Pyeongchang Dong was as though dressed in a dirt-stained wedding gown. Jangmi nervously felt the fingers of her palm suckle hope from the warm smartphone within her grip. There were days when all of her balances swerved towards darker resolutions and there remained very less to control of right over wrong. She couldn't exactly tell how it was going to make a difference but this was surely one of those days. It was the heart of this jocund that she had no peace even with an apartment in the back pocket of her handbag.
Jangmi held her lashes in a deep bow as the voices around the table began bouncing off the walls of her head.
"This is to the mastermind and the design, our sweet Jangmi." Inspector Yook raised the golden drink in the air. He hadn't once asked her how her body was holding against any of the rebounds she might have felt in the past few days and honestly, Jangmi was starting to learn how to not expect things that easily. So what if these people had shared some time with her? That didn't exactly mean that she could expect concern from them.
"The dinner is my treat." Hyunjoon placed his hand on his chest and cordially bowed to take the credit just like that.
Jangmi quietly sliced through the meat, recognising the event where Hyunjoon had told her that the dinner would be his sponsorship tonight.
"Seokjin is one easy man and yet so difficult when it comes to you." Joo Hyun's textured voice sullied through.
Jangmi looked at her, wincing at the phenomenal act that Lady Velvet put up while completely knowing of Jangmi's situation. She knew it all and yet all she cared about was what remained behind closed doors. If Taehyung was so important to her why would he indulge with these men? Something wasn't puzzling out into this correctly. She could be wrong but was Lady Velvet somehow manipulating the plan in her way? What if she was just espionage? That would at the bottom of it mean the end for everyone here.
Jangmi clenched the metal fork in her hand and pressed her fingers tightly to secure the billowing waves in her head.
Even after a long cold night of gurgling thoughts and aimless sleep, Jangmi's rage was yet to simmer down. Pathetic didn't even engulf the complete scope of what she felt. The humiliation and the constant regret flooding her eyes were keeping her at bay from letting anyone around the table know how bad it was for her.
"Is the food not to your liking? You haven't touched your plate." Hyunjoon nudged. Jangmi moistened her lower lip settling her cutlery down on the table with a small clink.
"I'm just not hungry. Thank you for the food." She bowed slightly towards Hyunjoon to evade being rude without any reason.
"Oh, that's unlucky. Would you like some refreshments?"
"I'll be fine. Thank you." Jangmi replied.
He didn't insist anymore and that was a good resistance. Jangmi didn't want to feel absolved of pretending here. Besides, she had other plans when she left this place.
It was starting to look like a quiet dinner until Joo Hyun began her trail of appreciation towards her for securing her place with so much to deter her. And she might have had only good intentions but after yesterday, the plug had been pulled. She could no longer indulge in her compliments like she used to and nor could she find her as an inspiration anymore.
"I heard you were soaking with Taehyung in the tub." Joo Hyun continued. "Considering you're walking on a thin line with Seokjin."
Jangmi's eyes rolled up at her. There was no reason why she would have to be evasive of her after sleeping with Taehyung. Why would she deliberately make her look like that in front of all of these people? It reminded her of the huckster this woman could be. All because of that devil of a man.
"That's new?" Inspector Yook raised a brow. "Are you sure Seokjin likes you enough?"
"Of course he does." Joo Hyun sniggered. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
The conversations with them always coiled around the neck. These haggard ways of being nice until someone spits venom. Jangmi was beginning to see the heaviness that it brought. Maybe if she had the choice of running away to somewhere no one would find her, she would have done that long ago.
"Seokjin must be desperate to get laid," Hyunjoon mumbled, making Farouq chuckle sarcastically.
Seokjin's actions did look like that sometimes. But he surely had every other option available for him. He wouldn't have led Jangmi on if he was just looking to get laid. Would he?
Was he simply playing along to get down with her?
The fact that this drew complete sense like a sketch made a sudden shiver run down her spine. He wouldn't do something like that to her again, would he? She would have to build her defences before she realised the fear of war on her.
"Thank you for all your help, Sir. I'll be taking my leave now." Jangmi bowed, snatching the purse from the table and scurrying her way out of the room and the hotel in a matter of minutes.
Caving her shoulders at the merciless cold, Jangmi unlocked the screen of her phone and pressed the calling icon. There was something so stupid about this moment that she could feel it in her bones yet all her ability reduced to was to watch her flesh take control over her.
Had she done wrong?
