The next morning they woke up in the same position.
Carina had caressed Maya's face with her hand that was previously at the back of her neck.
-"It wasn't a dream," Maya said.
-"No... Or maybe we had the same one".
- "are you hungry?"
- "yes but I want to keep caressing your face"
- "you have your whole life to do that"
Carina's thumb had caressed the blonde's lower lip.
- "I know I kissed you yesterday..." She made as she looked at her lips.
- "you don't have to justify anything to me."
Carina had moved closer and picked up the blonde to give her a hug.
- "thank you"
- "no need to thank me"
They had finally gotten up to go to breakfast.
---
It had been two weeks since Carina's birthday. They had spent all their time together, they had slept together when Maya was off duty.
Tonight they were at the Italian's house, they were on the couch, they were talking.
- "nooo!"
- "yes! Three weeks before the reunion"
- "at our old high school?"
- "yes, and she was young, a freshman"
- "how can you give birth in the bathroom?!"
- "she was a child"
- "oh no, I can't imagine that. If my Charlie had told me when I was twelve or thirteen that he had gotten a girl pregnant I wouldn't have been the most loving mother in the world!"
They had continued to talk while eating. They had gotten used to the fact that they knew they were in love with each other, but that nothing more was going on, even if it wasn't easy every day.
- "You, a former teacher, prefer to read on a tablet?!"
- "It takes up a lot less space with everything I read. And I can read in the dark without disturbing you.
- "you've been reading since..."
- "since we've been together all nights? No? But I could eventually do it."
- "yeah, but there's no paper and stuff"
- "You have to try it. Go get it, it's in the nightstand on the right."
The blonde got up and went into the room.
- "Did you get lost?" Carina asked after three minutes, laughing.
Maya had returned and was all red.
"Oh.... Wrong side right?"
- "I thought.... Right side when you... When you're lying down..."
- "you look like you're hot"
- "no, I uh..."
- "just because I can't get intimate, doesn't mean I don't need to... release the pressure ... From time to time"
The blonde was even redder.
"You can come sit back down on the couch next to me."
Maya had come and sat next to her.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
- "no, you have uh, you can... I mean I'd rather that, that you slept with ... Someone else."
- "are you embarrassed?"
- "no... it's worse"
- "you... Imagine me?" She blushed.
Maya had looked away.
"I think of you when I..."
- "Carina!"
- "Ché?! Don't you think of me? At least, once in a while."
- "I don't ..."
- "oh, but we've been seeing each other for a month and a half..."
- "yes"
- "but you like it... And, and we both ... Flirt... A lot..."
- "I know..."
- "I think about you... And..."
-"Carina!"
- "I think about you and I do it often enough! There you go!"
- "Carina!"
- "you should Maya, you should do it!"
- "I can't"
- "why? It's natural to do it. Everyone does it."
- "not me"
- "just do it like you did when you couldn't find anyone"
- "I never did it..."
- "but when we were together, you did... You did it"
- "I did it because you asked me to"
- "and when you..."
- "no really Carina, I never touched myself... Never... Just with you... Just because you asked me to or because it was the moment between us that made it... I never needed it."
- "and if I ask you?"
- "it's not... It's not the same"
- "why?"
- "because you were there, you were naked, we, we did it together"
- "I feel even worse..."
- "why?"
- "because I prevent you from having ... That and I haven't been with anyone for ten years and I, I learned to take care of myself.... Even if there is nothing romantic ... But sometimes you need... And now because of me you..."
- "no, hey Carina, no it's ok, don't worry about me. I just... I was just surprised... But you're right... I didn't think you were a virgin again; or because you hadn't been with anyone, it meant there was nothing... I don't know what I thought..." She only looked at her stealthily.
- "look at me."
Maya had struggled to look up at Carina.
"You can't even look at me anymore."
- "yes I can" she made as she came to support her gaze and instantly turned red.
- "no you see"
Maya had come to straddle her and she had taken her face in cup.
