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Spring
March 13th, 1961
Ignorance is bliss. Whoever said that, Samantha thought, was correct. It is better to not know something about the future than to worry about it. She and George would be happier now if they didn't know the impending doom of their relationship was only months away. Nonetheless, the couple sat in Samantha's cozy backyard. They had brought Frodo out to sit with them while they relaxed and enjoyed each other's quiet company.
Samantha had brought out a blanket for them to sit on in the grass. George had is acoustic guitar sitting on the thighs of his crossed legs. He was plucking a simple yet beautiful tune, something she didn't recognize but enjoyed. Samantha laid on her stomach next to him with her feet kicking back and forth in the air behind her. On her back, Frodo had made a comfortable bed. He purred loudly and watched as George played the guitar.
It had been a busy last couple of months. After their squabble at John's New Years party the pair of them silently decided not to talk about California unless necessary. Samantha had gotten two letters from the colleges she applied to but had refused to open them. Once she did leaving George would become reality, but the thought of those two letters deciding her future was eating on her. She looked at them every day but always shied away from tearing them open. Everything would change once she did. She had decided earlier in the day that she needed some liquid courage to help her.
George had turned eighteen and John was talking about going back to Germany at the end of the month. The boys had a new gig at the Cavern Club during lunchtimes which Samantha rather enjoyed. She liked the busy atmosphere there, the popularity and modern-ness of the whole scene at the Cavern was enjoyable for her. She'd draw there, just like she did in Hamburg. She was getting much better. She knew one day her sketches of The Beatles would be worth something.
It was the afternoon after their usual show. The couple had dismissed their friends, which they did a lot of lately. Samantha knew that John and Paul weren't offended. George and her still attended many parties with them. Eden, on the other hand, had gotten a bit frustrated with Samantha's seclusion from her. The blonde girl had made a fuss a week ago and Samantha had set out to cut out more time for Eden. They were due to go to the pub in a couple of hours. Until then, Samantha planned to bask in George's presence.
His hair was grown out and wild now, quiffed back and pretty high up on his head. He still took a precarious amount of time to gel it and make it look decent, but all the boys poked fun at him for it. "It looks like a fookin' turban!" Paul liked to cackle and Samantha wondered when he would get a haircut. He was handsome nonetheless.
"Oi, what're ye starin' at, birdie?"
Samantha blinked. She had been staring, hadn't she? "Oh, nothing. Just that crazy hair you have," she smirked.
George frowned and ran a hand through it. "It's gettin' quite long, isn't it? I don't want to cut it. I hate haircuts."
"I know you do, Geo," Samantha said. He smiled at her new nickname. It was offhand, a way to shorten his name so she didn't have to say 'George' or 'Georgie' all the time. Just like how he rarely called her Samantha, she decided he needed a shortened name too. Why this hadn't happened sooner in their relationship with each other over the last four years, Samantha didn't know. But she liked the name for him.
"Only you are allowed to touch my hair," George stated matter-of-factly and returned his slender fingers to the neck and body of his guitar.
Samantha giggled. "Well I'm honored." The thought of another girl touching him in any way made Samantha's chest hurt and her stomach burn. Of course, with girls like Astrid and Eden, who were his friends, she didn't mind. But when she left for California, she knew girls would go after him. Why wouldn't they? The handsome guitarist in a decent rock 'n' roll group on the Mersey-side. His accent and charming personality were enough to woo any girl; whether he did so purposely or not.
George let out a deep sigh, as if understanding what was going through her head as he continued to play. Halfway through the chapter of her book Frodo got off Samantha's back and sauntered over to George. He rubbed his soft cheek against George's knee and Samantha watched in her peripheral as George looked down at the cat and smiled, his small canines poking out. Frodo meowed at him. "Oh, really? Ye think so?" Frodo meowed in response. "Well I guess that's true," he replied to the kitten. Frodo meowed a little softer and purred. "Mhm, I see."
George's guitar playing turned from picking to strumming an eerily familiar chord progression. Frodo seemingly approved of this and flopped down lazily beside Samantha.
"Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own"
His voice was beautiful and sweet, and the inflections of his usual accent were slight. Samantha glanced up at George who was staring at her expectantly. "Really?" She asked incredulously. She hadn't sang in forever unless it was to a song on the radio or while listening to a record, this was different than that. George only gave her his lopsided smile and Samantha sighed trying to hid her own smile. She sat up as George continued to strum the song, waiting for her to start at the right moment. She took a deep breath and began to sing.
"Blue moon
You knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for"
George stopped strumming and quickly laid his guitar to on the grass. Frodo scampered away at his sudden movement. In less than a second George had tackled her to the ground. He straddled her with a silly grin on his face. Samantha just looked at him with wide eyes that softened when he reached up to intertwine their fingers with both hands. The grass tickled the backs of her hands and she studied George's eyes. She was determined on memorizing him before she left. His brown eyes always seemed to be silently pleading with her nowadays. Filled with an agonizing love for her, and she was sure she looked the same way at him.
"You could always not go to California," Eden reminded her every time she cried about George. But she had set herself on this path and there was no getting off of it. She was going to go home. She was determined. Paul, John, and George would all describe her as 'as stubborn as a mule'. And she knew they weren't wrong. It wasn't just about that though. She wanted to go back to where she grew up. She longed to be in Santa Rosa again. In her grandmother's house with a familiarity of the childhood wonder that she felt had been robbed from her quickly and swiftly the moment her father had been shot.
George moved to kiss her lips, then he trailed down her jaw in a slow and lazy manner. "What're ye thinking about, love?" He murmured against her neck.
"Dad's accident," she replied in a whisper. George's head immediately popped up from its place between her neck and shoulder. His face contorted into that worried look that sometimes drove her mad. He swung himself off of her and she sat up to face him.
"Why? Did I do something? Was it the song? Oh fuck, it was the song wasn't it? I'm a fookin' idiot-"
Samantha shook her head and placed a hand on his knee to stop him. "George no, it's not your fault. Sometimes it just happens, you know this."
George nodded solemnly. "Do ya... want to talk about it?" Samantha had never told George the full story. She didn't like to imagine it much, though the image of her father dying passed through her mind every time she missed him. In fact, she hadn't spoken about the incident out loud to anyone in Liverpool. It had always been that he died in an accident, which he had, but she never elaborated.
"No."
"Okay, Sammi," he replied in a soft tone and brushed some of her hair out of her face. Samantha shifted, feeling the need to be as close to him as she could in this moment. She crawled towards him and sat on his lap and engulfed him in a hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs around his torso. George melted to her as if it was second nature and tightened his grip on her. They stayed like this for a while, murmuring I love yous into each others ears and giving each other soft kisses.
After many moments, Samantha whispered, "I have to go."
George squeezed her to him. "No ye don't," he mumbled into her shoulder.
Samantha laughed. "I do, Geo. I told Eden I'd meet her for drinks at The Cavern tonight."
"Blow her off," he said.
Samantha pushed his head out of the crook of her neck and forced him to look at her. He was pulling the sweetest face he could. If she was honest, the look in his eyes almost made her stay with him. But Eden was already rightfully pissed at her, and Samantha was dying to have a couple of drinks and maybe open those goddamn letters. Samantha drug her fingers up George's arm and to his face. She traced his eyebrows with her thin fingers. Then his cheekbones, jaw, and nose. When she ran her thumb over his soft lips they parted slightly and Samantha couldn't resist kissing him.
Their lips met in a soft and languid kiss. Samantha felt her stomach twist in the best way as George's hands gripped her waist and ran lazily up and down her sides. Her hands found his hair and she mussed it up a bit knowing it would frustrate him. The kiss lasted a long time and never grew into more, though Samantha debated pushing it farther because of the burning feeling in her lower stomach. Her New Year 'Goal' was still fresh in her mind, especially with George by her side day in and out. She thought it would maybe be a good parting gift, giving herself to him. Feeling as close to him as possible before they were separated for at least four years.
