greater than okay?
Justin:
ohhhh
so that's all i am
you're entertainment?
Charlotte:
yes
throw it at me
Justin:
hahaha
not if you don't actually care 🥺
Charlotte:
i careeeeee
Justin:
u don't
liar
but i'll tell you
Charlotte:
yayyy
Justin:
Remember when I saw you last month?
and I told you how I felt about you
I deleted the last message, not sure wether I was wording things right.
Charlotte:
You deleted it too late
I read it
what about it
Justin:
🫣
well
you said that whatever i said, or you said, wouldn't change anything
Charlotte:
yes
Justin:
What if I told you things changed?
I locked my phone and let out a deep shaky breath, scared of what she'd reply.
She had been replying fast, until I said that, which made me even more scared.
Charlotte:
what are you talking about?
what things changed?
Justin:
things on my side
what if
I wasn't married anymore?
She opened my message and left me on 'read'.
I shouldn't had told her.
After a few minutes of my message being ignored, she finally answered.
Charlotte:
are you drunk again?
Justin:
No
Charlotte:
Justin... no.
What do you mean if you weren't married anymore?
Justin:
If I got divorced
Charlotte:
because of me?
You can't do that
don't put that on me
Justin:
I'm not
I'm jus playing
Charlotte:
that's a sick way of playing
not good
Justin:
not about the divorce
just the question I asked
Charlotte:
I'm so confused
Justin:
I think I'm getting divorced
not because of you
not with the purpose of being with you
Charlotte:
you think?
why?
are you okay?
Justin:
Hailey sent the papers over today
We've been basically separated for a month now
She's just done with me
Charlotte:
she's done with you?
what
Justin:
well
I had to tell her about me visiting you
Charlotte:
WHY?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
are you crazy?
Justin:
She suspected something was off
Charlotte:
why didn't you say anything else?
you set yourself up for this
it could've been avoided
Justin:
Charlotte
I didn't lie when I told you I think about you
constantly
And then seeing you made me think about us more and well
to be completely honest, i got caught up in the memories and got emotional
She's always felt insecure about you, so she asked if I was upset about you
and that's when i told her i saw you
and she didn't take it well
Charlotte:
what were you thinking about?
Justin:
you really wanna know?
Charlotte:
yeah
I want to know what memory of us cost you your marriage
dummy
Justin:
you're taking this as a joke
Charlotte:
i'm not!
but justin
you just ruined something that was clearly great for you
I did not say this but, Ive watched you over these past years we've been away from each other
I've seeing how much you've changed while being by her side, all in a good way
And you seemed happy! I don't want to be the reason you lose something that was doing so good to you
Justin:
I was thinking about that summer i flew you to my home for the first time
I think we were around nineteen and seventeen
And we decided go end things due to how much hate you were getting from my fans
We went swimming in my pool, and we talked about our future apart from each other
and agreed that we'd get back together if we weren't married by the time we reached forty
Charlotte:
I remember
That was before I went on Ellen for the first time
A reaaaaally long time ago
can't believe you remember that with so much detail hahaha
Justin:
I remember every moment i've spent next to you
That's my problem
Don't you think if it was something so great you'd be out of my head by now?
And she did help me a lot, that's true
But it doesn't change how I feel or how I don't feel
Charlotte:
well, i'm sorry
maybe you can change her mind still
she seems to care about you a lot
Justin:
Charlotte, you can't be this dumb
don't you see that i don't want to change her mind?
I don't want to keep settling
Charlotte:
im sorry
i don't know what to say j
Justin:
just don't
don't say anything
you're the only person i've told
Charlotte:
my lips are sealed
I promise
Justin:
thank you
please talk to me about something else
Charlotte:
mmmmm
have you heard about Maejor and Ariana?
Justin:
Maejor and Ariana?
not much
Maejor is also mad at me
Charlotte:
whyyyyy?
Justin:
That's a long story
but what about those two?
Charlotte:
well
fine if you're not gonna tell me
but they're trying things again!!!
Justin:
really?
that's sweet
Charlotte:
yesss!!!
i'm so happy for them
I liked them together
Justin:
yeah
they complimented each other
Charlotte:
I hope they are actually together
she was supposed to be with me, keeping me company
until he took her away :(
Justin:
oh right, you're touring
how's it going?
