This chapter contains elements of alcohol dependency.
Britt stood at the kitchen sink, tiny creature in hand and none the wiser her greatest adversary was sneaking up from behind. "Good morning, Brittany."
She yelped as she tucked the rabbit kit into her chest protectively, then grimaced. Being faced with one's mother so early in the morning wasn't something that should bring about tentativeness, but she felt it nonetheless. With a sigh, Britt tried to clear herself from her funk and flashed a bright smile toward her mother, determined not to let their previous arguments over the last few days deter her stellar mood.
"What is that?" Claudia asked as she walked to the dining table and pulled out a chair.
Britt pet the kit along its tiny head and moved to the cabinets beside the refrigerator. "Oscar found him by the new crop of Alfalfa we've been seeding all morning and he has a piece of twine wrapped around his little leg." She grabbed a medium sized bowl from the cabinet and went back to the sink, setting it inside after turning on the water. After testing it with the elbow of her free arm until it was to the right temperature, Britt let it fill the bowl and turned off the faucet. "I'll get the string cut off and bathe him, but I think we'll keep this little guy around awhile."
She smiled as she lifted him from her chest and touched noses with him. His small nose rubbed against hers as he let out the most minuscule breaths she'd ever heard. So cute! Cian will be so good with him... Britt gathered what she needed along with the shampoo she kept along the back of the sink, then joined her mother at the table. As she sat down, she spotted Claudia staring at the shampoo bottle, then smirked when she sent her speculative gaze toward the kitchen sink.
"I wash Cian and Tierra's hair in the sink when they've had a particularly dirt-filled day. Well, Tierra actually likes to wash my hair now that she has her braids, but either way, that's why it's there." As soon as the slew of words left her lips, Britt noticed her mother's grimace was growing and shook her head, knowing what was about to come and hoping it would be the last time.
"So, you and she are together now? Again...?"
"Mom, please don't start. I've had a lovely mornin', got to cuddle with my family before the day even really started and am in a good place. I don't understand why Tierra is such a sore subject with you aside from what I've heard you secretly told her, but you don't have to worry about me finding...that out..." Britt stopped readying her materials and stared at her mother for a moment through a furrowed brow. It didn't make any sense. If she didn't want Britt finding out the truth, then perhaps her animosity toward Tierra would make sense, but she deduced her mother already knew of her previous schemes. So, what was the source of her ire? She set the bunny onto the table and once it had settled she began stroking its back as she spoke. "Why are you so upset with my girlfriend?"
Her mother's eyes widened and she sat back, crossing her arms over her chest. "You can do better."
Britt shook her head and jerked it back, taken aback by the ease with which Claudia spoke. "How can you say that...?"
"She is someone you will have to guard the remainder of your life. You will practically be her caregiver. What mother would wish that on her child?" Claudia sat forward and set her crossed arms along the tabletop, looking rather determined into her daughter's eyes. "You already have your son to care for and that is challenging enough on its own, dear. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't tell you to really think about what you're doing?"
"What I'm doing..." Britt stood and stuffed her washcloth into her jeans. She took the shampoo under her arm and tucked the small animal against her chest once more as she picked up the bowl of water. "What I am doing is what anyone who loves another would do. I don't know what you were expecting in coming here first thing in the mornin' only to tell me I'm making a mistake, but I'd like you to leave. And this time, don't come back unless you are willing to--"
"I am willing to discuss things, Brittany. I do want you to understand where I'm coming from, but I also want to know why you've decided this. Why you have chosen a pathetic alcoholic as your partner when your choices in the city are limitless is beyond reasoning. She is a mess and always will be, so why subject not only yourself but your son to that as well? I don't want to give up on you, but you do realize you're forcing that, correct?" She blinked several times at her mother's words, but before she could retort, there was a screech that came from the direction of the front door. However, her mother kept talking. "I mean, she will always be a drunk. You do realize that, right? That means soon enough she will be just another deadbeat that ends up in the hospital for a liver transplant and has absolutely nothing in her life that could ever benefit you or Cian. She will always be a waste."
"Enough!!" Britt boomed, biting down on her bottom lip to stop herself from yelling again. "That's quite enough, mom."
She peered around her mother as she stood and watched Tierra and Cian round the corner. Cian appeared lost, blinking a handful of times much like his mother and keeping a firm grasp around Tierra's leg. It was a sign he was overwhelmed. Cian held onto the legs of the closest adult when scared or anxious and by the look on his face and tightness of his arm around Tierra's knee, he was about to burst into tears. Britt's heart broke and she set the bowl and shampoo back down, then moved to her son.
As she knelt down in front of him, Britt held up the rabbit kit. "Look what Ossie found today, monkey. This little one needs a good home once I've gotten him patched and cleaned. You wouldn't happen to know of one, would you?"