She parted her lips from him and gazed at him with half lidded eyes. His lips were swollen and pink and his eyes were bright and wide as he studied her in return. "God, I love you," George said breathlessly. Samantha giggled in response while their foreheads pressed against one another.
"I love you too." Samantha extracted herself from George's thin frame and stood. She leaned side to side to stretch as George's eyes refused to leave her.
"Don't go," he begged as he looked up at her. He looked like a lost puppy dog with his big brown eyes pleading with her not to go. Frodo was perched next to him and cocking his head as to ask her why she was leaving. Two peas in a pod, those two.
She bent down and kissed his lips once more. George didn't close his eyes and when she pulled away his look was the same. She smiled softly. "My boys," she chuckled to herself and reached down to scratch Frodo's chin. "Come on, Georgie, let's fold up the blanket."
* * *
Eden watched from across the small wooden table as Samantha downed her second shot of vodka. As she scrunched her face up at the sour taste and dug in her small bag before pulling out two letters from her California schools. Eden's eyes widened and she grabbed the three letters. "Holy shite! Sammi Clarke ye've hidden this from me?" She thumbed through the letters while reading the names of the colleges. Samantha nodded in shame as she watched Eden place a hand to her forehead in disbelief. "Does George know?"
Samantha sucked in a sharp breath. "No."
Eden let out a low whistle. "Well do ye want to open them?"
Samantha bit her lip. "I'm not sure."
"Oh, Sammi, it'll be like ripping off a band-aid. C'mere." Eden shifted over in her seat and held out a hand. Samantha shrugged out of her own seat and slid into the spot next to Eden's. The blonde girl wrapped her arm around Samantha's shoulders and pulled her into a side hug.
"Once I open these then everything will change," Samantha said. Her voice was wavering.
"Bullocks. It's just a new chapter of yer life. We'll all be here for ye when ye leave and when ye come back."
Samantha sighed. "I hope so." She thought of George. When they broke up it would be clean, but when she came back it would be messy.
Eden tightened her grip on Samantha's shoulder. "Even George, Sammi. He loves ye and wants ye to be happy. Sure it'll hurt like hell to leave each other but if it's meant to be, ye'll find a way back to him, and he to you."
Samantha's face softened slightly. "You think so?"
Eden nodded and for a moment both of the girls stared at the letters in silence. One from San Francisco State University with a purple wax seal on the front. The other from Cal State Berkeley with a Navy Blue seal. Samantha doubted she would get into Berkeley, it was difficult and she did little to no extra curriculars. The only things she had going for her were her grade point average and the fact that she was from a small town in the UK. It made her interesting. But her father had attended Berkeley before going into the Airforce. He talked fondly of the place and the memories he had there. So she applied in hopes to feel a little more connected to him.
"Which one first?" Samantha glanced at Eden who shrugged.
"It's yer choice, Sammi."
Samantha timidly reached out for the San Francisco State letter and gently peeled of the wax. With shaky hands she pulled out the letter.
Dear Ms. Samantha Esther Clarke,
It is with great pleasure that I write to inform you of your acceptance to California State University, San Francisco for Fall 1961 as a English Major in the College of Liberal Arts.
Samantha's eyes widened and she looked to Eden who was watching her eagerly. "I... I got in!"
Eden squealed and shook Samantha who laughed and cheered. The people surrounding them looked at the girls with confusion and they quieted down. Samantha stared at the Berkeley letter.
"Go on, Sam," Eden urged.
Samantha snatched the letter of the table and ripped it open as if ripping of a band-aid.
Dear Miss Samantha E. Clarke,
Congratulations, and welcome to the University of California, Berkeley. You have been admitted to the Fall Semester of 1961 to the College of Letters & Science in the Major of English.
Samantha didn't finish reading this letter either. Her face broke out into the widest smile. "No way ye got into Berkeley? That the school for bloody smart arses! There's no way let me see that." Eden snatched the letter away from Samantha and read it.