-"I don't mind you touching yourself Carina, I just want you and I saw your vibrating egg and I've been getting used to the idea of not touching the person I spend all my free time and all my nights with for two weeks now; and a month and a half I've been getting used to the idea of not touching the woman I love. But I'll wait until you're ready, it's just that right now I feel you under my fingers, and my eyes see you have an orgasm and my ears hear you moan and I have your... Your taste on my tongue"
Carina's eyes had dropped to Maya who was in her pajamas, shorts and a tank top, sitting on top of her astride her. She probably hadn't thought about how it would feel for the Italian to do this simple action.
The glance of Carina had immediately ignited, she had looked at the chest of the blonde tight in her tank top and her powerful and naked thighs against her skin. The hands of Italian had come to put themselves on the buttocks of the captain and she had brought back her towards her of a gesture of her controlled hands.
Her hands had gone up to her hips and she watched their gesture. She had come to slide them until the chest of the blonde, she had caressed her breasts and had raised her body, coming to put her lips on her collarbone and her hands, they, had gone down to pull on the knot of her shorts, she had slipped the end of her phalanges in the shorts by going up her lips in the neck of Maya, who had put one of her hands against her nape.
The blonde had caught the brunette's fingers before she went any further and had pulled back from her bottom lips.
- "Wait Carina..."
- "ché? Don't you want me?" Carina asked, trying to get back into her neck with her mouth, but the American had backed off again.
- "yes, but not like that..."
- "but I was going to get there just..."
Maya had taken the Italian's face in her hands and had brought her mouth close to hers, while their lips were only two millimeters apart, she had felt a tear flow between her thumbs and forefingers.
She had then moved back.
- "Carina, you see, I, I want to be able to kiss you the day we have sex. I don't want you to just kiss my neck and say we're not one hundred percent intimate so you don't... Tarnish his memories, or that you're not really moving on."
- "but I..."
- "no, that's not what I want. I want you completely, I want your hands yes, I want your body, but I want your lips more than anything, that's what I miss the most. If I were asked to choose one last action to do before I die, I would choose to kiss you. To kiss you the way I've always kissed you and never used on anyone else, that sensual kiss that makes our two bodies fall in love. I want that more than anything in the world."
- "why it's so complicated... It's been six years... And he was my son, I don't understand, it's not like he was a husband or wife... Someone I had loved more than you in that way"
- "because you devoted all your love to this being so perfect. All the love you had for me, for him, in life, you put everything on Charlie and he was taken away from you... I think that deep down you have to tell yourself that if you give yourself a hundred percent again in such an intense love as ours and you lose me, you will have lost four times the love of your life. You lost me fifteen years ago, then thirteen years ago, then Charlie... But Carina, you won't lose me, not this time. You and I are together for life this time. We're finally in the same place with no pre-written end date. I just, we just need your brain to stop having this fear"
- "when we talk and you tell me you're going on an intervention.... My heart tightens and my stomach drops, I get that feeling every time, even if it's just a cat in a tree... Every time."
- "I'm not superhuman, but I would always do everything in my power to get back to you. Always."
Carina had wrapped her arms around Maya's waist and hugged her, an embrace that had been returned.
Later that night, they went to bed. They had gone to bed and their conversation earlier that night had been a bit intense, they hadn't gone to bed as usual, but Carina had still come to lay her head on Maya's chest.
Around three in the morning, the blonde had been awakened by a noise. She was on her side, facing the door, and Carina was lying on her back, on the right side of the bed.
- "haaan" had been whispered by the Italian
Maya had opened her eyes wide but hadn't dared to move, she wondered if what she was hearing was real or if she was dreaming.
"haan"
Her eyes had scanned the room, as if with her back to Carina she might see something.
"Haaan."
She had finally decided to turn around and the Italian had been surprised, but she hadn't stopped.
Maya's eyes had traveled down from her face to her crotch, where her hand disappeared into her shorts.
"I'm... Sorry... Bambina, but... Tonight... It was... A lot... Too... Haan, hot, when... You put yourself... On... Me"
The blonde had swallowed as she moved her gaze up to Carina's face.
"Touch... You."
- "n-no."
-"Maya... Take off your shorts... Quickly..."
