pairing: bichie
a/n: this is a happy ending to my bichie book, not a love song. it's specifically for @yourclassicgay but if you haven't read the book that's okay, just pretend its a post breakup au. if u want context, bill sent richie a very vague text that richie interpreted as a suicide note.
on that note, tw: graphic depiction of suicide, blood, etc
richie wouldn't find out what had happened to bill for another week. he'd heard nothing in the news, so he was hoping all was better, but it wasn't guaranteed. youtubers weren't exactly hot shit with the media, and even though suicide was a serious topic, richie couldn't picture a british reporter talking about it.
nevertheless, he kept his eyes out for any sign of bill denbrough in the media. 'kept his eyes out' probably isn't the best way to describe it; he scoured the internet for anything new.
what he found, instead, just broke his heart. old tweets talking about bill and richie, or youtube videos with bill looking cheery as ever. but whatever bill had done, it wasn't tracked on the internet. richie could only hope that was a good thing.
he reread his texts with bill over and over again, hoping and praying that he could see anything but a suicide note within them.
two months after they'd broken up, richie had deleted stanley and georgie's numbers from his phone. he'd stopped reaching out to eddie, and he'd recoiled from beverly's kindness. he was, in essence, completely alone. after receiving bill's texts, he'd dmed stanley on instagram in panic, but stanley hadn't replied.
he'd wondered for nights, if he'd just said something better, could he have saved him?
richie did what he had to do; he flew to london.
the whole plane ride there, save for the hours he was sleeping, he couldn't help the feeling climbing into his chest. he was still utterly and completely in love with bill denbrough, and god forbid anything bad had happened to him, richie was going to die on the spot.
it had been expensive to get a flight in the same week, but that was the life richie was living now, he supposed. by the time the flight had landed, he'd chewed up his entire bottom lip, and it was a complete mess. his cuticles were ripped and raw, the pink edges threatening to leak blood.
god, if bill was okay, so help richie he was going to grab onto him and never let him go again. richie had made his mistake. he'd let a small thing feel large, and he hadn't been there for bill. he wasn't going to make his mistake again.
when he landed, richie immediately caught a taxi to bill's place. weird thing was, he sorta figured he wouldn't be there. but he wasn't sure where to start, and he still had bill's address memorized.
he pounded on the door, his backpack shaking up and down as he knocked. he felt his hands shaking as he pulled them away from the door.
the door creaked open after a moments hesitation, and richie was face to face with an unusual stanley uris. his eyebags were sunken in, and his blink was abnormally slow. he wore a sweater that clung to the moisture on his skin in an ill-fitting way, and gulped at the sight of richie.
"what are you doing here?" was stanley's first question. his voice croaked out like an angry spirit, and richie realized that as he saw stanley, stanley saw him.
richie's acne had gotten much worse, and the left side of his face had entirely broken out. his bottom lip was peeling and encrusted with blood. he hadn't combed his hair in god knows how many days.
"is he alive?" richie pleaded. there was a despair in his voice. he watched the sound of grief hit stanley's ears and noticed as stanley's cold eyes softened. stanley inhaled softly.
"yeah. he's been hospitalized. what do you know?" stanley's voice was less angry now, more concerned. richie couldn't imagine that stanley liked him all that much after everything that had happened between him and bill. but the two had a common ground that could not be denied; bill might actually keep stanley from murdering richie right here and now.
"nothing. he just... he texted me. it sounded like a suicide note." richie said, adjusting the left strap of his backpack. stanley took a long look at richie, then inside at bill's place. richie briefly wondered why stanley was staying here, and where mike was.
"probably was. you should come inside."
-
"he'd planned it. that was clear. he didn't leave anything for us, but i guess he did for you. he slit his wrists right open." stanley stared down at the table as richie inhaled sharply through his teeth. "two long lines. they went up to the forearm. i thought he was dead."
the two were sitting at bill's kitchen table, and richie thought about the chairs sitting on top of the table. how bad had bill been? could he have been having lapses of memory?
"you found him?" richie asked the question tentatively, but stanley drummed his fingers on the table like he'd been asked a particularly challenging math question.
"yeah. i was coming by that day--fuck, i don't even remember why. it doesn't matter. he was in the kitchen, slumped over like he was taking a nap." what stanley neglected to mention--what he'd been having nightmares about for the last week--had involved the horrible amount of blood seeping out of bill towards the ground. the 'sorry' written in his own blood on the counter.
he didn't mention that he'd picked up the phone and dialed 911 without even screaming, letting them know calmly that he needed an ambulance.
that he hadn't screamed in fear and guilt for another few hours, when bill was being rushed down the hospital hallway and stanley stepped outside for fresh air. he'd began crying wildly, and mike couldn't hold onto him as he thrashed, like he couldn't breathe.
that he'd prayed not to lose his best friend, and that he was pretty sure it had worked.
that he'd sat at this kitchen table, the one where bill had lied still on, for hours, contemplating if he'd arrived a little earlier, if he could have stopped him.
"oh my god. stan. i'm so sorry. how is he now? hospitalized, obviously, but... does he have a discharge date?" richie queried, trying to read the expression on stanley's face. he couldn't make anything out.
his mind was distracted with the image of bill lying still in a hospital bed, surrounded by beeping and people coming in and out. he couldn't stop picturing bill sending the goodbye and immediately reaching for the sharpest object within reach.
"he's stabilized. they're discharging him tomorrow. good timing, tozier," suddenly, stanley's bitterness had returned, like he'd remembered how richie had broken bill's heart.
"i was wrong, stan." richie said quickly. stanley turned to him.
"wouldn't surprise me."