"You really think that little of me?" Samantha asked.
Eden's lips twitched into a grin as well and she eyed Samantha over the top of the letter. "No, I knew ye were smart enough to get into Uni somewhere other than Liddypool but Berkeley? No. Sorry to break it to ya."
Samantha punched her friends shoulder as Eden roared with laughter. The blonde quickly ordered another round of drinks and soon enough the girls were tipsy and giggling way more than they should. They cheered and whooped. Eden announced to everyone in the bar that Samantha was 'The smartest bird in Liverpool' to which no one listened. Cheerfully they stumbled out of the pub and onto the streets where they meandered there way to Samantha's house. Eden refused to go home because her parents had been much more strict with her lately, and she was currently hiding out at John's apartment most of the time. She was bound to go home at some point, she always did, but for now she was avoiding the beautiful house at all costs.
They sang in the streets, earning some yells from the people who had their windows open. Sometimes the girls danced on the sidewalks to their own songs. 'Sh-boom' seemed to be the biggest hit of their night. They sang it quite poorly and as they passed Paul's house he poked his head out his window, recognizing the two girls voices. He had been quietly smoking a cigarette and hiding it from his father by doing it late at night and with his window wide open.
Samantha cackled at Eden's awful singing just as Paul's door swung open. "Excuse me ladies but it's quite late and I have work in the morning. I'm terribly sorry but would you mind quieting down for me?" He asked in the poshest accent he could muster.
Eden and Samantha whipped around at the sound of his voice and rushed toward his door. "Paul! Paul! Oh my goodness you won't believe it!" They both said in frazzled and excited voices. Paul raised his eyebrows.
"What is it?"
Eden grinned and glanced at Samantha, nudging her to tell Paul. "I got into both of the schools Paul!"
Paul's mouth hung open slightly. "Even the... the more fancy one?"
"Yeah, Paul! Even the smarty arse one," Eden proudly.
Paul engulfed her in one of his famous Paul hugs. Warm and loving, he squeezed her and spun her around. "Oh that's gear, Sammi!"
Samantha giggled and kissed his cheek when Paul set her down. "Ta, Paulie."
"Did ye tell John or George yet?"
Samantha shook her head. She hadn't even told her mom. Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh fuck!"
"What?" Eden and Paul asked simultaneously.
"My mom!"
They quickly bid Paul goodbye and Samantha practically ran down the street, tripping over herself and almost falling many times. She wasn't a graceful drunk. Eden followed a ways behind her, yelling that she had the smartest best friend in the world. Paul watched them go with a wide grin on his face before shutting his door and returning to his room. He peacefully lit up another cigarette and sat by his window. As he stared out at the black night a wave of sadness rolled over him. Samantha wouldn't be around anymore.
* * *
March 14th, 1961
Samantha watched as George silently read her letters. He didn't say anything when he moved to the one from Berkeley. His lips twitched ever so slightly in a smile. Samantha hung onto his every expression. He wasn't one to have a big temper and she knew his way of hiding emotions, but she wanted him to be happy for her. She understood that he might not have this reaction, and for good reason. When he lowered the letter to reveal his face a big smile had graced his lips. "Sammi, I'm so fucking proud of ye." He put the letter on the table and practically tackled her in a hug.
Samantha's body sunk into the couch as George buried his face into the crook of her neck. She allowed the warmth and comfort of his presence and support wash over her like a wave on the shore, knowing she would soon be tossed back into a restless sea. "I was worried you wouldn't be," she murmured. George pulled away from her with his eyebrows raised.
"And why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you don't want me to leave," Samantha said timidly. They hadn't talked about her leaving in a couple of months now.
George sighed and pulled away from her. Samantha sat up fully and looked at George who was pondering his answer. "I don't want ye to leave. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to support yer accomplishments. I'm sure ye weren't fond of the idea of me picking up and leaving for Hamburg, but ye were still proud of me, right?"
"I suppose," she agreed. George's eyes scanned her face for a moment and the corner of his mouth quirked upwards. "What?" Samantha asked.
