Hello hello! Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up but I've had awful writers block for the longest time now. (If you're also a reader of my other story All Four One then that's the reason I haven't updated that too, and as of right now I'm still stuck on it. Sorry!!)
Anyway, I couldn't not put up an update for this story on Halloween. It just had to be done. So Happy Halloween Witches!!! 🎃👻
P.s if you are reading this on Halloween, please stay safe tonight and whatever you do, definitely DO NOT go into the woods 😉
Enjoy!
PRESENT DAY
This isn't real. This is a dream.
But it feels so real. It feels like I'm running, trying to stay alive, yet I know this isn't what really happened.
I try everything in my power to try and change the nightmare I'm having but my head screams at me in pain and I know that the neat little trick I can usually do isn't going to work this time. I try to force myself awake instead but my mind fights back, keeping me locked in this hellscape.
I feel the fallen leaves crunching between my fingers as I try to scramble away, try to find something I can grab on to to get me just a little bit further away from-
It grabs my ankle and drags me across the ground as I scream but no sound comes out. It flips me over and there's a split second when I realise I'm going to die before I am finally able to rip myself out of the nightmare.
I wake up moaning in agony, clutching at my head. It feels like someone has tried to tear my brain in half, that's how badly it hurt to make myself wake up. I'm in so much pain that I'm barely able to reach across to my bedside table and find my ibuprofen and glass of water that I always make sure I have there for moments like this.
Being able to lucid dream- at least I think that's what it's called- has its perks sometimes; like how I can dream and know that I'm dreaming, and can therefore alter the course of it however I like. It's like being able to act out your own movie in your head. But then when the dreams turn to nightmares...then it's hell. I still know I'm dreaming but sometimes it's like being locked in a prison of my own creation and whatever I try, sometimes I can't change the scene playing out in my head. I'm forced to stay there and live out whatever sick and twisted scenario my brain has conjured up. I mean, I know that's what any nightmare is like, but it's different when you know it's all a dream and yet you can't wake up anyway.
When the pain subsides enough that I can finally sit up, I climb out of bed and go over to my window, pulling open the curtain and throwing the window open to let the cool night air in. It feels nice and soothing as it drifts in across my heated skin and my breathing eventually starts to return to normal as I gulp down the fresh air.
I haul my body up onto the narrow window ledge and sit there, despite the fact it's not exactly comfy. My eyes flick over to the forest across the street and for a second I'm convinced I see shapes moving in the shadows. I tell myself I'm stupid though and instead, I hold my head in my hands, willing myself to think of anything but that night.
My thoughts don't stray far though, they never do, and I find myself thinking about my boys. The ones who aren't really mine, but I like to think that they are. I don't think about them as we were on that night though; I think of them as they are now.
I wonder if any of them are awake right now. If they have nightmares as bad as mine. I wonder about whether they would answer if I called them right now. I don't have their numbers anyway, so I'll never know. Well, that's not completely true because I have Max's. Still, I won't call him.
Instead I think of Christian. I think about how he and Reece are still the most popular people in school but how different they are from each other. Christian is the good boy, the one all the teachers adore and would never punish, even when he pushes his luck and does something against the rules. All they see is the glittering golden boy he appears to be on the surface. He has loads of friends and plays on the football team, he's had a good few girlfriends but at least he keeps them around for long enough that he isn't deemed as a player, and he's just got that nice attitude that attracts people to him. He could never put a foot wrong in most people's eyes.
But underneath all that charm and charisma, he's not really that perfect 'good boy'. He never was.
Reece on the other hand, well, at least he owns his bad boy reputation. He's the one who has that dark glint of mischief in his eyes at all times, and he feeds off other people's emotions like some kind of undead vampire. I've watched him for years, destroying himself and others; Anything to get that next high, to get more people's attention. He does stupid shit all the time just to get a laugh or even to get people to hate him. He likes to take and take and push and push until he can't anymore.
