[TW: mentioned of alcohol, cigarettes +cuss— read at your own risk!]
“Are you sure about it?” Haechan asked once again, slightly hoping that Renjun wasn’t serious about it.
“I’m still thinking about it,” he sighed. “I don't really know, there's part of me who just wanted to quit and be with my mom or push through.. I'm honestly torn in between.” he pursed his lips, creating a thin line.
Renjun had finally considered and think about what Jaehyun had told him before, he’s planning to resign and put his future to whoever or whatever comes on his way—just thinking about it, was actually draining and tiring.
“What are you going to do now if you ever decided to just be with your family?” there’s a sadness on Jana’s tone, reason why Renjun gave her a sympathetic smile.
“I’m still not sure, but I guess, I gotta find new job? I don’t really know.” he laugh out of despair.
“So you’re leaving without any plans?” Renjun took that a little too personal, but Jaemin was right anyway.
“Exactly,” he recoils, giving them a wide smile. “I’m just considering to resign, it’s not that I’m actually quitting now.” he rolled his eyes with still smile plastered on his face.
They spend the last minute of their break, Renjun can tell that they are all fond of each other especially Haechan who really brings delight on their not-so-small circle of friends— he likes him for that, he really brings them together.
He was silently listening and laughing on their say, but it’s mostly Haechan who talks nonsense and dirty. He couldn't think straight, he doesn't want to leave them if ever. He already had grow bonds with them, aside from Yangyang, Renjun really considered them as his best of friends.
Renjun are not good with befriending with others, he spent most of his youth alone—with only his two closest friends in it.
He's the type of person who will walk up in a room and only there for the class, not to mind other's business.
“Hey…” Renjun looked behind and saw Jaemin casually walking with his hands on his pocket, he was as calm as ever unlike their other two friends who’s now bit far from them.
“Hmm?” Renjun wait for him until they’re now standing on the same line.
He was weirded as Jaemin was hesitating, and it honestly makes him awkward for some reason.
“Can we talk?” Renjun gulped, he’s hoping that it’s not another mixed-signal, he was scared if ever Jaemin came to him for that thing.
“Never mind,” he pursed his lips and motioned his head on their way, saying they should get going as he gave him a bread-smile.
“You’re acting weird,” Renjun tried to masked off his awkwardness by joking which Jaemin replied with a scoff anyway.
*****
“You can come if you want,” Jaehyun insisted for the third time, but Renjun’s answer was remained.
“So we can have a vacation outside the country until our wedding anniversary and your birthday, no?” Renjun pursed his lips as he was loss of words, or if there’s anything to reply to that. He was having a mixed-thoughts, he can't come to conclude what's there to say.
“You told me to avoid your uncle, and now you’re inviting me with your family party? I’m fine here, don’t worry.” he said with so much hymn, or just probably tired that he can't come to argue with him.
“That won’t make me feel better, baby.” he whispered and took a step closer and grab him on his waist. Fucking Jaehyun and his actions that puts him into chokehold, when will he ever stand his weakness when it’s just a touch of him, he has now fallen.
Jaehyun cupped his cheeks as he slightly leaned down, he clicked his tongue— alarming him that they’re inside the company, though they were inside his office anyway, but still.
Jaehyun didn’t move and was hesitant at first but he claimed his lips almost as smooth anyway, and no one knows how much he missed this, how he missed him that close.
Jaehyun was suppressing his smile as Renjun didn’t even bother breaking the kiss when he knew he have time to do so— he rather leaned his back at the sofa, allowing him even more.
Renjun pushed him slightly after the long heated kiss, he’s starting to limit himself, simply because he doesn’t want to get used to it and missed those lingering touches of him— like a ghost that won't let him sleep tight, especially at night when he’s not even at home with him.
Jaehyun wanted to asked him once again, but he just bowed his head as he nod and distance himself. He was staring at the floor as if it would change everything, as if the answer was there. Every seconds holds the greatest regrets Jaehyun doesn't know how to take a grasp out of it, he just let it pass him.
