Ariana Belle Fletcher
Matala, Crete, Greece
6:42am
a month flies before my eyes, and now it's my last morning on this beautiful greek island.
i rise early and enjoy a walk on the beach all to myself.
in eight hours, i'll be on a plane headed back home. a home i haven't seen in nearly eleven months. hell, practically a whole year
i can't explain precisely how, but i feel profoundly changed by my time abroad, especially when i sleep in these caves.
the time i spent with iris and andreas helped opened my eyes to another way of life.
and francesco
a smile comes to my face.
he's been nothing but kind and supportive
he has tediously listened to all of the sexual adventures i've had with iris and andreas.
he's claimed a space in my life, somewhere between a lover and a friend, and every time i think of him, my heart swells inside my chest.
if he's jealous, he hides it well
not to mention the arousing conversations we've been having and the things i want him to do to me.
i don't need to see my phone because last night's spicy conversation is imprinted on my mind.
"i wish i could be there with you now"
"i wish you could be here too, and all of the things we could too"
"the things i'd like to do with you. tell me, ariana. tell me exactly how you'd like it. what things do you want me to do?"
"well... i'd like you to be both rough and sweet. but first, i want you to take control. you'd grab me by the neck and pull me in for a long and deep kiss while squeezing the back of my neck with your firm grip. and that's just the start. then i want you to spin me around, throwing me onto the bed. i want to feel your total weight on top of me. i want you to feel hard as a rock with your burning desire. you'd grind your hips into me from behind, twisting my hair around your hand like a rope and pull back with your strength. ugh, and that's just the beginning"
"go on, tell me everything else. i want to hear it all"
and i tell him more, all that i could ever desire.
i desperately want to complete this compelling train of thought.
ugh, forget it. i shouldn't be thinking of that now. he's over there and always will be
i conviently forget that he has juju, his longtime girlfriend.
anyway, the reality is that i'm going back home. i am returning to my same old world in america. my old friends and family.
shoot. i'll have to see demario again
i'd instead not imagine what that reunion will look like.
all i can hope is that it won't shatter my heart into a thousand different ways. all i can expect is that i'm strong enough to move on and not get caught up in my ancient history.
i inhale the fresh salty sea breeze.
however, for now at least, i'm still here in greece. i'll deal with all that later
i'll have to because there's no escape this time.
"my young queen!"
andreas runs towards me with a bright wide grin.
"andreas"
yep, i'm still here
"come on! we have one last surprise before you disappear"
a tiny little smile creep onto my face.
"a surprise? i love surprises! but, aren't you ruining it now by telling me?"
"come on and see!"
i follow andreas to the beach and head back to the caves. he leads me to a secluded cove hidden away in the rocks.
as i come around the rocks, i see a gathering of my favorite hippies, all dressed in white and decorated with beautiful flowers in their hair.
my friends scream my name as they run for a massive hug.
"ariana!"
my other friends part away, and i see iris glowing beyond them in her bohemian-styled dress. she opens up her arms, welcoming me into a sweet embrace.
"my love"
she wraps me up in her arms.
"my little queen"
she cups my face in her hands, and her eyes swell with her love for me.
"we-"
she looks back at all of my new friends.
"we've put together a leaving ceremony, our final gift before we must say goodbye"
"you truly are too kind. you, all of you, and this gorgeous place have already given me so much"
"yes, and now for one last parting gift"
she drops her hands from my face and walks out into the sea.
i'll miss this life
she turns around, a halo of light surrounds her face, and she reaches out her hand.
"my love, follow me"
i do as she commands. as soon as i step out into the sea, the cold water sends an electric shock through my whole body.
i wade out a little further until i'm about waist deep. both of our dresses bob up and down loosely in the waves.
she places her hands on my shoulders and speaks her magic words.
"we cleanse you with these sacred waters. we draw protection from these ancient lands. may you be reborn anew as we send you on your journey home"
she presses on my shoulders and sends me down into the sea.
i break through the surface, coming back up for air, and i'm greeted by my bohemian queen.
she smiles warmly at me.
"and for you, my love. one last kiss"
after i've given a final round of hugs and correctly said all of my goodbyes. i run up into my room, change, and throw my things in my bags.
"here, i'll help you with all of those. i still can't believe all the stuff you got"
"eleven months, andreas! i've been away for eleven months. frankly, i think it makes perfect sense, and i could have brought more"
"and that's precisely why you're returning to your city life"
"maybe"
together, we walk to the to road so i can find a ride back to the airport.
"you or me?"
he gestures to the passing cars.
"don't worry. i got this. i'm an old pro"
this time, i don't need anyone to help show me the way. i step out into the road and quickly flag down a car.
a car pulls up, and thankfully the driver is headed my way.
andreas throws my bags in the trunk and claps his hands together afterwards, looking rather pleased.
"well, my young queen"
"i guess this is it. thank you, andreas"
i plant my hands on his chest, come onto my tippy toes and lean in for a kiss.
"don't mention it. and ariana?"
"yes?"
"don't be dumb. stay away from your ex"
i nod in agreement.
before i can turn back to the car, he wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me in for one last sultry kiss goodbye.
as he kisses me, i remember my time with him and iris when i danced among the stars.