Her lower lip sat between the anxiety of her teeth.
This wasn't like her.
This wasn't how she saw herself; spinning like a top for the sake of a man. Even so, she was here at the beck of her heart's call.
The night was cold. Snow tethered at her skin and at her conscience equally. The heaping skin of her slacks beneath the dress she wore was right on the edge of giving up.
Jangmi nuzzled her face into the muffler around her neck, watching the fog from her lips disseminate like the smoke from Jungkook's cigarette until it disappeared into the air.
The resistance of the night made it hard to see the tall frame jogging toward her. Jangmi whirled around forgetting the struggle against the snow collecting on her lashes when she saw the snow condense into the blue of his eyes.
The blue-eyed monster shuffled his hair to get rid of the snow like a flocculent animal. The richness of his long coat and trousers matched the shade of a rain-filled cloud while the warm muffler wrapped around his neck shared the passion of the deep flush on his cheeks.
He looked like the personification of sweetness and it was surprising that Jangmi could even walk on a territory like that.
The eternally warm excitement in his childlike eyes to see her was akin to the times she was no longer in ownership of. It was hard to pin down the advantage of all this poetry in him when all that this was was futility.
He blew out a shuddering whimper in the cold and rubbed his palms together to secure the heat.
"I tried to match your feline energy. What do you think?" He spread his arms open for her to take a look at the elegance of his fine habit.
Jangmi smiled fondly, "Let's get somewhere warm. It's too cold here."
"Yes ma'am." He nodded and began following her down the road.
Jangmi wiped her eyes slowly while making sure not to ruin her make-up, feeling the ice chill her skin. She looked around the shimmering city that hoped of celebrating Christmas soon. Anywhere would be fine as long as she could forget where she was.
"Should we rent a car?" Jangmi raised an eyebrow, looking at the large store just across the street.
"Why not? You can drive?" He asked.
"I can't." Jangmi stopped to look at him in horror. "You can, right?"
"Yes." He laughed at the look on her face and took her hands in his, helping her to cross the road.
As requested, they found an old Tucson with a nominal rent. Or maybe the rent was nominal because it wasn't the money she was spending.
She got into the car with him.
"I kind of wanted to see you drive," Jangmi said. "It makes boys look hot."
"Does it?" He shuffled his hair again, keeping the other hand on the steering as left the street.
"The steering thing is what it does it." Jangmi pointed at his hands. They seemed pitiful from the cold but cool nonetheless.
"You must have had so many driving for you to make you notice this." He scoffed playfully.
"It wasn't particularly the kind of drive you think it was." Jangmi mulled.
"Was it with undesired acquaintances?" He suspiciously added, keeping the speed of the vehicle slow for the snow around.
Jangmi let out a tiny laugh, almost like a muse to herself, "Not exactly. What about you? Have you driven cars while the 'ladies' were with you?"
"Of course I have." His honesty was just the tinge of fullness she wished she didn't have. "And women loved it." He said and winked.
"Do they not anymore?" Jangmi raised her brows questioningly and tilted her head.
"Don't have any to be speaking in the present." He shrugged. "I don't consider you as the ladies so I can't include you in the pile."
"What? What the hell am I then?" Jangmi squinted.
"You're something I don't even know the name of. And it's as confusing as it gets. I feel like a spell might break if tell that to each other."
It was true. Something about anonymity was far more exciting than letting the others know of it. Jangmi was glad that he shared the same emotions and yet saddened by the fact that he didn't hope to know her.
"Where to?" He asked after a moment of silence.
"Somewhere quiet. Do you know a place like that?"
"I could. It's not very far from here."
"Let's go then. Unless you're a serial killer who wants to cut me to pieces." Jangmi rolled her eyes.
The blue-eyed monster laughed and she realised that his laugh had a very nice ring to it. Maybe she didn't even find him that attractive. It was the freedom she felt in his company that had been stolen from her for so long. They didn't even know each other's names and yet she could feel the safest when she was with him. He was like a saviour to her from the spiralling world she was stuck in. Not like she was entirely in her comfort zone so soon. It was the element of space that was larger with him.
It diabolically reminded her of that one time Taehyung had promised her that she was like a change of pace from his chaotic life. She had believed it then and maybe it was all a lie but if it was the truth she might have understood why he couldn't let her go then. It was too soon to say that to this blue-eyed monster when this was only the second time they had met but this was peace and Taehyung's reasons to not let her go when she asked had simply been his narcissism.