Charlotte:
yes
it's good
just really lonely most of the time
very tiring as well
Justin:
it is
it's why i used to have my friends always with me
how you handling it?
Charlotte:
I try to stay in contact with my friends
but school and time zones are making it difficult
Justin:
is that why you're talking to me right now?
Charlotte:
maybe
hahahah
but if it makes it better, i'm enjoying talking to you
Justin:
wow
heartwarming
still feel used
Charlotte:
I'm a little high as well
Justin:
you still smoke?
I thought that was just a phase
you used to hate smoking when i met you
Charlotte:
well
i started because it helped me with school stress
I used to get a lot of anxiety
Justin:
I remember
Charlotte:
yeah
It got worse after you left
I started getting sleep paralysis and shit
Justin:
a lot got worse after i left huh
makes me feel shitty
but you're not in school anymore
why are you still doing it
Charlotte:
you don't have to
I asked you to leave
and
maybe i'm not at school but
well
i'm sad
Justin:
why are you sad
Charlotte:
because
i'm so lo o o o onely
haha but serious
i'm alone all the time
Justin:
I thought you hadn't heard my album
and being alone is part of it
Charlotte:
I haven't heard all of it
Just the radio ones
and well, the ones you showed me before
and when did i say that i hadn't heard your album
Justin:
you said it on jimmy
Charlotte:
oh
stop watching my interviews creep
Justin:
hahaha
what are you high on
Charlotte:
edibles
i ate a gummy
Justin:
nice
where are you?
Charlotte:
Manhattan
Justin:
Really?
I'm in New York too
Charlotte:
really?
wow
till when?
Justin:
just tomorrow
I had a show tonight
Charlotte:
oh
i have a show tomorrow night
Justin:
is it inappropriate if i go
Charlotte:
very
don't you dare
Justin:
haha
but
i'm separated now
Charlotte:
still
no one knows that
then they'll prob create some fake rumor
and paint me as the villain in all this
like they did after you and selena
Justin:
oof
had forgotten of that
Charlotte:
I didn't
but don't you dare show up
Justin:
I won't
I know you wouldn't want me there
You always get nervous to sing when I'm around
Charlotte:
whatttt
no I don't
maybe I used to
Justin:
you did
hahaahaha
it was cute
Charlotte:
now that i'm high and don't care much about my morals
what other memories do you often think about?
about us?
Justin:
haha
well, we'll, well
now you want to know
Charlotte:
yes
I want to know what made me memorable
Justin:
besides the fact that we were together for almost what? six years?
Charlotte:
I think
hahaha
that was a lottt
Justin:
it was
didn't feel like it
Charlotte:
it really didn't
it feels like we spent apart more time, these past three years
but
answer my question
Justin:
hahaha
okay
well... I think a lot about our last memories of course, they're the most fresh ones
Those nights after going clubbing, before we started dating again, when you'd get drunk and tell me how much I meant to you
cuz you always let your guard down when you're drunk and talk what's on your mind
and it's so cute
I think a lot about the beginning too, don't get me wrong
When I asked you to be my girlfriend officially, the picnic at the beach and then we went clubbing with my friends
I sometimes even think about our fights about cameron
and how stupid I was being most of the time
Charlotte:
wow
you really do think a lot about us
not the cameron fights hahaha
Justin:
I do
Sometimes I feel guilty about it
But most of the times, I just miss you so I can't help it
Do you not think about me?
Charlotte:
I do
You were the love of my life
Justin:
have you dated anyone else tho?
Charlotte:
I have
but
nothing serious
Justin:
Are you seeing anybody right now?
Charlotte:
no
just my reflection
Justin:
hahaha
i meant as in dating
Charlotte:
oh
no
I'm single, if that's what you're asking
You know what's a funny moment of us
Justin:
what?
Charlotte:
HAHAHAHA
when you set up those balloons to ask me to prom
Justin:
hahahaha
i thought i was being sweet
Ariana said it was a good idea
i remeber
Charlotte:
it was really sweet
you were the cutest ever
so thoughtful
Justin:
i tried :)
Charlotte:
you were really good
thank you
Justin:
for asking u to prom?
