Oh great I'm already losing interest to post in this book
Anyways
CW: Sodapack
Ok now let's go
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Liam: Bryce! My face is on fire!
Bryce: Liam! Are you ok?!
Liam: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Bryce: But your face is on fire.
Liam: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.
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Liam: I was arrested for being too cool.
Bryce: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
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Liam: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail
Bryce: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police
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Liam: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.
Bryce: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.
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Liam: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE
Bryce: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially
Liam, desperately, as Bryce bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Bryce: Oh! B positive.
Liam: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Bryce:
■
Liam: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Bryce: That's why I carry two swords.
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Bryce: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Liam, drinking toast: Why do you say that?
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Liam: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Bryce: You need to stop.
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Liam: You love me, right, Bryce?
Bryce: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.
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Liam: Am I going too far?
Bryce: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.
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Liam: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen!
Bryce: Really? Name one law
Liam: Don't kill people?
Bryce: That's on me. I set the bar too low.
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Bryce: What are your goals?
Liam: To pet all the dogs.
Bryce: No, fitness goals.
Liam: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.
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Liam: Top 30 reasons why Liam is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!
Bryce: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!
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Bryce: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Stella: You're like 15 years old
Bryce: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!
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Bryce: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Stella: Wednesay
Bryce: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible
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Bryce: Where are you going?
Liam: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
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Bryce: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Liam: It’s not a joke.
Liam: *sniffles*
Liam: I’m a legit snack.
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Bryce: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!
Stella: Mind your language!
Bryce: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???
Stella:
Bryce: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.
■
Bryce: Can you keep a secret?
Liam: Do you know anything about my life?
Bryce: No I do not. Good point.
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Bryce: You saved me. I owe you my life.
Liam: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.
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Stella: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Bryce: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!
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Bryce: Go to Hell
Liam, tearing up: I wish I could
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Stella: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?
Bryce: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.
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Bryce: Liam, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Liam: Well of course I have.
Liam: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Liam: It's boring.
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Bryce: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Liam: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Bryce: but what’s the first worst thing?
*Awkward pause*
Liam: Bryce, they...they weren’t always orphans.
Bryce:
■
Bryce, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Liam: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Bryce, with the tone of someone who is used to Liam: Outstanding.
Bryce: This is what I’m talking about people.
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Liam: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise
Bryce: I beg to differ
Liam: Then Beg
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Bryce: Do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? Or if their limbs were just slightly too long? Or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It?
Liam: Stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!!
Bryce: Yknow what? Not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration.
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Liam: I actually have a black belt.
Owen: In what, karate?
Liam: No, from Gucci.
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Bryce: God, give me patience.
Liam: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Bryce: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
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Liam: I prevented a murder today.
Owen: Really? How’d you do that?
Liam: self control.
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Liam: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Bryce: I do have a sense of humor you know
Liam: I’ve never heard you laugh before
Bryce: I’ve never heard you say anything funny
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Liam: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Bryce: Liam, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass
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Owen: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Liam: You mean literally or figuratively?
Owen: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...
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Liam: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Bryce: What did you do?
Liam: Nobody died.
Bryce: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
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Owen: Liam was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Liam: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.
Owen: Liam, you ate a chair.
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Liam: Okay, help me please!
Bryce: Got two words for you.
Liam: I bet they won't be helpful.
Bryce: Your problem.
Liam: I was right
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Bryce, tending to Liam's wounds: How would you rate your pain?
Liam: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.
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Liam: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Bryce: Three words.
Liam:
■
Liam: I can explain.
Owen: Can you?
Liam: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
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Bryce: This is such a bad idea.
Liam: Then why are you coming along?
Bryce: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.
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Airy: *Gets down on one knee*
Liam: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.
Airy: *Falls over*
Liam: The poison is kicking in.
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Bryce: Fuck.
Stella: We've got to work on your cursing.
Bryce: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.