"Well, I do have a knack for hot girls like you."
Jangmi scoffed, "That's something I don't like. Guys always call girls hot when they're seeking to get laid, aren't they?"
His blue eyes crinkled and he shot a laugh, "Well it won't be a loss to get laid with you. I'm always looking forward to getting laid with you."
"Huh." Jangmi rolled her eyes. "Alphabet boy."
"I'm not a little kid now." He mumbled.
"Watch me get big now." Jangmi sang in a small voice.
"Spell my name on a fridge now." He added, much to her surprise.
"With all your alphabet toys." Jangmi sang out and then laughed. "Put that song on. I haven't heard it in ages.
"Why would I put on a song that is demeaning to a man in a situation like this?"
"Because you're not supposed to take it personally? Are you an alphabet boy?" Jangmi's eyebrows rose challengingly. He shook his head shyly and then tried to switch the tape up. Jangmi quickly connected her device to the system and waited for the song to play.
"I'd rather hear Training Wheels with you.." The blue-eyed monster mumbled. Jangmi couldn't help but awe at his fresh little attitude. She had yet to see a man so cute in her lifetime.
"Okay.." she sighed and put his request on.
As the aura around her settled into the mood of that song, Jangmi couldn't help but want to kiss him. This was the stupidest thing she could have done to Seokjin but choosing this guy over all the smoking hot men back there felt like a victory in its way. She was betraying Seokjin's heart and someday he was bound to come to know of this just like she did with Taehyung. The scene seemed sad to think of. She didn't want Seokjin to feel the way she felt at this moment but she didn't want to give him any control over her feelings too. There was no way to play it safe.
"I used to smoke here all alone on this road. It's scary when you make it look like that." He stopped the car.
Jangmi turned around to look at the narrow street between fans of plantations that made it look like the peak of the night. It did look like a place to murder someone. Jangmi looked through the window for a second or two before giving a suspicious look to him.
"You're very sus."
He tossed his muffler in the backseat, smiling at his feet. "I'm not. I'm just good at finding places to chill."
"That's some talent. You seriously came here to smoke? Only smoke?"
"Well, sometimes I got girls too." He grinned guiltily. "Was that the wrong thing to say at a time like this?"
"Don't worry." Jangmi shook her head, a tight smile still plastered on her face. "We don't owe each other explanations or concern so I'm not really mad about it."
He didn't say anything to that and simply fell his lips in a line. Maybe he was still not sure about the choice of his words. Jangmi shook her head and sighed. Even after assuring him otherwise, she knew exactly how she felt about being compared to all the other women who must have been here.
"Want to listen to some of my favourite songs?" She said.
"Sure." He chirped.
Jangmi changed the song to a soft rock grunge that melted like a love song. He remained calm and leaned back into his seat, listening to the song. The peace of sharing this moment with someone was priceless. Jangmi could see herself reaffirming her decision to call him. All the second thoughts were nothing but villains to her story.
"It wouldn't be wrong to want to kiss you, would it?" He asked.
"It shouldn't be." Jangmi sighed, feeling her heart beat faster as the noise of his body shuffling off the seat grew towards her. The heat of his body framed her inflamed cheeks. He laughed just for a second when their eyes met and the rush of blood on his face was something Jangmi wished she could staple on the walls of her room.
The kiss had barely begun when a loud shot in the dark made both of them scream for their lives. Jangmi gasped and sat up while he fell back in his seat with a thud.
"What was that? Did the tire explode?" He asked, looking around worriedly.
Jangmi grunted disappointedly when she noticed Jungkook standing with a gun in his hand right in front of the car like this was some dramatic remake of an old movie. Why was he doing this all of a sudden?
"Who's he?"
"A friend. Stay here." Jangmi patted his shoulder and opened the door of the car, walking up to him. He looked like his rage was about burst.
"What do you think you're doing?" Jangmi yelled.
"What the fuck are you doing? Seokjin's been out of his mind for you and this is what you're doing here?"
Jangmi's shoulders caved. She looked away for a second to think of a way to tackle this man.
"That doesn't give you the right to shoot."
"It does! I will not watch my brother getting cheated on!"
"Hah." Jangmi scoffed. "While they do worse things to me? This isn't even cheating."
Jungkook turned his body to her, "So this is what it is? You're hooked on some cheap revenge on the man who's been pining after you?"