“You take care,” Renjun held his hand as he got up. “we can always celebrate however or whenever you want.” he said as if assuring him that he’s fine, but Jaehyun knows that ain't gonna help their relationship in any way, as for Jaehyun who felt like he's just giving Renjun enough reason for him to divorce him or Renjun was just waiting for him to let go.
He stares at his eyes and saw a sadness, a dull stare that conceal its true feelings— and regrets that plastered on Jaehyun's face.
He wanted to hug him so he took a step closer, but immediately stopped on its track just he's about to reach him— he can't, what just happened between them that it's now hard to reach other though they were just a stretch-of-hand away from each other.
Jaehyun softened his face as he gave him yet another smile, this time was full of determination. He just have to go through this even though people around him are doubting him, even though Renjun was one of them.
*****
“What he say?”
Jaehyun timidly shake his head, not giving his brother even a glance— disappointed? Maybe. Hopeless, hell yeah.
“Jeno told me to went straight to his place,” Sungchan said like he’s some kind of reporter while scrolling down on his phone. “since uncle will be at home.” he turned off his phone and looked at his brother who's blankly staring outside the window.
“Is Jeno still working as your under spy?” Sungchan asked reason why Jaehyun glance at him back to the front.
“He wants to, I already told him to stop...” he speak as if being hypnotized as he didn’t blink his eyes, still staring into something nonexistent. “I know how dangerous it can get once he continued to work under him, but for the sake of our company, he’ll do whatever it may caused him.” he gulped, he remembered what his brother exactly had told him.
“And I will never let that happen.” he said like it is a promise, finally looking at his younger brother.
Jaehyun might not show his emotions to his siblings, but he do really cares for them. As an older brother, it was his duty to put them on his back and protect them from anything that could go on their way.
Jeno is a brother of him that closest to his heart, it wasn’t a favoritism between Sungchan and Jeno as he both love them brotherly, it’s just that, Jeno feels like he’s a neglected child— and he honestly feel guilty about it, Jeno live his life mostly on his own, he understands why his brother are acting like a rebel kid— maybe because the child in him wasn't cured yet.
He also feel guilty as Jeno works for him to spy their uncle, he has been a very loyal brother. What happened that time when he visited Japan was, Jeno came all the way from New York to protect his brother since he got an information that will take his brother a whole chaos— but turns, out it was jut a hoax.
Though there isn’t much clear evidence who spread the said hoax as Jeno actually never seen the perpetrator, it was just a mere notification he received and he made decisions according to his emotions— he just got carried away.
*****
“So, how’s life lately?” asked by their uncle— their father’s cousin.
No body answered their uncle as they focus on the game they were playing.
“Where’s Jeno?” he changed the topic when the kids didn’t find it interesting as he thought it would. “Party’s about to start.” he reminded.
“He took a shower, I guess.” Sungchan replied then suddenly jumps out of delight as he defeated Jaehyun on a soccer game.
Jeno came out that very moment, having no soul as usual. Sungchan came to him as he put his arm around his shoulder, which made Jeno annoyed as he harshly removes it.
“Jeez! You’re so short tempered as ever!” he grimaced before he leaves the room, he decided to just stroll at the streets of New York and just catch up for the party later.
“He already finished his contract with me,” their uncle spoke, pertaining to Jeno who went outside the balcony to puff a smoke.
“He said he’ll probably just focus on his own, and he’d probably go back to Seoul and settle there.” Jaehyun finally looked at him.
“And why you sound so sad?” his uncle gave him a laugh— as if he’s quite disappointed about it.
“I mean, he’s like a son to me— more than just a model, I’ve seen him strive on his own, excels academically while being a model at the same time,” he said like a proud mom. “plus, I just found out that he’s working with your uncle.” Jaehyun sighed.
Feeling guilty as he watch his brother’s back at the glass door. He wished he was there with him during those time he was alone, but all in all, he’s proud of him.
The party was set and Jaehyun didn’t know there will be some business owner and family friends invited— he thought it was some kind of family gathering as it is their grandfather’s 83rd birthday to commemorate.