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Owen: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Liam: Oh, I’m always running
Liam: The question is from what
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Liam: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Bryce: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.
■
Owen: Hey, you want some leftovers?
Liam: What's that?
Owen: You've never had leftovers???
Liam: No, because I'm not a quitter.
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Airy: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Liam: Twelve, actually.
Airy: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Liam: Yours!
Airy: That's right: no one's.
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Owen: How petty can you get?
Liam: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.
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Liam, pointing: May I sit there?
Bryce: That's my lap
Liam: That doesn't answer my question, Bryce.
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Owen: Liam and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Liam: Sentences.
Owen: Don't interrupt me.
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Liam: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao
Owen: What did you do op?
Liam: A MISTAKE
■
Bryce: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Liam: Thank you
Bryce: I didn't say that was a good thing
Liam: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
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Bryce: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Liam: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
Bryce: No! Four to five seconds!
Liam: Too late!!!
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Owen: What is your biggest weakness?
Liam: I can be uncooperative.
Owen: Okay, can you give me an example?
Liam: No.
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Stella: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Bryce: Killed without hesitation.
Stella: No.
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Amelia, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me
Liam, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.
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Liam: So that’s my plan.
Bryce: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Liam: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Bryce: It fucking sucks.
Liam: That’s not constructive criticism.
■
*Stella and Bryce skipping stones on lake*
Stella: It’s such a beautiful evening.
Bryce, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
■
Bryce, talking to Liam on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Liam: You bet!
Bryce: At what temperature?
Liam: 535.
Bryce: That's the clock.
Liam:
Bryce:
Liam: 536.
■
Liam: Here's some advice
Bryce: I didn't ask for any
Liam: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
■
Liam: *Accidentally hits Bryce in the face*
Liam: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Liam: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Bryce: What’s wrong with you?!
■
Bryce: So what’s for dinner?
Liam, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.
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Owen: Hey Liam can I get a sip of your water?
Liam: It's not water.
Owen: Vodka, I like your style!
Liam: It's vinegar.
Owen: Wh-Wha-
Liam: It's vinegar, COWARD.
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Liam: I'm a reverse necromancer.
Owen: Isn't that just killing people?
Liam: Ah, technicality.
■
Liam: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Bryce: Okay.
Liam: And make out during the scary parts.
Bryce: Th-
Bryce: The scary parts.
Bryce: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
■
Bryce: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?
Liam: Stop romanticizing the past.
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Liam: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine
Liam: i became more evil if you’re curious
Owen: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Liam: i’m going to get worse on purpose
■
Liam: I made tea.
Bryce: I don’t want tea.
Liam: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Bryce: Then why are you telling me?
Liam: It is a conversation starter.
Bryce: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Liam: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
■
Liam: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Bryce:
Bryce: Liam, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Liam: *Sips coffee from bowl*
■
Liam: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Bryce: *chugs entire bottle*
Bryce: It’s perfume.
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Liam: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Bryce: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Liam: Jokes on you, I can't do math
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Liam: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Bryce: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Liam:
Liam: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
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Bryce: What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Liam: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.
Bryce: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
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Liam: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.
Bryce: Liam, that's a coma.
Liam: Sounds festive.
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Bryce: Liam... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Liam: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Bryce:
Bryce: I wrote sanitize, Liam.
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Liam: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
Bryce, not looking up from their book: Spear.
Liam: BLOCKED.
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Bryce, going over Liam's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Liam: Yes
Bryce: Okay... may I know what you create?
Liam: Problems.
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Liam: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.
Bryce: Only if you also don't ask why
Bryce: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Liam:
Bryce:
Liam: This one is fine
■
Bryce: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Liam: My record is four, but I think I can do it.
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Liam: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Owen: Alright, what's 30x17?
Liam: 47
Owen: That's not even close.
Liam: But it was fast.
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Liam, in a beach shirt: So sue me, it's October and I'd like to be on Island Time for a day!