"It's not revenge! And I'm not cheating!" Jangmi cried. "You know what? We'll talk about this some other time. I don't even know what you're doing here in the first place."
"I just came by because Seokjin's been worried about you only to see your true colours." He scoffed again.
Something about the way he was smirking and pompously demeaning her made Jangmi's blood boil. She could feel the rage settle in her chest.
"Well the reason why he is worried about me is also because of him. This is exactly I keep running from the likes of you all the time!" Jangmi stomped her foot, furiously glaring at him. "This isn't the time to be scaring my acquaintance like that. We will talk some other time."
"Jangmi do you think this is some sort of joke?" He grunted, his face falling to a hauntingly frightening look. "I'll kill and bury that man right in front of you and you wouldn't even be able to do anything about it. Wanna see it happen?"
"You're not going to touch him. And I'm not giving you explanations for anything that's not your business. Why don't you leave?" She said through her teeth, trying her best to keep her voice on the low so the man in the car didn't hear it.
"You're going to leave that man now and leave with me. I'll drop you at Seokjin." He stepped forward threateningly.
"No!" Jangmi stepped back. "What's wrong with you? Why are you getting so riled up? This doesn't even concern you!"
"I'm not going to watch you fuck him up like that. You don't want Seokjin, let him the fuck go." He growled.
Jangmi's eyes wavered and she looked away because that particular comeback was completely right. But the fact that a person like him had the audacity to talk about this made her want to bestow a flying kick on his head. Who gave him the authority to decide if she was in the right when all this time she had always been in it? Why wasn't she allowed to do wrong things too? Did they have some kind of license to do that to her while she only watched?
"I'm not going anywhere with you. I'm going to stay here with him." Jangmi said in a low voice.
"Don't fucking make this worse Jangmi-"
"Or what?" She snapped. "Will you force yourself on me too?"
Jangmi almost gasped, realising what she had said. But it seemed to be too late already because Jungkook's face had contorted and his stifled anger was whiffing off him like steam.
Jangmi gulped and took a step back only to get herself thrashed against the car with a loud slam that echoed into the trees.
"D-Dude!" The blue-eyed monster had stepped out of the car in alarm by now. "Why are you hurting h-"
Jungkook aimed the gun towards him. "Buddy. Inside." He pointed at the car.
"Jungkook! Please no!" Jangmi grabbed the hook of his arm trying to make him lower his gun. "Please don't hurt him!"
He peered down at her and slammed his hand on the car, blowing the living daylights out of both of them. This was enough to make the blue eyes scurry into the car like the mouse he was.
Jungkook let out a sigh and then turned around, dragging his feet away from them. It was a few more steps that made her realise that he was leaving.
"I'm sorry." Jangmi bowed to the blue-eyed monster and scurried after the alleged assaulter instead.
She shouldn't have. However, the man inside the car was too terrified to want to risk it again and Jangmi didn't want to wait to hear him say that. It was better if she left without being told to.
Jungkook stopped when he realised he was being trailed.
"Go away before I rape you." He said in a monotone voice and continued walking towards the sleek car parked to the side. His back looked so worn from that distance.
"Would you..really?"
Jangmi stopped when he stopped abruptly again and turned to look at her.
It was a sin to permeate such an alluring stance with that kind of evil written over his soul. He pushed his hair back so that his glare was in clear vision.
"Do you think I can't? Why would you say that then?"
Jangmi winced, "Sometimes I think you can't but it's so easy to be fooled these days."
"I don't need you to spare that for me. I'm glad to be a rapist in your eyes."
Jangmi scowled. "You're proud of what you do to helpless women? That is emasculatory."
"Yet I have another one following me in the dead of the night." He scoffed. Jangmi fused red with shame. "Go back while you can."
"For this moment," Jangmi said. "Just for this moment, if you tell me the truth I won't judge you and I'll accept anything that you say without making it the entire light I see you in. So tell me..have you raped someone?"
Jungkook's scoff disappeared and a serious expression remained. His hands fell beside him. "What if I say I have? What then?"
His question dressed him down. He looked pitiful and just right for some mercy. But it was all too much with these men. She couldn't ever find herself understanding what exactly she had to do to give reason to this madness they danced in so proudly. Every one of the men that she had tried to know was deserving of hate and yet she couldn't help but regret when they proved their deeds to her time and again.
"I truly wanted you as a friend," Jangmi whispered.
Jungkook's eyes shone through the dark, showing the pools of oblivion in them. "I never asked."