“You guys go and enjoy,” their uncle said, there’s a distinctive smile across his face, Jaehyun already foreseen it and got him left grinning when he saw a fine man held him on his hip as they vanished through the crowd.
He suddenly missed his husband.
He looked around and he concluded that there are about fifties of them scattered around the dance floor as they share some conversations— for sure it was business related.
Sungchan went somewhere and it’s the only two of them left at the cocktail table, sipping on their drinks and just keenly watching everyone— as for Jaehyun who loves to do that, he's a fan of reading someone and their behavior.
Jaehyun could see some familiar faces but this particular group of party had left him quite edgy, he suddenly became uncomfortable as he loosen up his necktie.
“Do you have any idea what was the party all about?” Jaehyun asked his brother who’s busy scrolling on his phone.
Jeno’s eyeglasses flashed as he tilt his head and looked at his brother, he shake his head reluctantly, as if trying to remember if he ever got an info about it.
“What are they doing here?” he whispered underneath his breath and was clear that he’ll not gonna like whatever the outcomes are.
Everyone looked in front when the host spoke to the mike, gaining everyone’s attention. He just did an opening speech and some of that, before they officially settled down.
Jaehyun sat down with his brothers— three of them were sitting together, facing those elders— be family members or business owner that's on the same table as them.
Sungchan was brightly smiling and responsive when someone was talking to him or just praise him for his looks, just being a kid in the field of work.
Jeno fixed his eyeglass and subtly rolled his eyes when he saw a glimpse of their grandfather that just sits right in front of him— the last time he had interacted with him was over the phone, it was when he met up with Mark at the bar that night.
Their uncle also sit at the same table as them, basically a majority of family members. Jung Clan who ruled the field of business. How powerful is that. Their parents also came from business industry, they were carved to do that, like having a company was one of their greatest possession— they were born to continue their legacy and Jung shall reign.
“Oh here they are,” They all look at the new comer.
Although Jaehyun already had read the room, he still couldn’t come to process everything— he doesn’t want to.
“Kim Kyunghoon, please have a sit.” His uncle motioned a family to sit— it was very friendly of him.
‘The show is about to start.’
Jaehyun wait for her to sit and finally able to look at him. Shock as she didn’t expect to see him being there.
Jaehyun look away with a smug on his face, nope, he’s not enjoying any of it, but the sight of his manager’s shocked face was something he finds funny.
‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know any of it when you knew our family are best known to each other.’
His face became serious as he focus on his wine by swirling it on the table. Jaehyun already expected the possibilities, but he doesn’t like how fast things are approaching.
“I heard that you’re dating my daughter?” Rina’s father said straight, gaining their attention, though smile was evident on his face, Jaehyun doesn't take a bite when he knew it was coated with lies.
Jeno and Sungchan were probably the most shocked among them all.
‘Here we go.’
Jaehyun looked at Rina who’s sitting beside the lady, probably her mom— or that maybe not her biological mom as what he remembered what Rina had told him. Jaehyun just gave them a timid smile and bowed his head slightly.
Seeing them all smile and could see the value of the future in him, makes him puke. He glanced at Rina who still not looking at any of them— she wasn’t interested, or maybe she doesn’t want any of it at all. There’s a sad on her eyes, how she just blankly stares at her plate.
As expected, elders only cared for themselves and that someone younger than them shouldn’t be included— no, it feels more like, they don’t have the right to be included and meddle in between.
“We could build a strong alliance once you got married with my daughter, we could also become a great support of each company,” Rina’s father was having a smile, as if inviting him over to have a bite.
Of course, Jaehyun knows that well.
He looked at the old man beside Rina's father, he already met him before— he's Rina's grandfather, he was busy sipping on his wine and silently watching them all.
He looked at his uncle who’s silently eyeing him, fists put together as he pressed it against his mouth— he could still see those cunning smile behind those.
It’s either a double trap for him, there’s no way his uncle unleashing Rina's father and basically the Kim and go to him instead, not unless both of them already agreed to take him down as they already formed alliance against him.