"Nothin', ye just seem... different. I dunno. Like a weight has left yer shoulders," he observed. His hand met her cheek and she leaned into him. It was always the small things with George. The little gestures. He was good at making her feel loved just with a simple look or touch.
Samantha hummed. "I know now that all my hard work in school and at the Chippy has paid off. It's not just a dream anymore."
George's face dropped slightly and she understood what he was thinking. It really was happening now. She would believing before the start of the fall semester to move in with her Grandmother. With the money she had saved, she would be able to afford the first year of school and the books that came along with it. The next year she would move out of her Grandma's house, find a roommate, and live on her own. Her whole life was ahead of her, and she was ecstatic. There was only one downfall.
"I've-er-I've been meaning to tell ye," George started and pulled his hand away from her cheek. It found Samantha's much smaller hand and he laced their fingers together. He took a deep breath and Samantha knit her eyebrows. "Stu's due back to Hamburg tomorrow. Astrid helped get some paperwork together to allow us to play in Germany again. Stu just needs to go finalize it all. We should be headed back on the 26th or 27th."
"That's...George, that's two weeks away!" Samantha said in exasperation.
George buried his face in his hands. "I know Sammi I just... I don't want to leave you. Especially when ye'll be going in the fall. But... but I have too. You know I have too."
Samantha's heart dropped. She was hoping that George wouldn't be leaving for a while longer. Secretly, she was hoping he wouldn't leave for Germany at all until she had left. It was selfish, she knew this, but she wanted to get as much time with him as possible. Now, all the time they had together before the fall was being torn from her. But she couldn't be mad at him. He was doing the same thing she was, he was leaving with a purpose.
"I know, Geo, I know." She resolved and George peeked up at her through his hands.
"When does Berkeley start? Ye are goin' to Berkeley, right? 'Cause yer da' went there?"
Samantha nodded. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I have to accept admission first by sending them a letter. But when I went to school in Santa Rosa, the high school started second week of August, and the colleges usually start a bit later."
"John said that the Top Ten wants us for around three months. Which means I'll be back 'round the end of June or early July. So that gives us, what?" George stopped to do the math in his head. He really was horrid at math though.
"That gives us around a month in a half, George," Samantha stated flatly.
"Right! A month and a half. And ye can always visit Hamburg! We should have better rooms this time around. Less cold and more comfortable, the Top Ten is the more fancy club, remember?" George blabbered on. He was trying his best to find a bright side, to push through the sadness of the fact that he was loosing time, and not gaining anymore by planning things out.
"George," Samantha squeezed his hand to stop his chattering. George paused and looked at her.
"What?"
She chuckled in a melancholy way. "Stop. Just... slow down." She reached for his hand once more. It was rested on his jean clad thigh. He looked quite handsome today, but he always did. Jeans, a loose button up thrown over a black t-shirt. Samantha had to stop herself from pouncing on him the moment she walked into his door. Now, though, the mood was dim, and there was no way the couple would do anything more than hold each other for the rest of the night.
George sighed in defeat at his efforts to make the situation better, bowing his head so that his hair fell into his face. Samantha's other hand reached for his cheek. He didn't meet her eyes. "We're fighting a losing battle," he grumbled and pulled away from her. The same thoughts ran through his head. He wished Samantha would stay. But now that he was leaving for Hamburg again, it wouldn't be fair to ask that of her.
Samantha watched as George pushed himself off of his parent's couch and began tugging at his hair in frustration. He paced, and Samantha watched. She didn't have a way to console him with words, nothing she said would make the situation better. After a couple moments he stopped and sighed in defeat. "I'm so proud of ye, Sammi," he repeated himself with that pleading look still lingering in his eyes.
Samantha felt her eyes well. "I know," she said.
"I'll write when I leave. I'll even write when you leave," he announced and sat back down beside her.
Samantha crawled into his lap. George's arms wrapped around her and they both stilled. "I love you," Samantha murmured into the crook of his neck.
"I love you, too."
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