Dear Ava,
I heard wind calling your name. He sang me a lullaby of you, but my soul couldn't bear to listen. I'm sorry, Ava. I wasn't able to honor your list. I couldn't stand the idea these are the last words I hear from you. I feel it would be our goodbye and I'm not ready to say goodbye. There is hope, lightening the dark places of my heart. One day I might find you. That's enough for me to keep searching.
I feel so much pain within me and I'm not sure how to fight it. I wish you were here with me, telling absurd jokes with the brightest smile of yours. The world would sing your name and dance in your light. It would be me and you against everything that stands in our way. This time I'd never let you go.
Today, I looked across the street and saw glimpses of you. For a moment I hoped... but when I looked again, you weren't there. My mind keeps betraying me. I wonder, how long is it for you? Weeks, months, years even? My heart aches on the thought of never seeing you. One lifetime is not enough to love you and no words can describe what you mean to me. I always wanted you to be happy even when faith stood against us. You know, my heart and my mind played a game. The constant fight between the duty and desire. I was ready to sacrifice the whole world if it meant saving you. In the end, I always chose you. But this time I feel like I chose too late. I'm sorry. I really am.
I hope.. I hope you're alive and that the place you entered, is treating you well. I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I'm questioning if it makes sense looking for you. What if you're happy where you're at and what I do is just selfish act of my ego trying to find it's own happiness? But what if you're not happy there? I need to make sure you're happy. I will search for you, until I know you found your happiness, even if it means losing you again.
This letter will probably never find your light and all I can hope for is that one day, I'll have a chance to tell you all these myself. So many words unsaid...
Dear Ava,
I promise that one day, we'll go back to the Alps. I'll teach you how to dance and you'll teach me how to drink. In this life or the next.
With all my heart,
Beatrice