He smokes and drinks and has a reputation for taking anything that people offer him. I've even seen him come in to school drunk and high. He was in a class with me last year and I saw him popping pills in his mouth even though he knew I was watching. He just flashed me a smirk and a wink like it was nothing.
But it's all just bravado, because deep down there's something fucked up inside of him. Just like there is in me. Just like inside Christian. Sam and Max too.
Max...he's still an outcast. He still scares everyone, still gets called names, gets beaten up for being a 'freak'. And he never puts up a fight. He just suffers in silence.
I wonder if maybe things would be different if people saw him hanging out with Christian or Reece. Would people forget their opinions of Max and accept him? Or would the other boys become rejects too? I don't know, honestly, and I probably never will.
I still think he's beautiful, even after everything that's happened. We've walked through hell together and I trust that boy with my life, with every fiber of my being. People may call him a monster, the devil in disguise, and maybe, just maybe, they aren't far wrong, but I don't care. I've seen who he is in the dark and I love him anyway. I think I always will.
Samson on the other hand, he's the one I know the least. All I do know is that he lives life in Christian's shadow, and he's happy there. He's the one who's always around but in the background, absorbing everything without getting involved. Sure, he's still popular in school- he is Christian's best friend after all- but he's happiest when he's not the centre of attention.
I think maybe he's the one I'm the most envious of. Him and Christian both, I guess, because they are the only ones out of the five of us who get to have someone beside them who understands. They were always friends, so no one would would have ever been suspicious of them sticking together in public after that night. Hell, even Reece has a connection to Christian that he can lean on if he needs it. It's a rivalry, but it's still something.
I've seen the hidden emotion come out when they fight. Other people may just think it's because they hate each other, and yeah, they really do, but I can still see the desperation in their eyes when they throw punches. I see the anger that no one else would understand. I see the loneliness as they shove each other away. I hear the venomous words they spit back and forth as well-veiled cries for help.
All I want is to be there for them. To soothe the pain, even if it's only for a little while. And maybe have them do the same for me.
But nothing has changed from seven years ago. We still shouldn't be seen together. No one can know that we have a connection to one another. Because what if they somehow connect the dots back to that night? What if they realise it was us in the woods?
No. I won't put the boys at risk. I'll have to just keep surviving on my own.
****
When the bell rings for lunch, I lazily peel myself up out of my desk chair and place my books back in my bag, still in a sleepy daze. I barely had a clue what went on in that last lesson. I was too busy trying not to fall asleep.
After my nightmare last night, I was too afraid to go back to sleep so I just stayed awake and stared out of my window like a crazy person until the sun came up. To say I'm regretting it now would be an understatement.
I'm the last one in the classroom and just as I'm on my way out, my teacher stops me.
"You can't afford to be sleeping through lessons this year, Cady. Maybe in the past you could get away with it but this year will be tougher than any other. It's your final year, don't let it go to waste." He scolds, shaking his head at me in disapproval before motioning for me to leave the room. I'm tempted to flash him my middle finger on the way out but I'm honestly too tired to care right now. All I want to do is get to the library and hide away in my little corner for as long as possible.
I spend a lot of time in libraries, so it seems, and I guess I just like the quiet. However, the school library in particular is good for one thing and one thing only: Hiding away from the rest of the world. The very back corner where I go and sit most lunchtimes is so well hidden that, in the entire six years I've been at this high school, no one else has ever showed up there and seen me. Barely anyone comes in the library anyway, and if they do it's usually to use the computers at the front of the room, not to look at the books, and especially not the really old ones at the back.
So that's why when I sneak my way behind the dusty shelves of books, I freeze on the spot when I see I'm no longer alone back here.
My feet won't move and I stay rooted to the spot, too stunned to do much of anything. My heart pounds in my chest as I stare at the two boys in front of me, half because I'm in shock that they're here, and half just because it's them. They always make my heart beat a little quicker.
I lick my lips as my eyes roam over them, not knowing what to do with myself.
Max and Reece are here.