Charlotte:
hahaha yes but
i meant
for being so good to me
although it's depressing
Justin:
what's depressing?
and you don't have to thank me
you were amazing too
Charlotte:
having something so good
and now having high standards
makes it hard to find someone else
Justin:
then don't
i'm here
Charlotte:
hahaha
i'm gonna go to sleep
Justin:
don't go :(((
Charlotte:
then don't say things like that
Justin:
I thought that's what you wanted to hear
Charlotte:
so, you didn't mean it?
you just said it cuz you thought i wanted you to
Justin:
I do mean it
one of the reasons why i'm getting divorced is because my wife thinks that i'd drop everything for you if you wanted to be with me
and im afraid that she's not wrong
Charlotte:
I'm reaaally really high
I can't tell if i'm tripping or not
Justin:
hahaha
can i call you instead?
Charlotte:
yeah, sure
I dialed her number and waited for it to connect as a smile creeped on my face.
"Hey!" she said in a soft voice.
"Hey." I said back, holding the urge to laugh over how excited I was feeling talking to her.
"How are you?" she said before breaking into a giggle.
I laughed over how awkward we were both acting and shook my head, "I'm fine. How are you?" "Still tripping?"
She giggled again and said "I think it started to really hit me now." "I feel a lot of tingles."
"Does that mean you're high enough to talk freely?"
"What do you mean?" she asked
I know she tends to talk a lot when she's high or drunk, especially about her feelings and about things that are going through her mind, things that she normally keeps to herself.
"Nothing. I just wanna know your reply to what I said."
"What? That you're waiting for me?" She laughed. "Or that your divorce is my fault?"
"I never said my divorce was your fault." I said.
"But it is, isn't it? You're getting divorced because your wife thinks you're still in love with me or something."
I sighed and asked, "What if I was?"
"What?" She replied.
"I'm still in love with you." I said as I shrugged my shoulders.
"You're not." she laughed, "I don't think you were in love with me back then either."
"Charlotte... why would you think that?" I asked, I was sure if my feelings, now and back then.
"Because... you were just sad about our break up back then, we had already been over for a minute as well, and tried to give it a shot again, then all of this happened."
"So? Me being sad cancels out my love for you?" I asked.
"That's not what i'm saying." she sighed. "But... I think you were just caught up in those feelings, like... romanticizing it. But come on Justin, you were hooking up with Hailey while we were separated, and you started talking to her while i was in college, again."
"And then you married her." "What does that tell me?"
"That I only know how to fuck up when it's about you?" I sighed as I thought out loud.
"Did you love me?" I asked. "Or were you 'romanticizing' us?"
"I loved you." she said. "You were it for me..."
I closed my eyes and covered my uneven breathing with my hand.
"I just think we... we went through so much so young." she sighed, "I sometimes feel like we became one, you know?" "And then when you were away, I couldn't function."
"I think that's why I went back to school." she said. "I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing music just because of you, I wanted to make sure I genuinely liked it, and I do. I realized it now, I'm sorry if it's causing you trouble that i'm here now."
I wiped my eyes and shook my head "You have nothing to apologize for." "I was..." I sighed, "Being selfish. Like always."
"I just wanted you to know that. It's not my intention to hurt you or anything, by being here." she said, "Your words have been ringing through my ear ever since you called me that night."
"I'm sorry." I breathed out.
"You were hurt. It's fine." she said.
"And... for the record jay" she breathed heavily as well, "I sometimes do regret putting us through all that, just to end up here again. But now in much, much different circumstances."
I muted myself and let out a sob I had been holding back since she started talking about us. I couldn't do it, I can't hold myself back anymore.
"Are you still there?" she asked.
"Y-yeah." I said as I tried to calm down.
"I'm sorry for talking so much." she laughed softly. "You know I always ramble while under the influence."
"I asked." I said as I wiped the tears that kept falling. "What do you mean I was it for you?"
She laughed and said "It's silly."
"Is it?" "Tell me."
She took a deep breath and said "It just means you were it. Like... you were the one" "In my head, there was no one else for me. Just you."
"I guess it was because we were together for so long.... I got used to the idea of us. When I imagined my future, it was with you. You know? Growing old... I thought it was gonna be next to you."
"It all felt like one of those cliche romance movie when it was with you...." "But... it wasn't. It's real life, and I'm probably going to regret this once the high wears off." she giggled.
"You don't have a reason to regret it." I shook my head. "I felt the same..." "Since I saw you, I felt like it was destined for us to meet."
