You had to hold the door to your room closed when you returned as Xion desperately banged on the door. You weren't ready to explain to her the details of the meet up, as you had a lot of trouble talking about your mental health or anything that went on inside your head. Xion was relentless however, and after a brief pause she was texting the girls group chat from her room. Your phone was buzzing constantly as the girls were excitedly replying.
However what they didn't know was you were having a lot of anxiety. Xion pounding on the door begging to come in reminded you of that night, triggering unintentional flashbacks. When she retreated you had slid to the floor with your back against the door, holding your head inside the palm of your hands and weeping silently to yourself. The same scene repeated over and over again as if someone clicked the loop button, each version getting more and more distorted as your breathing became unregulated and your heart rate increased. The sound of your phone buzzing caused you to toss it across the room and it loudly bumped the wall.
Before long you heard Noctis yelling from outside your door, "Xion leave {Y/N} alone!"
You did your best to quiet your breathing, as you didn't need him to know you were panicking. However of course he knocked, which forced you to burst into sobs. You covered your mouth with your hand to silence yourself as you hunched over.
"{Y/N}! What's going on? Are you okay?!"
"L-leave me alone!" You melted into the floor, curling up into a fetal position and holding your legs tightly.
Noctis jiggled the handle but you had locked it from the inside. You heard a pause, the only sound being your quiet sobs. You heard your phone buzz again, and you could only feel angry and annoyed with the sounds. You crawled over weakly to the object, reaching with a quivering hand to silence the damn thing. When you lifted it to your face to turn it off, you caught a glimpse of Noctis' message to the group chat;
'I need someone's help with {Y/N}. She's having a hard time and won't listen to me."
You glared at the phone, bitterly turning it off and tossing it away from you and allowing it to bounce across the room. The fact that it only had a single crack and was still working was surprising, but unfortunately not enough to get your attention to it. You were angry that now everyone knew your situation. You weren't ready to talk about it, and you wanted to be left alone. However you knew someone else would come by eventually to try and talk to you. They were your friends, but they didn't need to get involved.
Your blurry gaze turned to the bottle of affirmation pills Roxas had gifted you, which sat upright on the desk. You crawled over to it, snatching it from the top of the table and dumping the entire bottle to the floor. You quickly grabbed one and tore it opened, reading the small paper inside.
"You are not alone even when you feel lonely."
You threw the paper to the side. It wasn't like you felt lonely, you wanted to be alone. You didn't want to be bothered by anyone, that would just inconvenience them. You opened another one.
"You've never given up even when the way before you was uncertain."
That one made you smile only a bit. You've certainly thought about giving up. You thought about whether or not life was worth living. However your friends made it worth it. They were you entire world.
You forced yourself to take a few deep breaths, holding the shaking paper in your hand as you continued to read it over and over. A single tear fell onto the paper, causing it to smudge. Your lip quivered as you quickly went to dry it off but you were left with a wet crumbled paper. Your hand turned into a fist as you stared with dejection. You ruined it. You ruined that one paper that was bringing you back to reality.
You heard small sudden noises coming from the door. Your attention turned to it, noticing the door handle was jiggling once again. You scoffed when you realized someone was trying to get in. You knew you locked it and you were sure they wouldn't break it down. Just as you were about to ignore it the door had suddenly burst opened and you watched with surprise as Sora came rushing inside towards you, and Vanitas was crouched there with a lockpick in hand.
Sora immediately scooped you up into his arms, pulling you into his lap in an attempt to comfort you. Just like Xion he unintentionally caused you to panic, taking him by surprise when you burst into sobs and ventured to get away from his grip.
"Sora grab her more tightly!" Vanitas barked as he was rushing into gather all the pills. He picked them up and looked at them with a raised eyebrow, realizing they were just plastic and not real pills. He sighed with relief.
Sora followed his brothers orders, embracing you even tighter and forcing his comfort. He seemed uncomfortable as his face was red. He didn't want you to do anything you didn't want to do, it wasn't like him. Vanitas crouched down in front of the scene with a gentle demeanor, gently reaching out to touch your shoulder. Noctis was standing in the doorway meanwhile, breathing heavily as he could only stand there and watch. Xion was ever so slightly peeking from behind the door frame, knowing the whole situation was her fault in the first place. She didn't want you to see her as she was ashamed of what was happening.
Sora forced your head against his chest, his other arm holding your waist as he was still forcing you still. Being overpowered once again you were contrived to cry into his chest, turning away from Vanitas' comforting touch. He retracted his hand and turned to Noctis, shrugging with defeat before standing up and walking over to his friend. They talked in harsh whispers, but you could still hear every word.