And it's not like they're just sitting here together talking or something. No, Max sits with his back against the wall, his long legs stretched out in front of him, one slightly bent at the knee, as Reece fucking Buchanan lies with his head in Max's lap. Sleeping.
Holy shit.
Max's eyes meet mine casually, like he's not exactly surprised to see me here, and he gives me a soft smirk.
"Did you think you were the only one who likes to hide here?" He whispers so softly that it almost feels like the words tickle my ears. That's probably the longest sentence I've ever heard Max say at once. I'm still too stunned at them being here to react though, and I also can't help the way my gaze keeps drifting down to look at Reece.
This is not the Reece Buchanan everyone else sees. No, this is the Reece that he keeps hidden from the world. This is the boy he let us see on that night. The vulnerable one. The broken one. This is the real Reece Buchanan.
He looks so fucking innocent. So soft and...I don't even know. My heart lurches in my chest and I place a palm over it, trying to stem the rush of emotion pouring over me.
I need to go. I can't see this. I can't be around them. I'll get addicted again if I do. I can already feel it tugging at me.
I start to back away but Max frowns at me and shakes his head, stilling my movements. He pins me with a look that I can only interpret as longing. He looks like he wants to say something but doesn't know how, and I can see that he's almost fighting against himself, like he doesn't quite know what it is that he wants to say either. I want to tell him that it's ok, that he doesn't have to speak, but before I can, he finally says just one simple word.
"Stay."
In the moments that pass after the word leaves his lips, a thousand more pass silently between us as we just look at each other.
I should go, I really should, but I want nothing more than to stay here in their presence. I want to watch them, how they are together. So I take a shaky step towards them and then decide it's not safe to get any closer, for me or for them. The nearer I stay to them, the more I won't ever want to move away. But also, I don't want to get too close for their sake. Max may have asked me to stay but I don't want to invade their space anymore than I already have done.
I slide my back down the wall perpendicular to the one Max is leaning against so I'm sitting a little bit away from them. I still don't have a clue what to do with myself now that I'm here, and sitting here staring at them both for the next fifty minutes isn't an option, so I do what I would have done had they not been here. My hands shake as I open my bag and take out the homework I need to do before I have to hand it in in my next lesson, but I know there's no way in hell I'll really be able to focus on it now.
It's so very, very strange being in such close proximity to two of the boys I never stop thinking about, especially being alone with them, but I'm not under any sort of delusion that this is going anywhere other than us just sitting and sharing space for a while. If Reece was awake then it would be a completely different situation, I'm sure. But this is Max we're talking about now, and Max doesn't do casual conversation. What exactly would we talk about anyway? All the good times we had running for our lives seven years ago? Ha.
So we just sit in silence, me 'doing' my homework and Max writing in the notebook he has resting on his slightly bent knee. I pretend to concentrate on my task but all I can think about is how the two of them ended up in this situation. I find it hard to believe Reece would ever just ask Max if he could use him as a human pillow whilst he sleeps through lunch hour, but if not that, then how did they get here?
Max must notice I keep sneaking glances at them both but he doesn't say anything, and I think I feel his eyes on me too. However, any notion of us not paying attention to each other goes out of the window when Reece's whole body jolts in his sleep. I move towards him without meaning to and I feel panic well up in my chest, especially when I notice his face screw up tight like he's in pain.
Is he having a nightmare?
Max doesn't panic though and he doesn't appear surprised at the way I reacted either. He just calmly threads his fingers into Reece's dark hair and combs them through before repeating the motion over and over again.
I think my heart is damn near going to explode at how fucking sweet that is, but Reece has to go and make it even worse by shifting his body again, turning over so he's fully lying on his side, burying his face into Max's school shirt. Well, Max's lower stomach...
Fuck.
My mind starts working on overdrive, trying to process everything I just saw, like just how close the two of them must have become over the years to end up in this position together. And speaking of positions, I can't help thinking that Reece's head has got to be resting on, or incredibly close to Max's-
Nope. No. I'm not going to go there.