Bryce: I have Spotify open right now on my computer, do you want me to blast you? Do you want me to put you on blast? Cuz I've got your history right here on the sidebar,
Bryce: Take it Back by Jimmy Buffet, Nautical Wheelers by Jimmy Buffet, Jolly Mon Sing by Jimmy Buffet, Steamer by Jimmy Buffet, trEAT HER LIKE A LADY BY JIMMY BUFFET, MAÑANA BY JIMMY BUFFET, WHEN SALOME PLAYS THE DRUMS BY JAMES BUFFET, HAVANA DAYDREAMIN BY JIMMY BUFFET- What the FUCK happened to you?!
Liam, laughing: I HAD A CASE OF THE MONDAYS
Bryce: ARE YOU HAUNTED?! ARE YOU FUCKING POSSESSED?!
Bryce: YOU USED TO BE MY FRIEND
Liam, cry-laughing: ᴵ ᴴᴬᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴬˢᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴼᴺᴰᴬʸˢ
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Owen: Okay, truth or dare?
Liam: Truth
Owen: How many hours have you slept this week?
Liam:
Liam: ...Dare
Owen: Go to bed.
Liam: I don’t like this game.
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Bryce: This is a mistake
Liam, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Bryce: But not today
Liam, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess
■
Liam: I was thinking I'd do some magic-
Bryce: You? Magic? Liam, it says talent show.
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Liam: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Bryce: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Liam: Absolutely not.
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Owen: Welcome, fellow idiots
Liam: Hello, Owen
Owen: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Liam: You underestimate me
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Bryce: Is something burning?
Liam: Just my love for you.
Bryce: Liam, the toaster is on fire.
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Liam: A theif.
Owen: Thief?
Liam: Theif.
Owen: I before E, except after C.
Liam: Thceif.
Owen: No.
■
Bryce: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.
Liam: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.
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Liam: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Bryce: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Liam: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.
■
Liam: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Bryce's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...
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Bryce: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.
Liam: You and me!!!
Bryce, tearing up: Okay.
■
Liam: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?
Bryce: Go the fuck to sleep
Liam: What gif I don't want to?
Bryce: Fuck You
■
Liam: Am I in trouble?
Bryce: Take a guess.
Liam: No?
Bryce: Take another guess.
■
Liam: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
Bryce: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak
■
Liam: What’s up guys? I’m back.
Owen: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.
Liam: Death is a social construct.
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Liam: You kill people for money?!
Bryce: I can explain!
Liam: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!
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Bryce: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.
Liam: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.
Bryce: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?
■
Liam: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Bryce: I think you mean cards.
Liam, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.
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Owen: How many kids do you have?
Liam: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
■
Liam: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Bryce: How can you still say that?
Liam: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
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Liam: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Airy: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.
■
Bryce: Someone will die.
Liam: Of fun!
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Liam, standing with their back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Bryce.
Bryce: How did you do that without turning around?
Liam: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.
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Bryce: Violence isn't the answer.
Liam: You’re right.
Bryce: *sighs in relief*
Liam: Violence is the question.
Bryce: What?
Liam, bolting away: And the answer is yes!
Bryce, running after them: NO-
■
Liam: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Bryce: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
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Bryce, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!
Liam: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.
■
Liam: Change is inedible.
Owen: Don't you mean inevitable?
Liam, spitting out coins: No, I did not.
■
Liam: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.
Owen: Oh, you’ve been?
Liam: Once. In Monopoly.
■
*Liam and Bryce are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Liam: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Bryce, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.
■
Liam: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Bryce: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Liam: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.
■
Liam: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Bryce: What's that?
Liam: Remorse code.
Bryce: I'm even angrier now.
■
Liam: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Bryce: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.
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Liam: This is bothering me.
Bryce: Well, you are digging up a corpse.
Liam: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.
■
Owen: It’s dark in here
Liam: Don’t worry dude I got this
Liam: *Stomps their feet*
Liam: *Skechers light up*