"Thanks for picking that lock. Sorry to call you on such short notice."
"I was worried she was harming again, then I saw those damn pills. My heart literally dropped. I was about to panic right along with her."
"Yeah I don't know what those are, we'll ask when she's calm."
"Sora has it handled. We'll give her space for now."
"Xion leave her alone. Let's go."
"I feel really bad I cant-"
They shut the door before you could hear anymore.
The conversation gave you something else to focus on, allowing your cries to turn into sniffles as you forced yourself to take deep breaths. You felt Sora loosen his grip, sensing your placid presence yet he never released his embrace. Instead he stroked the back of your head gently to replace the pressure he was putting on your head.
"Hey. You're okay." He soothed with a gentle voice. "I gotcha."
Your voice shook when you replied to him, "I-Im sorry-"
"It's alright, you can stop now." The hand he used to stroke your hair was used to gently grasp your chin, pulling your tear stained head from his chest. He looked at you with his eager blue eyes only inches from your face, his hand moving up to your cheek and wiping away the tears. "There's no need to apologize."
You sniffed and leaned into his hand, allowing him to hold your head up for you. "Thank you for understanding."
He warmly smiled. "Ya know, maybe talking about it will help. You've tried really hard to shut us out, but you know that we're here to listen and help as much as we can."
You paused only for a moment. The only reason anyone knows anything about you was because of the signs they saw, not because you directly told anyone about your situation. You've avoided talking about it for this long, and you planned to continue. However after all this time maybe Sora was right and it was time to open up and share a bit more. After all, no matter what happened, they were right beside you prepared to help whenever they could. They never judged you. Everyone had their own unique personalities yet they treated you with the utmost care and love.
You closed your eyes. "I am doing a lot better, I promise. But... It's not perfect. I sometimes wonder why I'm even here, why I'm alive. For a while I thought about if this life is worth living and if I should even continue. But I learned quickly that I have a large group of friends here willing to stay by my side and support me, and my reason for living is because of them."
Much to your surprise Sora leaned forward and had gently kissed the top of your forehead. You were taken back but you also didn't retreat from the small impact. He never moved his hand, but instead caressed your cheek with his hand amiably. Your face flushed in response.
"Deep down there's a light in our hearts that will never be smothered, no matter what. You've been through so much, experienced so much pain, and yet that light was shielded. I hope as you heal the light gets stronger with each passing day."
Your eyes opened wide and the two of you connected eyes. You didn't find any words to reply with, and could only feel your face feeling hot as you gazed in his eyes. You've never seen him so serious, so somber. The bubbly outgoing boy you always knew was now solemn, yet gentle at the same time. You couldn't help but feel content in his presence.
"So tell me..." Sora looked down at the scattered pills. "What are these?"
You were slowly relaxing, but your hand still shook as you reached for the nearest plastic object and picked it up. You squeezed it between two fingers as it revealed the small paper, opening it up and handing it to Sora. He read the paper to himself and a huge grin was revealed.
"T-they're affirmation p-pills." You stuttered.
"Oh this is cool! I kinda get the point, like instead of taking your dose of vitamins or whatever you read these. How clever!"
He handed you the one in his hand, which you took and read it, "Life is better with you in it." You smiled with a closed mouth and rolled the paper back up, putting it back into the small plastic piece and concealing it once again. Sora went out of his way to gather the rest of the fallen plastic pills, picking them up in handfuls and tossing them back into the jar that laid on the floor nearby. In silence you helped, both of you wasting no time in cleaning up. As the last pill remained, you both reached for it and your hands briefly touched, the two of you looked at each other and chuckled nervously. Suddenly you noticed Sora's attention not at the pill, but your arm. He reached for yours and rolled up your sleeves, checking your wrists. You had removed the bandage by this time and only faded scars remain. Sora inspected your arm briefly before releasing his grip on you and picking up the last pill. His face was perturbed, which was strange to you as it was rare to see him so grim. However once he plopped the last piece into the jar and lifted his gaze towards you, his expression changed back to normal as a wide grin appeared.
"Teamwork makes the dream work!" He said chipperly, standing up to place the jar on the desk. "I'm gonna let everyone know you're okay, I'll be right back."
As he attempted to leave the room you quickly gripped his hand before he made it two steps. You looked up at him with imploring eyes from your position on the floor, causing him to kneel down and clasp your hand inside the two of his own. He gave you a reassuring smile as he gazed into your eyes.