Hundreds of questions and images and scenarios about the two of them flash through my mind and it takes every bit of will power I have not to explore them. I force them away as quickly as I can, although my cheeks still burn with heat as I blush at the things I just thought.
When I look back over at the two of them, Max is gazing down at Reece, his fingers still gently stroking through the other boy's hair.
Both of them take my breath away.
I feel like I'm intruding on something but at the same time I don't ever want to look away. I could watch them forever, I swear.
My heart feels full when I realise just how much trust Reece must have in Max to be able to let his guard down and fall asleep with him there, and in the middle of school too. He must know that Max would protect him, should anyone stumble across them. I don't know why I'm even surprised. Max did save Reece's life once, so it's no wonder he trusts the other boy enough to allow himself to be this vulnerable around him.
I don't know if what I'm seeing between them is something more than friendship or not. Regardless, I suppose they were always secretly the closest. Reece was the only person I'd ever seen Max speak to before me, all those years ago. And I saw the way they took care of each other on that fateful Halloween night. Whatever it is between them, they're connected, and I hate how fucking left out I feel. Christian has Sam, Reece has Max, and who do I have?
No one.
My body itches with the need to get even closer to them. I wish more than anything that I could go and lie beside Reece, touch him, hold him. Or even just sit next to Max, lay my head on his shoulder, intertwine my fingers with his. I want to help comfort Reece. I want to have wordless conversations with Max. I want to have someone I'm comfortable enough around that I could fall asleep in their arms and know that I'd be safe. I want...
I don't realise tears have welled up in my eyes until my vision blurs and I can no longer see them both through my watery gaze. Turning away, I quickly swipe at my eyes as subtly as I can, hoping Max doesn't notice. I take a deep breath, willing no more tears to fall before I steel my spine and pull myself together. That all goes out of the window though when I hear Max whisper my name.
It's almost enough to make me fall apart but somehow I manage to scrounge up a fake smile as I turn back to face him. The concern in his eyes is too much for me to withstand for long so I look away again.
"I'm ok." I whisper the lie, debating with myself for the millionth time since I stumbled across them here whether or not I should get up and walk away.
Reece shifting again in his sleep distracts me from that though. His shoulders shake slightly, almost as if he's crying, and he mumbles the word 'no' over and over again under his breath as he reaches up and grasps part of Max's shirt, curling it tightly in his fist.
Max doesn't flinch at all and he keeps his gaze on me the entire time, his stare almost daring me. Daring me to ask all the questions he knows I have. Daring me to ask if Reece is ok. If this has happened before. If he wants me to leave so I don't see any more than I already have. If Reece would hate me being here if he woke up right now.
But I don't voice those questions. I don't have to. Max is a master at communicating without words and even though he isn't a fucking psychic, I have no doubt he knows exactly what type of questions are swirling around in my brain.
He turns away for just a few seconds, looking off to the side like he's debating something within himself again, his jaw clenched. When he turns back to face me, he only says three words, but they answer a million questions.
"Reece doesn't sleep."
My heart feels like someone has it in a vice, tightening and tightening it until smashes into thousands of pieces for the boy lying before me. Not being able to sleep is a pain I know all too well, and I wish I could share with him that I understand; Let him know he's not alone.
If I could, I'd take all his pain away and put it on myself. I'd bear that burden for him. For any of them.
And I suspect that Reece isn't the only one out of the four of them who has trouble sleeping. I bet it doesn't stop at that either. Nightmares are just the tip of the iceberg for me, and I may have put these boys on a pedestal over the years but they are still human. We were all there that night. We all saw the same things. We all had our realities flipped upside down. We all walked out of that forest dripping with blood.
The psychological consequences of something like that don't just fade with time. No, they slowly carve scars deep into your soul, like the way glaciers sculpt out valleys across a landscape.
Reece doesn't sleep.
The school's bad boy, player, joker, daredevil...he doesn't sleep. An no one ever suspects a thing.
