Angst?
Counting days, counting days
Since my love up and got lost on me
And every breath that I've been takin'
Since you left feels like a waste on me
Another day passed. Another day that was just like the previous 547 one. Another day that let Ghost know you weren't there anymore. The coffee cup in the kitchen that neither him nor the others put away was just a reminder that you were gone. Nobody knew if you were dead you were an MIA. Your corpse was never found. That was what made it impossible for Ghost to move on. Simon would never be able to move on.
I've been holding on to hope
That you'll come back when you can find some peace
'Cause every word that I've heard spoken
Since you left feels like an hollow street
He didn't know the amount of times Price had told him they were searching for you. It stopped at one point. They told him there was no chance of finding you. 'There was always a chance, they just didn't try hard enough' is what Simon told himself. He begged John to let him search for you. Even if you were dead, he just needed to know. To be able to move forward. But all he got in return were his teammates consoling him. The words spoken meant nothing to him as long as he didn't know what happened to you.
I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind
Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side
Sheperd told him to get it together. Move on or he'd be out of task force 141 and most likely not transfered anywhere else. But he couldn't do it. Not when he knew that you could still be out there. That he could experience more of the mornings where he was careless for once. More of the evenings spend on your balcony watching the stars and talking stupid shit or just not talking at all. He loved you. He truly did. For once in his life even Ghost loved. not just Simon.
There must be something in the water
'Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
He was drowning in your memories. Recalling every date you've been on together. Every laugh you let out because of him. Every tear you cried with him. Every time you let him see you when you were the most vulnerable. He was drowning in grief and you were the only one that could save him from under water.
Maybe I, maybe I'm just being blinded
By the brighter side
Of what we had because it's over
Well there must be something in the tide
He imagined his life with you still there. He was in complete denial but he was slowly going insane. What would you say if you knew how he was feeling? Would you even say anything outloud or let your actions speak? Simon would often drink now a days. What would you think about that? The tought of you telling him to stop made him chuckle. Even though he knew you would be dissapointed he couldn't bring himself to stop. Being too scared that he would hurt again. Because as stupid as it sounded the Alcohol helped him forget you ever went missing. It made him feel close to you.
I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind
Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side
Another week passed without you. He didn't sleep, eat or socialize much anymore. Not seeing a point in doing things. It wasn't until Price scolded him for not paying attention in training and threatning with sending him home that he started getting his shit together again. He couldn't go back to his flat. To many memories of you there. He was scared to fall back into that deep, dark hole.
There must be something in the water
'Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Ghost started moving on after the talk with Price. But not Simon. Simon sank deeper and deeper into the darkness of his mind. Slowly forgetting your smell, the way your voice changed into a higher octave everytime you talked about something you were pationate about, The way your eyes would sparkle under the moonlight or how you were able to make him feel again. To feel loved after decades of thinking that no one was able to love him you were the one that proofed those thoughts wrong. Showing him that he was capable of being loved. That there was nothing wrong with him. And now you were gone..
It's your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
And I'm tired of being so exhausted
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Your love I'm lost in
Even though I'm nothing to you now
Even though I'm nothing to you now
Another month passed since you were gone. 585 days. 83 weeks without you. Ghost was lost in a cicle of nothingness. Repeating the same thing every. Single. Day. Simon was long gone. Only being a memory in his brain. A memory just loke you. Somewhere in the back of his head. Ghost was tired. He couldn't sleep without seeing your face. Without seeing you blaming him for your possible dead. Reliving that day every time he tried to sleep.
There must be something in the water
'Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
It wasn't until your tragic MIA case reached day 638 that you were found. Your body being pale. Skin cold and bones being visible. You lost your sweet smell. The smell Simon adored. When the hospital staff let Ghost see you he broke down. You weren't you. Body lying motionless on the hospital bed. They had found you in one of the enemy bases while searching for intel. Apparently you were held captive. The tought of other men hurting you didn't leave Ghosts mind. Not one second. But neither did he leave your side. Being to scared you'd go again.
There must be something in the water
'Cause everyday it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under...