*This is a fictional multi-layered, multi-book story that expands over thirty years of my character Scarlett's life. (I keep adding to it) It's purely from her perspective. I've started writing from (you'll know who eventually) perspective, but it has a long way to go. This work does not reflect any part of my life or anyone that I know. I get wordy and deep, emotional - as that is why I write. Every part of it speaks to me in a way thats indescribable.
The books are to be read in order. Instead of going from present to past, it starts from the beginning. No flashbacks.
It starts slow. I cover a lotto family background to make the reader understand the reasons for what my main character does.
This book will end just before high school. Then there are two books to high school. Two books to college. One young adult life, and then lastly - adulthood.
Many parts are be triggering, so beware, and read at your own risk. But it's a love story, through and through.
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"The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever."
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Family.
A six letter word.
A complicated six letter word.
A complicated six letter word full of many different ways to define it.
Think of your family.
Maybe your parents are divorced, maybe you're adopted, maybe you have a sister that's bipolar, or have an uncle that has cancer. Maybe you have a half-sibling because they showed up at your door one day claiming your dad had an affair. Maybe your parents are fighting about money. Maybe one of them is an alcoholic or a drug addict. Maybe you've been in and out of foster care. Maybe you have two dads or have been raised by a single mom. Maybe you have parents who love each other unconditionally and embarrass you with how affectionate they are. The list is exhaustive and I could go on. But that isn't the point.
So now to my family's complicated story.
My mama's parents were Margret Serra Magnusson and Kristjan Nikolas Guonadottir. They were both born and raised in Husavik, Iceland, a town of just over two thousand people. Húsavík is the site of the first house built in Iceland, in the year 860, by Swedish viking Garðar Svavarsson.
Both were your stereotypical blond hair, blue eyed, and fair skinned.
Kristjan was an only child to two physicians. His parents were rarely around, always working especially in the peak summertime to get the extra money for the harsh winters, leaving Kristjan alone to do whatever he wanted.
Margret was the fourth kid of seven and counting, born from a fisherman and a stay at home wife. Margret was often overlooked and was held responsible for doing a lot of the cooking and cleaning, putting the younger ones to bed. She was the eldest girl and her daddy had strict rules with her. She wasn't allowed to date until she was of age at eighteen, especially the boy from the other side of town, Kristjan. But when her daddy was gone on his trips, Margret did the opposite to spite him. Her mama was too busy with the other kids, so she got away with it, after the chores were done. Every time her daddy came home from a long work trip, it was to spend time with his wife, (they didn't believe in protection. They wanted as many kids as they could have, even when they couldn't afford it.)
Margret and Kristjan grew up together, but never really interacted until high school. At one party Kristjan threw their freshman year, Margret snuck out and went with her best friend Ella, and the rest was history from that night on. They were inseparable. It was Margret and Kristjan. They were high school sweethearts and everyone close to them knew it. When Margret got pregnant her sophomore year, both families were so livid, but only because her family wanted her help around the house and his were upset because they thought their only son was on the medical school path as well.
But they wanted to start a family of their own, leaving their own behind. It wasn't unplanned exactly.
Margrets parents started having babies at seventeen, both having dropped out. Kristjan's parents were the exception to that rule. Their high school graduation rate was below fifty percent. The winters were so harsh that most teens worked over studying to help their families out causing grades to slip and priorities to shift.
They stayed in town, but financially were not supported by either family. Margret gave birth to my uncle, Macaulay at sixteen and my mama, Maddalena at eighteen. Katla, their younger sister, came two years later. Then a year and a half following Katla, Margret had a miscarriage late in her second trimester, causing her and Kristjan to stop making babies for the best of her health.
Krisjan became a fisherman and Margret worked odd jobs where she could.
The winters were always the hardest. The days were cold and dark with some days with just over four hours of light. Mama always described it as mesmerizingly beautiful with snow-covered mountains, gorgeous pale wintry light, and lots of opportunity for family ice adventures to see the northern lights. The summers were where whale watching tours in Skjálfandi Bay along with spas and swimming were popular. It's often referred to as the Whale Capital of Iceland.
As the years went on, money was very tight and they lived in a little shack that was poorly insulated. During the winters they went to bed bundled in layers and layers, but it wasn't enough. When mama was six, both Kristjans parents were in a deadly car accident caused by black ice. They left Kristjan and Margaret money and it helped until the year my mama was eight. Katla was sick. So sick. Margret spent a lot of time crying, wishing, hoping, praying while Krisjan was away, and when he was home that he wouldn't drink so much. She even got her parents involved, but it was too late. They couldn't help the little six year old. Katla passed away days before her seventh birthday and then out of the blue after the funeral she and Macaulay were sent to live with a Russian-American based family in America.