"no, i-shut up. i was wrong. i often am. i know. but i was wrong big time; i love him. i'm in love with him." richie scratched his head. stanley pushed his chair away from the table. stanley suddenly glanced down at the table and blinked harshly, like he was remembering something he had to do.
"you being wrong almost killed him." stanley said simply. richie bit on his bottom lip again. it almost instantaneously started bleeding.
"i know. and i'll be wrong again, but never about that. never about loving him." richie went on, and stanley knew what he was doing. richie was asking for permission.
he'd travelled over 5000 miles, and he was asking stanley's permission to heal his and bill's relationship. stanley grit his teeth. he rubbed his eyes and looked upwards at the ceiling. richie got the feeling stanley had become a lot more religious in the last week.
he finally returned richie's stare, "he's at victoria hospital. there's still a couple hours of visiting left. i don't know if he'll be awake." stanley gulped. richie mouthed thank you before getting up to hurry out of bill's apartment.
-
when richie found bill's room, he'd paused outside the doorway at the sound of voices. he leaned against the doorway, hidden from the further half of the room by a curtain.
"i love you, dick sausage." georgie's voice was still recognizable to richie, even if it had dropped a bit since he'd last seen him. richie held back a painful laugh at georgie's nickname. he'd heard bill laugh faintly too.
"yeah, i love you too, y-you pants-puh-puh-pisser." bill replied, and georgie giggled. he was still a little kid, richie could tell. "and tell dad i say hi." richie didn't know whether or not to intrude.
after a few moments of silence, richie took a couple more steps, and he heard the chair that georgie was supposedly sitting on squeak backwards, like he was going to get up. richie emerged from behind the corner, and he saw bill for the first time.
he looked aged. he wasn't that much older than the last time richie had seen him, but his eyes hung low, and it looked like it pained him to smile. he was holding onto georgie's hand, who was midway through standing up. 'holding' was a relative term, as it just loosely gripped georgie's from it's stiff, straight position with the rest of the arm tightly bandaged.
the bandages and cast went up to his mid forearm. stanley had been telling the horrible truth.
richie spent an eternity standing there, looking at bill for the split second before he noticed him. bill in one of his most unadulterated forms. they'd been through a lot, but bill and georgie were nothing if not good brothers. richie could see a lot more of bill's mom in him now. he wasn't sure what it was.
when richie had served his eternity, bill's eyes flickered over to him. his hand slipped out of georgie's, and georgie turned around. when georgie and richie made eye contact, richie felt eons old. georgie was nearly his height, and he was not nearly close enough to the right age to be that tall.
like brother like brother, richie thought.
"richie?" bill's voice cut through the silence, and richie nodded. it was a pathetic nod, like, ayup, that's my name, don't wear it out. truth be told, richie was trying not to rush over to him to hold him.
bill glanced to georgie, then back to richie.
"did y-uh-you... what?" bill didn't feel like making it through the whole sentence, so he summarized. "am i huh-hallucinating?"
georgie took a couple steps towards richie, and richie in turn took a couple steps towards bill. georgie watched richie cautiously. he couldn't blame him.
"um, no. if you guys weren't done, by the way, i can leave until you're good. no worries there, george-man." richie said, covering his bases as he scratched his thigh. georgie shook his head.
"no, uh, i will tell dad, bill. seeya." richie's brain was not comprehending that the boy in front of him was georgie, let alone that georgie was fourteen or fifteen now. georgie ran a hand through his hair and left the room.
"y-yu-you look t-tuh-terrible." bill said, and richie laughed. the laugh made bill smile a small, sad smile. richie sat down gently on the edge of the hospital bed. he was reading the sign behind bill, telling him the details of the boy sitting in the bed.
he could've guessed that his name was william denbrough, but he was more focused on the reason category.
"i'm not going to pick the low hanging fruit, but you've looked better yourself." richie bumped bill's leg, and bill rolled his eyes. there was something different in bill's eyes.
"you j-ju-juh-just picked the low fucking fr-fruh-fruit." bill said, though his small smile gave away that he wasn't all that upset.
"well, just because you don't look the greatest doesn't mean that i'm not still unbelievably in love with you, so that's gotta count for something." richie admitted it gently, and bill's eyebrows furrowed. richie had never been so adamantly forthcoming about something.
"wow." was all bill could say. he felt his stutter in his throat.
"how are you?"
"i've b-buh-been better." bill deadpanned. he looked out the window to his left. "but i don't want to kuh-kill myself right now, if that's what you're askuh-kuh-king. especially not now that you're here."
richie exhaled through his nose in a soft sort of laugh.
"well that's good." richie said, though it was the understatement of the century. he swore he saw a grey hair in bill's hair, though he was only 20.
"d-duh-duh-d-duh-do you r-ruh-really luh-luh-do you really love me?" bill sounded hopeful for the first time in a long time. he was still hesitant, and richie fully understood that, but staring at bill, he knew he'd never make that mistake again.
"yeah. i'm so sorry. i'm so glad you're okay." richie wanted to put his hand on bill's face, but he kept it flat on the bed.
"i love you t-tuh-too. i d-duh-didn't want to b-bru-break up." bill felt calmer now than he had been in an extremely long time.
"i didn't want to leave. i'm so sorry i left." richie looked down towards the ground. he sorta hated thailand, he couldn't lie.
bill's hand inched towards richie's, aching to hold it the same way he'd held georgie's hand. richie grimaced at the sight of bill's hands. they were skinnier than before, almost entirely bone. he was so pale he might as well have been a skeleton.
"i wuh-want you back."
"you have me." tears welled in richie's eyes, but he willed them not to spill, and they didn't. bill shuffled upwards in his hospital bed a little, and richie turned towards him.
bill's line of sight flicked down to richie's lips, then back to his eyes.
richie took the hint and kissed him.