Cian stared down at the tiny creature with eyes full of amazement, glowing and shimmering with the sunlight cast into the room. He reached out and pet the bunny's head, giggling and revealing that adorable gap between his teeth. His infectious laughter lightened the room, but the looming darkness wafting from the person at her backside wasn't something Britt could ignore.
She glanced up at Tierra to find her staring away, her eyes fixed on a place on the floor Britt couldn't determine. She appeared on the edge herself and was kneading the handle of the knife she always kept strapped to her belt as her face slowly became rather impassive. Britt felt her face contort in anguish as she realized Tierra must have heard at least part of her conversation with her mother, leading her to wonder just how long she and Cian had stood outside the door and listened. Tierra finally looked upward, but didn't meet anyone's eyes and Britt swiftly had her answer as she saw the glint of something bitter in her eyes.
Before she could react, Tierra was turning back toward the front door and making her escape. Britt stood to give chase, but couldn't with the animal in her arms and her son now hugging onto her own leg. She tenderly rubbed his arm that wrapped around her thigh and peered up toward the door as it slammed shut with Tierra out of sight beyond it. Britt couldn't ascertain precisely where she'd gone, but after the night of the party, she didn't want to leave her alone when she seemed so contrite.
"Mom, we'll have to discuss this another time." Britt took Cian's hand and began leading him back toward the front door, speaking over her shoulder, "I'm not running away from it, either, but I do need to check on Tierra, so this will have to wait."
She peeked over her shoulder and found her mother peering at her with an expression she hadn't seen since her youth as she replied, "Of course you do. Just...please be careful, Brittany."
"I will, mom."
* * *
After finding Oscar's wife and dropping Cian Junior off with her and Tabi, Britt went in search of Tierra. She'd also left the rabbit kit with Laurel, Oscar's wife, and now bore a one track mind. She had to find Tierra. That expression on her face was terrifying. Over the last few days since the party, Tierra had been growing more and more reserved as if the life was slowly draining from her. She was constantly tired and when Britt awoke in the night, she would find her laying in silence and staring at the ceiling fan.
As much as she hoped and partially knew that being with Tierra had already helped her, she worried she had pushed her over that edge she danced along entirely too often in her life. Had Britt pushed too hard too fast, not given her enough time to grow accustomed to her surroundings? Or was it entirely due to the arrival of her mother? Britt knew there had to be something the both of them were keeping from her. If Tierra was, then it was out of protective care, but if her mother was still hiding more, she feared what effect it may have on the life she was building for her son and herself.
Britt searched for the better part of thirty minutes and sighed as she rounded the corner of the old camper they played in and around as children while their parents worked. Most of the farmhands had cleared the area, all dissipating in their various directions for their lunch break. The crops were set, however, both Alfalfa and vegetables and Britt took in the scents around herself to calm her rising terror. As she peeked around the side, she finally found the subject of her explorations and felt her body unwind.
It didn't last long, however, as she spotted something resting on the grass in front of Tierra. She sat with her back to the camper and her legs spread out in front of herself as she pensively stared at a bottle of bourbon between them. Tierra appeared in a trance of some sort, her lips twitching every now and again as she sniffled and tried to catch her labored breath. Britt had seen enough.
She ran to her and knocked the bottle away, sending it tumbling into the bushes beside them so that it was out of sight. She turned toward Tierra and found her staring into the bushes with sweat trickling down her forehead as she blinked rather languidly. Britt got closer to her and lifted her head by her chin, but Tierra wasn't there and pushed back against her, turning herself toward the bushes once more. She wriggled about for a moment as she licked her lips, then shoved at Britt's arm in a feeble attempt to dislodge herself.
Regardless of her weak swipes, Britt held onto her with two hands on her cheeks, forcing her head to face her. "Tierra, look at me!"
She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as she shook her head as if to break free, but Britt didn't let go. She pulled her forward and down to her cheek, rubbing it along hers. Tierra seemingly instinctively wrapped her large hands around her slim waist and shivered. She hesitantly pulled back and glanced into Britt's eyes, then all around her as if she was just realizing where she sat. Britt brushed away the tears in her eyes and watched as recognition finally drifted across her features.
"Britt...?" Tierra dove forward and held onto her with what felt like all her might, crying buckets into her shoulder as she ran her hands all along her back.
"It's okay, darlin'. I'm here." She waited until most of Tierra's sobs had subsided and placed a string of feathered kisses along her brow, taking her face in between her hands again. She brushed Tierra's solemn tears away, wishing she could make them disappear forever, and gazed into her gorgeous chestnut eyes, immediately swept away in their long lashes. Britt hadn't realized it, but she was practically in her lap. "Sorry, I--"
She tried to pull away, but Tierra tightened her hold and pulled her back in, burying her face in her ample breast as she muttered, "Don't leave... Please, don't leave me, Brittany."
