Say something you idiot! Anything! Just say. SOMETHING!
Gabe searched my gaze with a heavy tense look, his eyes slowly molding into doubt. I couldn't open my mouth—I just stood there.
Until these words came out:
"I'm craving coco puffs. You want any?" And then without a second's thought, I bolted out of the room with a mildly confused Gabe left behind.
It took me a good bowl of milk and cereal pouring until I could finally gather some semblance of calm.
Then again, my foot was shaking erratically against the counter as I tried shoving my face full of cereal, thinking over the worst possible thing I could say and coco puffs being it.
My God. This is by far the most humiliating moment in my life. Why couldn't I just say it back? Why couldn't I just say the words 'I love you?'
The moment Gabe entered the kitchen with a very bemused and slightly hurt pretense instantly made me dig my face deeper into my bowl.
Maybe if I pretended I didn't see him, he would go away.
He didn't. He just stood there, watching, waiting for an explanation.
I poured some more—the sound of cereal clinking against the porcelain made me cringe. But I think the amount of heat that enflamed my cheeks and the tension in the air encompassed the awkward silence.
He began to run his hands through his hair, and then approached me with twisted brows. "Okay, I'm gonna be honest, that was not the response I was exactly going for."
I couldn't even look at him. My coco puffs were too milky—maybe if I just pretend I can't hear him too, all this embarrassment will just be a big ploy my mind has made up just so I can forgot everything else.
Or, maybe, I was having a horribly gone wrong dream.
"Max."
I refused to look up. I felt like I was on fire with the amount of thoughts running through my head. Most notably being frustration—why couldn't I just say I love him back? Then this whole weird tension wouldn't be happening! Why do I do such stupid things!
"Max," I was surprised when he grabbed my hand that was moments prior ago holding a spoon like I was prepared to stab someone and proceeded to place his other hand gently under my chin, giving me no choice but to look up.
I decided to close my eyes if to make all this humiliation go away.
"Max, what are you doing?" Gabe sounded slightly amused, but I didn't care. It just made me feel worse.
"I can't look at you," I grumbled. "It's too embarrassing."
Gabe started chuckling, and despite the circumstances, I could feel my knees buckle. His chuckle aways made me cave. The worst part? He started to rub my hand gently, making circles.
I frowned, opening my eyes only to cringe at the realization he had done that on purpose. He knew how much I hated being tickled, especially when it was in the same redundant pattern.
Gabe's hazel eyes danced a soft line as he tilted his head, a thousand thoughts conforming. "What's going on with you, Max? I thought we were good. I mean, I said I love you."
Oh, God. That word again. I grimaced, which made Gabe all the more hurt. "I know, I just—coco puffs?"
Gabe shook his head firmly, his eyes set only on me. I felt small under his gaze despite how much I tried to wiggle free. Gabe sighed, humor no longer in his tone, "Max. . ."
I took a long breath, swallowed, and then said, "I don't know. . .I just—I'm not. . .ready to say that yet."
Despite how loving Gabe was, I was surprised by how quick his face turned into a sharp scowl. "So, you don't love me."
"No! That's not what I said," I groaned. "I just—I feel like I need more time to say it. It's not easy for me. . .I don't know."
Gabe tightened his lips, a frown settling on his face. "It shouldn't be hard, though, Max. Not when you really do love the person."
I sighed, shaking my head, "Gabe, it's not that easy. I—"
And then I was caught off guard when his lips snatched my own, cutting off any former words I had wanted to declare vicariously. Instead, his lips drank every word up like a sponge as his free hand under my chin slipped behind my neck, pressing other bodies skin to skin. I could feel the breath slowly wane from inside of me, but Gabe's lips spoke measures of words. Hunger seemed to be above them all. And as he released, just to give us both a moment to breathe, I let out a slight surprised gasp when his other hand snaked down to my waist and yanked me close, almost in an aggressive-gentle manner, if that was even possible. His actions started to prove to be more demanding as he lurched my body against the counter, his digging into mine. I felt his hand slowly creep under my shirt, but I didn't stop him.
It was when his fingers softly gripped my back that I let out a sharp moan I immediately wanted to take back.
A small smile graced his lips the more he kissed me, and the more his hands greedily swept my body, the more hungry his kisses became.
It was until I needed a moment to breathe that I felt his lips trail to my neck, rubbing up and down and back again, making all the humiliation just fade away. If only for a moment while my thoughts are disarrayed.
And when he bit my lips, that's when I nearly rocked out of ecstasy and had to remember we were in the kitchen with my family home.
And the memories of being touched immediately made me shiver out of disgust as I forced myself free from Gabe.
"Just stop it!"
A very bewildered expression, mostly frustration, took ahold of his face. Whether I should've felt bad or not, all I could think about was how many questions and confusion was rolling inside my mind.
I needed to think. Gabe was distracting me. And he knew it.
Gabe suddenly scoffed, "I don't get you, Max Locke. You're making me go fucking insane with all this bipolar mood swings!"
I rubbed my eyes, not in the right head space to be even talking about this. And then I laughed dryly, shaking my head.
"Yeah, let's be real. You just wanna fuck me and move on. That's what love is to you, Gabe. That's what most guys think when they say 'I love you' because they just wanna get into the girl's pants and fuck them hard until there's nothing left to take! Be honest! That's the reality of what you really want from me!"
I don't know what came over me—maybe it was the stress of everything that has happened, maybe it was the fact my cat had rose from the dead and disappeared, maybe it was because Sam Lesser came to my house and nearly killed us all, maybe it was because I witnessed him die, and maybe it was because we were being stalked by a lunatic woman that can't die and wants our keys!
Maybe it was because I couldn't take it anymore, and the fact Gabe demanded me for answers, for me to tell him how I felt so soon, didn't really make it any easier.
There was a long, silent pause. Gabe then scowled in disbelief, shaking his head as he clenched his jaw, "No, Max. The reality is-I really do love you and you can't even say it back. I think the truth is is that you're scared."
I scoffed, "I'm not scared. Sam Lesser is dead. I have nothing to fear now."
"Aside from your feelings?" Gabe snapped. "Come on, just tell me the truth. Do you or do you not love me? It's simple."
"It's not that simple," I argued with a set jaw. "It's never that simple."
"It is when you mean it," Gabe shot back.
When I didn't say anything, Gabe finally let out a hard chuckle. "Yeah, that summed it up for me. Bye, Max."
I watched in shock as Gabe stalked out of the kitchen and stormed to the front door before he slammed it shut. I flinched at the sound, never once moving from my spot.
I couldn't move. I was paralyzed.
"Um, I just came down for some juice. I'm gonna go back upstairs now," Bode said awkwardly as he backtracked from the kitchen and to the foyer.
I sighed.
Great. Just-fucking-great.