"I promise, I'll be back. And if not me then someone will. Do you want someone here tonight?" When you nodded he continued, "Okay. We'll arrange that. Just hang tight."
With one last squeeze he released your hand and walked from the room. As you normally do, you tip toed to the top of the stairs to listen into their conversation as you knew everyone was waiting to hear the news. When Sora reached the bottom everyone bombarded him it seemed, as you heard rapid footsteps and desperate cries of questions for him when he arrived.
"How is she?" You heard Xion's sad voice.
"She's okay! {Y/N} is such an amazing person!" Sora's enthusiasm was heard. "Though she doesn't wanna be alone tonight. I dunno if she wants me there, or someone in particular."
"I can stay." You heard Vanitas tell them. "How's her wrist? Did you check?"
"Yeah it's still good."
You heard Vanitas sigh. "We got to check other places too without making her uncomfortable. I'll come up with something."
"Thank you both for coming." Noctis' voice was low and you heard the embarrassment coming from within. "I didn't want to break the door down and piss mom and dad off."
"It's fine. Sora's useful for something sometimes."
"Hey!"
"Alright-" Vanitas ignored his brothers offense. "I'll stay tonight if she wants me. If she doesn't I'll just have whoever she wants swing by. I don't care either way."
"Alright, thanks Van." You heard Noctis again.
"All of you have got to stop calling me that. Am I a fucking car?"
Vanitas was trudging up the stairs before any of them could reply. With a soft gasp you quickly and quietly dashed for the bedroom door, slipping inside the room and throwing yourself on top of the bed to pretend you weren't listening. Before long you heard a knock at the door and Vanitas was poking his head in, ensuring you knew he had arrived before fully entering the bedroom and closing the door behind him. You sat in the corner of the bed, watching him.
"You aren't slick." Vanitas told you with an amused chuckle. "I figured you were listening in."
You stared at him in disbelief. "What makes you say that?"
"Your face is hella red."
"I was crying!"
"Nah that's a different red." He sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing a smaller blanket and throwing it over your head and shoulders as you preferred. You snuggled inside the comforting object as he continued. "With that being said, I was actually going to be slick and check you for more scars, but since you were listening I don't have to keep it a secret anymore. I want to see your wrists and thighs."
You covered the bottom half of your face with the blanket. "I don't know if I'm comfortable doing all that."
He was gentle, but also forceful as he grabbed your arms and checked both of your wrists. With a suspicious look he gazed into your eyes. "Then promise me that you didn't do it again."
"I promise."
"You promise? "
"Yes, Vanitas. I promise."
He sighed and released your arms, his back slouching against the wall as he breathed heavily. You noticed his arms resting in his lap, yet they seemed to be trembling and twitching. You reached out to touch him but he quickly shook his head as if he was snapping himself back to reality and pulled away from your touch, straightening his back yet continued to lean against the wall. You frowned and watched him for a moment as he took a deep breath.
"I'm just worried about you." He muttered as he continued to stare at his lap. "And it reminds me of myself when I was going through stuff. No one anything said or did was going to help me, I had to overcome it on my own. All the support in the world and I pushed it all away."
"Vanitas..."
"Just please continue to accept the help offered as much as you can. I know it's hard and it can feel awkward sometimes, but it'll do you some good I promise. We'll do anything for you."
You followed his gaze, noticing where his eyes were resting. He was staring at his own faded scars on his arms, something you didn't really notice until now. Vanitas either wore long sleeves or maybe even bracelets and it wasn't something you took notice of until tonight, where his sleeves were lifted just enough to allow the scars to be seen.
"That's why I'm asking you to stay here with me tonight." You reached out again and rested your hand on his wrist to cover what he continued to stare at.
He smirked. "And I'm glad that it was me."
You scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself. Everyone has dealt with me enough it just happens to be your turn." You attempted to turn the somber mood into a joke as seeing the pain in Vanitas' eyes like that broke your heart.
He chuckled quietly, and all the sudden he lunged forward to you and pulled you down onto the bed next to him. You let out a surprised squeak as you collapsed onto the bed, the blanket covering your face. Vanitas removed only the part that covered your eyes so he could stare into them as the two of you laid side by side and eye to eye. You could feel your cheeks getting flushed and at that moment you were grateful for the blanket covering the bottom half of your face.
Vanitas smirked again. "I'm glad that it's my turn to deal with your annoying ass."