Britt felt her eyes tear up and wanted nothing more than to rescue Tierra from her steep plateau, but she just appeared so defeated. Had she been feeling this dreadful their entire time together and she just hadn't noticed? If that were the case, Britt was terrified what this would mean for them, but more importantly, for Tierra. She sat back and examined her tired darling's face as her mind wondered.
The last time she'd brought Tierra back from the edge, it had been so much simpler and she wasn't so emotionally exhausted. She'd even gotten a skip in her step. Tierra had displayed the same behaviour this time around, but as Britt thought back to everything over the last two months, she recalled her haggard behaviour. This time around, she'd shown new mannerisms to which Britt wasn't accustomed, never having seen them within her long lost love in the past.
Tierra would disappear to dark corners on the property and it had become more frequent. She would refuse to speak about her time overseas, claiming she never wanted to subject Britt to the terror she felt. To top it all off, Tierra hadn't left the farmlands, hadn't ventured anywhere near town since they'd gotten back together. It was as if she was bound to the land and she behaved like she couldn't leave even if she tried. The sudden realization only proved more confounding and Britt, being a fan of confronting matters head-on, wasn't about to ignore things any longer. She couldn't.
"You are goin' to tell me what's on your mind, darlin'. 'Cause I'm terrified." Tierra's eyebrows arched as she met her gaze, and then she attempted pulling away, yet Britt wasn't allowing it. "No, Tierra! Talk to me!" She broke down and wrapped her up in her arms, draping hers around her shoulders and gathering her as closely as she could. "Tierra... Please, talk to me..."
Tierra rested her face in the crook of her neck and rubbed her nose there as she muttered, "I'm sorry. I'm alright now."
Britt pulled back and furrowed her brow, then moved away and hoisted herself from her perch. "If you aren't goin' to talk to me, you need to talk to a professional, at the very least." She felt tears now streaming uncontrolled down her cheeks and couldn't look at Tierra as she busied her hands with straightening her blouse. "It's obvious you don't want my help and I get it. I just don't want you to go through all of the good, all of the positivity you've had in your life lately to have it taken away once again because we couldn't reach you... Um..." She feverishly wiped away her tears and turned to leave. "I'll go home for now and we can look up some doctors--"
She was swiftly pulled into a tight embrace and her tears only came back, yet with a stronger force that completely debilitated her to her core. "I'm sorry, Brittany. I'm sorry..." Tierra spoke into her ear as she held her from behind, her arms wrapping snugly around her middle. She lifted one and combed her hair around her neck so that the left side was exposed, then buried her face there as she continued with, "I'm... I-I'm scared that if I tell ya everythin' in my head, I could send ya packin', but you're..." Tierra grasped her chin and turned her face toward herself. "You're so strong. You're the exact opposite of me..."
Britt turned in her arms and took her face into her hands once more. "You are strong, Tierra!" She fussed, then rubbed her lips along hers. She parted them and Britt quickly kissed her, then pulled back, gazing deeply into her eyes. "When I think of all the things you've been through in your life, I'm amazed you're still standing. But you aren't just doin' that, hun. You're takin' Cian Junior under your wing. Showing him so much care, so much love." She kissed her again and shivered as Tierra's hands settled along the small of her back. She waited until Tierra's eyes were with her own to make sure her point was heard loud and clear, leaving no room for debate. "I love you. Cian loves you. Your entire family, everyone, loves you. We only want to see you get better, darling, and know you can. You did this once before, remember? You are so very strong, Tierra, and I love you so much. Don't ever forget that."
Tierra reached up and trailed the fingers of one of her hands along Britt's cheek with a face full of anguish, the source of which remained undetermined until she spoke her next words. "You're like a drug to me, Britt. Can... Can you understand why that scares me...?"
Stark recognition hit Britt swiftly in the gut. "You... You think you've replaced the alcohol...with me?" Tierra's silence spoke volumes and Britt pulled away rather briskly. The strife on Tierra's face distorted into something unrecognizable and Britt immediately regretted her actions, yet wouldn't get the chance to take them back. Before she had an opportunity to react, Tierra was running away once again and disappearing to the other side of the camper. Britt gave chase, calling, "Wait! No, Tierra! Wait! Please!"
As she rounded the corner, she found no one there and surveyed ahead, spotting her in the distance. Tierra kept her head down and moved like the devil was chasing her toward the front of her uncle's property, far out of sight. However, at the last moment, Britt saw something sparkle in her hand and her world shattered.