INTO THE STARS
———
MALACHI
The temperate wind whistles through the tall oak trees, quite the contrast to the icy mountainous wind I have been living in for the past week. Students hang out at the base of the trees, talking amongst themselves and not-so-subtly admiring my roommates and me as we saunter through campus.
I cannot remember the last time I simply walked through campus without the sensation of feeling like a million tiny fire ants were crawling all over my skin from the unwarranted stares of others. That is something I half-expected when I became a soccer player at USC, but never to the extent it has become. And whenever I am caught with my three roommates? The stares are a hundred times worse. Dealing with attention has never been something I excelled in, either, unluckily for me.
When the police and local reporters pay you too much, the novelty of it wears off and becomes something you dread instead. The irony isn't lost on me.
I spare a hasty glance at Aidan and Holden, who walk beside me. Holden is talking animatedly to Aidan about the upcoming season. Meanwhile, Aidan has every lick of attention glued to his phone, an overtly overjoyed smile teasing on his lips. There is only one person who could make him smile like that. And neither of them are paying mind to the onlookers, obviously accustomed to it by now.
Dismissing the anxious feeling, I gaze at the campus' scenery. Ivy climbs up the red-brick walls of the lecture halls and buildings, several students walking in and out, books in hand. Wrought-iron benches line the pathways that circle around the courtyard, leading to a few of the many buildings on campus. Garden beds bloom with colorful, spring flowers and the sun beams down, lighting everything in a natural glow.
My feet move on their own accord as I get lost in thought and struggle to keep up with Holden and Aidan. I hardly even acknowledge the incessant buzzing in my pocket, and when I retrieve my phone from my pocket, I withhold an irritated groan. I haven't even been home for a whole twenty-four hours and he is already calling me.
I stop walking. Holden briefly halts, glancing back at me, but continues when I nod for him and Aidan to keep moving.
"Hello, Kohen," I grumble, attempting to keep my disdain out of my voice but failing miserably.
Real jovial, Malachi.
"Someone piss in your cereal?" Kohen responds, humor dripping from his tone as an easy chuckle falls from his mouth.
His comedy fuels my discontent. There is no doubt in my mind that this phone call isn't leading in the direction of Vaughn and his current state. "What the fuck do you want?"
Kohen sighs, and instantaneously, a bit of remorse hits me. He isn't the cause of my infinite bad moods or my anger spurts and yet I take it out on the ones least deserving of it.
I scrub a hand over the stubble on my cheeks, raking my hand through my hair, tugging on the strands just a bit too hard to keep myself in check. Perusing my surroundings, I take a seat on the closest wrought-iron bench and contain my irritation before I speak again.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
"Sorry," I mutter, fidgeting with a loose thread on my shirt when I await what he is about to say.
"No problem," he drawls casually. "Just called to let you know I am at the hospital..." Silence ensues. Kohen is waiting for a burst of rage or some sort of outburst of any emotion from my end, but he doesn't receive any. I keep my feelings and thoughts and unspoken words intact and to myself. "... I think you need to get here as soon as possible."
When pigs fucking fly.
The word no is on the tip of my tongue because everything about that statement is absurd. Kohen surely should know by now that any relation I have to Vaughn has been severed. Hell, I fucking told Kohen the last time I was at the prison we should cut all ties with him. But I think Vaughn has planted himself in Kohen's mind and manipulated him into thinking he has changed.
Instead, I find myself asking, "Why?"
Kohen sighs again. "Vaughn just wants to tell you something. I... I am not sure what he has to say, but he claims it's urgent."
Bull-fucking-shit.
I steady myself before I place my anger for Vaughn on Kohen again, closeting those words that will end with regrets constantly weighing in my head. That is something I have a lot of regrets about. When anger gets a grasp on me, there is no guarantee that I will reign in it before my words shoot to kill. Even if the person on the receiving end is innocent.
"Kohen..." I begin, "my next class doesn't end until this evening."
My message is coherent. I won't be able to make it. Though it may be a little white lie, there is some semblance of truth behind it. My next class is a seminar and I, typically, am always drained after those and there is no way I can do something so major like confront Vaughn in that state of mind.
"Please, Malachi." Kohen's pleas reach my ears and not long after, muffled sounds of commotion enter the phone speakers. "Shit, I have to go. Talk to you later."
・ ・ ・
In my life, I have made numerous poor decisions, but I think this one might just be at the top of that list.
Even from across the parking lot, I can smell the suffocating scent of bleach and cleaning products and I feel like the plain, sterile walls are already closing in on me. I mutter curses beneath my breath, questioning everything.
They say curiosity killed the cat. Well... consider me the cat and subsequently killed.
