Crying cleanses the soul.
Tears fall just like rain, rolling down cheeks. Soaking into clothes as rain seeps into the soil. And sometimes you cry so hard that your whole body heaves, just how thunder trembles the earth. Breathless. Heavy. Majestically.
And there's something wonderful about that storm after it passes. A certain lightness pours in, and you feel...I guess, relieved. Maybe free. And for fuck's sake, it's amazing. All this pain and heartache that I've been holding onto... Letting go was something I didn't know I was strong enough to do. And maybe I still haven't completely let go – I can't. What happened to Lucas still happened, but acknowledging how I feel... Well, that is the real freedom.
"Feeling better?" Juuzou asks as he passes me a drink.
I sniffle and nod, "Yeah. Thanks."
He observes me. "Are ya okay?"
I smile, "Yeah. Yeah, I think so."
I look at Rui, still napping. One day she'll ask about her dad and why her grandmother hates me so. She'll come with an arsenal of questions. Who was he? What happened to him? Why does Gran hate you? And I'll have to be honest.
Her father, Lucas, was a kind and gentle spirit who loved to make people smile. He was a clown by nature, but he was also so kind. If he had to, he would give someone the shirt off his back. He was one of the brightest lights in my life at the time.
What happened to him? He died. Killed in a car wreck. A victim of life's cruelty. It took me a long time to forgive them. The old woman who caused the accident. Life for being so unfair. Lucas for dying. It took me even longer to forgive him because, in my eyes, he left me. He left us. But I know. It was never his choice.
And Martha, his mother, has never liked me. She tolerated me when we were friends, but I was never her first choice for her precious son. And when she found out I was pregnant... I think she hoped Rui wasn't his. That maybe I had cheated or been unfaithful. Lucas didn't entertain that idea for a moment, but I still chose to give her a DNA test just to shut her up. As soon as they were able to extract DNA from Rui, I let them. Then it came back that she was his. Martha shut up. She was angry, but she hid it, more for Lucas than anyone else.
Then the night Lucas died... She blamed me. Openly and discreetly all at once. She screamed and cried – a mother broken by the news her child was dead. I was numb in disbelief. It didn't feel real. But it was. He was gone.
In short, Martha has never and will never like me. She tolerates me for Rui's case, but even that is a stretch.
"I'm sure wherever he is he's watching over you," Juuzou says.
I turn to him. "Lucas?"
He nods, "Yeah. I might not have known the guy, but it seems you cared a lot about him, so I can only assume he cared a lot about you. And if he cared all that much, then I bet he's still watching over you and Rui." He looks me in the eye and smiles, "But I'm not all that spiritual and stuff. I'm just guessing."
I'll give him credit. He's trying to make me feel better and I appreciate that. Really, I do.
I smile, "Thanks."
There's a moment of silence. Then: "We're going to find him, Y/N. Key. We're going to find him. What he did to those women and the kids... He's gonna pay. I promise."
I look at him. This man has up until now been such a mystery to me. His eyes are averted as his fingers stroke the smoothness of his cup. He is chewing his lip and trembling ever so slightly.
At first, I think he's cold or scared, but then I see it. The furrow of his brows. He is suppressing the rage he feels towards Clay. And rage there is. Especially looking at his past.
He was a human pet. He has no memory of his parents and was tortured by the ghoul who kept him. He was used to kill humans to entertain ghouls. He went through so much and then he comes here and takes on a case where women are being killed and children are kidnapped. I'm sure that opened some old wounds. It had to of.
Strong as he may be, he's still only human.
I reach over and gingerly place a hand over his. He startles but doesn't pull away. He just looks at me, confused. His skin is so soft and warm. I smile, "I know you will. I have faith in you."
And I do.
**Hello, lovelies! Well, this chapter was surprisingly easy to write. Wasn't expecting that. That said, another chapter between Juuzou and Y/N. And a little look into Y/N's head. And Mr. Key is still out there, but Juuzou is determined to find him. Do you think he will? Stay tuned to find out! Well, my new hair was well received at work. A lot of people like it which makes me love it even more lol. No regrets. Best haircut I've ever had lol. Well, as always, thank y'all so much for everything! Y'all are the bee's knees! Wuv yous!! <3**
-Noel Ross