She didn't know if she should do it or not, but her hands had decided for her.
"Re- oh for fuck's sake... Take mine off."
The captain hadn't wasted a second she had gotten up on her knees and pulled the brunette's shorts off.
"Vieni qua..."
- "no."
- "Adesso Maya!"
The blonde had laid on top of the Italian and the moment her sex had made contact with the vibrating egg, the hand of the manager in training had released her grip on the object, to come and put both hands on the blonde's buttocks and press a little more.
Maya had leaned forward to kiss her and the brunette had turned her head, her lips had then fallen against her jaw, but it was not as if she could stop everything there. She could feel Carina's naked lower body against her, she could feel Carina's lower lips against hers, she could hear Carina's moans. It wasn't ideal, it wasn't what she'd dreamed of for thirteen years, let alone a month and a half, but Carina was there, underneath her, she was about to cum and it had been more than five weeks since she'd last made love. So she had kissed her, she had come to lodge her mouth in her neck and had kissed Carina as if it were her lips. The Italian's hands had tightened on her buttocks and she had grabbed the sheets with both hands.
- "Carina... Carina... Hummm Carina..."
- "bambina, Maya, I, I haaan, I love you... Hummm"
They had both cum at the same time and the blonde not wanting to take advantage of this moment of weakness of the brunette, had descended from her body.
"You think we ... That we could start again? I mean ... Another night"
- "Carina, I really want to kiss you... There you, you were moaning and everything, it was a lack of will on my part, it was not like that I wanted to have an orgasm with you"
Against all odds, Maya was really hurt. She had recovered her shorts and had turned over again. Back to the Italian.
Three minutes after she had felt a hand to come to slide against her belly, then the body of the brunette to stick to her.
-"I am sorry bambina" had whispered the brunette before putting her lips in her neck.
The next morning, when Maya had woken up, she was still in Carina's arms, back to her.
She had waited for the Italian to wake up and as soon as she had felt her move, she had made Carina understand that she wanted to get up.
She had gone to the bathroom and the Italian had waited her turn before joining her in the kitchen.
The brunette had come to take the blonde by the waist. This one had begun to make pancakes.
- "do you have something to make up for?"
- "I've made you pancakes before, besides... From the first time..."
- "I'm teasing you" Carina said as she dropped her waist and went to sit on the other side of the island, where the griddle was.
"Bambina?"
- "hmm?" Maya asked without looking at her.
- "look at me."
The blonde had looked up slightly without holding her gaze too much.
"Maya, look at me."
She had started again and held on a little longer.
"Are you that mad at me?"
- "No," Maya said without looking at her.
-"Maya, it was just a dream. There's no shame in having an erotic dream... And to tell you the truth, I'm quite flattered... It sounded... The way you moaned my name..." Did she blush and bite her lip.
- "Carina!" Said the blonde, stopping her.
- "hey, I'm sorry, okay?!"
- "I'm not sure you can call this a dream."
- "it felt like..."
/Flashback/
Against all odds, Maya was really hurt. She had recovered her shorts and had turned around again. Back to the Italian.
Three minutes after she had felt a hand come slipped against her belly, then the body of the brunette to stick to her.
Maya had woken up with a start. The arm of Carina had just put itself on her side and her hand had put itself flat on her heart, her heart which beat with the chamade.
The Italian had embraced her. She had been awakened by the moans that came out of the blonde, but had not wished to interrupt her dream. She had just waited that she calms down.
She knew that she was potentially for something, their discussion of this evening and the vibrating egg found more total also. She had felt the extrasystole of Maya's heart the moment her hand had touched her. She felt bad, it was the first time she had heard Maya moaning her name very distinctly in her sleep, moaning her name and moaning as if she was having an orgasm.
-"I'm sorry bambina" the brunette had whispered before putting her lips on her neck.
There wasn't much else she could do. She knew that trying to get intimate now with Maya would probably make the blonde even more frustrated and embarrassed than she already was. She knew her and knew she would need at least a few hours to recover. Still, she had kept her embrace on her body, to show her that it was okay, that there was nothing to be ashamed of and that she was there, that she was there for her.