It was a closed adoption. It all happened so fast.
Reena and Darnel had blue-collar jobs and lived in a tiny Virginian town on a ranch. They didn't have any kids of their own, but being in their mid forties had changed their minds. At first they were very welcoming, helping them adjust to the change as best they could, immediately enrolling them in English classes and making them US citizens.
No answers were given as to why they were in America.
Mama had to take piano and dance, Mac had to play the violin and baseball, and they both had their own set of chores before and after school. They attended church every Sunday, and had a community potluck dinner every Sunday night.
Their Virginian town was very religious, almost cult-like. The town was rural. Not quite Amish, but mama always said it was close enough. Mama and Mac communicated to each other in Icelandic. That language never wavered from them. It made them feel safe since they were so lost. So confused. So angry at the change. So sad for losing their baby sister, for the abrupt no contact from their parents.
Mama rebelled towards her adoptive parents' ultra-religious and strict views. It made sense that she'd be angry and lash out. Uprooting your whole life to a new country, a new continent, without a good explanation, left her and her brother with gaping anxiety and anger. And a lot of homesickness.
Her adoptive parents put them in counseling, but there was no breakthrough, not for Maddalena anyway.
They both tried to run away multiple times, even got as close as buying tickets to Iceland, but they were never successful.
When reality set they both weren't going back home, she decided to act like her mama. So when she got to high school, she met a boy, Will. He was one of the drama nerds, but ridiculously cute with a flop of brown ringlet curls and a bright smile. He was from a family of four, with one older brother, his parents working class. She convinced him to run away, and better yet, he was willing. Her brother was a different story.
She got pregnant at the age of sixteen - on their first time having sex.
Her adoptive parents were not supportive and practically told her to leave and to not come back if she planned on keeping the baby. So her plan worked and she left home to be with Will and her baby. Her brother was set to graduate high school later that year, but he dropped out because he met an older girl named Lea who worked as a fighter at a boxing club. She was able to get him a part time job and so he moved out too.
She and Will ran off to get married and settled in Virginia Beach. A lively city with more opportunity. It turned out their marriage was never legal. They named their baby Sampzon Krisjan Wozniacki-Rackorich. It was a tough pregnancy, but mama said he made up for it because he was an easy newborn. There were struggles, but they tried to make it work for the three of them.
Later down the line, she wanted another baby. Will agreed easily. She became pregnant again by the time Sampzon turned one. She ended up miscarrying the baby at eight weeks and that tore them apart. Will wanted out and took it as a sign. He wanted to travel, so at nineteen he left my mama and his kid without warning to gallivant in Europe with his 'rock' band.
That left mama at nineteen, depressed, stressed, unhappy, and stuck with a toddler without any real job experience or high school degree. She struggled with her English too, but learned a good amount from Will. She moved up north to a small town called Hampton, and was happy for the first time in a long time. Guys would offer her drink after drink since she couldn't buy her own, telling her how beautiful she was, how hot her accent was, and then she'd sleep with them.
At twenty, she started seeing a guy who had just graduated high school, Andrew. She took his virginity. They hooked up when he would show up at her job with his friends; neither were wanting anything serious - just a summer fling. But, one time they didn't use a condom and she got pregnant.
Apparently being super fertile ran in her family.
So that's where I come in.
Reality set in and mama was wrong about this guy. He didn't want her like she wanted him. She fell for him. When he reminded her that it was just a fling, she was hurt. She wanted another baby, but not like that. She didn't want to do it alone.
She didn't get the chance to tell Andrew right away, since he left for college earlier than she thought. When she bucked up the nerve to call him, a girl picked up the phone. She was so surprised that she hung up. She made the decision then that she wasn't going to tell him, but she really needed money out of it. She knew he had wealthy parents. He mentioned it once or twice. So she came up with a plan. A month later, still broke, with no insurance, and in dire need of a doctor's appointment, she spilled the beans and they yelled and argued and eventually hung up on each other. He called her a liar and accused her of trapping him. Then he called her back and asked for a paternity test.
I was his 99.9%.
My dad, Andrew, was in college a few states over at Northeastern studying political science. He was built like a quarterback, tall, bulky muscles, and had tan skin. He was a mix of Italian and American - his dad Italian, his mom - American. He helped with payments since she threatened to take him to court. It was an empty threat since she had no money. When his family found out, they threatened him to stay in school. The deal in return was that they would help pay child support and she'd stay away.
The deal was made.
He was blackmailed into a corner and mama was happy. She got what she wanted, for the most part.