If that’s the case, Rina was just a bait— something to offer in able to get his trust, and both way could still go against him— it’s like one versus two and in that case, Rina could potentially help him through.
‘Fuck this.’
He gulped the wine in one go, and excused himself as he got up and didn't even wait someone to give him a permission to walk out, that made the elders quite uncomfortable with it.
“What the hell was that?” Jaehyun stopped midway as Jeno was on his way, he dodge him and went to the washing area, ignoring his brother's remark.
“For sure, you already had read some of the articles about it— why are you sound so shocked?” it was a statement rather than a question.
Jeno tightened his jaw— he’s like a perfect clone of him. Jeno resembles Jaehyun a lot, they share the same bloodline anyway.
“You’re married.” Jeno said in dark tone, still not leaving the sight of his brother’s side-profile though Jaehyun was busy washing his hands.
Jaehyun rub his hand almost as aggressive. He knows. He fucking know!
“You’ll definitely do the same if ever you’re in my position,” Jaehyun remained calm despite hands being restless as he keeps rubbing them, as if ridding off the micro dirt on his skin.
“Think about your husband,” Jeno said, more sympathetic this time but voice remained its low monotone, and it annoys Jaehyun even more as he slam his hand on the faucet— making it stopped running the waters.
“I know what I’m doing.” He said, finally facing his brother with those dark expression and aura that encircling him.
Jaehyun stared at him for a second before he left the men’s comfort room, he have no appetite to even go back at their table.
Everything’s on his head once again, he was drowning with lots of responsibilities piled up on his head, he feels like he's running out of breath.
Although he get it why people around him are quite contradicted with the idea of fixed-marriage, does anybody tried asking him if he wants any of it? If he really wanted to do it? He love Renjun so much, and it hurts just as much.
Jaehyun straightened his back as he's about to lit up a cigarette, but he can’t find his lighter in any of his pocket. Fuck whoever decided the story of my life, fuck whoever the author of this fucking story!
He just bowed his head defeated as he rest his elbow at the railings, hands clasped together— still holding a stick of cigarette in between his fingers that was dangling from the railings.
“Here.” he quickly tossed his head to the side and saw Rina handing him the lighter, confused as to why she owned one, he accepted without thinking that much.
“You have another stick?” Jaehyun hand her the ligher as he blow a cloud of smoke on his side, completely keeping her away from it. Rina was amused to see his shocked expression.
She never failed surprise the hell out of him, every time. He was suspicious why she carry a lighter around but was more shocked when she asked a stick of cigarette.
“Do you smoke?” Jaehyun asked, and was now focusing on the city lights in front of them.
“Just give me one if you still have,” she pushed still, not answering his question.
Jaehyun was not quite sure about it, she’s a fucking girl— though it was normal for average humans, he’s still against it when it comes to girls in general. He reached his pocket on his coat and handed her a stick, whatever happens— it was beyond him, he was out of it.
Rina lit up, her now, cigarette and even released the smoke through her nose. Her one arm was resting just below her chest that was cupping her other elbow as she flick the cigarette— making those used ashes fall onto the ground.
This was the first time Jaehyun got intimidated by a girl.
“At age seventeen, I learned how to smoke and drink alcohol...” she said not in a way to answer Jaehyun’s previous question but to just share. “Got belly piercing at eighteen, and got tattoos pretty much at the start of my college days.” she said proud, remembering all her teenage years.
“Tattoos…” Jaehyun grinned as he puff a smoke. She's clearly just bluffing around.
“At the side of my chest just below, on my thigh, as well as on my back.” Rina tried to remember which part of her body she remembered getting tattooed. “oh and on the back of my ear.” she flashed a smile, remembering those night she used to sneak out to go to a party.
‘Most of her tattoos were located at the blind spot, thinking it could go against her if ever she needed to apply a professional job. She’s smart for that.’
“Since I don’t have someone to stop me from doing it, I just— go unleashed and be wild, like who cares anyway?” she laugh a little.
‘She got tattoos at such young age, I guess she still considered her future reason why she put them on safety place. She’s still ambitious in life despite being on a loose.’
He chuckles.
——
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