"i'm serious. choose the love you want. and fuck everything else"
"choose the life i want and fuck everything else! i promise i will"
i hop into the car, wave one final goodbye to andreas, and begin my long journey back home.
a two-hour car ride through the spectacular greek landscape.
an eleven hour plane ride, landing in chicago illinois o'hare airport.
and finally, a 45 minute long ride on my favorite disgusting yet charming chicago train.
before i finally arrive back home.
—
"oh my! my sweet ariana is home!"
my mom sweeps me up in her arms.
"you have no idea. we've missed you so much"
my mom brings her hands to her face.
my dad gives me his standard kiss on the cheek.
"your mother will never let you leave her again after you've been gone for so long. she nearly died"
after i exchange the initial hugs and kisses, i exhaustingly retreat to my room.
i don't even want to think about what coming home means. that night, i can't do anything else but sleep.
my parents allow me two days of sleeping and hiding away in my room before they throw a party in my honor.
"i cannot believe him"
that's vicky, my childhood best friend. i've known her since i was five years old.
she glares at demario, who's chatting with my parents.
"he must have some fucking nerve, showing up here like that"
she shakes her head and scoffs.
before demario, the two of us were inseparable.
"i mean, i still cannot believe it. demario was cheating on you? you?!"
i love her, but i'm getting bored of this subject and trying my best to move on even though being home and seeing him is hitting me like a bag of bricks.
"just like that? after five years?!"
"honestly, i don't want to go through this again. i just want to move on"
"if he'd fuck off, i'm sure that'll help"
she's like a sister to me, knows all of my secrets, and even knows about my wild adventures in greece.
vicky knows all of my secrets except for one
francesco
i'll have to fill her in on this crucial point later.
vicky blabbers about demario, and i drift off into francesco. the man that keeps visiting me in my dreams.
i wish he could be here
"ariana!"
she hits me.
"what was that?"
"what?"
"that look. where did you just go? there's some other guy, isn't there? tell me. now!"
"fine, but keep your voice down"
"who is he?"
she whispers back.
"there's this guy, his name is francesco"
"oh, he sounds exotic!"
"well, he's from mexico and brilliant. we get on so well, and i don't know. it's just easy with him. we've been texting non-stop since i left rome. like sexting, a bunch. throughout my time in greece, he knows everything about iris and andreas"
vicky squeals with joy, and my cheeks begin to warm at the thought.
"but he has a girlfriend"
"oh"
"actually, his girlfriend is the one demario cheated on me with"
"oh, shit. the sweet irony"
"you have no idea"
i look back at demario, still chatting away to my parents like he's not the lying, cheating bastard he is.
"are you going to talk to him?"
"honestly, i'd rather not. i'd prefer if he'd die in a ditch"
"i could arrange something"
the two of us laugh, and she gives me a sneaky smile.
"truly, it's the greatest honor to have a friend who would kill for you"
i pull her in for a tight squeeze.
"it's good to have you back, ariana. i missed you. we all did"
"i missed you guys too"
well, the words may be true. i still can't help thinking of the man i long for in mexico.
the party eventually ends, all of my friends leave, and now my living room looks like a sloppy mess.
i help my parents sort out the chaos and help bring back some order to the house.
"wasn't that just lovely, sweetie? seeing all of your old friends again?"
"it was perfect. thank you so much for putting all this together, mom"
"and seeing demario!"
she exclaims.
demario has always been my mom's favorite of all my school friend's. i bet she still believes i'll end up marrying him.
i haven't told her what happened because i know it'll break her heart if she knows the whole story.
"i just love talking to him. he is such a sweetheart"
if only you knew
she stops wiping the coffee table and looks up at me.
"ariana, you didn't even speak to him. when are you going to give him another chance?"
my blood starts to boil from her apparent favoritism.
"when hell freezes over, mom, and only then. otherwise, he can go and fuck himself"
"ariana!"
she yells at me, and i feel the fire in her voice.
i already know what she's going to say.
i'm over twenty years old, and she still thinks sending me off to my room is okay.
"don't bother. i was just heading up there anyways"
as i sprint up the stairs, i hear her calling out my name, but this time in a much softer tone.
however, i don't care to hear what she has to say. i walk into my room and slam my door in response.
"hey, ariana"
my phone pings on my nightstand.
speaking of the devil. will he please just leave me alone?
"i'm not supposed to say this, but i miss you. i think about you all the time. i still think about the future we planned together, and i can't believe i was an idiot and screwed it all up. i'm sorry i couldn't express all of this then, but ariana, i love you. tell me what i have to do to make this okay. tell me what i can do to regain your trust. i'll do it, i'll do anything"
finally, he says the words i've longed to hear.
a couple of months ago, i so badly wanted him to confess all of this to me.
but now, as i feel his words, i feel absolutely nothing, and i no longer want him.
why even bother with a response.
sure, once we were planning our future together, but now i didn't want a single thing from him.
i'd prefer it if he'd stay as a relic in my ancient past.
andreas's wise words of advice must have sunk into my head. because i wasn't dumb this time, i didn't get with my ex.
this time, i step into the unknown and decide to do something else.
"hola, francesco! i have a crazy idea. let me know what you think"
this time, i fuck everything else and choose the love i want.