About a year later after I was born, she was tired of playing mom. Tired of poopy diapers, pee in the face, vomit in the hair, breastfeeding, little sleep, crying, just tired. So one night she had a little too much to drink, woke up in our apartment with her underwear to her knees and all the cash she had saved up, gone. She was badly bruised and six weeks later discovered she was pregnant.
The result was my sister.
She didn't even know the guy's name. All she felt was the soreness between her legs.
My sister Penelope Luisa was born seven months later. With my mama being a single twenty-two year-old with three little kids - she developed bad habits. She started neglecting us. She would put us to bed, but would leave for hours at a time to work an overnight shift or to get drunk at the nearest bar. Neighbors she didn't even know the names of, sometimes watched us. Sometimes she'd bring us to her work and her coworkers would watch us, but that still resulted in her often getting fired.
She started losing her jobs, and as a result couldn't make rent and we drove around in her car.
Social services were called on her multiple times from our neighbors, but nothing ever happened because one of those late nights turned into her getting a boyfriend, which then turned into them getting engaged all within two weeks.
I remember it clearly because it was the day after preschool had ended and summer began. They brought us to Chuckie Cheese and announced the news over pizza slices and games. I won a giant teddy bear.
His name was Caden.
Mama had a job as a receptionist in the Cardiac unit at the hospital and Caden was a cardiologist. At first, they were good together. Mama got a different job in a different department of the hospital so they could remain together.
We had instantly moved into his two story house and the few bright sides were that there was always enough snacks, toys to play with, soap for a warm shower, and a warm bed. I shared my room with my sister, but it was the nicest place I'd ever seen. My brother had told me that though he didn't like the guy he could overlook it because he was happy we didn't have to live out of our fast-food smelled car, random motels, or in roach moldy infested apartments.
A bright spot for me was dance. Ballet and tap classes were my favorite thing. I thought I was quite good, walking on my tip toes feeling like a princess. I even got to perform in a recital with makeup, my hair all pretty, and a fancy dress. Sam was forced to do soccer, as Caden quote on quote told him and mama he wouldn't pay for anything else. He wanted to be the coach. We were all enrolled in swim classes since he had a pool in his backyard and mama said she'd feel better if we accidentally fell in. When it was warm out, Caden and mama took us on picnics in the park, we went out to eat at restaurants, saw animals at the aquarium, swam in the backyard, and played with a few neighbor kids and did cul de sac bbqs.
We had a big turkey thanksgiving dinner, sat on Santa's lap in the mall, left cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve and I even got my first pink bike with training wheels. Mama at one point wanted us to call him dad, and I did until...
Until...
Mama would talk about all things wedding, asking my little opinion about dresses, and would constantly ask him about setting a wedding date, but after long shifts at the hospital, he started drinking more and more, slowly as time went on. He'd call mama bad names and slap her a lot. He started to threaten us all the time to be quiet, to stop crying. The fun stopped and the three of us started hiding in our closets when they got loud, especially when objects were thrown and they were screaming at each other.
One night close to Easter, I was woken up by so much noise. I took my baby sister and sat in the closet until Sam shoved a cell phone into my hands and told me to dial 911. I had no idea what to tell the soft neutral voice on the other line, as I held my sister in my lap who was sobbing, but from my hesitancy and reluctance to answer some of the questions, the lady told me to stay put and help would be right over.
When I ventured out of the small room, I couldn't believe my eyes. Mama was crying as Caden sat idly at the table. Sam had found her bloody and bruised. Items were displaced, the TV was smashed and mirrors were broken with glass everywhere. When my eyes connected with mama's, the police then barged in.
Caden was not allowed to see any of us. They decided they were no longer good for one another. They both lost their jobs and broke the engagement off. We moved out of the nice house and back into mama's car.
Then to add to my confusion I saw the guy who mama claimed was my birth dad for the second time on my fifth birthday. I don't have a memory of the first time. She explained it as he was half my dna. I was half her and half him.
I remembered what I was wearing: A white blouse with sunflowers on it and my favorite black jeans with the hole at right knee from my bike accident. Mama even put part of my hair in a flower clip. We met in the Denny's parking lot for the exchange. I was scared and intimidated at first, quiet. We didn't go to Denny's, but went into the small shop next to it for donuts and orange juice. Then we made our way to the Metro Zoo in Richmond. It was magical and was one of the best days of my life. We saw lions and tigers and birds and pandas and polar bears. He was so nice and bought me chicken nuggets and an ice cream cone. At the end of it, he bought me a stuffed polar bear from the gift shop. It was the first time I ever felt my heart ache when he said he had to go, but that we'd do it again soon.
I asked why she and he weren't together, but mama explained that sometimes things didn't work out.