I don't bother to hide that I'm watching the two of them any more and my homework sits abandoned on the floor beside me. I'm not sure how long passes whilst the silence stretches between us but it's not uncomfortable, not at all. It almost feels like the rest of the world fades into the background, until the bell rings and reality comes rushing back all too quickly.
"Five more minutes." Reece murmurs, snuggling himself even further into Max's body, still completely unaware that the girl he ran in the forest with all those years ago is here watching him. I don't want to go, but maybe me being here when he does fully wake up isn't the best of ideas. Besides, if I don't go now then I'll be late to afternoon registration. Though, it's not like I really give a shit about that.
Still, I shove my workbook back into my bag and push up to my feet. Having been so focused on the two of them, I forgot how tired I am myself and I'd give anything, everything, to just be able to stay here and sleep alongside the boys that have a chokehold on my heart.
I know Reece asked for five more minutes but I have a sneaking suspicion that Max would let him sleep here for five hours more if he could, and right now he doesn't appear to have any intention of moving or waking Reece up, consequences of skipping class be damned.
Good, I think to myself, glad that Reece has Max to look after him. That's how it should be. They deserve each others comfort. Comfort that I wish I could but know that I can't give to them.
"Thank you." I whisper to Max as I back away from them. It's gratitude for a million and one different things, but I leave him there to interpret it however he wants.
****
It's been a few days now since that lunchtime in the library with Max and Reece, and I don't think I've been quite the same since. I'm not sure what's different, maybe just the way I look at them and see something more now. It's like I've peeled off another one of their layers and I can see deeper inside of who they are. I can see them in a way no one else can.
I haven't spoken to either of them since but I've felt their presence more than ever before in the way that they look at me. They pay attention to me now, and I hope that's a good thing. And yes, they, meaning Max must have told Reece everything.
I've caught Reece smiling at me a couple of times but in the most annoying way possible, because how can someone look so devastatingly and sinfully attractive just by smiling? He gets this glint in his eye that just screams danger and mischief...and I've never wanted something, or someone, more.
Show me what devious things you're thinking, Reece Buchanan. I dare you.
Max isn't as bold, but I've made eye contact with him more times in the last few days than in the whole of the past year. His smiles are softer, more hidden than Reece's, but they still do things to me. He makes me feel like I'm not completely alone anymore.
I reach my locker at the end of another tedious school day, ready to shove my textbooks that I don't need in there so I don't have to lug them all the way home for no reason. I'm not someone who keeps much in my locker so I'm expecting it to be empty when I unlock it. However, a single slip of paper lies on the metal shelf. At first I just presume it must have fallen out of one of my notebooks or something, but when I pick it up and read what's written there, my blood runs cold.
1 two
We're coming for you.
What the fuck?
I frantically look up and down the corridor, thinking maybe someone left this here as a joke and they're just waiting to see my reaction but no one is paying any attention to me.
We're coming for you...
Who is coming for me? Why? What could I have possibly done to warrant this?
I hate that just a few words on a piece of paper can elicit such fear from me, but this doesn't feel like some practical joke someone is playing on me. This feels real. Too real.
We're coming for you. We're...So this is a group then, right?
A group...
No. It can't be them.
They wouldn't...would they?
Christian, Sam, Reece and Max. They're the only group of people I've ever been involved with. I don't have friends or any other people who I've ever been close to. So it has to be them, doesn't it?
I guess being noticed by them after all this time wasn't such a good thing after all...
Maybe I misinterpreted all those smirks Reece has been giving me. Maybe he was really just taunting me, waiting for the moment I found this note. Maybe he initiated this as some sort of show of strength to make up for me seeing him in a moment of weakness the other day. Or maybe it was all of them, reminding me I'm not one of them anymore.
But sending me a stupid note- a threat- that's too far. I don't fucking deserve that. And if they think they can get away it, I'll prove them wrong.
They're messing with the wrong girl.
I'd be so grateful if you could let me know what you all think of this chapter!