I swear, the only thing my mind kept going back to the entirety of my seminar was what the fuck Vaughn wanted. But among those distracting thoughts, I came to one conclusion. I do not care if Vaughn is on his deathbed or if some sort of life-saving miracle just so saved him. This is the last time I want to see him. The last time I want to interact with him and let him meddle in my life.
The fact that he awoke from a coma just mere days ago isn't beyond me, but I think this is the best time I could do it. He can sit there and simply listen to the wrecking ball I am about to drop on him and request he sends my thanks to the lucky bastard that got the honors of beating him to a pulp before me.
The tall building looms over me, casting a shadow on the parking lot and blocking it from the sunset. Blue and pink hues color the sky as the sun moves to hide beyond the horizon, and I acknowledge its beauty for a moment.
I shut my eyes momentarily, and despite my mental pep talk and my preparation, it would be nice to have some sort of... solace. Something to just... be there and provide a source of consolation and remind me that this is the right thing to do. When I think of a possible candidate, the first person my mind drifts to is Brinley, for some unbeknownst reason.
How she has worked her way into my life in the matter of just a week is outlandish. The other night altered the dynamic between us, but instead of fearing something I steered clear of for so long, I am choosing to embrace it. She is the first person I have ever told the complete story of my mother and her murder to and, knowing that, I know she isn't just a fuck buddy anymore. She is so much more than I deserve and what I could have dreamed of.
And there is no shadow of a doubt that she is heaven sent to Earth. We are like the sun and the stars, yet together, they make a complete but ethereal mess.
A part of me always knew that we could never remain simply fuck buddies, and I just tried to deny it by coming up with excuses for how stark contrast and our "incompatibility." But now reality is inexcusable. Which scares the shit out of me. There is still a possibility that she doesn't feel the same and I am overthinking to the point my brain hurts more than usual. Overthinking every minor detail and interaction between us. And then the self-deprecating thoughts and doubts about how someone is ever going to love me are occasionally crawling inside as well.
Lost in a daze, I hardly notice the extremely familiar figure lingering on the side of the large glass revolving door of the hospital. I repress a groan. It wasn't as if I thought he wouldn't be here; I did. But I thought I had a bit of time until I spoke to him.
Kohen sidles away from the wall, eyes trained on me as he takes step after step forward, closing the space between us.
"Something you need, dear brother?" I ask, sarcasm lacing my tone, and I stop myself before I roll my eyes as well.
His mouth scrunches into a tight line as he shakes his head from side to side. "I didn't think you'd show."
That makes two of us.
"Can I go inside?" I wave a hand towards the door, a mother and her child leaving the doors at that moment, glancing back at me when I do so. Again, I suppress from making a noise of annoyance once Kohen takes a step closer to me, blocking the straight path I had to the revolving door. "I just need to talk to Vaughn for one minute, and then I need to get the hell away from this place." And him.
I need to go home desperately. I need to sleep. I need to eat and drink. And I need... I just need Brinley right now.
Kohen closes his eyes momentarily, inhaling one staggered breath after the other. "Just... go easy on him. Dad-"
"Don't fucking call him that!" I interrupt, suddenly. Kohen flinches and I catch the way his eyes gloss over before he shuts them once more. And just like over the phone earlier today, guilt quickly finds its way into my bloodstream. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
I think before I rephrase my previous comment in a simpler manner. "He doesn't deserve that title."
Kohen sighs in resignation. "I know. I know he doesn't. He has had a rough few days, and I don't want Hurricane Malachi to make it any worse."
That statement right there just shows the complete and utter difference between me and my brother. He has always held something resembling sympathy for my father; I have not. Kohen wants to believe the best in people; I immediately look for their flaws and weaknesses.
With Vaughn, I knew he was fucked in the head. There is no point denying the truth. The motive behind his actions was nonsense, and no one believed it, not even the gossip-crazed townies. Vaughn claims it was because my mother was cheating on him and the only way to settle it was for one of them had to die. Only one who was psychopathic and fucked would commit such a horrific and heartless crime.
Lies. Despite my father's flaws, Lillian Barlowe—my mother—was the one person who overlooked them and adored him unconditionally.
I sidestep Kohen and, against my greater judgments; he doesn't intercept, just stands there, lost in a stupor as his gaze follows each stride I take to the hospital doors and towards the impending confrontation that is a decade overdue.
———
AUTHORS NOTE
heyyy guys !! how are we all?
i hope you are all doing amazing <3
so sorry for the lack of activity i have had a busy two weeks and thanks for being so patient.
this chapter is a bit shorter but i think it is important to the storyline and the ending which is close approaching 😭 only about eight more chapters and that is so exciting yet sad.
anyways, on friday we reached my one year anniversary for something gained and the usc universe and i cannot put into words how crazy this past year has been. i am utterly speechless and so incredibly thankful for each and everyone one of you 🫶🏻🫶🏻
love,
rose x
p.s you are all beautiful 💞