"You changed me so much... I know I still am deeply flawed, but thanks to you I got a new perception of life."
"I was in a really dark part of my life, then you showed up. You cared so much for me... even after hurting you so many times, you were always looking out for me." I said as my voice began to break.
" You always reached out to check in on me, even if I pushed you away. I'm so fucking sorry for not doing the same." I cried.
"Justin... don't be so hard on yourself."
I shook my head as I thought of the idea of her hurting herself.
"I love you so much, wether you believe me or not." I told her, "I wish I hadn't focused on my feelings only, I wish I had been more observant about the whole picture, and taken your feelings into consideration as well, because now I look back and realize how fucking stupid I was."
"I remember you having that anxiety attack that day, and I got so scared, yet I still left." "And I just... I should've known better. I should've been there for you."
"I love you." I said again, "And not just in a romantic way, I love you so much as... I just have so much love for you Charlotte. If something had happened to you, during that time, I would've lost it. I would've killed myself."
"Don't say that Justin."
"I'm dead serious." "I wouldn't be able to live with that type of guilt. You mean so much to me." I kept crying.
"But nothing happened, so you don't have to worry about me like that." She said. "I'm fine, I'm doing great, and so are you. So there's no need to imagine, or guilt ourselves over any fake scenario."
"Take a deep breath Jay."
I couldn't do that. My mind was still fixated on everything she said, and the fact that all she imagined could've been our reality if I hadn't been so stupid.
"Justin, calm down. Please."
How was I supposed to calm down? I felt so guilty over how much pain I've caused her.
And now, after she said all that, about how i "was it" for her, everyone's advice on not getting married made sense. It honestly felt like a slap on the face, because I got told the same thing repeatedly, by so many different. All my fights with Maejor about this subject replayed in my brain, and he was right in all of them.
Because it does feel like all those feelings are exploding out of me right now, and it felt like I couldn't breath, as if I was missing oxygen.
I can't even imagine how i'd feel if I had to watch her marry some other guy. Even at this point, I don't think it'd be easy to digest, let alone two months after breaking up.
Charlotte's POV
"Justin, relax okay?" I said as I stood by the window of my hotel.
"I can't calm down Charlotte..." He finally spoke. "I keep thinking about your anxiety and your scars, and about how bad and dark it should've been for you to go to those extremes. And how it is all my fault."
"It is not." I shook my head as i tried to calm him.
"You were the happiest person I knew, that's why I fell in love with you, you were like a fucking g
ray of sunshine before me." He said. "And I can see how bad my impact has been on you."
"Justin, it isn't about you." I said. "Stop trying to make yourself the villain, we were kids, we were both stupid, we both messed up in a lot of ways."
"Besides, you weren't the only thing that was going on at that time." "I had a lot of shit going wrong at the same time..."
His crying finally died down, now I could hear just some light sniffling. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" He asked.
"Because!" I breathed, "I just wanted to focus on you, I was already missing so much..."
"That's literally all I wanted. Just to be a part of your life again, not this." He said.
I closed my eyes tightly and said "I know..."
"It took me a while to figure that out, I was just in a dark place back then."
"I wish I could go back." He said. "I would do things differently."
"Me too jay." I sighed. I really did.
I would've told him about how I was struggling with school, I would've fought harder for us, I would just... change so many things now.
"I want to see you again." He said.
"I probably should wait till the file is done, and the divorce is through, but would you say yes to just meeting up to talk?"
"You have to promise me first that you're not ending things with your wife for me." I said. "Please, don't do it because you think we'll be together after that."
He stayed quiet for a minute and then asked,
"I'm not, but does that mean you would never consider us again?"
"No, but I don't want you to think that just because you're divorced you and I are going to go back to where we left things off. If that's what you think it's going to happen... I- I don't think you should get divorced."
"Charlotte, I told you I wasn't getting a divorce just to be with you." "I'd love for us to try things again but, that's not why i'm doing it."
"Okay..." I said as I let out a deep breath. "Good."
"Now, would you meet up with me?" He asked again.
"I'll think about it okay?" I said. "It's still not appropriate."
"Fine." He sighed. "We'll talk some other time I guess." "You should rest for tomorrow."
"Yeah..." I said. "You okay?" I asked one last time.
"I'm fine. I just got caught up." He said. "Goodnight Charlotte."