/End of Flashback/
-"You didn't want me to kiss you," Maya said with her head bowed towards her first pancake, as a tear left her nose and shuddered next to the pancake on the baking sheet.
- "ohh my love, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Carina said as she got down from her chair and walked around the island to hug Maya.
"Excuse me..."
- "It wasn't just an erotic dream..."
Made Maya while resting her nose on her trapeze and her lips near the collarbone of the Italian. "It wasn't just an erotic dream."
-"Excuse me for thinking that" Carina said, stepping back and running her hands over the platinum square. "Excuse me"
- "you... You were with... That, and yesterday we... We didn't... Lie down as, as usual and you, you... That woke me up... I mean in my dream and you, you told me to, to touch me and I said no... So you told me to... Oh my God" she said, looking up at the ceiling to avoid finishing this story.
- "you don't have to if you don't want to"
- "I think if I don't tell you... I won't be able to look at you..."
- "take your time"
Maya had taken a deep breath: "you told me to take off my shorts... And yours... And... And to get on top of you..."
- "and I didn't want you to kiss me?"
- "you... You turned your head... But I couldn't stop... I could feel your... Your lower lips against... Mine and your moans... And we... I mean you know, and I guess I was even more frustrated... And I turned around and you, you woke me up"
- "I hesitated... I didn't want to... Interrupt you"
- "I wish you had."
- "I think we need to... We have to stop, sleeping together".
Maya's tears had flowed again.
"You... You're not saying anything, so, so you're, you're okay"
- "a throwback... But... I think it's necessary. You know how I feel about you Carina, you know that, right?"
- "so that's why the pancakes and your distant look... You were already thinking about it?"
Carina asked as she let go of her embrace.
-"Love" said Maya closing her eyes.
-"No, you're right Maya, this is all my fault, I have to learn to accept the rules I impose on us."
-"it's not like you have a choice" Maya took her hand and pulled her into her arms.
-"Carina I love you and you are the love of my life. And this is not a throwback, I chose my words wrong, excuse me..." Made her by coming to put her forehead against hers.
When Maya had left to go to work, the Italian had sent a new Spotify song to the blonde. She had sent her Broken by Lifehouse.
'The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can't stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm fallin' apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are lookin' for purpose, they're still lookin' for life
I'm fallin' apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing?
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay
The broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home
I'm fallin' apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), there is healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you'
So Maya had written back to her. She had sent him the song Anywhere But Here by Safesuit.
'Is this the end of the moment
Or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be'
Or maybe be
Everything that I never thought could happen
Or ever come to pass and
I wonder if maybe, maybe I could be
All you ever dreamed
'Cause you are beautiful inside, so lovely and I
Can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
Anywhere but here
Is this a natural feeling
Or is it just me bleeding'
All my thoughts and dreams
In hope that you will be with me or
Is this a moment to remember
Or just a cold day in December'
I wonder if maybe, oh, maybe I could be
All you ever dreamed
'Cause you are beautiful inside, so lovely and I
Can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
Anywhere but here, anywhere but here
Is this the end of the moment
Or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be
For you and me'
'Cause you are, you're beautiful inside, you're so lovely and I
Can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, yeah, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
Whoa, ooh yeah, no, no, no, no, no'
Carina : per sempre.
-----
Hellooo!
Well ... You all understood that this was a dream? This was not their new first time... But I liked to imagine Maya in front of Carina's sex toys... So... Embarrassed!
See you
xx
-¥-
---
PS: No but... It's amazing... I think I have a gift of clairvoyance... We are 27 January, I wrote this chapter on the 8th and I corrected it on the 13th... And so it's the 27th and at 5:30 this morning (in France) we had the rewatch with Danielle and Stefania and they had this discussion on the side of the bed... It's just so crazy!
---
PS2: ... What a crazy coincidence that Maya from Station got hurt, what was it two days before the London Olympics, running after a girl... And that I made her get a sprain running after Carina just before the Olympics?!
---
See you tomorrow for a chapter of Fire & Ice !